Why are Christians so Mean?

As thanksgiving and the holidays approach, it’s important to get ready to spend time with those people who we call “family”. Many of us get ready by cooking up a turkey or another special dish; others carefully polish their body armor to dawn as they enter the battlefield known as the living room.

The holidays have a tendency to bring out the fight in us. Mom, Dad and the siblings crawling all over each other… cutting on each other… each knowing the RIGHT way to go about things, and are clear about the fact that you didn’t do it that way. It’s in these moments that we sometimes call upon our faith.

It’s been said: “Jesus SAVED me from my family.” And someone might read the passage in Luke 14:26 and say “Hate your mother and father… wow this disciple thing is for ME!” or Luke 14:12 and say “hallelujah Jesus said I shouldn’t invite my family for dinner.” And so they flee to the church because their family of origin seems to be a monstrous place where they cannot measure up, or they just need a break.

Yet within the walls of the church we find things are not so different. Some may find solace in the faint glow of stained glass; however, it probably won’t be too long before they run into a Christian that is mean. It seems everyone has a story where someone who was “of the faith” slimed them with their “good intentions”.

I’ve been mean before. I know it’s hard to imagine, but as I was thinking about family and the holidays I remember the very first couple years that I was getting to know my brother in law. I was a new Christian, a university student of the bible. And though I learned many things I still draw upon, I also learned something else: The RIGHT way to live. Or more importantly: The right way to TELL people how to live. I was a little copycat at the time, slurping up the gems from school and radio, and anything anyone could tell me about my faith. And with that massive ingestion of knowledge, I got a hefty amount of opinion. That I in tern dealt out

Now, I never was really into my sister’s boyfriends. It wasn’t really a territory I felt like chumming it up around. It might have been I felt protective, or perhaps I felt like it wasn’t really my place to say. Regardless, as a basic principle, I just disapproved. I wasn’t as vocal about my disapproval as my friend Tim was of his sister’s boyfriend where they would weekly TP his car. But the disapproval was still there.

As my sister’s boyfriend became more and more a fixture, I began to try to find more and more wrong with him. This, I can attest, is not a good solution for budding family relations, because you will find what you look for. Well, one day, I found it. My sister and he stated that they would “live together” in New York. My mom wasn’t pleased and she phoned my sister saying “I know you are adults, but I don’t like this plan.” She knew that she wasn’t about to change the mind of her 27 year old daughter, but she could at least say she stood up for what she thought was right. My sister made her decision, and my mom being wise, left it at that.

I, on the other hand, KNEW what was RIGHT, and studied what was RIGHT, and probably even had statistics to back up what I knew to be RIGHT. And what my sister was to about to embark upon was WRONG. And to me, it all pointed to one thing: My sister’s boyfriend was not godly!

Well, this had major implications to my treatment of him. I found ways to badmouth him when I got the chance. I didn’t really engage him when he came over. And all the while, I was very vocal about my faith.

Little did I know how destructive these tendencies were of mine; especially to someone I would see more and more often. I had learned by my Christian trainers that a way to get someone to feel bad about their sin is to be mean. Eventually Eric became my brother in law. I tolerated him, but I used my faith to make sure he was distant from me. “He wasn’t Godly… I was… and this is why…” (Very Luke 18:11 yuck) It was only a couple years ago that I found out that his dad had a similar reaction to his faith. His belief structure allowed for him to belittle, and find reason to cut you down… and out. Surely Eric, with mine and his dad’s example, has never seen a glimpse of Christianity that didn’t have a mean streak.

I think being mean is one of the big things that causes fights during the holidays, and really causes people within the church to never want to go back. So I ask the question: Why are Christians so mean?

Below, in the comments, I would love to hear your answers on why Christians are so mean. Also I would love to hear your survival stories (or confessions) on how you were treated.

It’s freaky to write this history of contempt down. At the time it was justified, and now it’s just embarrassing. Thankfully my brother in law is a good man, and never turned the tables on me. He very easily could have pulled out the Sermon on the Mount when I went through a divorce years ago. He could have told me “Judge not lest ye be judged…” and he would have been right. Maybe not necessarily for kicking me while I was down, but rather, telling me the state of my heart when I judged him.

It’s interesting that in my contempt and Judgment of my brother in law’s actions, I still wanted him to see me as righteous. And, at the same time, I wanted him to act in a similar fashion as I did. How sad that I wanted him to “Come to Jesus”, if you will, through my ways of disrespect and contempt.

Perhaps the reason why so many people found healing in Jesus is he didn’t disrespect them or hold them in his eyes as less than. He was a master of the heart. And when someone’s heart was full of shame, he showed them that there was a kingdom for them as well: a heavenly father who cared for their soul, and desired for them to know that they were accepted. Jesus wasn’t mean to mean righteous people either, he was clear. He delivered a sermon on the top of a hill that showed people how you might go about living if you wanted to have the love of God. At first he dealt with someone’s anger and contempt of others. For if we remove our anger and self righteousness at our brother we are almost halfway to life in the kingdom. But listen to what he has to say about condemnation of those you feel are not “living the RIGHT way.”

Matt 7:1-6: "Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.”
“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.”
“Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."

This is a passage that hits at the very core of mean Christianity. This passage shows that how we view others in our hearts is the key to helping them.

Judging
initially, someone might see the flaw in Jesus’ logic if we were to simply not to judge. To be clear, Jesus is not talking about discernment. Could you imagine if you had a dentist that told you when you opened your mouth: “I’m sorry my faith prevents me from telling you about your teeth. I just can’t make that judgment call anymore.” When Jesus uses this word judge, he is specifically using the word that implies condemnation. Condemning someone is writing them off as a person. When you condemn a house, you are stating that the house is no longer truly a house. An example of a condemned person at the time of Jesus was a leper. Today many condemn the homeless, the elderly, etc. They see them as “less than.”

We can underline what Jesus is talking about by using the example of our dentist: what if he despised those who didn’t take care of their teeth? The scenario is: you open your mouth and all of the sudden he yells at you “GET OUT! I can’t work with someone who doesn’t have the same values about tooth care that I do.” This is a ridiculous example, but the words of Jesus still apply: as a dentist, you would see him as unprofessional, and you would probably warn your friends to not go to him. Isn’t it interesting in light of this passage, that we regularly see preachers condemning certain people to hell, or to heresy, yet they aren’t considered unprofessional. It is the preacher’s job to tell a clear story, and it is important to be able to discern what heresy is and what are characteristics of darkness that will not inherit the Kingdom of God. But to condemn, cut off, or write off a person as a person because of their behavior, means that you have demeaned their humanity and their potential. By putting them in this place, you have for fitted your ability to help them. And that is why Jesus makes fun of what you are trying to do with his next example.

Logging
Using a silly picture of someone with a log in their eye helping get a speck out of someone else’s eye, Jesus shows us how our condemnation of someone is really a deterrent to our helpful motives. Many have interpreted Jesus’ LOG as “your sin”, using this passage to explain that you need to be sinless to cast the first stone; Looking within for your own LOG before being justified in condemning someone else. But with the understanding of the condemning Judgementalism that exists in the passage before it, we see that the log is in actuality the condemnation that you have for the other. Jesus is clever in saying condemnation, especially with its usual accompaniments of anger and contempt and self righteousness, blinds us to the reality of the other person. We cannot “see clearly” how to assist our brother because we cannot see our brother. We will never know how to truly help someone until we have grown into the kind of person who does not condemn.

Pearling
But some may say:”I’m RIGHT though.” And they might be… And their self worth is mixed into telling someone how WRONG they are. Why does correcting someone fail as a strategy for helping them?

Jesus addresses this with some animal props. He uses dogs and pigs to show how important it is to help others with strategies that are helpful. Looking at the text at the time things that were holy and set apart for God were things that were in the temple. Things like lampstands, alters, and curtains. A simple question: What sort of help is it to give some curtains to a dog? Same question different animal: Does it help a pig if you feed in pearls? The answer is no help. Someone said to me that at most the dog would have a place to pee. It’s not about the worthiness of pigs or dogs, rather it’s about their needs. Pigs can’t digest pearls, and a dog doesn’t understand “holy.” When we offer things that have no relevance, the object of our offerings may turn on us, devouring us! Our attempt to offer our “pearls” and “holy things” actually keeps us from paying attention to those whom we are trying to help. Many well intentioned Christians have been taught that it is better to deliver RIGHT pearls of holy wisdom than to be kind. And so they become mean. Making sure that the one condemned knows why they are condemned.

So this is my answer:
The reason why Christians are so mean is because they have learned that it is better to be RIGHT than it is to be Christ like. They’ve learned to condemn and cut off others because of their beliefs, and would be happy to share their RIGHT beliefs with you so that they can justify that they are better than you. Thus completing the rejection

It just so happens that I am going to see my brother in law next week. And I think it’s time, after more than a decade, that I eat some humble pumpkin pie, and perhaps apologize for my monstrous behavior in our early relationship. UGH how embarrassing!

We don’t have to be mean. We can set aside our anger and condemnation. And even set aside other’s condemnation of us. (Can you imagine?) We can choose to be discerning without judging, and we can keep our good things to ourselves when they won’t be understood.

Is It Spiritual To Be Poor?

Luke 12:13-21

Someone in the crowd said to Him, "Teacher, tell my brother to divide the family inheritance with me."

But He said to him, "Man, who appointed Me a judge or arbitrator over you?" Then He said to them, "Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions."And He told them a parable, saying, "The land of a rich man was very productive."And he began reasoning to himself, saying, 'What shall I do, since I have no place to store my crops?'"Then he said, 'This is what I will do: I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods.'And I will say to my soul, "Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years to come; take your ease, eat, drink and be merry."'"But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your soul is required of you; and now who will own what you have prepared?'

"So is the man who stores up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God."

I grew up in an upper middle class home. My dad was a good lawyer and businessman, and a good steward of his money. As a result we had a nice house, we ate 3 square meals a day and probably to a majority of Portland we were considered “rich.” Though I didn’t know anything else. As I entered grade school I found that people were considered “rich” and people were considered “poor”. It was good to be rich and bad to be poor. It was also bad to be a bully.

Poor Bullies

I’ve only been in one fight in my life and it was with a bully in 3^rd grade, and I picked that fight. For some reason my sense of justice over “cuts in line” overcame my understanding of getting my ass kicked, and so I made an effort to put Dan Clark back in his place by calling him “superman.” I was belittling him with his own name “Dan Clark -> Clark Kent -> Superman” Which doesn’t sound like a bad name to be given, but I was trained at chiding by my sister. So if you were there, you would have seen me using superman’s name in vain. Well, Dan wasn’t interested in being belittled, nor was he interested in giving up his cuts in line. So he got me in a headlock and swung me around until I started crying. Bully 1 Geoff 0.

Another instance of a bully winning and me losing was much more socio-political. Thankfully my little neck didn’t get rung, yet my brain learned a great lesson. I believe we were in science class and Matt Ducher was doing something that caused my justice alert to blink. Matt was strong, mouthy, and bullying someone in some way, and it was up to GeoffreyNeill (Since there were 3 Jeffs in my class I was one word “GeoffraNeill”) to put Matt back in his place. Well, Matt had one deficiency that I could exploit that he couldn’t help. His family was POOR. Realistically, the guy lived in the same neighborhood, and it seemed like they had some trouble financially. Matt wasn’t on school lunch program, nor was he in rags, but I knew I could put him in his place with this weakness. And so not knowing the political nightmare in which I was entering, I uttered the words in a very evil “girl in a back-to-school-special” type of fashion. “Well… You’re Poor!” Matt’s bullying didn’t overshadow what I had just done. It was like the record scratched and everyone knew that I delivered a blow lower than the balls.

Peter Ventrella, was there at the time. He wasn’t best friends with Matt. He was friends with everyone. He was sort of like the fonz of gradeschool. Also he was a part of the “poor” crowd, but because he was so cool, and not a bully he wasn’t a target. However my low blow brought into full swing the power of Peter’s tongue. It wasn’t 3 seconds after my comment that peter said with authority: “Well at least he’s not a RICH BITCH.” (Keep in mind this is gradeschool, and bitch hadn’t been accepted by radio and TV yet)

I knew I was out of line. Peter had got me, and I was the gradeschool Dick. I very quickly learned that economics weren’t one to mess with someone about. Because making someone feel bad because they were poor was like pissing on someone’s grandma. So I learned my lesson. I didn’t want to be that kind of guy that put down others because of their economic standing. Another lesson that I learned at the same time, however, was someone could easily be made fun of for being rich. Being poor was being street, and edgy. Being rich made you a BITCH.

Hiding in High School

As a freshman in High School I rolled with the poor kids. I felt like I had to hide because of my neighborhood. My clothes were purchased to blend in. I didn’t dare get a ride home. I learned that to be poor was the way to be regular, if they knew I lived in my neighborhood they would treat me differently. They wouldn’t be my friend any more. They wouldn’t joke with me. Wealth had social implications to it. Rich hung out with rich kids, poor hung out with poor kids. I was the odd one trying to blend into a NON-BITCH environment. Our economics teacher who was a full on socialist would add fuel to the fire by singling out the rich kids and making them feel like fools for their parents decisions to pursue capitalism. Realistically, though I cannot say that there was one person who would tell me this without getting in trouble, I learned in school that being rich is evil and being poor is good.

Christian Underline

When I became a Christian at 20, life changed for me, and I had many things to work out. One thing I didn’t have to figure out, though, was my view of wealth. As I listened to a constant haranguing about the virtues of giving, I was also inundated with the beatitudes of “blessed are the poor”. I was influenced by John Wesley who said that if you don’t give all you have he has no more hope for you than that of Judas Iscariot. I was taken by Jesus’ decision to tell the rich young ruler to sell all and then in the same breath tell everyone that it’s nearly impossible for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. It reinforced something in my upbringing that said: “The rich are bitches.” Money is evil. And it is spiritual to be poor.

So I ask that question: IS IT SPIRITUAL TO BE POOR?

We are affected by finances every day. It is a super personal thing. It is no question that Jesus was right when he said where your treasure is there your heart will be also. And so it is because of the link to our hearts that I ask “is it Godly to have no money?” Below are some Christian misconceptions that have been taught in my life, telling me that I should hate money because it is evil.

• · In Luke’s Gospel Jesus says “Blessed are the poor.”
• · In Luke 12 We run across a farmer whose life is taken because he has a whole lot of crops
• · Rich Young ruler being told he needs to sell everything and follow him to have eternal life
• · Jesus not too long after says that it is as easy for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven as a camel to go through the eye of a needle.
• · In Timothy we hear that money is the root of all evil
• · Outside the bible we see St. Francis and Dominic taking vows of poverty

Very quickly I want to address each of these because I think we have to be informed, you can skip ahead if you don’t care.

• · Luke’s Gospel - Blessed are the poor: Their poverty is not the contingency for blessedness… their trust in Jesus is what gives the poor “POSSESSION of the kingdom of God”
• · Farmer – God’s going to kill you if you build silos –wealth is deceptive and makes us think we have it put together (that was the message Jesus was getting at.)
• · Rich Young ruler – We need to sell all – If we allow our wealth to keep us from trusting in God, we really will not inherit the eternal life from above. Because something is more important, and will take precedence
• · Camel Eye of a needle –It’s important to see here that Jesus didn’t say “it is so much easier for the poor to enter the kingdom of heaven.” It isn’t. It’s specifically difficult for the rich in this instance because they have been deceived by their finances into thinking that their future is secure and their soul can be at rest with their savings.
• · Timothy: Money root of all evil. Here’s where reading the passage helps “ LOVE of money is the root of all evil” Paul is showing Timothy if you Love money than you will be poised to do what it takes to get money, hence even do evil.
• · Vows of poverty. Francis’ vow was a political statement for the time, like Gandhi’s fasting. Today we have people taking vows of poverty. But really they are vows of non-possession. Their order or church takes care of them. We think of it as better because there is simplicity about it, and they are taken care of. But it really isn’t poverty; if it was poverty they would very quickly be feeling not-spiritual.

Below I have devised a wonderful question that allows us to see a little more clearly:

Answer the following:
Who is more spiritual?

A Jesus following Businessman who lives an upper class lifestyle, is a good steward of his money, and allocates his finances towards the various good that he has prayerfully decided.

A Jesus following person who works 9-5 in a diner and gives most of what he has away.

These points out our economic bias. It also points out what we really think. Some of us would love to have wealth so that we can get the stuff we want. But we are working off of software that is saying. Wealth is evil.

Some of us might think this because we haven’t really thought through the guilt by association. For instance: there are people out there that are putting their efforts towards banning guns, because guns kill. But in reality guns just sit there. Or they look cool. It takes someone picking up that gun and pointing it at me that kills. So we’ve heard the slogan, Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. We also have to be real with the fact that a gun accelerates the matter. But without the intention to kill, we see a gun acting very docile.

The same thing works for money. Many have witnessed finances accelerating the process of evil. Yet this is only a reflection of the person holding and using that money. If the money were to sit in a bank somewhere it would simply accrue interest.

Poverty

To become poor to be spiritual is sort of like wanting to itch your back so you put on a straightjacket. You might accomplish your purposes but there are better ways. When someone spiritualizes poverty they really are not describing poverty. They are actually describing non-possession. They are saying “ahh to be homeless is to have it so good.” But really what they are saying is to be free from the responsibility of possession is a great idea. But anybody who has lived in poverty knows that Poverty is uncool. It makes people feel like God isn’t helping them. Poverty moves people to true desperation where there is no hope. We need to be real with what it is. Non-possession on the other hand can be awesome if you are taken care of, but realistically you have given over your own responsibility to someone else to take care of you. This is not poverty. Poverty is not spiritual; it is the lack of resources that strangle one into desperation

Wealth
Money is easier to live with but it can be deceptive. But just like poverty it isn’t spiritual either. Because you are wealthy doesn’t mean you are IN the Kingdom of God.

Both are statuses that have nothing to do with functioning in the Kingdom of God. There will always be the poor and always be the rich. If you remember when Jesus was on this earth there were poor people and rich people. When the early church was established there were poor people and rich people. There was a distribution of wealth but that didn’t mean that there weren’t those people who needed that wealth, and the others who provided that wealth. There were poor churches in Jerusalem, and rich churches in Corinth. I am not saying that if you are poor that is your lot in life and vice versa if you are rich. You can do whatever to become whatever. But what I’m saying is: that neither is more righteous. God uses both. People who are in Poverty, God will work on removing your entitlement, and it also makes for an environment to cultivate thankfulness. When you have Abundance; God will work on removing your hoarding or greed, and it also makes for an environment to cultivate generosity.

So each isn’t more spiritual or less spiritual but God definitely uses both to develop our character.

Three words:

Possession – Possession is not evil. According to Genesis 1:28 it is actually part of the blessing of being created in the image of God that we would govern over the land, the zoological creatures, etc. To govern over something is to be human. Possession is an extension of our “rule.” Our finances are an extension of our bodies. The issue is we can’t have our possessions possess us. That’s where most of us run into difficulty. But to actually possess a house, a job, a family, a bank account, is not an evil thing. If you think giving is a good thing, yet you don’t like possessing, consider that you cannot truly give something unless you first possess it.

Use – I’m using this word in its negative context. Like someone would USE drugs or USE another person. In a financial context using money means that they use it to accomplish THEIR purposes, not functioning in a greater good. An example of using money would be buying a sex slave, or World War II atrocities like Auschwitz. The German people paid for that. Using money in this context IS evil. It has varying degrees obviously. But here’s the interesting thing: You don’t have to POSESS in order to USE. The reason why this is because you might not possess any money, yet you can still manipulate others that do have money. So whether you have money or not, the opportunity is there for you to USE it to get YOUR WAY.

Trust – Trust in riches is the issue that Jesus is trying to get at with the parable of the farmer. Trust means that you are relying on it to take care of you. Jesus would say that a fool does that. That the farmer didn’t have a clear picture of reality. The reason why someone would make this leap, though, is because wealth is very powerful. You have the ability to USE it to accomplish your purposes. And many would say that if they got a million dollars. They would be set. This is trusting that their money will take care of them. Which realistically it will buy opportunities. But Jesus was trying to let us understand that our father in the heavens has the ability to take care of us much better than paper.

Possession isn’t evil, Using is because it disregards the greater good, and trusting money is letting your USING move you into a fantasy world that is delusional.

There are two spiritual disciplines that are the opposite of Using and allow your Possessions to be allocated towards Good.
Frugality – Not being wasteful, prudently saving, spending smart.
Stewardship - Managing property, finances, or other affairs well.
With both of these I am implying that you are interested in loving God with your possessions and finances.

Today
Today I do not live in my parent’s neighborhood. I don’t have my parents’ money. I don’t consider myself rich or poor, but I am ONLY scraping by. I dove into the bible to see what God has to say about money and I feel like I have a better perspective on finances because of it. Today I see wealth for what it is: an opportunity to do good. I see poverty for what it is: a difficult situation that when looked at properly is tragic. Poverty isn’t a spiritual bump on the god totem pole. The best thing that I have learned is that Just because someone is rich doesn’t mean they’re a bitch; their possessions don’t make them evil.

The sad thing is that one of the reasons I dove into the bible is because I wanted to learn what God had to say about money. So I could have more. Totally trying to USE God to suit my needs. Thankfully he has helped me with this understanding. What I realized is that if I want more money (which actually isn’t an evil thing as long as my heart is in check) I better start living frugally. I better become a good steward of my finances. So by studying the bible I realized that my first step towards more money was to make a budget and keep it. That was my first spiritual step toward not Using money and not Trusting in money. It was to learn where my money was actually going and allocate it properly. It seemed very high school personal finance, but since then, we have been living within our means, less out of control. And we have even been saving.

So today, I wanted you to know that it is good to possess. And with this information I give you, you can do with it what you wish. You can USE it to buy a new silo. Maybe you want to TRUST in it. Maybe you just want to give it away. But today I would hope that you take this information, and be a good steward with it.