Marriage – That’s right…we’re talking about marriage. We’ve been married for two and a half years, so that definitely makes us the authority figures on marriage?!?
C: Let me tell you how we met…Geoff and I met at bar. That’s right, PASTOR Geoff and I met at a BAR. Doug Fir to be exact…because that’s where the beautiful people hang out...oh, wait, it was Drew Grow’s birthday party. I spotted him at the end of the table and thought, “Who’s that cute guy? I’m gonna sit by him….” I introduced myself and he introduced himself and after a few blackberry cosmopolitans and encouragement from my dear friend, Gwyneth, I invited him to my birthday party two nights later….thinking he won’t show up. Well, he did…
G: There were so many opportunities where we could have met before Drew’s birthday. Crystal was really good friends with Drew, Jenn, and even knew Ken and Deborah…and hung with them on a regular basis. She even actually came to The Bridge several times. It’s weird, really weird, that we had never met until that night but it was also very weird that two weeks previous, I had been talking to God about the type of person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life and made a list. I had no idea that list would walk in and sit by me and give me a high five and say, “Well, welcome to the club!”
C: All that to say, do not give up on your heart or the hearts of other people. For those of you that don’t know, Geoff and I were actually previously married...and divorced. The fact that we had never bumped into each other until that night was absolutely God and His plan. Jeremiah 29:11 “I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” So, don’t give up, but also don’t settle. You deserve your list.
So, Geoff and I have been married for 2 ½ years, and before that, we were married so, we have about 13 years of marriage accumulatively under our belts…..so take that.
G: Which means we know what does/doesn’t work:
C: What doesn’t work:
· Having a wife who seeks relationship with other men.
· Having a husband who makes you weigh in every week because he thinks you’re a fat ass.
· Dismissing the fact that your mom thinks your future wife is immature because she’s 19.
· Sitting on the counseling couch with your husband and having him say, “Well, look at her, would you want to be married to that? She’s repulsive.” Then have him pick you apart from head to toe….and then paying the counselor.
· Telling your future wife your mom thinks she’s immature.
· Having a husband who gives your new cat to his girlfriend as a gift.
C: If you didn’t get a chance to write all of these down, we are going to submit them to Crumbs for your reference. It may be over 200 words, but…helpful!
G: Ephesians 5: 22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk,( By the way, men, take note…Jesus is interested in clothes…hello! White silk.) radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.
What does that mean to you? (open floor question)
C: To me, that means WE (collectively) aren’t a joke to Christ. Spiritually, that means to me, that Christ makes us whole. He speaks well of us in public. He brings the best out in us. He goes all out for us. He WENT all out for us. As a female, that makes me feel secure, adored, wanted, safe, and desirable, empowered to trust, empowered in general and loved. Christ isn’t around the corner going “She is driving me nuts…I can’t believe she did this and this. And have you seen her ass lately? She could use some time on the treadmill. She has the lamest ideas. She doesn’t deserve shit from me….” EVERYTHING HE SAYS AND DOES IS DESIGNED TO BRING OUT THE BEST OF HER.
A few months ago, Geoff and I met with an old friend of mine. This was the first time Geoff had met this person. We were sitting having coffee when my friend asks Geoff, “So, how long have you guys been married?” Geoff responded with, “Almost two years!” The guy then jokingly asked, “How many time since then have you reqretted that decision?” Geoff didn’t laugh. The friend said, “Uh, that was a joke.” Geoff didn’t laugh, meanwhile I laughed nervously thinking, “Oh shit…” “Dude, it was a joke.” Geoff leaned toward the table and said, “Let’s get something straight here. Crystal, is not a joke. My marriage to her, is not a joke. So, you can joke about anything else, you just can’t joke about her.” Boom. UNCOMFORTABLE!! BUT, the result for me was knowing– I’m not a joke to Geoff. He didn’t laugh and then cover his mouth thinking, “Oh crap, I’m going to catch shit for this later.” He just didn’t laugh. It opened my eyes to how he feels about me and made me feel secure, adored, wanted, safe, and desirable, empowered to trust, etc. It made me trust him. EVERYTHING HE SAYS AND DOES IS DESIGNED TO BRING OUT THE BEST OF HER
My parents have been married for 42 years. I remember growing up and the one thing that would instantly get my dad’s blood boiling and get us in huge trouble is if we were disrespectful to my mom – my mom wasn’t and still isn’t a joke to my dad. He has huge respect for her. I also remember sneaking upstairs to watch TV behind the recliner and seeing my mom and dad sitting on the couch, my dad rubbing my mom’s feet….A LOVE MARKED BY GIVING, NOT GETTING. Not to say my dad didn’t receive love back from my mom, he just loved her and so he did small gestures like that to show her he loved her. My mom still makes him a sack lunch for work every day…A LOVE MARKED BY GIVING, NOT GETTING. And because they both do that, they both get.
G: Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. That’s a really hard thing to do. And, marriage is really hard….Case in point. Crystal and I got a hankering to sing some Karaoke. Somehow I love breaking out Neil Diamond classics. Don’t Judge me. Well… at the table next to us were a bunch of dancer types… let’s just leave it at that. One in particular was Sadie. Sadie was about 6.1 with a dancer type of body that you could see because she had a stretchy close fitting dress on that she kept pulling up. Yeah needless to say… Sadie had some issues (and little underwear.)
Sometimes in Karaoke you just have to dance. And when Hall and Oats “Maneater” comes on, that’s one of those times. So Crystal and I get up to get our 80’s groove on. It was apparent that Sadie needed to dance too. And she spun into the group of dancers doing odd dancer type lunges. It all went so fast. The singer hit the chorus “Oh here she comes” and then I noticed Sadie lunging at me. She was doing an alligator type move as she got closer. Saying “I’m a man eater.” This would be somewhat dismissible if she hadn’t backed me up against the window and put her leg on my shoulder. Now, I have never had to slap someone in the solar plexus before… repeatedly…but, I did, with Sadie.
After shoving her off of me, Crystal stepped in: “You’re done.” Sadie said “what?”Crystal said “that is my husband. You’re done” Sadie told her “I just put my leg on him” Crystal brought it to a close “I will put my fists on you if you try that again.”
It took me about an hour to get out of my dance floor legging funk. When I snapped out of it, I was astounded at the wisdom of Hall and Oats reminding me to “watch out boy or she’ll chew me up.” As I looked across the table and I saw my wife and I was very happy to be married. I was happy that in midst of an odd scuffle in which a strange woman put her leg on my shoulder (while not wearing much underwear)… My wife had my back. My partner was ready to rumble for me. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. This is the way my wife showed this to me. This was the way Crystal respected me.
Marriage can be placed on a hum drum shelf. People can simply dismiss it as “this is what you are supposed to do.” But there are those that see their marriage as not hum drum at all. The late Morrie Schwartz said this “there are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don't respect the other person, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don't know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can't talk openly about what goes on between you, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don't have a common set of values in life, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike. And the biggest one of those values… is your belief in the importance of your marriage.” You need to be ready to rumble for their partner.
C: Not only do we need to be ready to do fist to cuffs for our spouses, or even our friends…Ephesians talks about how Christ loves the church – that’s all of us. That’s married people, that’s single people, children, the widows, the poor. We need to speak well of each other in public. We need to have grace for one another. Give and ask forgiveness, readily. We’re all really doing ourselves a favor because we are one body in Christ. We need to stop screwing around on each other and commit and love each other and find importance in that.
1 Corinthians 13 gives us a really incredible picture of that.
Love is Patient… We can give each other time and space to develop at our own pace.Love is kind… We can give each other words, thoughts and actions that are tender.Love does not envy… we can be glad for one another’s’ successes.Love does not boast… we can choose to never say, "I told you so."Love is not proud… but we can be proud of one another.Love is not rude… we can choose to not crash into each others’ lives with advice not asked for.Love is not self seeking… we can give a gift of laying aside our expectations of each other.Love is not easily angered… we can know that this too will pass.Love keeps no record of wrongs… we can let our pasts die and our tomorrows live.G: We can choose to not delight when bad things happen to each other and rejoice when good comes our way.C: We can always protect each other with our words.G: We can always trust God and each other to find the right path.C: We can always hope that goodness and mercy will follow us all the days of our lives.G: We can always persevere with one another.C: That kind of love will never fail us.
G: Hearing these words from 1 Corinthians, we, as a church, can commit to each other and God and find importance in that. We are going to do something together to signify that WE are not a joke and solidify our commitment to our relationship as a community in Christ. Those that feel uncomfortable do not need to participate – there’s freedom. But I will ask a series of questions and those that wish to participate can respond at the end by saying, “I will.”
Those that wish to participate, please stand.Will you let your pasts die and your tomorrows live?Will you always uphold each other with your words both publicly and privately?Will you stand together in good times and in hard times?Will you seek to understand and support each other?Will you do your best to bring out the best in one another?Will you withhold your wisdom and advice unless and until asked?Will you love each other?
If you agree to do these things please declare that by saying. "I Will"
You may now kiss the bride!
C: The commitment to your marriage is not something to be taken lightly; you are one. This commitment we have made today, this union, is not a joke, we are all one. Love you guys. Let’s all help each other pack up and get groceries are downstairs.
