Lately I have been going through quite a bit of self exploration. And I remembered one memory in general. It was my very first boyscout summercamp. Boy Scouts… not Cub Scouts. Which is a scary organization based on taking children into the woods and teaching them to light fires. So I just joined troop 7 wyeast at 11. And went to a week long summer camp in Puget Sound. I was in charge of what merit badges to get which was why at the end of the week I had dropped out of all of them but one. I took swimming lessons, so I thought I would get my swimming merit badge easy, but when you are diving into the freezing waters of puget sound with jeans on and you almost drown picking up a rock, that can be intimidating at 11. So you guys know I DID get my swimming merit badge the following year. I almost drown then too. Anyway… my dad arrived at summercamp at the end of the week and asked how I was doing. It was two days until we were going home and I told him that the only merit badge class that I didn’t drop was woodworking. He asked how that’s going. I told him not well seeing that I haven’t done the two assignments required. He puffed up his dad chest and said, well let’s get to work. At the time it was what I needed. My eleven year old brain was ready to give up on a difficult first summer camp. But my dad saw there was still two more days to finish the assignments. He held my feet to the fire so I could whittle something stupid that met the requirements. I got my first merit badge.
In life, we learn how we get things accomplished. This merit badge was a great lesson in getting something done, but it seemed to begin a pattern in my life. Major things in my life would leave me at a place of disenchantment. And then I would find my dad there to create a solution. This was a wonderful almost Godly analogy. But one thing that happened in this pattern was I didn’t learn from my mistakes. I didn’t take responsibility for getting myself into the mess. I didn’t fall flat on my face.
No one wants to fall, and no parent wants their kid to fall. But sometimes it takes a fall to change a life direction. As a result I learned a skill to rely on others to bail me out so that I didn’t fall. Relying on others may not sound all that bad, but at the cost of personal responsibility, maturity, and your own manhood believe me, this nuance and behavior has a particular cost to my soul.
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Prostitution is one of the oldest carreers out there. And some would like to tell you it’s someone’s carreer choice. As a teenager I was naïve enough to dream about it as a career choice. But when you get down to it, those that are in the profession may want out. They may want a new direction for their life to take. Less difficult, less reliant on getting drunk or high to manage the night, less acting like a whore in public, and the vulger reality of it all in private.
This was the context of some who saw a crazy prophet called John the Baptist. John made people see that they could change their life, that they could be baptised, and begin new. It didn’t matter who they were, and what they were, they only needed to come. Those listening saw the light in his eyes and the extreme words of his heart that let them believe that this was their day to change. That no matter what their past, they had a future with God.
There were others that weren’t all that impressed with John. They thought his techniques and methods were a little outlandish, and probably created extremists. They went to listen and mainly make fun of him. It was halarious to see the local pimp, whore, and thug get drenched in the water… like that’s all it took to be with God.
What were these people thinking? What was John thinking? Did he have a follow up ministry in which the whores and thugs were trained to fix computers? There may have been some follow up discipleship programs, but how do you go from a prostitute to not?
Jesus told this parable to those who made fun of his cousin John the B: "What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, 'Son, go and work today in the vineyard.' "'I will not,' he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.”Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, 'I will, sir,' but he did not go.
"Which of the two did what his father wanted?" "The first," they answered. Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him.
We all have our contexts. Our circomstances that have grown beyond our control. We have those things in our lives that have crept in and trapped us like a caged animal. Some of us can’t see our own cage. Like the ones Jesus is talking to. Jesus is highlighting that small door that has been openned that has the ability to spoil our entire soul. The prostitute, the thug, they’re easy to call out… it’s in their name. Everybody knows what they do. But just like them, we all have histories. We have our first breech of our heart. That first whoring in some way or another. Usually after the fact the feeling of shame accompanies it. What a strong image. Whore. The giving up of yourself for money. The giving up of yourself for responsibility. The giving up of who you truly are.
No wonder Deuteronomy says that the male and female prostitute is detestable. Your creator, created who you are, all of you, knows exactly who you are, and what you are called to be. and you have pissed that away to get cash. You have pissed that away to find stabililty. There goes your responsibility down the toilet. For someone who loves you fully, to see your potential flushed like excrement. That is detestable
This has recently become important to me because I see now that I have been my own type of whore. Over the course of my life I have embraced a system that has diminished my soul. I am responsible to keep my soul intact, to keep my soul preserved, to keep my soul… I am responsible! And in the exploration of my own responsibility, I have found out that I come up short. I have been relying on others to bail me out. Family and friends are one thing, and emergencies are another. But what I have noticed is that I have established a pattern over the years that doesn’t take responsibility FOR ME. I want a sugar daddy. Not the brown sticky mass that loves my back left molar. But someone who will pay for a lifestyle that I can’t afford. I want God to give me my dreams on a platter, and don’t want to take responsibility to get there. There’s entitlement in the sound of my voice. I scream at the heavens. If you have made me this way why aren’t I this way?
It took me some digging to see it. And it is embarrasing to admit. Who wants to say that they’ve done a little whoring? Not many. I wish I could say to you this WAS a struggle of mine. But the sad reality is I am in midst of it. I’m in midst of taking responsibility for not taking responsibility of my life. I’m currently needing to admit that I have ripped off God. Ripped him of the honor of being my pillar, my support, my rock. And now I am faced with two roads ahead. One that circles back after beating me up a little more. or one of baptism.
Luke 7:36-50
One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to come to his home for a meal, so Jesus accepted the invitation and sat down to eat. A certain whore heard he was there and brought a beautiful jar filled with expensive perfume. Then she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them. When the Pharisee who was the host saw what was happening and who the woman was, he said to himself, "This proves that Jesus is no prophet. If God had really sent him, he would know what kind of woman is touching him. She's a sinner!" Then Jesus spoke up and answered his thoughts. "Simon," he said to the Pharisee, "I have something to say to you." "All right, Teacher," Simon replied, "go ahead." Then Jesus told him this story: "A man loaned money to two people – five hundred pieces of silver to one and fifty pieces to the other. But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?" Simon answered, "I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt." "That's right," Jesus said. Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, "Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn't offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didn't give me a kiss of greeting, but she has kissed my feet again and again from the time I first came in. You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume. I tell you, her sins – and they are many – have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love." Then Jesus said to the woman, "Your sins are forgiven."
What I am saying today is take responsibility for your life. Take responsibility for the dreams that God has placed within you. And don’t let those sour in your mind because of you haven’t reached them yet, or you are waiting for some sugar daddy to accomplish them. Today, YOU are at a crossroads. One road blames, diverts, wollows, and circles back around, the other other is far more difficult. The other takes the water of baptism, and makes you take responsibility for your life. For your actions, for your past. Sure there were situations that were thrust upon us. But we always have the choice of response. This road of baptism calls you to repent, to feel remorse, and to change from what you know to what you could be. No lottery, no sugardaddy needed. Just the working out of your soul in fear and trembling. By prayerfully looking deep within ourselves, we might be able to see the cage that we’re in. To feel that debt that we’re in, that payment that we owe.
All of us have done a little whoring in our life; the image may be too graphic for something relatable. But everyone has breached who they are, for who they could be. Today…Is it time to say “Jesus this is what I owe. Jesus This is where I am. This is my life. Oh God I am responsible. Will you forgive me?”… God Loves You. And so do I.
