There and Back in 9 hours

Doctrines… how do you feel when I talk to you about doctrines. Do you feel empowered and lovely inside when I state to you the lovely word “doctrines”. I’m not too fond of the word either. It reminds me of a catholic church that burns its heretics. Perhaps it should because in the past that is what happened to those who didn’t adhere to doctrines.

What about the word love. When I say the word love what do you think of. I’d have to say like you I am much more fond of the word love then I am with doctrines.

I’ve been into love lately. Love your neighbor, love yourself, love your God. And it’s fun to think about love cause its spring. Love is in the air, and it’s nice to consider the new blossoms of the trees with love. Bluebirds making nests. It’s very Disney outside. Almost Easter and everything is speaking of new life.

Speaking of new life my sister in law went into labor last night. It’s been a long night as she still is in labor. Well, to pass the time I decided to listen to an audio book that I got for my birthday: CS Lewis the problem with pain. The weird thing is that my time spent was not enjoyable. I thought I’d sit back while I wait and feel enlightened. I thought I’d maybe get something to add to my already fun jig like message about the Providence of God in light of day before entitled “the Luck of the Lord”. But as I listened to the well spoken British know it all, my relaxation turned to stiffness. As I listened, I heard about pain, not pain that you get cut shaving with but that of the anguish of people, the general pain people go through by living on earth. CS Lewis in this book answers the question “why does a God allow pain?” I don’t usually like hearing about suffering, so to hear theological underpinnings on why it must exist wasn’t really my bag. Still I listened, and as I listened I found myself not liking it even more. Here CS Lewis writes about the depravity of man, the understanding that all of us are awful. An interesting note that he adds is that perhaps we don’t have total depravity as if we had no semblance of good in us we may not even recognize the need for a savior. I’m not a big fan of sin, or talking about sin or even the talk of needing a savior. It sometimes seems out of touch but then the next part really twisted me up. CS Lewis talks about hell. Oh weee hell. Gotta love it one of my most favorite subject (notice my sarcasm much?). A Doctrine CS says that he would love to throw into the incinerator, yet can’t. and he goes on and on about why there needs to be a hell.

After listening to the book I found myself in knots. “ hey you guys, lets talk about a whole bunch of topics that I don’t like all at once! And lets talk about them in well spoken English that is well crafted and very logical.” I had a whole bunch of yuck on me and I personally was having a hard time really even agreeing with anything the book said. All I heard were doctrines doctrines doctrines. I had to look up doctrines to even know what that was: A principle or body of principles presented for acceptance or belief, as by a religious, political, scientific, or philosophic group; dogma. A rule or principle of law, especially when established by precedent. A statement of official government policy, especially in foreign affairs and military strategy. Something taught; a teaching. So the teaching I was getting: pain… the teaching: you are gross… the teaching: hell.

No wonder the word doctrine pisses me off. It seems as though the word doctrine is affiliated with concepts that make you out to be an asshole. Find a topic that causes unrest in your soul it will probably be referred to as a doctrine. YAAAAY!!!

So After my little bout with CS I hung out longer at the hospital. Tried to debrief and hang with family. I ended up having to leave to get some rest so that I could wake up and finish what I was talking to you guys about today. I was going to be clever with clover and witty with rainbows and talk of shamrocks and the providence of God or in light of St Patrick’s day “the Luck of the Lord.” Talk about weird things like in chronicles where a bad king dies because of the luck of some guy with a stray arrow. How those who consider themselves lucky find themselves thanking God they weren’t killed in a bank robbery, rather than those who don’t simply see it as a disaster. I was going to talk to you about the mindset Paul employs who trusts his intuition and sees his Jailing as a benefit for his cause. But when I woke up I realized that I was not going to talk Limericks of the Lord.

What happened? Well this morning I had a very odd situation happen. I had something happen that has never happened to me. This morning I woke up with no faith. I guess it wasn’t all gone, just the Christ part. I had no faith in Christ. It was kind of disturbing. Not only because it had never happened before, but because I was going to preach in 9 hours. Luckily not all my faith was gone. I quickly prayed “um…what’s going on? What happened? I’m going to be talking to a Christian Church in 9 hours about Jesus, and how am I going to do that without believing in him?” Luckily, though this scenario was not common, the emergency nature of Sunday morning preaching is somewhat something I can count on. Alright God you have 9 hours to restore my faith in Christ and come up with something interesting to say about it.

So I guess 4 hours is enough time to shut off your faith. Perhaps I wasn’t paying the Jesus meter. Maybe there is an angel with a clipboard and a can of dog mace that comes and shuts off the Jesus gas. I do think that the stuff that spurred it off was those damn doctrines. The teachings. The hard things that I didn’t want to hear about. That I didn’t want to look at. I couldn’t say for sure, but I know that those concepts were yucky.

Like I told you earlier those things didn’t talk about love, they talked of judgment, pain, brokenness and just seemed out of touch. I woke up this morning and said: God, I’m not sure I believe in the whole Jesus thing. The whole I’m terrible thing. The whole son of God thing dying because I was bad thing. Cause I don’t feel all that bad. I’m a pretty good guy. I’m nice, I pray for people, I tithe, I do all the things a pastor should (except for the believing in Jesus part)… I’m into the God loves me thing. I’m into the Idea of God loving me so much that he sent his son thing. But the dying on the cross thing. Was that really necessary if he loves me?

I think this was where I was: my idea of love was blocking out my acceptance of that love.
I needed to start somewhere, so I did. I asked God to guide me and a scripture came into my mind “one thing I know is Christ and him crucified” Whether it was a song or if it was the scripture from Paul I had to grapple with one image. A person Dead on a Cross, and alive 3 days later. For the time being I threw out the doctrines that were causing me so much issue and I focused on that image. Christ and him crucified. What did it mean? Why did it exist? I soon remembered the parable jesus told.

Luke 7:41-42 "Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?"

I saw that in order for the cross to mean anything it meant that it was paying some sort of debt. This debt was acquired by me… no matter how good or how great I have been, I still need grace. The cross is right there in front of me either meaning the torture of some dude, or it means grace. Grace for stuff that I have done. I may not like it I may not even want to look at it. But that cross does mean something. I can’t take the cross to mean love if I can’t recognize that I need for that love. The cross is empty of love if I have no sin. So there I was at a crossroads. Serving a God of love, but not believing in his actions of love. I wanted so much to believe in my God of love, yet Id do anything to get away from the teachings of my own need of that love. Apparently I’d even not believe in his only son; the historical stamp of his answer for me. I would rather believe that jesus was just an enlightened man who had a lot of good stuff to say… who was misunderstood… who died at the hands of those who misunderstood him, rather than admit that I needed a savior. Anything Instead of a savior of my soul!

We’ve been going through first John and John has been talking of love and I have loved it. Loved him talking of love. Major insights have come through about my God’s love. As I was reading this morning our next scripture in 1st John he says this:
1 John 4:1-3 Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.
Dear Friends… John has been plugging through about how you see that people from god…their love. That is their nature. Because they have the nature of their father. But in this scripture he says STOP… I’ve been talking about love love love. Who can argue with love? No one. And he realizes that many people will play this love card. You hear it all over. It’s very easy to say. But John gives us something that can test these spirits. John has something that can test a teacher. He says that any spirit or any teacher that acknowledges Jesus is the savior from God you should listen to. But those who say otherwise are giving you something other than a savior. An Anti-christ is another-savior. Something else.

I wanted something other than a savior. Cause all I wanted was love. Yet really, the only way that I could receive that love is to have a savior. This placed me in humility once again before my God. I don’t know if it really happened. But I guess this morning I was born again … again.
I may continue to struggle with all of the “teachings or doctrines” but the cross will continue to do its work. I do know that I need Jesus. I know that I do know that Jesus is the Christ came in the flesh and is from God. I do know he died for my sins and rose again. I don’t have to like those aspects because no one ever does. But the reality is I do cherish the love and mercy he gives me every day.

I wanted to make my love… god. Rather than serving a God that is love. So today, what I want to say to you is not all ways lead to righteousness. In fact most ways don’t. Some ways would want you to lose your edge. Some ways would want you to focus on love. Love, how can that be bad Geoff, to focus on love is exactly what God is asking of us. Yes but are you focusing on love being your god. Is your striving asking you to serve love, do love, be love, find love. John is saying stop everything. Love is not God. God is love. The distinction is made. The nature is housed in the almighty, not the other around. John is stating that you have no source for your love except from that of the father. You have no rights to love apart from Christ. Some of you have been hoodwinked by very clever teachers and spirits out there that bring you in with fine words of love. I have heard them, taken in their game and enjoyed their merriment with my mind. John is saying stop everything. Look at the thing you are worshiping. Is it something instead of Christ; Your antichrist? Lay it down. Be born again…again. And begin seeing that Jesus is that love you have wanted all along.