Two weeks ago I was in the heart of Northern Ireland. In the western part of Belfast. I had just finished going into a local pub called “the Gin Palace” where supposedly some ungodly amounts of Guinness were polished off nightly. I thought that I may help them out in their endeavor; however no one was interested in talking to me in there. But as I left, staring at me, in front of the hostel, was a marching band. It was a parade. The beautiful brightly colored flags were waving; there were about ten snare drummers, twenty flutists and a base drummer that was kicking his bass drum’s ass (One of the funniest things to watch). As the crowd began to gather, more bands came. I asked naively what this was, and someone told me it was a Band Parade. I asked what is it for, and they clarified: “it’s a parade…with bands.” I knew this person was not going to be terribly helpful and asked someone else… and someone said that it was a competition. Soon I landed a question on a man full of tattoos and with a shaved head (which every man and boy in Ireland is either bald or has a shaved head): “who do you think is going to win?” To which a Cockney accent declared “no one will win.”
I soon had a new best friend due to my purchasing him a pint of Harp and he shared with me a plethora of off color jokes. It turns out my new best friend Dennis was a stanch Protestant. He had arrived in Belfast 30 years prior, stationed there to keep the peace. I had seen what peace had done earlier that day. As my bus crossed the division between the protestant neighborhood into the catholic neighborhood, I saw the murals the poked fun of each side’s interpretation of the other’s versions of peace: depictions of massacres, caricatures of the other side making them out to be monsters. Finally I caught a glimpse of something even more disturbing: “The Peace Wall of Belfast.” And between houses was erected a 25 foot fence that looked as if it was out of some post apocalyptic movie. The Peace wall’s thinly woven steel grating was saturated by barb and razor wire as well as prongs to “keep the peace.” I guess anything that would stop the bottle bombs.
Dennis shared with me his side of who the other was. His view of the “finians” as he called the catholic side, was one that was shaped by 25 years of service to the UK army. 25 years of war: Bombings, his friends dying, and his heart breaking over and over again. As a result the finians we not people to Dennis, they were filth that needed to be swept up. He had created a hard persona that seemed to get crazier the more pints of Harp I bought him. However, I found his stories fascinating. It was like watching a train wreck… you know its going to be bad… but somehow you can’t take your eyes off of it.
He leaned over to me and asked me what I thought of the bands. I said they are beautiful… I wish I knew the occasion. To which he told me “you think this is great, you need to come here July 12th. What a site! Ten times the amount of bands are playing in the streets, and then they go and play on the finian side as well.” --- Now in a lot of American High schools the status of the boy in the band is not too favorable…and the status of the boy who plays flute in the band is usually not too well received--- however, I soon realized what the status was of these men who played their flutes so proudly. Their main purpose in playing, was to create unrest. Their playing was a war cry. And as they entered the parts of town that they were not allowed, riots would follow. And as I stood there I realized how correct Dennis was when he told me “no one will win.”
When I woke up the next morning, I began to realize the magnitude of the hatred of these two groups, the Catholics and the Protestants. I soon felt sick to my stomach to realize that the people’s faith label had turned into a gang name. The heart of the message was extracted because of people’s lack of living by the message. Incidentally, John Stewart asked his audience on the daily show as a picture of Jesus floated above him “Have you ever tried to live your life by what this guy has to say? I mean, after about an hour or so you need some me time.” But somehow that jocose poking fun at living your life religiously loses its humor when your religion becomes your gang. Later when I arrived in Dublin I got to meet someone who was in the IRA (someone who “fights for his country”), and sure enough his bands were playing loudly… and for him no one was winning.
And there once was a man in the 1st century whose bands were playing. And the thing is when your bands are playing you can’t really hear who is winning. You’re so enamored by the music--the sound of your own tune--that you have no idea that you’re not winning. And unfortunately the sound of your own tune doesn’t allow yourself to see that the person next to you isn’t winning either. The man’s name was Saul. And Saul was a man who was involved in a gang of Jews. And their gang’s tune justified murder to them. And more importantly it justified murdering Christians. This man became notorious for his hunt. He was a man who was truly feared by all Christians at the time. It actually took an act of God to stop this man from marching to his own tune. After being commissioned by the chief priest to act as judge jury and executioner, Saul had quite an experience on the way to Damascus.
3He set off. When he got to the outskirts of Damascus, he was suddenly dazed by a blinding flash of light. 4As he fell to the ground, he heard a voice: "Saul, Saul, why are you out to get me?" 5He said, "Who are you, Master?" "I am Jesus, the One you're hunting down. 6I want you to get up and enter the city. In the city you'll be told what to do next." 7His companions stood there dumbstruck--they could hear the sound, but couldn't see anyone-- 8while Saul, picking himself up off the ground, found himself stone blind. They had to take him by the hand and lead him into Damascus. 9He continued blind for three days. He ate nothing, drank nothing. 10There was a disciple in Damascus by the name of Ananias. The Master spoke to him in a vision: "Ananias." "Yes, Master?" he answered. 11"Get up and go over to Straight Avenue. Ask at the house of Judas for a man from Tarsus. His name is Saul. He's there praying. 12He has just had a dream in which he saw a man named Ananias enter the house and lay hands on him so he could see again." 13Ananias protested, "Master, you can't be serious. Everybody's talking about this man and the terrible things he's been doing, his reign of terror against your people in Jerusalem! 14And now he's shown up here with papers from the Chief Priest that give him license to do the same to us." 15But the Master said, "Don't argue. Go! I have picked him as my personal representative to Gentiles and kings and Jews. 16And now I'm about to show him what he's in for--the hard suffering that goes with this job." 17So Ananias went and found the house, placed his hands on blind Saul, and said, "Brother Saul, the Master sent me, the same Jesus you saw on your way here. He sent me so you could see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit." 18No sooner were the words out of his mouth than something like scales fell from Saul's eyes--he could see again! He got to his feet, was baptized, 19and sat down with them to a hearty meal.
This man marching to the tune of “murderer in God’s name”…he was cleansing the world of blasphemers. Someone who is a Jew through and through… God came in and changed his tune. (He was now in charge of telling non-Jews--the lowly unclean non-Jews) He was now in charge of telling the non-Jews about God. How much Karma is that?
Saul was a Jew, and I don’t want rail on other religions doing stuff in God’s name that’s fucked up. There are far too many people in Christianity doing terrible things in the name of God to address. I’m sticking to my small circle of influence and knowledge base. OH we can go to the far right crazies like Pat Robertson who gets a little tongue-tied when talking about the Venezuelan President, asking for governmental assassination, or kidnapping… however he would like you to interpret it. AND We can address the haughty criticisms of men who believe somehow that Hurricane Katrina, and its devastation, is God’s judgment of the “sinful city” of New Orleans. (Which by the way does point out their myopic and shallow view of who God is, and their true lack of understanding of what is actually happening when calamity occurs) But I would rather take on something a little bit more personal… Something that we can’t just dismiss because its “out there” …because it doesn’t get national coverage…I want to talk about what we do in the name of God?
In the summer of ’95, in the fervor of my becoming a Christian at 20, I had the only conversation that I would ever have with my best friend Timory about my faith… It quickly turned into a political discussion about abortion. And about hell. Both of which I was merely quoting items that I simply heard from other people in my church. That next April, my friend was dead. She fell out of a three story window on her birthday. I didn’t have the ability to convey the grace I was shown. She had been blocked by the noise of my band, but I hadn’t gotten the chance to understand the sheet music yet. The bands of Christianity’s bad press were playing for me, and it seemed as if my band was going down a street to cause a riot… and it grieved me, and her, and we never talked of my faith again.
And my heart still goes out to Timory, and the music that she heard that night from my mouth I hope no one would hear again. Because the title of the tune the fife was playing was “MY GOD IS A PRICK.” And I had no clue, until she died, that no one was winning.
Dennis’s band in Belfast was playing the strong fife call of the Red hand of Ulster… the protestant symbol, but as I got to know him better I found that he was both protestant…and atheist. Sure enough no one was winning.
The man Saul in the first century, in fact he did change his tune and his name. And sure enough Paul the apostle went on to dive into the non-Jewish world. He wrote this in his first letter to the church in Corinth:
13:1 If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth[a] but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. 3If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[b] but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.
Paul knew his past actions of murder in God’s name were the meaningless and tragic gongs of fanaticism. Those symbol crashes sent the message throughout the land “MY GOD IS A PRICK!” Not that God is in need of being defended, but I believe that we should recognize who He truly is.
Is God a Prick? With the amount of nut-jobs and sandwich board preachers out there you would think so. With the amount of devastation and pain that is out there you would think so. With the bible talking so much about sin and punishment and gnashing of teeth…you would think so. So is he a prick?
I think one of the things that gets misinterpreted in the tune of God is that God is Holy. This implies that every excellence fitting to the Supreme Being is found in God without blemish or limit. It also implies that all other divine moral excellences (goodness, justice, mercy, truth, and grace) are unified and made mutually harmonious in infinite degree in God. Holiness can be something and has been interpreted as a Prick like feature of God. For it is his holiness that can’t stand sin, and it is his holiness that would like people to fly right, don’t do this and don’t do that, and if you do, eternal damnation…Total sandwich board Christianity. But let me clarify: this holiness is God’s Character. Meaning: This is who God is… not the personality or choices that God makes, it’s like you having a belly, a cowlick, or leg hair. God has to deal with His holiness. Now people who get off on yelling about people sinning, and God not wanting to be around sin, sometimes… they might be accurate, however, I believe they are playing the tune that most of the time we all misinterpret.
We think about the angry God, the vengeful God, God who is a Prick, and when we think of this we are usually are listening to the tune of perfection for our lives, or a need of perfection in the world as we know it. But here’s the God that should be recognized: For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. In knowing himself, and knowing you, he created a way to jump the perfection gap and have you come close. God even went to the lengths of death so that you could be with him. The song of Jesus Christ is a love song that crosses the barrier of an imperfect human and brings them close to a holy God.
Quickly and with the help of God’s re-tuning, Paul played his music as equally loud as he did before. However this time it was with love… he wrote this:
13:4Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. 6It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
This morning I would like us to check ourselves. We may have had a specific feeling that God is supposed to move one way or the other. And it causes us to say specific things. Or perhaps you’re thinking God feels this way about this, and as a result you have been stepping out and doing something specific.
My question for you today is: Is your band playing the song “MY GOD IS A PRICK?”…if so nobody will win.
I believe it is time to retune our band to play the tune to God’s love…
for if we do…everybody will wins.
Monday, September 12, 2005
Fire From the Sky...Fish From Below
“Fire will come down! Brimstone will be upon you! In Forty Days you must get right with God, repent and turn from you your sin or else you will be destroyed.”
Oh yes we’re here in the open and I don’t know what you were expecting but I’m about to give you a little Fire and Brimstone. Because I think its high time that the Bridge went to places that we never go… Here we are today out in the sun. Worshipping God outside. And we’re out of our element. So I’m making it even worse and talking to you about one fire and brimstone preacher of the bible.
Now you might have heard of him but this was a prophet of old that had a lot of hatred towards the people he was preaching to. You see, this Fire and brimstone preacher had a strange call by God to go over to a very wicked city. And say that in forty days y’all gonna die.
Now when I say wicked city: There are some places where child prostitution is running repent in the world, and those citys are actually pretty tame compared to this particular one that Mr. Fire and Brimstone was called to. They had piles of severed heads of their enemies in the street. Perhaps at Christmas time they decorated the severed head Pile. If they caught and captured their enemies they would cut off their hands, feet, ears and noses, and would pluck out their eyes. This was one of the reasons why this fire and brimstone preacher didn’t want to Go…I think he rather liked his features. He hated them… they might have killed his friend, brother. And sure enough they sat high on the totem pole with their thumb on every nation in the land. But the other reason was the implication on why he had to go and preach fire and brimstone… There were countless nations that have been destroyed by acts of war in the past without warning… or more specifically Prophet’s warning. But this prophet was to go to this nation and tell them that if they didn’t shape up that they would be destroyed.
Now normally this wouldn’t be that big of a deal. But the sheer gall of God asking this man. A holy man. But also a very angry man. To go to another Nation and give them a warning well it just wont do. So Mr. Fire and Brimstone packed up and went the opposite way.
Well perhaps you have heard of Mr. Fire and Brimstone before… His name was Jonah. And perhaps you have heard of the outcome of the story…
Jonah runs the other direction… towards Tashish… gets flung into the sea by a bunch of freaked out Sailors. Gets gobbled up by a fish. Three days later gets barfed onto dry land with fishy goo all over him. And he decides to finally do what God wants him to do.
Now something crazy happens when he ends up preaching the Fire and Brimstone. Something happened that probably no street Preacher in the history of time has ever had happen. The people listened. Not only did they listen, but the largest scale revival happened on account of it… This is what the King said “Do not let any man or beast, herd or flock, taste anything; do not let them eat or drink. 8 But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth. Let everyone call urgently on God. Let them give up their evil ways and their violence. 9 Who knows? God may yet relent and with compassion turn from his fierce anger so that we will not perish.”
And not only did they do this but God turned from his anger and spared the city… So the angry Fire and brimstone preacher was foiled. God’s in his grace and Mercy changed his mind about them and they lived… the end… well kind of 75 years later under a different rulership Nahum came tried to ask them to be nice again and they ended up getting destroyed.
Now… I don’t know about you but all of these fun bible stories about judgment and grace and the fishy fire and brimstone preacher make me wonder if my life is at all connected as a Christian. I know that my faith somehow says that God is Immutable…meaning unchanging. But it just seams that ever since Jesus, we don’t have random prophets going to nations declaring that there demise is imminent unless they straighten up. And I know that currently we don’t have particular nations that are severing the heads of those around them… but there are bad things that are happening. And So it is easy to ask… do I have the same God of the Old Testament?
Are you confused about the complexity of God, the allowance of pain in this world? Do you cry out “why God?!?” when you hear of all the evil that is in this world.
Someone might make the argument that God just lets this world follow the Third law of Thermo dynamics. That everything goes from a more orderly state to a state of chaos. And sometimes it feels that way. The fact is God has not created this world like a wise old watch maker and let it keep ticking and is now doing other stuff. God is intimately involved in everything that is going on in this world. From birds getting their food to nations crumbling. The idea that God is not involved is just not what the bible tells us. In Job when Job’s in the whirlwind and God is ripping him a new asshole near the end of the book he says: “"The wings of the ostrich flap joyfully, but they cannot compare with the pinions and feathers of the stork.14 She lays her eggs on the ground and lets them warm in the sand, 15 unmindful that a foot may crush them, that some wild animal may trample them. 16 She treats her young harshly, as if they were not hers; she cares not that her labor was in vain, 17 for God did not endow her with wisdom or give her a share of good sense. 18 Yet when she spreads her feathers to run, she laughs at horse and rider.” and implying that the animal is actually too stupid to survive. So in order to maintain its existence God has to intervene. And in order to maintain our existence God is constantly intervening.
But if God intervenes how come there is so much evil in this world. We’ll #1 people are fucked up. So a lot of times people make choices that hurt other people because of selfishness, greed, desire, and old fashion sin… This is any choice you make “not” to love another person. Treat them like an object, use them, make choices that intentionally destroy promises you have made to them, using your words as swords, generally not treating them as a brother. There is a lot of evil in this world because people do a lot of evil in this world. God, though he is intimately involved in this world is also slow to anger, and abundant in mercy. Now when the evil is being done to you this is somewhat aggravating. But when the table is turned and you do something “wrong” it feels pretty good to have a second chance.
I was thinking about that this week and I started off with the really difficult idea that God hates sin. Why else would he have destroyed ninivah? But God hates sin? Now that statement to me is difficult. And when someone says that statement I actually cringe… because it’s usually uttered by one of our favorite street preachers. In their angry voice. More than that … I sin. So that means God hates me. I want to hear about the God of grace and mercy… and how much he loves me… not any of this sin stuff. And as I started thinking about the God of the Old Testament and the God of the New testament. There was something key to my faith that stuck in the middle that was the very representation of both sides of the coin. THE CROSS. What a symbol of how God feels about sin. The judging God of the Old testament is right there in your face with a very real bloody symbol of how he judges Sin. You can’t deny it. The cross is a very vibrant metephore for how God feels about sin. No wonder it has been a point of contention with society since it occurred… because Humanity doesn’t want to rest with the idea that it is apart from God. It would rather believe that it is God. Let me put it straight to you so you can understand. You are not God. You are Human. God is God. And he has done something to redeem you back to him. The very symbol of pain is also the symbol of pure love and communion. THE CROSS.
And he chooses everyone to play by these rules. The rules of love. And for some reason we sometimes have it in our head that God’s chosen are the men with crowns or women with the pretty dresses, the high hair and the bible tucked under their arm. But God’s chosen are the ones who have his nature imprinted on their hearts. God’s chosen are the ones who love. There’s no other litmus test. Do you love? If you don’t, fuck-an-A, this might be your first clue that you need to do something differently. And maybe you’ve already come to the conclusion that you’re not one of God’s chosen because you have seen some of them. Because sometimes even the chosen have a tendency to resemble assholes that simply poop out an angry message of their own agenda. You need to know that everyone is in process. Those who say they know about grace, and abuse it; as well as those who don’t. God will take care of the justice needed to handle those who abuse their heart’s nature. However we can’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. God has chosen all of us… all the world… And he has chosen, and created us to be in his nature. “God is love” first john reads. And in order to truly be who we were meant to be. We Must Love. There is no other meaning to life. If you play music without love you might as well be the wind blowing through a fence…useless and unproductive…and probably creaky.
God’s nature is to love… and in the third chapter of Jonah after the angry fire and brimstone preacher was spit up by the fish, the story says that God spoke to Jonah a second time. And probably if Jonah left again towards Tarshish a big fish would swallow him again. Because God is in the business of giving out his grace to everyone. To Everyone. Including the angry preacher who doesn’t want to give it out.
God wants to speak to us a second time today. And it could be that you’ve been in the belly of your own fish… your own death… and you know exactly why you have been in that fish. Because you have been hiding from God. Trying to separate yourself from God. Maybe because you feel you deserve it. But listen:
You don’t have to be separated from God. Your actions however wrong were exactly that…wrong. And you cannot undo the consequences. However you are not alone. And God says to you today that there is a way out. And that is grace. Grace travels outside of Karma. It sees you where you’re at and it lets you off the hook. It sees the massive debt that is in front of you and pays it. No fees, no sir-charge, no points, no interest. Pays it flat out and asks nothing in return. You don’t need to believe you deserve it…because you probably don’t. But in order to receive it, you do need to accept it.
Accepting such a difficult thing as grace means we have to soften ourselves. Allow ourselves to see that we might not have it all figured out. Allow ourselves to take a risk and believe in such a concept. And accepting that grace also means that we are admitting that we need it. Some of us today would believe that the very things that are killing us are the very things we need to hold onto. And we would rather allow ourselves the liberty and focus of maintaining our lifestyle rather than saying…”I need help.” There is grace for you today.
The Penis Monologues
Happy 3rd of July! Are you in great anticipation of the freedom that you’re going to experience tomorrow…On Independence day? In light of the freedom we’re having this morning, I think it is necessary to talk on a subject that is no stranger to the bible. However it might be a stranger to the pulpit, because it is a hard teaching. It uses a word that makes us snicker, maybe a little red in the face. Possibly makes us think of non-churchly things. This one word in particular has a lot of humorous names, including the real one. This word is also a symbol of oppression… which we have been hearing quite a bit about in the last month. Some religions worship it, some fear it, but rarely do you hear a sermon that says it so many times.
A friend taught me a rather interesting game. Maybe you’ve played it. You usually play this game in a crowded location, possibly where it should be quiet. Here are the rules. You take an embarrassing word. And you say it quietly to your opponent. He (or she) then must say that word a little louder. And so on and so forth. Until you both are embarrassed and hoarse or, one of you concedes to embarrassment. What is the word that causes large embarrassment when uttered at gargantuan tones…? Maybe you have already guessed it …. Yes I’m talking about the PENIS. Yes and you too can play the Penis game.
Did he just say penis in church? Yes I did. The Penis… the symbol of manhood, the instrument of oppression, the fall of man, possibly the rise of man as well. Why on earth Geoff are you saying penis in church?… well I was polishing my American flag pole this afternoon getting it ready to let it fly for our independence day. And it made me think of my topic: Galatians. Well…for two reasons. #1 it has been said that Galatians is the “Magna Carte of Christian Liberty” and what do you want to hear more of on the day before your own nation’s celebration of liberty than “Christian Liberty.” AND #2 because how else am I going to have an excuse to say “penis” in church.
Actually there tends to be somewhat of a theme that is developed throughout the bible about the penis. More specifically the foreskin free phallus. Throughout the bible, there tends to be a rite or ritual that has been developed that is called circumcision.
I know you’re not stupid but let me at least explain the origin: It was established as a national ordinance (Genesis 17:10,11). In compliance with the divine command, Abraham, though ninety-nine years of age, was circumcised on the same day with Ishmael, who was thirteen years old (17:24-27). Slaves, whether home-born or purchased, had their dong’s dinged (17:12,13); and all foreigners must have their stiffies stumped before they could enjoy the privileges of Jewish citizenship (Exodus 12:48). During the journey through the wilderness, the practice of dick dicing fell into disuse, but was resumed by the command of Joshua before they entered the Promised Land (Joshua 5:2-9). It was observed always afterwards among the tribes of Israel, although it is not expressly mentioned from the time of the settlement in Canaan till the time of Christ, about 1,450 years. The Jews prided themselves in the possession of this covenant distinction (Judg. 14:3; 15:18; 1 Samuel 14:6; 17:26; 2Sam 1:20; Ezekiel 31:18).
Basically in order to enjoy the benefits of Israelite life one had to not have one thing… a foreskin.
Besides national allegiance, the act of prick paring was also a spiritual distinction as well to the Hebrew people. It was the symbol of purity. It was a sign and seal of the covenant of grace. It sealed the promises made to Abraham, which related to the commonwealth of Israel, national promises.
Why is this important? Because it is the backdrop of a tradition that gives us incite into what’s happening in the small church of Galatia at the beginning of the first Century AD. You see it was normal practice for people who were Jews to say: “if you want to follow my God you must get your organ of copulation clipped” for purity purposes of course. This is a long time tradition that that spilled over when Judaism moved toward Christianity and was an issue in the Church of Galatia.
The Gentile Christians of Galatia were being persuaded by some guys (Some call them Judaizers some call them religious teachers, I call them the Bobbiteers) to adopt Weiner Wacking and other distinctive Jewish ceremonies. Apparently, these Bobbiteers argued that such conversion to Judaism was necessary to participate fully in the blessings God promised to Abraham. In other words, if the Galatians wanted to be truly part of God's people (and thus spiritually free?), they must become descendants of Abraham by submitting to the Mosaic law.
Now Paul wasn’t necessarily happy about these Bobbiteers. One reason is because they were telling lies about who Paul is, and if he “truly” was a apostle. So if you ever read “the Magne Carte of Christian Liberty” you will see that Paul is engorged with spit and vinegar. But more than that, the Bobbiteers made Paul’s stomach turn. Because the Galatians had this simple faith in Jesus that was getting maligned by a practice of rules… He said this:
Oh, foolish Galatians! What magician has cast an evil spell on you? For you used to see the meaning of Jesus Christ's death as clearly as though I had shown you a signboard with a picture of Christ dying on the cross. 2 Let me ask you this one question: Did you receive the Holy Spirit by keeping the law? Of course not, for the Holy Spirit came upon you only after you believed the message you heard about Christ. 3 Have you lost your senses? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort? 4 You have suffered so much for the Good News. Surely it was not in vain, was it? Are you now going to just throw it all away? 5 I ask you again, does God give you the Holy Spirit and work miracles among you because you obey the law of Moses? Of course not! It is because you believe the message you heard about Christ.
Paul had little patience with this type of thinking. In his view it was "another gospel" that did not really deserve the name "gospel": those who proclaimed such a message were perverting the true gospel and deserved God's curse (1:6-9)—indeed, they were false brothers whose real purpose was to undermine the freedom that believers have in Christ (2:4-5). This was done by forcing these Galatians to be obedient to the Law. Which Paul goes on to say that those who are under the law are subject to Sin and Death.
The apostle's negative remarks about the Mosaic Law raise a difficult question. If the Hebrews of old were liberated from Egyptian slavery, only to be placed in a law system that shows them they can’t match up. Isn’t that going from slavery to slavery. Isn’t that going from suck to suck! Somehow the 10 commandments that descended from Sinai is supposed to be a symbol of freedom, and even the means of enjoying that freedom in the service of God. But according to Paul, all it shows me is how I don’t measure up. So how do we deal with this?
Now you know that when you’re in church the right answer is always “Jesus Christ”. That’s how we Christians can turn off our critical thinking skills and live in our Happy Place. But let me at least ponder it as an answer. He did after all say that he was the “fulfillment of the law”
31 Jesus said to the people F39 who believed in him, "You are truly my disciples if you keep obeying my teachings. 32 And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (but how can I really be set free if I know the truth and the truth tells me that I don’t measure up. That I’m bad. That I need help. That I don’t do things perfectly)
33 "But we are descendants of Abraham," they said. "We have never been slaves to anyone on earth. What do you mean, 'set free'?" 34 Jesus replied, "I assure you that everyone who sins is a slave of sin. 35 A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son is part of the family forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will indeed be free.
This is the big enchilada…”when the Son sets you free”… This is kind of confusing so let me give you an application.
A couple versus sooner Jesus has this woman thrown in front of him. And the teachers who are about to trick Jesus ask him this: This woman was caught in the act of adultery, the law says to stone her (with stones) what do you say we do…
They had interrupted Jesus’s connect the dot artwork that he was drawing on the Temple floor. There were pictures of spaceships that people were confused about, they thought they were other things. Anyway… it looked like the teachers weren’t going away. So he looked up from his art and said he who is without sin, cast the first stone. The teachers got it… and the trick was tricked. The oldest left first and finally the young zealots left and Jesus was with this woman alone. And He asked her “where are your accusers” and she replied nowhere. And Jesus said “nor do I accuse you, go and sin no more.”
And Jesus does the same for us. We look at this law of perfection in front of us and we don’t measure up. And like this woman. We are subject to its consequences. But Jesus being our friend, stands next to us and sets us free from that. Giving us the strength and spirit to “go and sin no more. If we were in that woman’s shoes, same consequences. But when the Son sets her free, she is free indeed.
In developing his theological argument against these Boobiteers, Paul points out that the function of the Mosaic law was that of a temporary guardian. The Greek word used Gal 3:24-25; is paidagogos, which ironically was itself used of slaves who had the responsibility to look after children and discipline them …used to raise and discipline. When disciplined, usually it is because we have done something wrong. This perfection of the law thus naturally will make us feel inadequate. When standing next Jesus, I know I look inadequate. Who can measure up…
I believe monty python put it best when the Priest Prays “O Lord you are so….Big… So incredibly huge so absolutely gargantuan… we’re all impressed down here.”
But when Jesus stands next to us, he who has the authority to throw the stones at the Adulterous woman says “I don’t accuse you either.” And the acceptance of that grace is a start of a new life. Jesus in all of his “bigness” is the bigger man and lets us off the hook. Its no wonder that when Paul found out that these Bobbitteers in Galatia were saying: “in order to enjoy all of the freedoms of God one must be circumcised,” it was his hope that they end up chopping their own dicks off. For to truly enjoy the freedom that comes from God, one must simply come “as is.”
So than Paul in preaches to the pecker punchers that penis paring is posh, and does not reflect the freedom that they should enjoy as believers in Christ. He attributes Abraham’s own one eyed trouser snake shedding (the very first Hebrew Circumcision) as one of his spirit. Sure at 99 he got that little tager taken off. But Paul believes it was a symbol for something. Yes the spiritual cock clipping is called faith. Paul says “Abraham believed God, so God declared him righteous because of his faith." F9 7 The real children of Abraham, then, are all those who put their faith in God.
God sees you in the locker room of your soul, and knows, just like you do, that you don’t measure up. That you come up short. But be encouraged… Jesus has evened the playing field. Your shortcomings have been liberated through Christ. You no longer are subject to the standard that puts us all to shame. We only need to accept that free gift. That new life, that new heart, that newly sheared spiritual penis. We will never measure up. But because of God’s love and understanding… we don’t need to. We can stand unashamed in front of God and see that we’re good. That because of what Christ has given us, we are free to stand erect. To be thankful. To not use it for malicious and evil purposes. But to know that God has truly endowed us with life and life that lets us live large.
So today I ask you where is your spiritual penis at, have you had it liberated? Clipped to show that you are part of God’s children? The tip freed up to indicate that you are free from the immense standards of which you would fall short?
Maybe a while ago you had the foreskin of your spiritual penis removed, and by living in a spiritual community you have started to be infatuated by your own spiritual growth… And maybe you are demanding that others measure up to you. I tell you … be free. Don’t subject others to the standards that somehow you’ve developed. Those standards are idols that are keeping you from the love of God and the love of the people around you. You are not subject to those standards any more. You are free to live large.
And those of you that have never had their spiritual penis clipped. Oh don’t worry… it hurts like hell. The experience of dying to yourself for the sake of having God rebirth a new child within you is not easy… and the healing process takes a lifetime. Why on earth would you do it then? To have the honor of being God’s child. To be free from a standard that we will never measure up to. Or maybe its just simply time and God has finally brought you to this place. All I’m saying is: if it is time, know that God is gentle. That he respects the boundaries that you have. And you know what … He wants to take all that stress of measuring up, all those feelings that you’re inadequate, all that anger that your life isn’t what you want it to be;
he wants to take all that…
……and whack it off.
A friend taught me a rather interesting game. Maybe you’ve played it. You usually play this game in a crowded location, possibly where it should be quiet. Here are the rules. You take an embarrassing word. And you say it quietly to your opponent. He (or she) then must say that word a little louder. And so on and so forth. Until you both are embarrassed and hoarse or, one of you concedes to embarrassment. What is the word that causes large embarrassment when uttered at gargantuan tones…? Maybe you have already guessed it …. Yes I’m talking about the PENIS. Yes and you too can play the Penis game.
Did he just say penis in church? Yes I did. The Penis… the symbol of manhood, the instrument of oppression, the fall of man, possibly the rise of man as well. Why on earth Geoff are you saying penis in church?… well I was polishing my American flag pole this afternoon getting it ready to let it fly for our independence day. And it made me think of my topic: Galatians. Well…for two reasons. #1 it has been said that Galatians is the “Magna Carte of Christian Liberty” and what do you want to hear more of on the day before your own nation’s celebration of liberty than “Christian Liberty.” AND #2 because how else am I going to have an excuse to say “penis” in church.
Actually there tends to be somewhat of a theme that is developed throughout the bible about the penis. More specifically the foreskin free phallus. Throughout the bible, there tends to be a rite or ritual that has been developed that is called circumcision.
I know you’re not stupid but let me at least explain the origin: It was established as a national ordinance (Genesis 17:10,11). In compliance with the divine command, Abraham, though ninety-nine years of age, was circumcised on the same day with Ishmael, who was thirteen years old (17:24-27). Slaves, whether home-born or purchased, had their dong’s dinged (17:12,13); and all foreigners must have their stiffies stumped before they could enjoy the privileges of Jewish citizenship (Exodus 12:48). During the journey through the wilderness, the practice of dick dicing fell into disuse, but was resumed by the command of Joshua before they entered the Promised Land (Joshua 5:2-9). It was observed always afterwards among the tribes of Israel, although it is not expressly mentioned from the time of the settlement in Canaan till the time of Christ, about 1,450 years. The Jews prided themselves in the possession of this covenant distinction (Judg. 14:3; 15:18; 1 Samuel 14:6; 17:26; 2Sam 1:20; Ezekiel 31:18).
Basically in order to enjoy the benefits of Israelite life one had to not have one thing… a foreskin.
Besides national allegiance, the act of prick paring was also a spiritual distinction as well to the Hebrew people. It was the symbol of purity. It was a sign and seal of the covenant of grace. It sealed the promises made to Abraham, which related to the commonwealth of Israel, national promises.
Why is this important? Because it is the backdrop of a tradition that gives us incite into what’s happening in the small church of Galatia at the beginning of the first Century AD. You see it was normal practice for people who were Jews to say: “if you want to follow my God you must get your organ of copulation clipped” for purity purposes of course. This is a long time tradition that that spilled over when Judaism moved toward Christianity and was an issue in the Church of Galatia.
The Gentile Christians of Galatia were being persuaded by some guys (Some call them Judaizers some call them religious teachers, I call them the Bobbiteers) to adopt Weiner Wacking and other distinctive Jewish ceremonies. Apparently, these Bobbiteers argued that such conversion to Judaism was necessary to participate fully in the blessings God promised to Abraham. In other words, if the Galatians wanted to be truly part of God's people (and thus spiritually free?), they must become descendants of Abraham by submitting to the Mosaic law.
Now Paul wasn’t necessarily happy about these Bobbiteers. One reason is because they were telling lies about who Paul is, and if he “truly” was a apostle. So if you ever read “the Magne Carte of Christian Liberty” you will see that Paul is engorged with spit and vinegar. But more than that, the Bobbiteers made Paul’s stomach turn. Because the Galatians had this simple faith in Jesus that was getting maligned by a practice of rules… He said this:
Oh, foolish Galatians! What magician has cast an evil spell on you? For you used to see the meaning of Jesus Christ's death as clearly as though I had shown you a signboard with a picture of Christ dying on the cross. 2 Let me ask you this one question: Did you receive the Holy Spirit by keeping the law? Of course not, for the Holy Spirit came upon you only after you believed the message you heard about Christ. 3 Have you lost your senses? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort? 4 You have suffered so much for the Good News. Surely it was not in vain, was it? Are you now going to just throw it all away? 5 I ask you again, does God give you the Holy Spirit and work miracles among you because you obey the law of Moses? Of course not! It is because you believe the message you heard about Christ.
Paul had little patience with this type of thinking. In his view it was "another gospel" that did not really deserve the name "gospel": those who proclaimed such a message were perverting the true gospel and deserved God's curse (1:6-9)—indeed, they were false brothers whose real purpose was to undermine the freedom that believers have in Christ (2:4-5). This was done by forcing these Galatians to be obedient to the Law. Which Paul goes on to say that those who are under the law are subject to Sin and Death.
The apostle's negative remarks about the Mosaic Law raise a difficult question. If the Hebrews of old were liberated from Egyptian slavery, only to be placed in a law system that shows them they can’t match up. Isn’t that going from slavery to slavery. Isn’t that going from suck to suck! Somehow the 10 commandments that descended from Sinai is supposed to be a symbol of freedom, and even the means of enjoying that freedom in the service of God. But according to Paul, all it shows me is how I don’t measure up. So how do we deal with this?
Now you know that when you’re in church the right answer is always “Jesus Christ”. That’s how we Christians can turn off our critical thinking skills and live in our Happy Place. But let me at least ponder it as an answer. He did after all say that he was the “fulfillment of the law”
31 Jesus said to the people F39 who believed in him, "You are truly my disciples if you keep obeying my teachings. 32 And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (but how can I really be set free if I know the truth and the truth tells me that I don’t measure up. That I’m bad. That I need help. That I don’t do things perfectly)
33 "But we are descendants of Abraham," they said. "We have never been slaves to anyone on earth. What do you mean, 'set free'?" 34 Jesus replied, "I assure you that everyone who sins is a slave of sin. 35 A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son is part of the family forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will indeed be free.
This is the big enchilada…”when the Son sets you free”… This is kind of confusing so let me give you an application.
A couple versus sooner Jesus has this woman thrown in front of him. And the teachers who are about to trick Jesus ask him this: This woman was caught in the act of adultery, the law says to stone her (with stones) what do you say we do…
They had interrupted Jesus’s connect the dot artwork that he was drawing on the Temple floor. There were pictures of spaceships that people were confused about, they thought they were other things. Anyway… it looked like the teachers weren’t going away. So he looked up from his art and said he who is without sin, cast the first stone. The teachers got it… and the trick was tricked. The oldest left first and finally the young zealots left and Jesus was with this woman alone. And He asked her “where are your accusers” and she replied nowhere. And Jesus said “nor do I accuse you, go and sin no more.”
And Jesus does the same for us. We look at this law of perfection in front of us and we don’t measure up. And like this woman. We are subject to its consequences. But Jesus being our friend, stands next to us and sets us free from that. Giving us the strength and spirit to “go and sin no more. If we were in that woman’s shoes, same consequences. But when the Son sets her free, she is free indeed.
In developing his theological argument against these Boobiteers, Paul points out that the function of the Mosaic law was that of a temporary guardian. The Greek word used Gal 3:24-25; is paidagogos, which ironically was itself used of slaves who had the responsibility to look after children and discipline them …used to raise and discipline. When disciplined, usually it is because we have done something wrong. This perfection of the law thus naturally will make us feel inadequate. When standing next Jesus, I know I look inadequate. Who can measure up…
I believe monty python put it best when the Priest Prays “O Lord you are so….Big… So incredibly huge so absolutely gargantuan… we’re all impressed down here.”
But when Jesus stands next to us, he who has the authority to throw the stones at the Adulterous woman says “I don’t accuse you either.” And the acceptance of that grace is a start of a new life. Jesus in all of his “bigness” is the bigger man and lets us off the hook. Its no wonder that when Paul found out that these Bobbitteers in Galatia were saying: “in order to enjoy all of the freedoms of God one must be circumcised,” it was his hope that they end up chopping their own dicks off. For to truly enjoy the freedom that comes from God, one must simply come “as is.”
So than Paul in preaches to the pecker punchers that penis paring is posh, and does not reflect the freedom that they should enjoy as believers in Christ. He attributes Abraham’s own one eyed trouser snake shedding (the very first Hebrew Circumcision) as one of his spirit. Sure at 99 he got that little tager taken off. But Paul believes it was a symbol for something. Yes the spiritual cock clipping is called faith. Paul says “Abraham believed God, so God declared him righteous because of his faith." F9 7 The real children of Abraham, then, are all those who put their faith in God.
God sees you in the locker room of your soul, and knows, just like you do, that you don’t measure up. That you come up short. But be encouraged… Jesus has evened the playing field. Your shortcomings have been liberated through Christ. You no longer are subject to the standard that puts us all to shame. We only need to accept that free gift. That new life, that new heart, that newly sheared spiritual penis. We will never measure up. But because of God’s love and understanding… we don’t need to. We can stand unashamed in front of God and see that we’re good. That because of what Christ has given us, we are free to stand erect. To be thankful. To not use it for malicious and evil purposes. But to know that God has truly endowed us with life and life that lets us live large.
So today I ask you where is your spiritual penis at, have you had it liberated? Clipped to show that you are part of God’s children? The tip freed up to indicate that you are free from the immense standards of which you would fall short?
Maybe a while ago you had the foreskin of your spiritual penis removed, and by living in a spiritual community you have started to be infatuated by your own spiritual growth… And maybe you are demanding that others measure up to you. I tell you … be free. Don’t subject others to the standards that somehow you’ve developed. Those standards are idols that are keeping you from the love of God and the love of the people around you. You are not subject to those standards any more. You are free to live large.
And those of you that have never had their spiritual penis clipped. Oh don’t worry… it hurts like hell. The experience of dying to yourself for the sake of having God rebirth a new child within you is not easy… and the healing process takes a lifetime. Why on earth would you do it then? To have the honor of being God’s child. To be free from a standard that we will never measure up to. Or maybe its just simply time and God has finally brought you to this place. All I’m saying is: if it is time, know that God is gentle. That he respects the boundaries that you have. And you know what … He wants to take all that stress of measuring up, all those feelings that you’re inadequate, all that anger that your life isn’t what you want it to be;
he wants to take all that…
……and whack it off.
The Fabled Pearly Gates Joke
This morning, have quite a task in front of me. I want to expose the truths of the pearly gate Joke. You know what I’m talking about: “the pearly gate joke” where someone dies and goes outside the pearly gates of heaven and Peter is there… you know St. Peter, The apostle Peter, Petra the rock… not the wrestler, the fisherman.
You know how it goes: A minister dies and, resplendent in his clerical collar and colorful robes, waits in line at the Pearly Gates. Just ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Green, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City." Saint Peter consults his list, smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff, and enter into the Kingdom."
So the taxi-driver enters Heaven with his robe and staff, and the minister is next in line. Without being asked, he proclaims, "I am Michael O'Connor, head pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list and says, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the preacher, "that man was a taxi-driver, and you issued him a silken robe and golden staff. But I get wood and cotton. How can this be?"
"Up here, we go by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept -- while he drove, people prayed."
There are biblical truths wrapped up in these jokes people. And this morning I feel like I need to expose the secrets of eternity wrapped up in what we know as the Pearly Gate Joke. Just so you know where I’m coming from:
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day.
Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to
tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today,
and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly
horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife
has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her
red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something
was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy
could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough,
there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground!
By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him,
but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into
my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers.
Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell --
but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay.
I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge
and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly.
But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died
there on the balcony."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full,
and again asks for his story.
"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment
building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony.
Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge.
But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me.
I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto
the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and
kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed
a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got
lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was
thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky
and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that
heaven was full and asked for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."
If you’ve heard the pearly gate joke, you might have thought to yourself… “Is this true? When I die will I be standing outside the pearly gates, feet resting upon fluffy clouds, staring face to face at St Peter? Will he ask me hard biblical questions that I won’t know the answers to?” Maybe you haven’t thought of the overarching importance associated with the pearly gate joke before. Well let me enlighten you.
The Pearly Gate Joke was developed in the early 14th century during the papacy of Leo the 10th. It was originally developed to try to make the monks laugh uncontrollably and therefore break their vow of silence. Some key priests who desired to rule different monasteries would target those who were very devout (as well as very quiet) and recite the most famous of Pearly Gate Joke “un dado dei tre uomini e va a cielo” (translated three men die and go to heaven). When the monks broke their vow of silence and laughed uncontrollably, the priests then would report it to big man Leo and begin their process of takeover. Incidentally, it was the malicious use of the pearly gate joke and the need for the church to consider what was happening in this very dark time that led to Luther’s 95 thesis to be created in 1517.
The Pearly gate joke’s biblical context as we know is Matthew 16:13-20. Turn in your bibles please.
13 Now when Jesus came into the parts of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, saying, "Who do men say that I, the Son of Man, am?" 14 They said, "Some say John the Baptizer, some, Elijah, and others, Jeremiah, or one of the prophets." 15 He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?" 16 Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God." 17 Jesus answered him, "Blessed are you, Simon Bar-jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. 18 I also tell you, that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my assembly, and the gates of death will not prevail against it. 19 I will give to you the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven, and whatever you will bind on earth will be bound in heaven; and whatever you will loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."
Now despite the notorious roots stemming from the origin of the pearly gate joke, you will probably be able to see in context how the pearly gate joke got its theology. Here, due to his confession, St. Peter is given the keys to the kingdom of heaven. Now, the evil priests in the early 14th century postulated that if Peter was given (by Jesus) the keys to the pearly gates of the kingdom of heaven, as well as given the authority to bind and loose, he must be the gate keeper. So (they thought) what hilarity will ensue when someone dies and meets old peter up there? The fun never ends. And the jokes have been coming ever since.
We’re a new breed however. Over the ages, like a fine limburger, the evil thought patterns associated with the pearly gate joke have dissipated. And bubbling up to the surface is a fine fragrance of laughter. But like any other tradition, we need to be weary of its roots. We must know truly what Matthew 16 is saying otherwise we could have this tradition trump our thoughts on what these gates and keys are, and what peter has to do with it.
So what is going on in Matt 16? Something very pivotal. Jesus asked the disciples “who do you say I am?”
The only adequate answer to the question put by Jesus was given by Peter in the words “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” Peter knew that Jesus was not just another in the long line of prophets to whom the living God had spoken in many and various ways in the past, but the Son of that living God who knew, as only such a Son could know, the mind and purposes of His Father. Jesus was well aware that this great confession was not made by Peter on the spur of the moment as if he had been ‘stung by the splendor of a sudden thought’. Nor was he voicing a second-hand opinion learned from some other creature of flesh and blood. On the contrary, ever since the day when he stood before Jesus and felt compelled to say ‘Depart from me; for I am a sinful man, O Lord’, and yet in spite of that reluctance had found himself irresistibly led to respond to Jesus’ call and leave his nets and follow Him, during all the time that he had witnessed his Master’s mighty works and listened to the words of eternal life that fell daily from His lips, the living God, the God who acts and intervenes in the affairs of men, had been leading him to see that Jesus was indeed His Son. (Tyndale New Testament Commentary on Matthew)
This is Peter’s confession. And it is this confession that causes a whole host of information and gifts from Jesus. You get to be a part of a church, you get some keys, you get to be able to tell what’s of god and what’s not.
Who do you think Jesus is? Is your confession the same as Peter’s? If it’s not, be honest with yourself why. Is it because you simply don’t see it, or did you have someone’s actions lock you out of the pearly gates?
After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven.
While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the
Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting around were her parents
and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw
her and began calling greetings to her, "Hello! How are you! We've been
waiting for you! Good to see you!"
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful
place! How do I get in?
"You have to spell a word", Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.
"Love."
The woman correctly spelled LOVE and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About three years later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to
watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the
Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman
said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her.
"I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were
ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in
and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the
world. We were on vacation and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski
hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word", the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.
~~
"Czechoslovakia."
Do we have the power to lock the gate? According to the bible our actions can stand in the way of people entering heaven. The evil priests in their desire to control the monasteries in the early 14th century locked people out of the gates. This idea of frauds manipulating and blocking access to the gates of heaven is spoken about in Matthew 23. But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! Because you shut up the Kingdom of Heaven against men; for you don't enter in yourselves, neither do you allow those who are entering in to enter. It then goes on to describe how they do this by concentrating on money in place of charity, dishonesty in the place of honesty, as well as control, and the adherence of rules above mercy and justice.
I ask again: “is your understanding of Jesus based on the messed up nature of someone in the faith?” Have they stiff armed you with the mandate of religious expression, when all you needed was mercy? If this is the case, I’m sorry. Nothing is sadder or more detrimental in its results than the perversion of religion. Like a cancer that moves through ones body taking over and maligning a physical expression of who you are; replacing the charity, the mercy, and the common sense of God’s love with greed, control, and fear is one of the most grievous killers of non, new and old believers alike.
Its no wonder that Jesus with great emphasis said Mt 18:6 "… whoever causes the downfall of one of these little ones who believe in Me--it would be better for him if a heavy millstone were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depths of the sea!" We need our religion to reflect the nature of God for who He is, and who He has revealed himself to be. We can’t have our faith exist to make us feel comfortable. The moment you are not challenged in this house, is the moment that you need to consider if this is the right place for you. Are we enabling you to not express yourself through charity, through mercy, or through love? There’s plenty to do. There are plenty of people around to get to know and love. In fact there are probably some new people that you haven’t told your story to.
That reminds me of a story of a good deed one guy did.
A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven.
There are some criteria before entry is allowed.
For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No?
St. Peter told him that's bad.
Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No?
St. Peter told him that that too was bad.
Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No?
St. Peter was becoming concerned. Exasperated, Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime.
Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"
The man says, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".
"Wow", said Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen"?
"Oh, about 10 minutes ago", replied the man.
Jesus told Peter he is blessed because he knew who he was. And because of that he will get the keys to the kingdom of heaven and be able to see what is of God and what isn’t. (bind and loose) But what are these keys that Jesus talks about here? I have an idea of perhaps what one of these keys is to the gates of heaven. And no, I don’t think it’s just Peter who has them, but anyone who confesses that Jesus is the Christ. One key that I know opens up the heart of eternity… is your story. Your story is something that carries with it great anguish, difficulty, and hardship. The truth and honesty of where you’ve been and where you are and what you’ve learned is something that is truly real. We all live in this world of difficulty. But as you begin to share your story, what you’ve learned, and who you are today, something happens. The person who is interested in your story begins to have knowledge of your journey. There are parts of your story that might be confusing, but there are parts of your story that have the potential to unlock a piece of eternity for that person. Say you have a story about giving, say you have a story of hope, say you have a story that isn’t finished yet but even that tension holds the mystery of the living God.
In your world of death, you have been given a word of life. Your word of life is your key to opening the gates of heaven to those around you. We have the power to stand in the way of these pearly gates or even lock them up so no one can get in. But God is calling us to something different this morning. Not hiding behind religious talk and the need to mold others into our comfort zone, rather, God is calling us to view the world of death that continues to surround us in full honesty. And begin to tell our story of those instances in which we have been rescued, saved, or even seen the fabric of eternity. For it is these words of life that will unlock a glimmering portal to another world: a world that holds context to a loving God who views you in midst of your world of death and says “I will take these dry bones and make them live!”
Incidentally this is the final thought in the core values of the Bridge. “share what we have learned with anyone who is interested.” This goes for us sharing what we do at the bridge with other churches, businesses, and people in general. But my take on it this morning is the only way for us to really get a good picture of who God is and the Kingdom that we’re a part of, we must hear each other’s story. Our story is our key to those ever fabled pearly gates. But your story is not your key, its mine, and when I listen to you, those gates will open that much more.
Thanks for listening. Please stick around and hear someone’s story.
You know how it goes: A minister dies and, resplendent in his clerical collar and colorful robes, waits in line at the Pearly Gates. Just ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Green, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City." Saint Peter consults his list, smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff, and enter into the Kingdom."
So the taxi-driver enters Heaven with his robe and staff, and the minister is next in line. Without being asked, he proclaims, "I am Michael O'Connor, head pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list and says, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the preacher, "that man was a taxi-driver, and you issued him a silken robe and golden staff. But I get wood and cotton. How can this be?"
"Up here, we go by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept -- while he drove, people prayed."
There are biblical truths wrapped up in these jokes people. And this morning I feel like I need to expose the secrets of eternity wrapped up in what we know as the Pearly Gate Joke. Just so you know where I’m coming from:
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day.
Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to
tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today,
and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly
horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife
has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her
red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something
was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy
could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough,
there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground!
By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him,
but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into
my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers.
Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell --
but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay.
I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge
and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly.
But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died
there on the balcony."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full,
and again asks for his story.
"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment
building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony.
Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge.
But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me.
I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto
the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and
kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed
a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got
lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was
thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky
and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that
heaven was full and asked for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."
If you’ve heard the pearly gate joke, you might have thought to yourself… “Is this true? When I die will I be standing outside the pearly gates, feet resting upon fluffy clouds, staring face to face at St Peter? Will he ask me hard biblical questions that I won’t know the answers to?” Maybe you haven’t thought of the overarching importance associated with the pearly gate joke before. Well let me enlighten you.
The Pearly Gate Joke was developed in the early 14th century during the papacy of Leo the 10th. It was originally developed to try to make the monks laugh uncontrollably and therefore break their vow of silence. Some key priests who desired to rule different monasteries would target those who were very devout (as well as very quiet) and recite the most famous of Pearly Gate Joke “un dado dei tre uomini e va a cielo” (translated three men die and go to heaven). When the monks broke their vow of silence and laughed uncontrollably, the priests then would report it to big man Leo and begin their process of takeover. Incidentally, it was the malicious use of the pearly gate joke and the need for the church to consider what was happening in this very dark time that led to Luther’s 95 thesis to be created in 1517.
The Pearly gate joke’s biblical context as we know is Matthew 16:13-20. Turn in your bibles please.
13 Now when Jesus came into the parts of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, saying, "Who do men say that I, the Son of Man, am?" 14 They said, "Some say John the Baptizer, some, Elijah, and others, Jeremiah, or one of the prophets." 15 He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?" 16 Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God." 17 Jesus answered him, "Blessed are you, Simon Bar-jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. 18 I also tell you, that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my assembly, and the gates of death will not prevail against it. 19 I will give to you the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven, and whatever you will bind on earth will be bound in heaven; and whatever you will loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."
Now despite the notorious roots stemming from the origin of the pearly gate joke, you will probably be able to see in context how the pearly gate joke got its theology. Here, due to his confession, St. Peter is given the keys to the kingdom of heaven. Now, the evil priests in the early 14th century postulated that if Peter was given (by Jesus) the keys to the pearly gates of the kingdom of heaven, as well as given the authority to bind and loose, he must be the gate keeper. So (they thought) what hilarity will ensue when someone dies and meets old peter up there? The fun never ends. And the jokes have been coming ever since.
We’re a new breed however. Over the ages, like a fine limburger, the evil thought patterns associated with the pearly gate joke have dissipated. And bubbling up to the surface is a fine fragrance of laughter. But like any other tradition, we need to be weary of its roots. We must know truly what Matthew 16 is saying otherwise we could have this tradition trump our thoughts on what these gates and keys are, and what peter has to do with it.
So what is going on in Matt 16? Something very pivotal. Jesus asked the disciples “who do you say I am?”
The only adequate answer to the question put by Jesus was given by Peter in the words “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” Peter knew that Jesus was not just another in the long line of prophets to whom the living God had spoken in many and various ways in the past, but the Son of that living God who knew, as only such a Son could know, the mind and purposes of His Father. Jesus was well aware that this great confession was not made by Peter on the spur of the moment as if he had been ‘stung by the splendor of a sudden thought’. Nor was he voicing a second-hand opinion learned from some other creature of flesh and blood. On the contrary, ever since the day when he stood before Jesus and felt compelled to say ‘Depart from me; for I am a sinful man, O Lord’, and yet in spite of that reluctance had found himself irresistibly led to respond to Jesus’ call and leave his nets and follow Him, during all the time that he had witnessed his Master’s mighty works and listened to the words of eternal life that fell daily from His lips, the living God, the God who acts and intervenes in the affairs of men, had been leading him to see that Jesus was indeed His Son. (Tyndale New Testament Commentary on Matthew)
This is Peter’s confession. And it is this confession that causes a whole host of information and gifts from Jesus. You get to be a part of a church, you get some keys, you get to be able to tell what’s of god and what’s not.
Who do you think Jesus is? Is your confession the same as Peter’s? If it’s not, be honest with yourself why. Is it because you simply don’t see it, or did you have someone’s actions lock you out of the pearly gates?
After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven.
While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the
Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting around were her parents
and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw
her and began calling greetings to her, "Hello! How are you! We've been
waiting for you! Good to see you!"
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful
place! How do I get in?
"You have to spell a word", Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.
"Love."
The woman correctly spelled LOVE and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About three years later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to
watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the
Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman
said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her.
"I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were
ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in
and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the
world. We were on vacation and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski
hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word", the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.
~~
"Czechoslovakia."
Do we have the power to lock the gate? According to the bible our actions can stand in the way of people entering heaven. The evil priests in their desire to control the monasteries in the early 14th century locked people out of the gates. This idea of frauds manipulating and blocking access to the gates of heaven is spoken about in Matthew 23. But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! Because you shut up the Kingdom of Heaven against men; for you don't enter in yourselves, neither do you allow those who are entering in to enter. It then goes on to describe how they do this by concentrating on money in place of charity, dishonesty in the place of honesty, as well as control, and the adherence of rules above mercy and justice.
I ask again: “is your understanding of Jesus based on the messed up nature of someone in the faith?” Have they stiff armed you with the mandate of religious expression, when all you needed was mercy? If this is the case, I’m sorry. Nothing is sadder or more detrimental in its results than the perversion of religion. Like a cancer that moves through ones body taking over and maligning a physical expression of who you are; replacing the charity, the mercy, and the common sense of God’s love with greed, control, and fear is one of the most grievous killers of non, new and old believers alike.
Its no wonder that Jesus with great emphasis said Mt 18:6 "… whoever causes the downfall of one of these little ones who believe in Me--it would be better for him if a heavy millstone were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depths of the sea!" We need our religion to reflect the nature of God for who He is, and who He has revealed himself to be. We can’t have our faith exist to make us feel comfortable. The moment you are not challenged in this house, is the moment that you need to consider if this is the right place for you. Are we enabling you to not express yourself through charity, through mercy, or through love? There’s plenty to do. There are plenty of people around to get to know and love. In fact there are probably some new people that you haven’t told your story to.
That reminds me of a story of a good deed one guy did.
A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven.
There are some criteria before entry is allowed.
For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No?
St. Peter told him that's bad.
Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No?
St. Peter told him that that too was bad.
Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No?
St. Peter was becoming concerned. Exasperated, Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime.
Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"
The man says, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".
"Wow", said Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen"?
"Oh, about 10 minutes ago", replied the man.
Jesus told Peter he is blessed because he knew who he was. And because of that he will get the keys to the kingdom of heaven and be able to see what is of God and what isn’t. (bind and loose) But what are these keys that Jesus talks about here? I have an idea of perhaps what one of these keys is to the gates of heaven. And no, I don’t think it’s just Peter who has them, but anyone who confesses that Jesus is the Christ. One key that I know opens up the heart of eternity… is your story. Your story is something that carries with it great anguish, difficulty, and hardship. The truth and honesty of where you’ve been and where you are and what you’ve learned is something that is truly real. We all live in this world of difficulty. But as you begin to share your story, what you’ve learned, and who you are today, something happens. The person who is interested in your story begins to have knowledge of your journey. There are parts of your story that might be confusing, but there are parts of your story that have the potential to unlock a piece of eternity for that person. Say you have a story about giving, say you have a story of hope, say you have a story that isn’t finished yet but even that tension holds the mystery of the living God.
In your world of death, you have been given a word of life. Your word of life is your key to opening the gates of heaven to those around you. We have the power to stand in the way of these pearly gates or even lock them up so no one can get in. But God is calling us to something different this morning. Not hiding behind religious talk and the need to mold others into our comfort zone, rather, God is calling us to view the world of death that continues to surround us in full honesty. And begin to tell our story of those instances in which we have been rescued, saved, or even seen the fabric of eternity. For it is these words of life that will unlock a glimmering portal to another world: a world that holds context to a loving God who views you in midst of your world of death and says “I will take these dry bones and make them live!”
Incidentally this is the final thought in the core values of the Bridge. “share what we have learned with anyone who is interested.” This goes for us sharing what we do at the bridge with other churches, businesses, and people in general. But my take on it this morning is the only way for us to really get a good picture of who God is and the Kingdom that we’re a part of, we must hear each other’s story. Our story is our key to those ever fabled pearly gates. But your story is not your key, its mine, and when I listen to you, those gates will open that much more.
Thanks for listening. Please stick around and hear someone’s story.
Thoughts on Adoption
It was around 8:00 on a Sunday night, my sister’s bedtime was at least a half hour more than mine and as I was brushing my teeth she entered into the bathroom… I was 6. We had been fighting all night, various scuttles; a couple spanks and perhaps some Tabasco sauce. As she entered the bathroom, she had a plan. My sister might have seen her next move on a TV show, or perhaps Jennifer Bracken gave her the heads up on how she pulled this one off on her brother. Nevertheless my sister was one who would frequently get my goat psychologically, and was lying in wait for me to be alone and unprepared for what information she was about to disclose.
I knew something was coming so I readied my toothbrush to defend myself because she was always grossed out by a touch on the bare skin with used toothbrush. She carefully approached, to at least be out of toothbrush range, and calmly said. “Mom and dad don’t know that I know this, but heard them talking and I thought that you should know that they were talking about you.”
Responding with a swipe of my toothbrush I said “shut up”
Erin’s dramatic eyes and next words soon let me relax my grip on the toothbrush. She said “it’s totally intense… you probably wouldn’t be able to handle it anyway.” She began to leave the bathroom. Intrigued, I said “shut up, I totally can.”
At which she knew she had me poised for the turmoil she was about to unleash. “I heard them talking and it turns out… your adopted.”
Immediately my tooth brush bristled as I began chasing her with resolve to make her pay for those words. “Shut up, you lie!” As she dodged the toothbrush with alacrity she would continue to dispel my sloughing off of the illegitimacy of my true birthright. My mom, done with our fighting sent both of us to bed at the same time. As she was kissing me goodnight I thought to myself “Is it true… am I adopted…” I tossed and turned all night thinking about how I was going to get a hold of my real parents and how “It’s a Hard Knock Life.”
And sure enough it was for my sister when my parents found out what she did. She totally got the tomorrow spanked out of her. But within those two weeks of keeping that information to myself, I wondered who my real parents were and why they had abandoned me. I looked out the window and sang about my possible parents “maybe he’s rich, maybe she’s poor, maybe she’s walking 82ed as a …” you know just speculating as you would. And there were a couple thoughts that were eating me up inside. If I’m adopted I really don’t belong to my parents. I don’t have that birthright card to play. There is only choice and commitment that separates me from them. If they were to choose not to be my parents anymore I wouldn’t be able to contest it by saying… “But I’m your son.”
So I’ve decided on this rainy Sunday to decide to put you guys through all this pain as well. “How?” do you say? By telling you all that you are adopted.
Now I know that some of you might be, and to you this won’t come as a large issue. You’ve already dealt with the initial shock of it all and you’re pretty much over it except for some minor issues that require two or three weeks of counseling. But for the rest of you, my guess is you’re going through the denial phase. “I’m not adopted” you say to yourself.
And a lot of people when they hear the statement “child of God” say, “yeah I’m a child of God, you’re a child of God” what’s the big deal God loves us as his children. Jesus said “let the little ones come to me.” I’m a little child of God. Now in this statement it is semantically true. But if you consider yourself a follower of Jesus I’m here to tell you that you are an “adopted” child of God. You don’t pop out of the womb and automatically get deemed a Child of God. No every person pop’s out of the womb with a red wig on and a dog named Sandy.
So why is this? Let’s take a look at the actual parent… who’s your spiritual daddy? Well it’s God. Now I know here at the bridge the actual fear of God is somewhat relaxed because of our own sense of humor and possible abuse that the church in general has relegated. But in all reality God is holy… Not as in the Swiss cheese. But as in completely set apart and unto himself. i.e. God is separated from all other beings by his infinite perfections, by his being, wisdom, power, justice, goodness, and truth. Now… let’s look at you, are you holy.
I think now were entering the depression stage. Where you’re starting to put 2 and 2 together and you’re starting to realize that you might not be a spirological offspring of God. You might be thinking to yourself, I thought I had this connection with God. I thought we were like this, I thought I was his child. And now there’s kind of a sense of illegitimacy with it. You now are seeing that your traits are not similar. Your red hair doesn’t have anything to do with traits that God has. You have no connection with God besides choice.
Now let’s bring something into the mix. Lets bring in Jesus. Now all of the sudden it makes all of the sense in the world when you hear “only begotten son.” Why? Because Jesus is one of a kind. According to the bible Jesus while he was on earth was holy… set apart, separated from all other beings by his infinite perfections, by his being, wisdom, power, justice, goodness, and truth. Sound familiar? Hmm. Plus you have the whole dove coming down situation at the baptism and the whole transfiguration thing.
OK I don’t know about you but I believe we’ve entered the anger stage. Maybe you can be a little pissed that you don’t have the traits of God. That you’re not going around coming up with clever banter to put to rest those religious elite, or angry that you have to go about your life buying your food rather than simply borrowing a lunch and feeding those around you. But at least you don’t have to die on a cross.
This really is my point. Since most Christians ascribe to monotheism. The spirological son of God is God Himself. And when you look at what Jesus did on the Cross… the son of god offers his own death for the non-holiness of those that would be then adopted children of god. We receive our papers through faith in Christ. In response to the grace that God put forth through Jesus, we are restored to that communion with God . We are a part of the family.
Now maybe your there at the acceptance phase. As I say to you as your brother … “you’re adopted” maybe you can see now that fong ago before the foundations of the universe were put in place, God had a plan. It was to have kids. Before the foundations of the world were set up he knew you, saw you, and wanted you as his kid. As a result God sent himself (Jesus) as the on earth brother representation and embodiment of God and Man to take our place so that we can be with him.
The author of Ephesians writes:
I believe that if we just haphazardly use the term Child of God without really understanding the love that God put into making us into that we’re missing the entire bag. It’s like watching Annie without the singing and dancing. The magic is gone.
Incidentally, we have been speaking on the core values of the bridge. You’ve heard about worship, equality for women, and this week I was sapposed to talk on the core value of ours “offering tools for true life healing based on God’s love and acceptance.”
So let me end with this idea. When we realize what God has done in his Son Jesus, we can begin to see how much God loves us and has gone out of his way to accept us. By us making this mental ascent, we begin the road that the holy spirit takes us in making us more like Jesus and thus having true life healing.
I knew something was coming so I readied my toothbrush to defend myself because she was always grossed out by a touch on the bare skin with used toothbrush. She carefully approached, to at least be out of toothbrush range, and calmly said. “Mom and dad don’t know that I know this, but heard them talking and I thought that you should know that they were talking about you.”
Responding with a swipe of my toothbrush I said “shut up”
Erin’s dramatic eyes and next words soon let me relax my grip on the toothbrush. She said “it’s totally intense… you probably wouldn’t be able to handle it anyway.” She began to leave the bathroom. Intrigued, I said “shut up, I totally can.”
At which she knew she had me poised for the turmoil she was about to unleash. “I heard them talking and it turns out… your adopted.”
Immediately my tooth brush bristled as I began chasing her with resolve to make her pay for those words. “Shut up, you lie!” As she dodged the toothbrush with alacrity she would continue to dispel my sloughing off of the illegitimacy of my true birthright. My mom, done with our fighting sent both of us to bed at the same time. As she was kissing me goodnight I thought to myself “Is it true… am I adopted…” I tossed and turned all night thinking about how I was going to get a hold of my real parents and how “It’s a Hard Knock Life.”
And sure enough it was for my sister when my parents found out what she did. She totally got the tomorrow spanked out of her. But within those two weeks of keeping that information to myself, I wondered who my real parents were and why they had abandoned me. I looked out the window and sang about my possible parents “maybe he’s rich, maybe she’s poor, maybe she’s walking 82ed as a …” you know just speculating as you would. And there were a couple thoughts that were eating me up inside. If I’m adopted I really don’t belong to my parents. I don’t have that birthright card to play. There is only choice and commitment that separates me from them. If they were to choose not to be my parents anymore I wouldn’t be able to contest it by saying… “But I’m your son.”
So I’ve decided on this rainy Sunday to decide to put you guys through all this pain as well. “How?” do you say? By telling you all that you are adopted.
Now I know that some of you might be, and to you this won’t come as a large issue. You’ve already dealt with the initial shock of it all and you’re pretty much over it except for some minor issues that require two or three weeks of counseling. But for the rest of you, my guess is you’re going through the denial phase. “I’m not adopted” you say to yourself.
And a lot of people when they hear the statement “child of God” say, “yeah I’m a child of God, you’re a child of God” what’s the big deal God loves us as his children. Jesus said “let the little ones come to me.” I’m a little child of God. Now in this statement it is semantically true. But if you consider yourself a follower of Jesus I’m here to tell you that you are an “adopted” child of God. You don’t pop out of the womb and automatically get deemed a Child of God. No every person pop’s out of the womb with a red wig on and a dog named Sandy.
So why is this? Let’s take a look at the actual parent… who’s your spiritual daddy? Well it’s God. Now I know here at the bridge the actual fear of God is somewhat relaxed because of our own sense of humor and possible abuse that the church in general has relegated. But in all reality God is holy… Not as in the Swiss cheese. But as in completely set apart and unto himself. i.e. God is separated from all other beings by his infinite perfections, by his being, wisdom, power, justice, goodness, and truth. Now… let’s look at you, are you holy.
I think now were entering the depression stage. Where you’re starting to put 2 and 2 together and you’re starting to realize that you might not be a spirological offspring of God. You might be thinking to yourself, I thought I had this connection with God. I thought we were like this, I thought I was his child. And now there’s kind of a sense of illegitimacy with it. You now are seeing that your traits are not similar. Your red hair doesn’t have anything to do with traits that God has. You have no connection with God besides choice.
Now let’s bring something into the mix. Lets bring in Jesus. Now all of the sudden it makes all of the sense in the world when you hear “only begotten son.” Why? Because Jesus is one of a kind. According to the bible Jesus while he was on earth was holy… set apart, separated from all other beings by his infinite perfections, by his being, wisdom, power, justice, goodness, and truth. Sound familiar? Hmm. Plus you have the whole dove coming down situation at the baptism and the whole transfiguration thing.
OK I don’t know about you but I believe we’ve entered the anger stage. Maybe you can be a little pissed that you don’t have the traits of God. That you’re not going around coming up with clever banter to put to rest those religious elite, or angry that you have to go about your life buying your food rather than simply borrowing a lunch and feeding those around you. But at least you don’t have to die on a cross.
This really is my point. Since most Christians ascribe to monotheism. The spirological son of God is God Himself. And when you look at what Jesus did on the Cross… the son of god offers his own death for the non-holiness of those that would be then adopted children of god. We receive our papers through faith in Christ. In response to the grace that God put forth through Jesus, we are restored to that communion with God . We are a part of the family.
Now maybe your there at the acceptance phase. As I say to you as your brother … “you’re adopted” maybe you can see now that fong ago before the foundations of the universe were put in place, God had a plan. It was to have kids. Before the foundations of the world were set up he knew you, saw you, and wanted you as his kid. As a result God sent himself (Jesus) as the on earth brother representation and embodiment of God and Man to take our place so that we can be with him.
The author of Ephesians writes:
I believe that if we just haphazardly use the term Child of God without really understanding the love that God put into making us into that we’re missing the entire bag. It’s like watching Annie without the singing and dancing. The magic is gone.
Incidentally, we have been speaking on the core values of the bridge. You’ve heard about worship, equality for women, and this week I was sapposed to talk on the core value of ours “offering tools for true life healing based on God’s love and acceptance.”
So let me end with this idea. When we realize what God has done in his Son Jesus, we can begin to see how much God loves us and has gone out of his way to accept us. By us making this mental ascent, we begin the road that the holy spirit takes us in making us more like Jesus and thus having true life healing.
The Retarded Message: Aftermath
On a serious note: last week I utilized the word retarded in my talk quite a bit. I realize it is a controversial term that carries with it many meanings and applications, but specifically the word is derogatory in nature. And because of the nature of what I was talking about, it was by design that I used it. I do want to acknowledge though, that there were people in this congregation that were deeply disturbed or hurt by my choice of wording. And for that I’m sorry.
The Retarded Message
It was a dark and stormy noontime. Rain was pouring outside the brick elementary school. I was in fourth grade doing an excellent job tormenting my teacher Mr. Sealy by calling him Mr. Walrus. We has just finished lunch and Kevin Gregory and I were about to enjoy our “inside day” by playing doggie dog in Mr. Joy’s Gym. But first, we stopped in the bathroom to relieve some of the excess Capri-sun from our bladders. As we were about to leave, something so terrifying happened: Freddy entered the bathroom. Not killer slice you up Freddy from the boiler room, but retarded Freddy from special ed. Somehow Freddy, who had severe cerebral palsy, had gotten away from the special ed teacher and decided to go to the bathroom. Now in retrospect I realize that I wasn’t in any real danger, however when you’re 9 and a guy is coming at you with no supervision drooling, limping, and making the ahhhhh noise, you really have nothing left to do but scream and run for your life. Now so you know, screaming and running for your life has a tendency to aggravate someone with severe cerebral palsy. Which essentially made Freddy start running after both Kevin and I. So there we were, running in the 10x10 boy’s bathroom both screaming and trying our best to juke the very agile handicapped boy. Finally, we managed to find an opening in the chaos and dart to our safety out the door and around the corner. With a deep breath we realized what just happened and proceeded to burst into laughter. From then on, because of the events of that day, our hearts would beat a little faster when entering the bathroom on inside days. And even though those events would never be repeated again, the sheer exhilaration of that day compelled me to continuing to enter the bathroom on inside days.
And to this day I am still invigorated by viewing the retarded. Now I don’t necessarily actually mean people with cerebral palsy, in fact, people with that disability aren’t as amusing to me any more. The retarded that I’m talking about is brilliantly messed up. I’m talking Jerry Springer type of shit. You know flip on the television and watch someone who has a lot more personal issues then you. It just does something to make me feel better about myself. I watch that and go; whoa I thought I had problems.
And I do… In fact, I pay someone to listen to my problems. And if I really took a good step back, I could make the case that if I televised my life, it could possibly make someone else feel better about themselves. They might say to their friends, “Dude did you see what that retard Geoff did last night… oh my god I thought I had problems.”
I don’t think that me saying that is self deprecation (OH whoa is me, I’m going to go flog myself), rather I think it is pretty realistic. I am a retard (basically, in the brilliantly messed up sense I’m a retard), and despite my tone of voice, I’m not necessarily OK with that. I don’t want to be a retard, but nobody wants to be a retard. The sheer fact that I’m using the demeaning term “retard” other then the safer more ok words “someone with problems.” Shows you that I’m not OK being a retard. I’m going to counseling so I can be less of a retard. Do you guys know where I’m going with this? What if I wasn’t going anywhere… how retarded would that be.
I am going somewhere. This church is a very special place. And when I say special, I mean retarded. GASP! Oh yes the church community by nature is retarded. And I’m not just talking about the bridge where we’re called to the disenfranchised; in fact we might be more realistic about the fact that we’re retarded then our friends in the suburbs. Because it’s more readily viewable, we can’t necessarily hide it as easily. But nevertheless, if you’re a part of a church community, just by going on a regular basis, you will begin to find out how retarded it actually is. Oh I know that the catholic church has gone to great lengths to elevate the mind towards heaven by the beautiful architecture, and wonderful liturgy and beautiful mass, but the community is as Jerry Springer as the rest of us.
Why is that? Shouldn’t the church be the ultimate place of solace and community. Shouldn’t people who “have Christ” be the penultimate people that do perfect things? Shouldn’t God make the church a beautiful example for the rest of the world of what community is supposed to be? Why is it that the PTA has far less problems then the church with the same people involved? I don’t know could it be Satan…
Maybe in some special circumstances, but I would say normally probably not. I would love to attribute our retardedness to someone or something that is causing us to be retarded. But the fact is, the reason why there is a sense of dissatisfaction with the church, wherever you go is because to be in community means that you have to deal with people. And people…in general…are retarded. They don’t want to be retarded, but they are.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer was an underground seminary builder that was killed by the Gestapo in Germany 1945. From a German jail he writes some interesting incites about life together as a Christian fellowship.
“We would love to believe a dream of perfection in community. Coming into a church, the serious Christian is likely to bring with him the very definite idea of what Christian life together should be and try to realize it. But God’s grace speedily shatters such dreams just as surely as God desires to lead us to a knowledge of genuine Christian fellowship, so surely must we be overwhelmed by a great disillusionment with others, with Christians in general, and, if we are fortunate ourselves.”
Are you tired of those around you being absolutely retarded? Bonhoeffer says it’s by the grace of God that you get pissed with community, with Christians, and whooo if your lucky even yourself.
What does that disillusionment look like… Well it looks like drama, hardship, problems, getting thrown in jail, has anyone ever felt like their plate was full, or they didn’t want to deal with the bullshit of people any more. Hmm its nothing new… there was this guy Paul who felt the same way in the early first century.
II cor 11:25 I've worked much harder, been jailed more often, beaten up more times than I can count, and at death's door time after time. I've been flogged five times with the Jews' thirty-nine lashes, beaten by Roman rods three times, pummeled with rocks once. I've been shipwrecked three times, and immersed in the open sea for a night and a day. In hard traveling year in and year out, I've had to ford rivers, fend off robbers, struggle with friends, struggle with foes. I've been at risk in the city, at risk in the country, endangered by desert sun and sea storm, and betrayed by those I thought were my brothers. I've known drudgery and hard labor, many a long and lonely night without sleep, many a missed meal, blasted by the cold, naked to the weather.
And that's not the half of it, when you throw in the daily pressures and anxieties of all the churches. When someone gets to the end of his rope, I feel the desperation in my bones. When someone is duped into sin, an angry fire burns in my gut.
If that stuff wasn’t enough…12:7 …I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size--abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
Whoo what a gift… Paul thinks of his weakness as a gift… are you seeing how being a Christian can make you retarded? Bonhoeffer says a little more about this:
By sheer grace, God will not permit us to live even for a brief period in a dream world. He does not abandon us to those rapturous experiences and lofty moods that come over us like a dream. God is not a God of emotions but a God of truth. Only that fellowship which faces such disillusionment, with all its unhappy and ugly aspects, begins to be what it should be in God’s sight, begins to grasp in faith the promise that is given to it.
Supposedly it is by God’s design that drama occurs in the church. Thanks God. Why is that? What sort of benefit is there to having a community that rivals the Jerry Springer show?
First of all it seems to be one of the main idioms of the Christian faith. Perhaps you’ve heard about it in another setting.
21But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement,[i] through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished– 26he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.
All people are retarded and aren’t perfect, and God made a way for us not to be
Or another one would be:
6You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
While we were still retarded God looked past that and decided to do something about it because he loves you.
Because there was one of us that wasn’t retarded. One by God’s design who by him we might live. One, that by having faith will start to cut through the fact that people piss you off. One, in which this entire community is based. Jesus Christ.
Oh you can try to look past all of the retarded people that go to church here, and out of your own soul decide to love them. And maybe you’ll do an excellent job, for a time. But soon you’ll wear thin, and someone will get your goat, and in that instant, the community will be over for you.
I hate to break it to y’all but this isn’t an ideal community, but a divine reality. And it is only in existence because of Jesus Christ. We are here, able to not erupt into complete and total chaos because of Jesus. If I wasn’t talking about Jesus… I wouldn’t be here.
And that weakness that Paul talks about… That retarded gift that he was so cleverly given by Satan’s angel…he does actually view as a gift. Why? Because it shows him how much grace God has for him.
And as he gets rocks thrown at him, and as people in the church badmouth him because he’s not qualified, or simply talk behind his back… he doesn’t necessarily take it and go OOOOH peace of Christ go with you. You look at the letters Paul writes in the New Testament and you will see that Paul is as pissed at the Jerry Springer Church of the first century as we are. He believes and so do I that the grace of God is not something to take liberties with in your community. Nobody likes a retarded community. So he did something about it.
We shouldn’t let the grace of God give us an excuse for poor behavior. If I said I’m OK with you hurting me in any way, I would be even more retarded then what I claim to be. The moment that I’m OK with myself or others being extremely messed up is the moment I’ve given up. It is an effective response not to want to be retarded, and it is an effective response to feel dissatisfied with people that are retarded. It is self preservation to escape, change, manipulate, and hate when drama is happening. It is also by design that that drama will happen in the church. Maybe you didn’t know this when you signed up to be a part of the Lords army, but the ranks are rank. Because it is by design that you look through Jesus’ eyes in order to provide the answer to living life together.
Right here is the point where spiritual love begins. This is why human love becomes personal hatred when it encounters genuine spiritual love, which does not desire but serves. Human love makes itself an end in itself. It creates of itself an end, an idol which it worships, to which it must subject everything. It nurses and cultivates an ideal, it loves itself, and nothing else in this world. Spiritual love, however, comes from Jesus Christ, it serves him alone; it knows that it has no immediate access to other persons…essentially Man’s love is contingent on its own agenda, and God’s love is.
What is spiritual love? It is to view the other through the eyes of Christ. One fraction of my own retardedness is the fact that I’m being pre-emptive in telling you that I am retarded so that you might think that I’m less retarded then I actually am. And therefore, you might like me. But you see, by me covering up my retardedness, I do myself and you a disservice. I do myself a disservice because I have to keep up appearances of not being as retarded as I actually am, and I don’t have the opportunity to better myself, I simply push it away. And I do you a disservice by not getting to know me for who I really am, and more importantly you have no ability to utilize your faith in Jesus to stay in relationship with me once you see that man behind the curtain.
If we rely on mans love to keep this church together, we will become a church of bitter self involved pretentious dreamers that only hold to an ideal that is simply a pipedream. Our song of friendship will be contingent on what people do for us and as we get to know them better this is what we will sing.
You are my friend you’re retarded,
You are my friend you’re retarded to me
But let’s look up. Let’s have the true reason why we’re here resonate within our souls so that we can truly live life together as God intended us. Through the eyeglasses of Christ we might be able to have a smidge of the God given grace of being for our community. And as a result we might be able to truly sing from who we are:
You are my friend
You are special
You are my friend
You're special to me.
You are the only one like you.
Like you, my friend, I like you.
In the daytime
In the nighttime
Any time that you feel's the right time
For a friendship with me, you see F-R-I-E-N-D special
You are my friend
You're special to me.
There's only one in this wonderful world
You are special.
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