When I first became a Christian, life was magical. I woke up listening to Christian radio. My prayer time in the morning was as real and pleasant as sunshine in my room. There was an instance in my early conversion where I actually witnessed color differently. It was like I was seeing brighter. More beautiful colors. I wasn’t high. But I was on something.
I drank in sermons from everywhere because I was so thirsty. Enrolled in Bible college. Fought with my dad on how I needed to stay at bible college, instead of staying with my university education. I had extreme devotion to Jesus.
At this point I probably didn’t read this passage in Hebrews 12
7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? [...] 10 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:7, 10-11 (NIV)
I’m pretty sure I didn’t read this at the time, or if I did I would not have understood the gravity of what it talks about. Because I’m sure at the time a prayer that would have gone up would be. YEAH GOD DISCIPLINE ME. And it would have been a genuine prayer. And God may and did grant it. But it sounds a little S&Mee
These early experiences of color, teaching, devotion, and crazy prayers, moved me down a path where I decided to follow Jesus. And three years later I found myself talking to a friend on the side of the road crying. I was explaining to him how all of these magical experiences had dried up. If I was still seeing colors differently, I didn’t remember how I used to see them. I was knee deep in my studies, but none of it was feeding my soul. And I told this person that I simply felt that God wasn’t near me any more.
As people who inhabit time, we live our life in undulation. This means that while our spirit can be directed toward an eternal object, our bodies, passions, and imaginations are in continual change, for to be in time means to change. As a result our nearest approach to constancy, is undulation—the repeated return to a level from which we repeatedly fall back, a series of troughs and peaks.
When I was crying on the side of the road, I just thought I did something wrong. Maybe I wasn’t praying hard enough or I wasn’t worshiping long enough. Little did I know that this removal from God’s presence, from his magical world. Was God’s very point. It was him giving me freedom. This Trough, this discipline of living life without “EXTREME COLOR” was letting me freely become his son. Many times when we experience hardship, all we can see is the pain.
But sometimes we have to see things from another perspective. CS LEWIS had a gift for articulating God from other perspectives. This is a snippet from a letter written by Uncle Screwtape in the “screwtape letters,” his perspective is one of an undersecretary to the devil, and he is writing to his nephew Wormwood, who just graduated and has his first project. A Human host. We don’t have much context, but in this scenario Wormwood Is trying to teach why as a devil, they need to not coast during the troughs of someone’s life
The Enemy [GOD] allows this disappointment to occur on the threshold of every human endeavour. It occurs when the boy who has been enchanted in the nursery by Stories from the Odyssey buckles down to really learning Greek. It occurs when lovers have got married and begin the real task of learning to live together. In every department of life it marks the transition from dreaming aspiration to laborious doing. The Enemy takes this risk because He has a curious fantasy of making all these disgusting little human vermin into what He calls His "free" lovers and servants—"sons" is the word He uses, with His inveterate love of degrading the whole spiritual world by unnatural liaisons with the two-legged animals. Desiring their freedom, He therefore refuses to carry them, by their mere affections and habits, to any of the goals which He sets before them: He leaves them to "do it on their own". And there lies our opportunity. But also, remember, there lies our danger. If once they get through this initial dryness successfully, they become much less dependent on emotion and therefore much harder to tempt.
…You must have often wondered why the Enemy does not make more use of His power to be sensibly present to human souls in any degree He chooses and at any moment. But you now see that the Irresistible and the Indisputable are the two weapons which the very nature of His scheme forbids Him to use. Merely to over-ride a human will (as His felt presence in any but the faintest and most mitigated degree would certainly do) would be for Him useless. He cannot ravish. He can only woo. For His ignoble idea is to eat the cake and have it; the creatures are to be one with Him, but yet themselves; merely to cancel them, or assimilate them, will not serve. He is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning. He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs—to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. We can drag our patients along by continual tempting, because we design them only for the table, and the more their will is interfered with the better. He cannot "tempt" to virtue as we do to vice. He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles.
…Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger, than when a human, no longer desiring, but intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.
Have you ever seen the bookmark or fine piece of Christian artwork entitled Footprints? Its about a guy dying, seeing his life as a beach. He was walking with Jesus and both of them were making footprints in the sand. When he looked back during the hard times of his life he noticed that there was only one set of footprints. When he inquired to Jesus why he left him during those times, Jesus replied. I didn’t leave you alone… I was carrying you.
I think it is funny that according to Screwtape, it is God’s plan to allow us to walk on our own. It is the way we can freely become his “child” without God’s intervention. To live faithfully through the difficulty of life.
We live our life in undulation our hardship can easily be seen as that… hardship. but if we look at it in light of eternity, these troughs of hardship in which God seems absent, our cries, our prayers, our confusion is far from non-devotion. because it is these cries and stances that allow us to freely stand on our 2 feet. Housing the character of God within us. This stance without the support of our senses seeing God in Dazzling Color, is what God calls true devotion.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Friday, June 04, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Zippy and Friends
After re-entering children's television with Bettylou, I was take by the cleverness of Yo Gabba Gabba. How they would teach you to brush your teeth with songs that would burrow into your skull. As I realized this was an amazing teaching method, I also realized the untapped potential in utilizing this method to deal with one of the more fundimental of human evils... Anger. Here is my attempt at exploring it with the help of some amazing friends.
Zippy: Hey Everybody, I’m in a Kids TV show.
What’s that? It’s a BEE.
Spelled with the letter B. Let’s see what he’s buzzing about. Hi BEE
Bee: I’m so pissed off!
Zippy: What?
Bee: Oooooooooooooh!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so angry!! Ooooooooooooh!
Zippy: What’s going on!?!
Bee: Ooooooooh! Oooooh!!!! Eeeeeerrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh!
Zippy: What the!!?!
Bee: I feel like I want to punch something! Or someone! EEEEEEERRRRRGH! My blood is boiling and I can’t! I can’t! I can’t fucking breathe!!! My friend said something to me and so I yelled at him and I hate him and I also keyed his car!
Zippy: Hey Bee calm down. When did this happen?
Bee: (throwing things, shoving things) THREE WEEKS AGO! I HATE HIM! Don’t talk to Knuckles anymore. He’s a loser, a freak and he doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about!
Zippy: When was the last time you talked to Knuckles?
Bee: THREE WEEKS AGO!
Zippy: Three weeks ago? That’s quite awhile…what did he say to you to make you so angry still?
Bee: He said Clyde Shooter my favorite Basketball player on “the Hornets” was a klutz. I KNOW I’m going to find him and STING HIM in the damn face! Sting him in the face! Sting him in the face! Sting him in the face!
Zippy: Whoa. Do you realize, if you sting him, he could have an allergic reaction and die or at the very least have a scar?
Bee: I hope he gets a scar! A scar on his damn face!
Zippy: Do you realize if YOU sting him, you will die?
Bee: I DON’T CA – wait, what? What?
Zippy: You’re a bee. If you sting someone, you die right after. Why don’t you just call and talk to Knuckles and sort it out? I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt you.
Bee: (running around in circles) AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zippy: Bee, calm down. Seriously, you’re going to hurt yourself, or someone else. Listen to me, Bee. Don’t Bee Angry, Bee Constructive, Bee Calm. Look, anger isn’t a bad thing, it’s like when you get a side ache, you know something is wrong with you physically, right?
Bee: Yeah?
Zippy: Well, anger is the same way. It can tell you when something is wrong socially. When someone has done or said something that is morally wrong against you. It’s ok to be angry, but it’s been three weeks. That’s probably too long. Have you done anything constructive by being this mad?
Bee: I cleaned my hive top to bottom seven times in one day and I keyed Knuckles’ car and I told a bunch of people about how pissed I am and they all agree I should be mad at him!
Zippy: Ok, but where has that gotten you? You haven’t pollinated any flowers, you haven’t brought back any sweet honey to your hive and your friends are getting tired of hearing the same story about how mad you are without you taking any positive action. Also if Knuckles finds out that you keyed his car. You might get in trouble. If you let this continue to build, you’re going to end up being jumpy and mad, running from trouble and eventually end up stinging someone, hurting them and dieing yourself.
It Sounds like our friends are going to teach us a way to de-escalate our anger… By counting to TEN.
SONG - Count to Ten
[Break - what I do when I’m angry? #1]
Zippy: Hey Knuckles!
Moose: Hi Zippy.
Zippy: Why the long face?
Moose: haha. Very funny.
Zippy: haha…But seriously, Knuckles, you don’t quite seem like yourself today. What’s up?
Moose: It’s that Fucking asshole!
Zippy: What in the world? Who are you talking about!
Moose: This fucking asshole slipped in one of my pies.
Zippy: I love pie! But he slipped on one?
Moose: No my moose pies, ya know… Dooty. Anyway he fell and hurt his ankle. Now he’s suing me! If he would have been looking where he was going, he wouldn’t have stepped in my dooty and fallen like the klutz he is! He is such a fucking asshole!
Zippy: Whoa, Knuckles, LANGUAGE!
Moose: I know, I know, Zippy, but he IS a fucking asshole! He’s suing me for something so stupid! Yes, he stepped in MY dooty and hurt his ankle, but it’s not my fault! Now I have to get a lawyer and then possibly have to pay out the ass to this douche bag just because he wasn’t looking where he was going.
Zippy: Wow, Knuckles. Do you really think the guy is a fucking asshole?
Moose: Yes!
Zippy: Really? Do you know him?
Moose: Yes. He’s my neighbor, he lives in that basketball over there, and we’ve had some BBQ’s over the years together. But this…this just sealed the deal. I knew something was fishy with him when he paved part of my forest for a basketball court, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it until now.
Zippy: Wait, isn’t this the same neighbor that helped you and Mrs. Knuckles build your deck and the same neighbor that gave you money toward your mission trip to Alaska?
Moose: Yes. But he’s turned into a money sucking hound!
Zippy: Have you talked to him about this?
Moose: No….After he fell I just laughed, because he had my poop on his jeans and he yelled at me, so I just walked off.
Zippy: Wow, Knuckles, so you just left him there in your poop and didn’t check to see if he was ok? You didn’t try to help him? I have a hard time believing your neighbor is a money sucking hound or an asshole or a douche bag – you’re the one rejecting him and that’s pretty devastating. He has done a lot of things for you … kind things for you. Do you think maybe if you called him up to check on him, you could figure something out outside of court?
Moose: Hmmm….I don’t know.
Zippy: Is he really an asshole?
Moose: No, he’s Clyde.
Song - When you call me a Jerk I’m no longer a person
[Break - what I do when I’m angry? #2]
Bee: STING HIM IN THE FACE! STING HIM IN THE FACE! STING HIM IN THE FACE!
Zippy: Whoa Bee! What’s going on!
Bee: I found out it was because of HIM that my favorite center from the Hornets has been out of commission the past couple games. STING HIM IN THE FACE! STING HIM IN THE FACE!
Zippy: Hold on!
Bee: OOOOOOOOH
Zippy: I know you are angry, and you have every justification in the world to sting knuckles in the face. But I saw something recently that might make you change your mind.
Bee: No Way
Zippy: Hold on behind this tree, and listen to our conversation before you do any face stinging. OK?
Moose: Hey Zippy
Zippy: Hey Knuckles why the long face?
Moose: Ha Ha Oh man that never gets old
Zippy: Ha Ha I know. You look better though.
Moose: Yeah I reconsidered that my neighbor wasn’t a fucking asshole after all. Clyde is a Basketball Player and so when he slipped on my moose pie…
Zippy: mmm I love pie
Moose: ha …when he slipped on my dooty and hurt his ankle he thought his season was over. I went over to his house and told him I was sorry for laughing at him. And that if I could give him some money for his medical bills I really want to make it up to him. Apparently that was all he needed. His ankle had healed well over the last 3 weeks, and he didn’t see any reason to keep a lawsuit against me being neighbors and all.
Reconciliation does feel better than the contempt I was feeling for Clyde.
Hey you know? Come to think about it? I haven’t talked to my friend BEE in about three weeks… since Clyde’s accident. That’s not like us. I should see if everything is OK.
Zippy: Hey Bee! Did you hear all of that.
Bee: Yeah…
Moose: Bee is everything OK?
Bee: I’m mad at you for calling my favorite player a klutz. I know it was because he slipped on your poop. I was going to get revenge when zippy asked me to listen behind that tree. I see that you patched it up Clyde, but I still am so angry.
Moose: I’m sorry Bee. What can I do to make it right.
Bee: I don’t know.
Zippy: Hey Bee, you know one thing that you can be proud of yourself about is that you still could hear me. Your anger didn’t control you. That you were willing to put your revenge aside long enough to hear what knuckles was saying. If our focus is in the right place, when we get angry but we will still keep our integrity. The anger doesn’t rule us, we can use it as a positive gage to know when something is wrong socially, instead of over-reacting or cutting off relationship from others.
Bee: I just wish I could NOT be angry. Zippy: That’s the hard thing about anger though. Its not something you can really shut off. Anger is something that comes from your heart. You can’t just stop it… it’s a part of who you are. When we indulge in it for 3 weeks it doesn’t just go away in a second. And usually it gathers its brothers contempt and malice and justifies revenge.
I know you want to DO the right thing and not be intensely angry at your brother. But because anger comes from your heart. You have to BECOME that kind of person that would naturally give the benefit of the doubt. Plus… You’re not a DO you’re a BEE. When you are someone who isn’t angry it is easy to not be angry.
Bee: Well How do I BEE someone who isn’t angry?
Zippy: When that question gets a hold of you, and you really are interested in answering it. What you can DO is trust God to walk you through the steps is takes to BEE someone who isn’t angry. God is the one that changes hearts.
Don’t be a do be a bee
Be the kind of person that would naturally do
Reconciliation Only comes from the heart
it’s not something that you do it is something that we are.
[What do I do when I get angry] #3 Zippy: Well guys its almost time to go
EVERYONE: OHHHH
Zippy: but first lets remember what we learned today.
We learned that We can de-escalate our anger by counting to ten
We learned that calling someone names really shows us that we have contempt for them, and it is blinding us in giving them the benefit of the doubt
And we learned that in order to be the kind of person that isn’t angry we have to become that kind of person in our heart first.
LETS DANCE IT OUT
BYE EVERYBODY!
Monday, April 05, 2010
Death Cleaned Up
We have cleaned up death. You go into the meat department you don’t see carcusses of animals. You see nicely wrapped steaks. Hospitals ease the pain associated with death. Hospice care is our way of easing the workload that it takes to die. Funeral homes are spotless as they incinerate or embalm death. None of this is bad. It’s great to have no flies, or pain, or difficulty, or smell when it comes to dead things. It just makes the story of the cross a little more distant. It’s primative from our clean world. How can you look at the execution and murder of someone in such a disgusting brutal way, when we live in a society that kills its criminals with a painless liquid? It’s embarrassing to come to terms with it. The center of our faith, our omnipotent God, crucified. That’s messy! The cross stands in the middle of history as an embarrassing, vulger symbol that flagrantly rubs against our pride. Religion we think should be nice, religion should be love. Yet here we have a terrible vision of anguish nailed in the middle of our clean nice loving faith.
To some, they aren’t ready to go there… not ready to get their hands dirty. But for others they can’t profess that the purell world is really what they see. And they cry out for someone to answer what they actually do see. They see people claiming love, and not living it. They see war. They see abuse around them. They see clearly that there is a problem. And it is for those who see that Christ did what he did. Nailed here in our world because it is dirty down here. We pursue things that slime the world we live in, and we areselves are slimed by others. We cry out and find a way to get them back. And we do. Will it stop? The cross stands in the soul of a person poised for retaliation and demands forgiveness. The cross takes the tightened fist against his brother and turns the other cheek. The cross is dirty, because it deals with the dirt of our lives. It puts to death our pretention. It gives us humility. After a heavy contemplation of the cross you will find the burden of sin has fallen off and rolled into the grave where it belongs.
Now I saw in my dream, that the highway up which Christian was to go, was fenced on either side with a wall, and that wall was called Salvation. Up this way, therefore, did burdened Christian run, but not without great difficulty, because of the load on his back.
Old things are past away, all's become new.
Strange! he's another man, upon my word,
They be fine feathers that make a fine bird.
Then Christian gave three leaps for joy, and went on singing--
"Thus far I did come laden with my sin;
Nor could aught ease the grief that I was in
Till I came hither: What a place is this!
Must here be the beginning of my bliss?
Must here the burden fall from off my back?
Must here the strings that bound it to me crack?
Blest cross! blest grave! blest rather be
The Man that there was put to shame for me!"
I have a dirty project for you.
I would like us to look at the elements in our life that are embarrassing, prideful, ugly, maybe simply been evil for the sake of self preservation. Essentially, if you can, use this time to reflect on the burden of sin that you are carrying.
Then I’d like you to spend some time seeing that the cross is to there to free you from that burden.
Finally, if you find it appropriate, Please write your burden on a piece of paper… get your hands dirty and bury it.
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