Last couple weeks have been hard on me. In retrospect I can say I should have expected it. All the signs were there. And naturally I was doing the things that I needed to do to prepare myself. But when it’s there in your face, in its stark naked reality, you just feel surprised, you feel alarmed, and confused. You see this week… I lost a brother.
I’m a nice guy, a fun guy, I consider myself likable. But true friends are somehow difficult for me to find. There have been years in my life where I have been surrounded by acquaintances. Maybe I don’t trust fully, maybe I run in the wrong circles, maybe I have a standard for a true friend that is untouchable. I’ve found it’s hard to find good friends, especially because you always know what’s wrong with them. And you’re right. As a result to find a friend, to me is something that very valuable. And in the past I’ve gotten a handful of pitches.
It’s not like I don’t value relationship or act like a hermit. I think within the last year I can say by going to men’s group I have significantly increased my friend pool. Men that I feel are good men, who can speak into my life; who I care for; and who I can say I love, without feeling phony or awkward. Still… when someone falls out of those ranks, I can say from experience, that no matter how full your life is, a piece of you dies with that person .
But this brother didn’t die… I didn’t get the luxury of a funeral service; a speedy closure. Over the course of years, I got to witness a close friend become an alcoholic, and have that disease slowly drive him insane. It just so happens that within this last week, I realized my friend wasn’t my friend anymore. I lost him.
I’m devastated at this realization. This man who I spent time with, quality, good talks; is now gone. I think there are a couple things that twist it in my stomach. That causes this loss to not be a clean break. The fact that I may have been the one to make it OK for him to start drinking. The fact that I didn’t have the wherewithal to tell him that his behavior was sketchy and possibly needing a check. And the fact that I slowly slipped out of his life when his life and my life weren’t really going the same direction. I let my friend go… and I don’t think I meant to… But I did. I need to take responsibility for those items.
This guy now IS insane. I can say I’ve never really known what it means to say someone is insane. I always thought that insanity was someone who was misguided, misrepresented. But when you see actual insanity, and have the capacity to grasp it, it’s really not a pretty picture. Whenever someone crosses the line, or throws you for a loop you can throw out there “Oh Ju Crazy!” But “Ju Crazy” and real crazy are two very different things. Ju Crazy says I want to bungee jump, Real crazy says I want to bungee jump but I lost my job two weeks ago and I’ve ruined all my relationships but can I have $300 anyway? Ju Crazy says something clever on the phone to ‘get ya.’ Real crazy GETS you on the phone about 10 times a day. Ju crazy says something about Jesus Christ to liven up the conversation. Real crazy says that they’re Jesus Christ.
I bring this personal bit up because I want try to communicate to you what it means to lose a friend to something very evil and very wrong. For me, this time, it is addiction and mental illness. Another time I lost someone through accidental death; something much more quick and final. In both cases we had a fair amount of distance between us emotionally so I really wasn’t impacted by the loss of a BEST friend. I can’t imagine what I would do? That would be the worst. Someone that you currently depend on, engage with, someone that changes your life daily. Gone. I don’t know what I’d do.
I’m not sure if any of you have ever lost a friend, if not a Best friend. But when it happens there is a fair amount of blame and finger pointing that goes on. You blame yourself… “What could I have done differently?” You point your finger at others “They should have been more careful, They should have printed up warning signs.” You point at the person that’s gone. “He should have read the warning signs, He should have been more careful.” Or Even God. “How can God allow something as awful as this to happen?”
Confusion, finger pointing, sadness. This was what was going on during the Easter weekend of Jesus’ Death. They had been together with their best friend, their teacher, their master. Drinking wine, riding donkeys. Only to so quickly get him snatched up and tried before Pilot for being who he was. Then to witness someone who may have caused a few problems, but did so much more good: made us think differently, healed so many. Up there being crucified. What? Why? Disciples were asking what could I have done differently? How did that happen? For someone who seemed like God was with him, I followed him for 3 years, it sure looked like God wasn’t with him on the cross. I thought he was my messiah? I thought he was going to free Israel. He said he was the way the truth and the life. And now he’s dead. He probably shouldn’t have said that thing about the temple. He was probably wrong in calling those teachers names. He definitely shouldn’t have whipped the money changers out of the temple. Then I would still have my friend. Fuckin’ Judus. My friend is dead. Joseph of arimethia was kind enough to let Jesus be in his tomb… But my friend. The man who has changed my life, The man who taught me that I can pray to My Father in Heaven rather than LORD. The man with the most clever whit and kindest eyes. The Man with the funniest jokes. My friend is gone.
What a week. Triumphal entry. Great Passover party. All night praying. The cross. And now Easter morning. It’s not like living with Jesus was not an emotional roller coaster. Why would his death be any different? To be nearly capsized in one moment, and in next be on a sea as smooth as glass. To be at a party with Jesus where the bartender says “last call” because he’s out of wine, and then there miraculously is more. To be starving with 5,000 others and then to have your part of a child’s lunch extend until everyone was full. To follow Jesus meant that your entire world was placed in tension, only to be rescued by very God himself.
That was why Easter morning was so confusing. Because Jesus’ death seemed so sudden. So odd. So Ungodly. We only had a day or two to let it sink in that our friend was executed. So no one expected him to be raised from the dead. There was a rumor or two, which the teachers made sure that all security was in place, but who can expect something like that to actually occur. That’s weird. Still they saw it with Lazarus, and apparently someone said something about someone who was back from the dead after Jesus died. But resurrection is not the norm. That’s Real Crazy Talk… not Ju Crazy.
Which I guess they should have put 2 and 2 together. Because life with Jesus was teetering on the Real Crazy; but for some reason there was foundation underneath it. What do you expect, I guess, from someone who calls themself Jesus Christ? Jesus, you’re walking on the water… Oh you want me to come… Ju crazy. Whoa I’m walking on the water…. I’m Real Crazy. Oh Jesus I don’t have any money. Oh I’m supposed to catch a fish and look in its mouth… Ju Crazy… Oh here it is, OK I’ll now pay my taxes now. Oh Jesus Who do I say you are? Well… I might be crazy… but I think you’re the messiah. What…? You’ll die, and 3 days later come back to life. Ju crazy!!!! That’s not what a messiah does… But as peter watches his friend give up and go with the authorities, he asks “maybe he is real crazy?”
Peter says: “In retrospect I can say I should have expected it. All the signs were there. And naturally I was doing the things that I needed to do to prepare myself. But when it’s there in your face, in its stark naked reality, you just feel surprised, you feel alarmed, and confused. Its Holy Week, and Peter has just lost a friend.
It was the last straw. After a terrible weekend. Mary woke up this morning to care for her master’s body. She had the herbs that were needed to embalm. And the death was far too fresh to have any other thoughts then love and sadness. The teachers had the audacity to guard the tomb, thinking that the disciples, who were all devastated, had the wherewithal to fake a resurrection. It was bad enough that they were guarding it yesterday, but now as she entered the tomb, she didn’t know where Jesus’ body was. Did the authorities take him? Where did they take him? Her Friend, Her Master. The man who gave her a second chance, and told her about a God who does the same. Where is he? Not only is her friend dead, but Now … he’s gone. After telling the others, the only thing she could do was sit by the stone and weep. A gardener came up next to her and said “why are you crying?” “Who are you looking for?” Sir,” she said, “if you have taken him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will go and get him.” Then she heard a voice or a tone or something that was familiar say her name. “Mary” And it was Jesus. He was alive. He was Alive. Her friend somehow did it. Her friend died… For her. But now is alive.
At the table after he washed everyone’s feet Jesus said “This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down your life for your friends.” Jesus Did It! Jesus Did It! The Son of God is alive today! It was written long ago that the Messiah would suffer and die and rise from the dead on the third day. It was also written that this message should be, and must be proclaimed in the authority of his name to everyone, ‘That there is forgiveness for all your poor choices for all who truly want to change.’ You can have a total life-change through God’s forgiveness.
It is Easter Morning, a friend of mine told me about his alcoholic dad who said “St. Patrick’s Day is for Amateurs.” He then told me that he felt Easter is for amateurs, meaning that anybody can come to church on Easter and be blessed and filled. But few actually spend the time during their week, and during their year to practice the art of following Jesus. My friend makes a good point.
However… It is Easter. And whether it is for amateurs or whether we need to celebrate the shit out of it, it is my intension that the Holy Spirit gives you what you need today. Whether that is to know that you are loved so much that God sent his only Son that whoever believes in this Jesus will have everlasting life then so be it. If that is to know that Jesus considers you a friend, and died for you on the cross at Calvary than so be it. If that means that your life needs to change, and you need forgiveness for your poor choices then so be it. The fact is our friend is not gone today, but is risen. And has risen indeed, So today celebrate this crazy reality of God’s Love with your friends! Happy Easter!
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