9 year ordinationversary

19 years ago it was my dream to be in leadership at a church. I readily did any volunteer work I could at the church I was at. I looked and searched for other meetings that would suit my fancy. I was driven by a hunger and brightness in my eyes. I was saved! I didn’t ever have Jesus before and I felt alive to the things of beauty and sparkle. I quickly wanted to Study the bible. Why? I wanted to learn about Jesus.

Several people at the time asked me why I would study Religion, specifically the Bible in college, and my answer was simple and unadulterated: “because I want to tell people about Jesus, and I want to get paid for it.” I was in the brink of possibilities, I hadn’t experienced much, other than the rapture of knowing Christ. It made a difference in my life. Big, sparkly, tell the table you are bussing about God type of sparkles. It was a time in which prayers with people gave me an afterglow, messages from the front ended up as frantic scribbles in my bible, and Christian radio was chalk full of content that I would quote to my friends.

I was driven, yet not driven to the point of going the usual path. The path where you go to seminary, then apply for jobs and work your way up in the church world, to finally become a part of church leadership. The show! Head Pastor. No, I didn't feel that was the right way to go for me. The drive was there, the desire to tell people about Jesus was there, but the climbing part of the church world job market was one not for me. Actually that’s not true, right out of college I bought myself an acoustic guitar, and applied for a youth ministry position in Hillsboro. I didn't get it, their reasoning? I was too conservative. So I did try once to climb that ladder,however it just so happened I met Ken and Deborah, who started the bridge near the same time as not getting the youth position.

Ken and Deborah and Crystal baffled my mind with the idea of starting a church. My thinking at the time was “why would you start a church? There are so many churches, why put out the effort to develop one more? Why not fix the ones that are there?” Though these are questions that still would make for a great topic. The fact was they started the bridge to Bring presence of God to the young and disenfranchised and broken of Portland. Restore the arts to the Church. Provide a future orientation for those with a broken past. Lead people to a true-life healing based upon God's love and acceptance. Train people in life skills. Provide an atmosphere of full equality for women in all areas of endeavor. With the help of God letting me know that I was going to be at their church, before it was a church. I found myself swept away in the excitement of a new church plant.

In the seven years of being a part of the bridge I gained experiences. I got my first Job out of College, I bought a house, I got my second job out of college, I got married, I changed careers, I sold my house, I moved to Northern California to start Bridge 2, I learned how to do freelance design work in an island economy, I had my first failed attempt at starting a church in northern California, I Moved back to Portland to live in an attic, I got a divorced. Mame says “Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!” by the time 2004 rolled around I felt like I was the sucker of life. And not in a good way.

Even a dream of mine of becoming a pastor, “making the show”, had gone away. I told Ken probably 4 years into the bridge in a men’s group session: “I don’t think that I want to be a pastor anymore. I see myself now, and what drove me to that desired outcome and I think it’s pretty diabolical.” You see I’m pretty sure most people that initially want church leadership are usually dealing with some hard core control or power issues. I found mine to be control. It’s why I feel out of sorts at a cocktail party, UNLESS I am hosting.  That position gives me legitimacy in my feelings of I’m not worthy. In the infancy of my Christianity, the pastor was the “host.”  The person that had everything together. I wanted that.  I shared this with ken, the reality of my own terribleness disqualifying me of my dream. He listened

Later Ken told me it is that sort of awareness that qualifies you again for this job. Laying down your dream or compulsion in a reflective manner for the sake of those who you serve. When you are aware of your pitfalls enough to keep them in mind and at bay while doing the very thing that could abuse them. That is the paradox of pastoring correctly.

You see, growing up in my family, there was a lot of earning and showing. You earned your love and position through correct behavior. You towed the line so that you showed well, so that you could earn more love and respect. This is not a picture of grace, this is a picture of getting what you want by doing whatever it takes. Much of my relationship with God and issues with control stemmed from this.

I wanted to be the good son. My legitimacy was found in being the good son and it filtered down into the other portions of my life where I found my legitimacy in being the good worker, getting the good house, and ultimately having the top echelon of being “spiritually good.”  Christ did this for me. And I had to walk out the differences between being legitimate by having the right answers, and philosophy, and simply being happy with myself. There is nothing wrong with having good things, and doing good things, but when they are set there in the place of you feeling ok with yourself, they are not so good.

So a funny thing happened 9 years ago when I pretty much was in a non-qualifying place in my life. I was recovering from a failed church plant attempt, divorced, scrambling, living in an attic, hanging on to God for dear life, and the 10 year dream of making it into church leadership had been set aside for good. At  that time, Ken and Deborah sat me down and asked me to come on staff. Now they didn’t know I was as much of a mess as I was. Realistically I didn’t know I was that much of a mess either. I remember them sort of kicking themselves for asking me mid-process. But really it was where God needed to take me. It was a place in my life where I wasn’t the good anything. I was the disappointment. I couldn’t leverage my flawless record of sinless behavior, I couldn’t do anything but hang onto God and say “I’m available.”

9 years later I still stand in the same place of non-qualification saying “I am available.” I am here. I care.  You are important enough to stand here and tell you about my friend Jesus. Even before I came on staff I knew my initial idea of “arriving” in church leadership was naive. 9 years later I have developed a trust in God that is a necessity for this job, and I know for a fact that there is no arriving. There is only the continual softening of a heart that can become hard at any moment. Being right, being in control, and not being the douche are not an option with this opportunity. The point is allowing your ego to be soft enough to admit when you are in error.

Jesus taught me this. He taught me this by showing me that God loves me even when I am a disappointment. He lets me know that my availability is far more important than my qualifications. Jesus has taught me that that there will always be poignant words on Sunday that call us to becoming better people. And when I forget to be those kinds of people, Jesus gives me another chance to begin again. Jesus is kind. He cares, and holds my broken heart.

I have had the opportunity to serve this community for 9 years. And it continues to challenge me and grow me. It is a gift that continues to refocus my life on the one thing that is most important: the seeking of the kingdom of God. It’s all around us, and if we choose we can participate in it. Which is what we’ve been designed to do.

Here's the video of the closing  interpretive dance of my last 9 years

Here are my “best talks out of nine years”

Year 1 http://geoffreythebold.blogspot.com/2005/09/retarded-message_112656396425229917.html

Year 2 http://geoffreythebold.blogspot.com/2006/07/serving-ham.html

Year 3 http://geoffreythebold.blogspot.com/2007/11/whirlwind-is-in-thorntree.html

Year 4 http://geoffreythebold.blogspot.com/2008/07/little-shits.html

Year 5 http://geoffreythebold.blogspot.com/2009/11/is-it-spiritual-to-be-poor.html

Year 6 http://geoffreythebold.blogspot.com/2010/06/anger-videos.html

Year 7 http://geoffreythebold.blogspot.com/2011/03/put-that-around-your-neck-and-wear-it.html

Year 8 http://geoffreythebold.blogspot.com/2012/04/gospel-of-drsuess.html

Year 9 http://geoffreythebold.blogspot.com/2013/03/last-week-jesse-moved-us-through.html

So I have done some good reflection on the 9 years of me being a pastor. And rather than bore you with stories… I thought I we would play a game. Pastoral trivia.

year 1

You are a pastor of the bridge, You just preached a clever message using the word retarded about 35 times in the message to illustrate the deficiency of people’s love for each other without the lens of Christ. A woman comes up to you sobbing by your message. As you talk to her you find out that her brother was mentally underdeveloped, died at the age of 5 and it happened to be his birthday today. Do you:

1. explain to her how clever the use of the word is, and how you didn’t mean to have her remember such a hard memory
2. say you are sorry, and hope she comes back
3. say the sermon again because she apparently wasn’t listening
4. meet with her later for tea, listen to what she says and buy a picture that she drew

The bridge got kicked out of its second building because:

1.        We couldn’t pay rent
2. .      Loveland didn’t agree with our statement of faith
3.       A supposed pastor came in and robbed and vandalized the space
4.    We didn’t do a good job cleaning

Year 2

You just Delivered a clever sermon entitled “serving ham” it is about:

1.        Easter for the Gentiles
2.    The demise of noah’s son’s dreams of show business
3.    The pigs that the demons possess
4.    Serving ham

Your co-pastor takes a third of your church to start a new church downtown. Do you:

1.    Bad mouth him behind his back
2.     Quit
3.     Don’t talk to him ever again
4.      Every 5^th Sunday serve his entire church a meal

Year 3

Someone leaves your church and takes others with them because your theology doesn't stand up to theirs. Do you:

1.     Say “thank God” for him leaving
2.    Treasure those people within your community that are interested in giving you the benefit of the doubt
3.      Bless the haters by sending them out to start a new church
4.    All of the above

The bridge got kicked out of its 3^rd building because

1.    Philosophy differences with the Mississippi ballroom
2.    The Dance Company needed Sunday mornings too
3.    The food attracted too many meth addicts
4.    We were too loud for the neighbors

Year 4

What was the most played bridgekids song

1.    Rihonna’s umbrella
2.    Deep and wide
3.    Kanye West’s Stronger
4.    This little light of mine

You just preached a clever sermon entitled “the little shits”. Is it about:

1. The time you pooped your pants running
2. The time you realized you had a hole in your pants during gymclass for the last 2 months
3.  The dogshit incident
4.   The ministry of children

Year 5

How many people are at the bridge today that  have gone through the journaling course that was introduced 4 years ago?

You just preached a clever sermon answering why Christians are so mean. Your answer was:

1.    Because they are not Christians
2.    Because they are filled with satanic tendencies at the time
3.      Because there are no real Christians, just those who say they are
4.      they have learned that it is better to be RIGHT than it is to be Christ like. They’ve learned to condemn and cut off others because of their beliefs, and would be happy to share their RIGHT beliefs with you so that they can justify that they are better than you.

Year 6

Who retired as a pastor of the bridge in 2011?

The bridge Was helped along its movement to its current building because of what incident.

1.    The placement of “keep off the lawn” signs
2.    The writer of the shack couldn’t come back
3.       Bridge bio couldn’t be done from the balcony any more
4.    The BK lounge crowded out the rest of the church

Year 7

A buckeye is a ?

Year 8

you preach a sermon about sliming someone. What are you referring to?

1.  when it puts the lotion on its skin
2. when you find you are too close at a ball game
3. When you use the excuse of God to legitimize your stance
4.  when you are the holy ghost and about to do some bustin'

Who stepped down as a pastor in June of 2012?

Year 9

What was the product that sponsored the gameshow sunday of August?

1. get on with your life
2. dirtyolmouth
3. divisive campaign
4. shutthefuckup

What is the only thing you can get kicked out of the bridge for?

1. not being thankful 
2. being a sexual predator
3. not having your bathing suit area covered
4. taking jello shots before worshipping