The Honeymoon Bubble

According to a report released by the state Department of Health, a Rhode Island surgeon recently operated on the wrong side of a patient's brain. The man was hospitalized in order to undergo a procedure to drain blood from his brain. Health officials say a CT scan image was improperly placed on an x-ray viewing box, leading the surgeon to believe the left side of the man's brain required surgery instead of the right. The surgeon discovered the error when he drilled holes in the left side of the man's skull and found no internal bleeding. The procedure was correctly repeated on the opposite side of the patient's head.

Its father’s day and every father’s day I tend to have my mind wander to an odd medical situation known as Wrong side surgery. Although it sounds almost comical, wrong side surgery is an unfortunate reality for far too many people throughout the United States. Careless surgeons have amputated the wrong leg, performed a mastectomy on the wrong breast, operated on the wrong knee, and even conducted brain surgery on the wrong side of the brain. I don’t know about you, and I’m not sure if you can understand my preoccupation, but you see my dad at one point almost had himself his own Wrong side surgery.

3 times the people asked my dad how his right leg was doing, it was his left that needed surgery... after the third time the nurse made the mistake, fed up, he demanded that the nurse find a sharpee pen. One hour before going under he wrote on his left leg "THIS IS THE LEG" and on the right one "If you operate on this leg I will sue you." You see My dad was a lawyer.

Growing up it was hard having a lawyer for a dad,
Your friends begin to be careful with you as to not get sued. My friend Timory got a motorcycle, and my dad took Timory aside and told her “you realize if you kill my son on that motorcycle I’ll sue your parents.” Yeah…so…I never got to ride the bike. I did however hold on with rollerblades on. Somehow that was different.

It was weird what it did to my psychy… I felt like superman: I’d fly into the family room from after school, and get ready my bulletproof dad. “Dad Lets sue the school for million for detention being dirty… its really dirty… I bet if I licked the floor I’d be completely sick… we’d make millions.”

But it still was hard. I remember one day despite my lack of blood sugar this didn’t stop my dad from crossexamining me as he gave me a ride home.
How was your day
Fine
What did you do
Nothing
You’re honor if I may approach he must have done something today…
My mom would act judge “answer the question Geoffrey.”
Went to school.

Nowadays despite the pains of my childhood, its actually nice to have a dad for a lawyer. Why… Protection. My dad is wired as a lawyer. He’s interested in the best possible way to keep you out of the most amount of trouble. This is good for me. Because he totally has protected me from punkasses. I’m a protected man.

I personally had my protection popped this week. I created this space between me and the world and I called it “the honeymoon bubble” I left my little honeymoon bubble this week and began working again. Back to the grindstone! I could have stayed in my honeymoon bubble forever … like a calgon bath… The honeymoon was good … real good. Nice to take a rest and spend it with Crystal… So Amazing. Problem is I’m not independently wealthy…so life has brought me back to reality.

So here I am back to reality, Back in church, and out of the honeymoon protection bubble, I probably still am protected as much as I can be from punkasses. BUT back in life noetheless.

Life… that’s really what you guys want to know about on this father’s day… right? You came to church…. You want to know about life. Specifically… I think I’m hearing a little of your hearts and I think you want to know a little about eternal life. Am I right?

Well… Like my dad… there was this lawyer that wanted some protection. He wanted some protection in the world beyond. And like you…he had a question that many of you you Luke 10:25-37… "Teacher, what do I need to do to get eternal life?"
Jesus answered, "What's written in God's Law? How do you interpret it?"

He said, "That you love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and muscle and intelligence—and that you love your neighbor as well as you do yourself."

"Good answer!" said Jesus. "Do it and you'll live."

Looking for a loophole, he asked, "And just how would you define 'neighbor'?"

Jesus answered by telling a story. "There was once a man traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho. On the way he was attacked by robbers. (Jerusalem to Jericho was a distance of nineteen miles northeast, a deep and very fertile hollow. The road, being rocky and desolate, was a notorious haunt of robbers, then and for ages after, and even to this day. There was once a man sent down from Jerusalem and fell among thieves) They took his clothes, beat him up, and went off leaving him half-dead. (Jericho, the second city of Judea, was a city of the priests and Levites, and thousands of them lived there. The two here mentioned are supposed, apparently, to be returning from temple duties) Luckily, a priest was on his way down the same road, but when he saw him he angled across to the other side. Then a Levite religious man showed up; he also avoided the injured man.

A Samaritan (A Samaritan was one excommunicated by the Jews, a byword among them, synonymous with heretic and devil, so someone that wasn’t anywhere close to a believer, not in the church.) traveling the road came on him. When he saw the man's condition, his heart went out to him. He gave him first aid, disinfecting and bandaging his wounds. Then he lifted him onto his donkey, led him to an inn, and made him comfortable. In the morning he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, 'Take good care of him. If it costs any more, put it on my bill—I'll pay you on my way back.'

"What do you think? Which of the three became a neighbor to the man attacked by robbers?"

"The one who treated him kindly," the religion scholar responded.

Jesus said, "Go and do the same."

The lawyer wanted protection. What was that protection? He wanted assurance that he would have eternal life. Jesus said the only protection that you’ll find is in love. And THAT may look entirely different than your books have taught you.

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I feel as a church we are moving to a new place in our minds. A place that isn’t like church as we know it. Or maybe it’s what church is supposed to be. The idea is that church… isn’t Sunday, church isn’t music, it isn’t me talking, it isn’t the food we eat after. Church is us. Us, living out our lives, and Sunday is just a time to come together to recharge, renew, and love each other in this ‘show’ type of way.

We are not a show. Our faith is not a show. Our religion is not a show. But somehow we have learned, and been trained that church IS a show. Sunday morning… we pay admission with our tithe, and get our 2.5 hours of spirit. Get a good concert, maybe some amazing art or poetry, definitely an amazing message (wink), and top it off with a free lunch and coffee. We have learned that in order to really be “effective” in church we must hold the microphone. Or be versatile at the guitar. Or even as advanced as we are, be a great dancer, poet or artist. Our Sunday morning is a recharge for us. A day where we can refocus our energies on the goodness of God, worship Him, and definitely feel amazing about the grace we have in Jesus Christ. But a recharge for what?

Sunday morning should be your recharge. You should come in here and let the Holy Spirit wash over you. You should rejoice with your friends and family here in the wonderful things. You SHOULD enjoy the show. Pray for people in the sad things. Be free to express yourself in worship towards God, with all of the ways and emotions that God draws us into. But don’t let this day go in vein. Don’t let this “show” go in vein. Use it for what it’s meant for: A springboard into your life. To inspire you to really do the things that God is calling you to. What is he calling you to do? Participate in Life!

Life … ahhhh life. Wouldn’t it be great if our life didn’t have beat up strangers on the road. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we just could live in our little honeymoon bubble forever? No one bothering us; no one taking their toll on us; us, just going on our merry way to Jericho. No interruptions along the path.

We would love to station guards on the path to Jericho, so that no one gets robbed, and no one needs to bother with tending to people’s wounds. The robbers would go to jail, and the guards would keep things nice, so that we all could continue on our way to the temple without fear of someone draining our pocketbooks, or efforts, or maybe even robbing us. I’m wondering if some of us would hope that those guards would do their job a little bit better because it’s not our job to tend the wounds of the people. Is it?

The thing is, I want to be refined, direct. I want to be the most effective person I can be. I don’t want to put out more effort than I need to. And I want to love the most deserving of people. Who can I exclude, so that I don’t have to worry myself with efforts of spending my life putting energy out towards people that don’t deserve it? Who are the people I need to love? God if you only just tell me which people I need to love, then I can focus my life and be the most effective for you and your will.

“I love you God…. And I love people….but there are so many of them… so if you could just narrow it down so that I can focus my efforts on that small group, I think I’d be much more effective.” And maybe that’s true. And Maybe that’s what the lawyer was really trying to get at.

But Jesus switches the question from “whom am I to love?” to “Who is the one that shows love?” I’m asking “who do I love?” the real question is “who is the one that shows love?” The answer: the one who shows mercy.

You see, love is not a quantifiable, measurable, act or duty to a specific few; especially if those few that share your same idea structure. It’s something that you are. And it’s something that you show. It’s something that you respond to. Love is inconvenient. It lies dying on the road asking you to tend to it. Love costs money. It takes your resources. And its possible that the person God is asking you to love this week believes something entirely different then you.

Love is the great equalizer. If you are the most righteous of people or a punkass, the dying man on the road has the same need. And the story ends the same way if you show mercy.

Yes, Love IS the great equalizer. It is what has gathered us here today. And has made us all Sons and Daughters of God. Because there was one who came to bless this heartless world of ours with His incomparable love--first in words, and then in deeds which have translated His words into flesh and blood, and poured the life of them through that humanity which He made His own! Along the road WE have been stripped beaten and robbed.

Is this story designed to magnify the law of love? And to show who fulfils it and who cannot? And who did this as never man did it, as our Brother Man, "our Neighbor?"… Christ… The priests and Levites had not strengthened the diseased, nor bound up the broken (Ezekiel 34:4), while He bound up OUR broken hearts (Isaiah 61:1), and poured into all wounded spirits the balm of sweetest consolation. He hungered, but He fed thousands; He was weary, but He is the Rest for the weary; And today He saves him that went down from Jerusalem and fell among thieves.

You see, to live your life truly, means that you have to live outside the comfortable walls of your safely guarded bubble. Popping the protection! You have to begin pressing on the boundaries of your world and interact with people that are inconvenient. And on top of that: YOU…SHOW…MERCY!. Even if they wouldn’t have … YOU DO!!! Because that’s what life is about: it’s what gives electricity to the soul. It’s the recharge you feel from God as you leave this place. The empowerment of the Holy Spirit to pay attention to humanity, and life… and ultimately CARE!!!! Because Jesus Christ did that for you. No matter who you are, no matter what you believe. Jesus Loves you and has put us all on equal terrain. Love IS the great equalizer. How will you spend your week. Protecting yourself from life? Or paying attention and engaging it?

Let the Spirit of God dwell you today and throughout the week. Do what you can to pay attention to humanity, and life. And BE a neighbor as you go along your road.

A Plea

I usually come at you with witty remarks and clever little anecdotes meant to tickle your funnybone and gently coax you down the yellow brick road of righteousness. Today all I have is a simple plea.

First as this is not a full transcription of my talk for right now I will post this and maybe if I have time I'll write the first part later.

the outline essentially went like this:
First I want to map out a little history.
Romans 1-4 what is essentially that happens in this part of Romans.
(essentially it is the part where Paul outlines that all have fallen and it is by faith in which you are saved)
Why was this passage so important to martin luther?
(because he had a huge holiness hangup and needed to readily see this grace by faith in order for his being to be set free... also he was the one who coined sola-fide)
So follow history and we can see how people have been preoccupied with the mental ascent of faith.
now lets look at the real reason Paul is writing this:
Romans 14 :
because two factions (jew and gentile) were at odds with each other. What Paul was saying here is that Jesus has leveled the playing field. What he was saying was that because ALL have fallen and it is by faith alone in which you are saved. YOU MUST coexist and not bicker and argue different types of food and who can eat what. Essentially you're all at fault. AND ALL NEED GRACE.

It is here where I came in:


We have been a self centered religion. Allowing ourselves to be pleased with our mental ascent at faith in Jesus. Yet sheer belief in the Son of God is a fleeting mental bump.

True faith is more accurately defined as it is simply stated in 2 corinthians 1:18-20
But as surely as God is faithful, our message to you is not "Yes" and "No." 19For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by me and Silas[b] and Timothy, was not "Yes" and "No," but in him it has always been "Yes." 20For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God.

In other words, faith is saying “yes” to God’s Yes in Christ. Not a mental assent to the sheer proposition of “do you believe?” But the “hearing” of the gospel as an act of obedience. Faith is not a human accomplishment. Like you would carefully formulate a theorem of the facts to be proven… and thus believed. Faith is truly a grateful acknowledgement of being embraced by the Yes of God’s grace towards us.

He has given us grace. We all are equal in our relationship to sin and death. We are all equal in our relationship to their brothers: flesh and law. An yet we have a God who’s mercy has conquered all of them through the death and resurrection of His Son. You are justified by your faith in Jesus. That’s not the end of the book though, faith is you being eternally grateful for the mercy you’ve been given. The thing is…there’s more to the story. If we choose to stop at Romans 4, we miss a vision that Paul has for us. And it’s an amazing hope.

The hope is this: That our faith would propel us into life with the Spirit; which is God’s power in Christ. This Spirit pushes every believer into the future horizon of God’s coming glory. The Spirit conveys the dynamic character of Christian life as a life of pilgrimage; moving closer and closer towards this hope of glory. This Spirit by definition is never separated from its activity in the human body. This is why Paul in Romans 12 writes: 1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship.

You aren’t a dead sacrifice, burning on the alter. Yet many times that’s where we end up. “I believe in Jesus Christ… and?” “And I’m just taking a break right now.” “I believe in Jesus Christ… and?” “and I’m not really happy with church because there is too much drama.” “I believe in Jesus Christ… and?” “and what? It’s my faith alone.” Dead… and Burning?

…offer your bodies as living sacrifices, This is the hope that Paul has for us. If you are taking a break because you’ve burned out, not going to church because of the politics, or just happy sitting in the pew on Sunday, you’ve only read part of the story. It’s a great part of the story. It’s a story of faith. It’s a story of love. And it’s a story of an eternal future. But its time to turn the page and begin truly living. Because Paul at this point begins writing about a hope that he has that one day the church will be working together to bless the world. Working together to bless itself. That the people involved will not become the consumers of faith, a show, or righteousness. But rather be proactive in their response to the Mercy and Love they’ve been given by God. That because of their understanding of the love of God. They would begin acting like His children.

Paul’s hope is that we would utilize this Spirit to do the things we’ve been called to do. Thus making the church into a vibrant body.
4In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. 5The body we're talking about is Christ's body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, 6let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't.

What I’m saying to you today is we can be a part of something incredible. Maybe some of us have been hurt, bruised, or angered by other parts of this body. So here you sit saying… I love Jesus, but do even try to get me to do anything. Our pain, our reaction to the cancer of overgrowth, or our sheer apathy is killing us…and killing you. As a body, utilize me today to motivate you towards becoming who you are meant to be; who you truly are. If you preach, preach; if you help, help; if you teach, teach; 8if you give encouraging guidance, encourage; if you're in charge, don't manipulate, but lead; if you're called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face. 9Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. …10Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

What if the church were one? What if we all fit together like a puzzle whose picture painted the story of God’s love for each one of us. What if that picture told the world about the love of God. This dream of the God of hope filling you (all) with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

We can work together to make this body run. And you all have a job. I may not know what that is. Maybe even you don’t know what it is. However, there maybe someone in here whose job is to point out what you’re good at. And you’ll be far better at it than any of us. You just need some exercise.

We can’t pull our own weight anymore. We learned that with Jesus. And now we need to realize it for His church. His heart is in us. His thoughts are in us. It is now time for his actions to be ours.

I ask you, plead with you, beseech you. Very much like Paul did to the Roman church. Not a command. It is the language of grace. There is no thunder from mount Sinai when I ask: “by the mercy of God, get up from those chairs, and contribute your beautiful selves to this amazing hope of having a church that’s alive, and an amazing representation of God’s love.

Proud Mary

Y’ know, every now and then
I think you might like to hear something from us
Nice and easy
But there’s just one thing
You see we never ever do nothing
Nice and easy
We always do it nice and rough
So I’m gonna take the beginning of this talk
And do it easy
Then we’re gonna do the finish rough
This is the way we are going to do church today

And I’m rollin’

It’s spring. The sun’s out off and on. There’s new life and hope in the air. Easter Sunday came and went, but something has remained. Your faith.

Your belief in Jesus Christ being your savior has remained. And when you think of Jesus maybe you think of Easter Sunday, maybe you think of that picture on the wall. But my hope is that you have a picture of a very alive Jesus. Not one who is dying, who is eternally dying. Up there on a cross, getting another nail driven into him every time you mess up. Jesus is risen. Conquered sin and death so that you may live.

So here he is, alive, and all Jesusy. Paling around with you. Saying I love you etc. (cause Jesus does love you)

If you’re new to Christianity, you might know what I’m talking about. If you have just started your faith journey, you probably feel a lot more, and God is much more vibrant to you then this statement of paling around. But if you’ve been in the Christian bath for some time the water tends to lose its temperature. Your life may work like this: “I love Jesus. Here I am at church… and there I go.” Rollin’ Rollin’ Rollin’ on the river of life.

And this nice life is nice. Because you know who Jesus is, what he’s about, and you continue to learn more about him just by living.

But in just livin’ you also have to work. You get a good job in the city, working for the man every night and day. You clean a lot of plates, and you pump a lot of ‘tane. And as you live your nice life… you find it’s not so easy. In fact you may consider it rough.

Things tend to happen when you’re rolling down the river of your nice life. Things begin to creep in. Because this world is immensely complex, full of curveballs and politics, and just by living your nice life, you are affected by the rough. That vibrancy of Christ that you once felt is possibly as cold as the water you’re in. And there you are. Working working working.

Working for your God saying “I’ll take on that cause, cause that’s what Christ would do” or Working for your church because its what’s needed, or simply working to live your life I need to do this or I need to do that. Or I need to be nicer. Better. Less rough.

Most of the time I've received the compliment of being a 'nice guy' I've found it is a very limited compliment… Not really stoked about being “nice.” It’s like telling a girl that that dress looks fine. Not FOYN, but just fine. The complement is lost in the complacency of the statement.

One of my friends who blogged about this, and he came to this conclusion: “I guess I'd rather be a good man. However, this indeed is a much more rare compliment.”

The thing is, all of us lose our edge at some point. And our desire to be “a good man or a good woman” becomes a practice of discipline, rather then an outward expression of our soul. And discipline is a good thing, cause it keeps you on track; but when you are doing, because you are “supposed to do” rather than doing “because you want to.” You continue workin’ for that man.

While you work for the man you find that there are some things that are just not important. We find ourselves letting things in that we never would before. Evil things. And we just let them stay, because it’s nice and easy. It’s nice to have your cake and eat it too. To have a nice forgiving Jesus and a little sin on the side. And as we let this and that come in, our water becomes a little cool. And sweeps us away from our goal.

Our goal: To be a good man or woman. Is not necessarily nice. And is definitely not easy when you’re workin’ for the man. To be “good” on your own two legs is to work yourself, You’re your own boss and you work yourself to the bone. To be a good man or woman is to step into the river and swim upstream. The river is far too big and swift for you to be doing it for a lifetime. So your tired body washes up on the shore.

But what do we do, how can we manage this burdon of our faith? How do we overcome the rolling river and the rough rough rough waters.

It’s time to step aboard the riverboat queen. Where you can start to see the good side of the city that you working so hard in.

Ephesians says this: “do not be drunk with wine, but be filled with the holy spirit.”Now before you say, thanks for the judgement Geoff. I thought you were just telling be that I can’t accomplish this on my own merits, and to be sober right now is not what I needed to here. But let me explain what the writer is saying. This passage isn’t about wine. Its about the nature of wine. Some of you may relate… I’m not sure. But what is the eventual outcome of being drunk. (you eventually get sober) Why? (because eventually you either pass out or you run out of money… or die if you stay drunk forever) But listen to this. Be filled with the Holy Spirit. The Writer is saying to Ephesus Like you would consider drinking to stay drunk. Consider “continuing to fill yourself with the holy spirit. This word fill is like how a wind would fill a sail to move it to where the boat needs to go. This passage is saying “maintain your buzz,” with the holy spirit. Hop aboard this riverboat. The Riverboat of the Holy Spirit. The steam pushes it along to turn the paddles of your nice and rough life so that you can become “a good man or a good woman.”

Apart for the Holy Spirit, you’re going to be workin’ for the man. But with the Holy spirit you will be Rollin down the river And you’ll never lose one minute of sleep
Worryin’ ’bout the way things might have been.

Your doing starts with a filling of steam. Your doing starts with the opening your sail. Your doing starts with this prayer. “Fill me up Holy Spirit.”

1tim5:4 “Religion begins at your own doorstep and you should pay it back with gratitude by what you have received.” Try this without the holy spirit and you are a nice guy. Try this with the holy spirit and your doorstep begins to bless the entire world.

1tim6:17 “…Go after God, who piles on all the riches we could ever manage—18 to do good, to be rich in helping others, to be extravagantly generous. 19 If you do that, you’ll build a treasury that will last, gaining life that is truly life.” Again do this as yourself and be the nicest, tiredest guy on the block. With the Holy Spirit and let your life truly live

There is richness in the simplicity of being yourself before God. God doesn’t want anything else. But He does want you to let go of the evil things in your life. You yourself want to let them go anyway. But you can’t do it on your own steam. Climb aboard. And DO what you have always wanted to do.

Today… as you’re rollin’ on the river of life
Realize that God is asking you to do the things he’s asking you to do. God’s asking you to call upon him in prayer. God is asking you to learn about him by studying the Bible. And finally God is asking you to become good men and women, by climbing aboard his Holy Spirit, practicing doing good to others.

Smelly Flowers

Three weeks ago I had a situation. It all started by me not showering. Then as I was working my little tukus off, I began to smell something. Wafts of this aroma would pass my nostrils. Was it me? I checked and I couldn’t pinpoint it. I don’t think it’s me. Then next day I did shower. And yet the wafts continued. I checked around the desk for no avail. Crystal came over and she smelled it. Yet we couldn’t find where it was coming from. 6 days later I looked over, and saw my vase. It turns out some nice flowers had slipped into their water and by the time I found them they had created the Degaba swamp inside the vase. It seemed over the course of 6 weeks, my nice smelling flowers stayed in the same place and because of that they began to smell.

I was watching the second surreal life on VH1 with Tammy Fae and Ron Jeremy. And Tammy told a story of a culture that would sentence those who were convicted of murder to death. This in itself is not too surprising. However, the manner in which the convict was put to death is. You see, the murdered body was strapped to the convict. And as the body decomposed, and rotted, so did the murderer. Tammy spoke of a time where she carried a dead marriage and a dead ministry on her back. And she said how those burdens nearly killed her.

Isn’t it amazing the burdens that we are capable of carrying? Sometimes it’s very good to carry the burdens of things. Prayer is a great way of carrying a burden that we can’t control. But some things are ridiculous. Like dead things. Carrying dead things. I’m not talking about rats and birds you find on the road, but things that Tammy was talking about. Her marriage had ended, and she carried that. Her ministry was reduced to a joke, and she carried that… both were called failure. And it seemed as though Tammy brought her failure flowers and if she stayed there her flowers would have begun to smell.

If you’ve ever had a love one die, you never are the same. But there is a process that you go through that gets you to the other side. It’s called mourning. They have 4 steps in mourning. The first is you in a fit of confusion, of surrealness. You can’t believe it. And so you don’t, it is called denial. You then move into the next phase, crying for your loss, making sure that everyone knows and can see how upset you are. You are sad. Next you start to realize how unfair it was, how unjust the world is, and it moves you into a fit of rage and anger. Finally, after continuing to move through these emotions, you begin to come to an understanding of it all. You may never really be the same, but finally do come to a place where you accept it.

I’ve found by studying this, that many people constantly are in a state of mourning. Mourning this in their life and that in their life. Stages of denial, sadness, anger, and finally acceptance. And depending on our level of hurt, we remain in the stages for any number length of time. We remain giving flowers to the things that we still care about… even though they are dead.

There are things in my life I’ve given flowers to. Things that are dead. And sometimes I’ve let the flowers stay there too long. Long enough to start to stink. Let me read you something: Gal2:19… I have been crucified with Christ. 20I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Have you ever trusted God? Trusted Christ? I have. What a wonderful, incredible, journey. And what depth it reaches your soul. But …. there is one thing that I’ve found within the feelings and new excitements. When signing up for this new journey you’re barraged by amazing partying gifts like the Holy Spirit. And you are wash over by all of this new thought and new faith. And the adrenaline rush is like no other, but like all other adrenaline rushes, they end. And at that moment you follow Christ with diligence, not out of a feeling, but out of trust.

Now some of us who’ve been in it for a long time begin to feel the ware. We begin to question what our conversion means, and at some point some of the things in our old life creep in. We begin bringing flowers to someone that we pronounced dead. Visiting the life of someone we once were. We begin taking on the habits of our old life. Revisiting it… cause somehow we have forgotten what we got ourselves out of.

Many times when people are not allowed to go through the stages of mourning, they get caught. They’re not able to move on. Their life stagnates into a routine of remembrance. That remembrance stops who they are and who they will be, and makes them remain who they were.

Paul saw something similar it the Roman Church when he wrote:
1So what do we do? Keep on sinning so God can keep on forgiving? 2I should hope not! If we've left the country where sin is sovereign, how can we still live in our old house there? 3Or didn't you realize we packed up and left there for good? That is what happened in baptism. …

8If we get included in Christ's sin-conquering death, we also get included in his life-saving resurrection. 9We know that when Jesus was raised from the dead it was a signal of the end of death-as-the-end. Never again will death have the last word. 10When Jesus died, he took sin down with him, but alive he brings God down to us. 11From now on, think of it this way: Sin speaks a dead language that means nothing to you; God speaks your mother tongue, and you hang on every word. You are dead to sin and alive to God. That's what Jesus did.

12That means you must not give sin a vote in the way you conduct your lives. Don't give it the time of day. 13Don't even run little errands that are connected with that old way of life. Throw yourselves wholeheartedly and full-time--remember, you've been raised from the dead!-into God's way of doing things. 14Sin can't tell you how to live. After all, you're not living under that old tyranny any longer. You're living in the freedom of God.

Paul saw that his people were stuck… They hadn’t mourned yet. They said that their old selves were gone dead and buried. But they still brought the flowers and visited their old lives.

Mourn brethren mourn! Do what you need to do to give your death a proper burial. Grieve the loss of who you were, so that you can move on to who you are, and who you will be.

Who were you? Do you remember? Some of you remember all to well because you’re still holding onto what you were. Going back two, three times a week, and giving it flowers. Mourn! Lean into it. Go through all of the steps so that you can come out the other side. Do you realize you’re not committing to your old life, or your new?

Maybe you’re saying “This is me. I can’t give this up.” But God is telling you “There is a better way.” Because to take that dead man with you; is to sentence yourself to death. It’s like you are living your life and on the weekends or at night you’re climbing into your tomb to sleep with your rotting corpse.

I hope I’m not being overly dramatic here. But something stinks. And it’s our self loathing. Do you hate yourself? Then why do you continue to live, yet choose the things that make you die.

“Geoff…” you say “… Lets be realistic. No one can be without flaws.” We can be realistic. As a community we need to be realistic. And the fact is: God is extremely realistic. Which is why Jesus died for us. He loved us so much that he wished us to live with him eternally. Why would we choose to die?

When I was a senior in College, my roommates and I had a visitation. It wasn’t from aliens, or the Lord. We had a visitation from a freakishly clever turd. I heard the toilet flush about 6 times as Neil, my roommate, slightly defeated, but somewhat intrigued asked me “Geoff…come over here.” I knew that it had to do something with the toilet but wasn’t ready for what I was about to see. You see, Neil wasn’t the kind of man that would be proud of his excrement. That was more other roommates. However, when I peered over the toilet, there it was… Neil’s poo. He looked at me perplexed. And said… “I’ve been trying to get rid of this for the last 6 minutes.” It wasn’t too big, or long, it hung in the water at about 45 degrees not too much fiber, not too little, the water was somewhat clear around it because of the excess flushing. He asked “what should I do.” I told him to try to flush it again. Whooosh… The water swirled around, carrying the poo away down the hole. I looked up somewhat grossed out at having to solve that problem, but also somewhat satisfied that I again had made the world right. But as I was moving away Neil said “wait… This is why it’s exciting.” Sure enough I looked down, and creeping out of the hole was “bloop” Neil’s poo.

My other roommate Greg entitled it: “the peek a poo” and for the next three days we were in awe of its cleverness. None of us wanted to touch the peekapoo because of its novelty. We went to the bathroom normally (1 and 2) and somehow the peekapoo would navigate its cylindrical type of body around even the most daunting of loads. Whoosh…“bloop” Whoosh…“bloop” We kept the fan on to keep the smell out of the living room. Neil had become a minor celebrity and even though he wasn’t a part of our fraternity, he received accolades. Then…as mysterious as it came into the world, the peekapoo left the apartment bathroom of A38. I don’t even remember who it was. Maybe because of the loss no one wanted to own up. But our pet, our brother, our shit…left us… Flushed, with the rest of the filth.

Who knows how long we would have left it there. Maybe it would have been the 9th wonder of the world, and we could have charged admission. But the loss was very real. The stories of our peekapoo would come to a close, as we had to tell those that asked that he was gone. I suppose we might have had a funeral for him if we new it was his last flush… Or if we truly had a pulse on how much joy a poo could give us. But alas, like every other turd should, the peekapoo was carried away to a watery grave.

Do you have some poo in your life that God is asking you to flush? You find it a novelty, something that makes you unique, not like the rest of them. Or you’ve just held onto it saying, it’s just too big, there’s no way that it will go down such a small hole. Let me tell you. It stinks. The fan that you’ve left blowing for a while is because you don’t want to get rid of it. But eventually the smell is going to creep out and take over your living room. Your house will no-longer become a place people want to go, nor will you want them to be there. People that love you will still come over, but before they do they’ll put on their game face, and endure your smell.

I ask you why? For what purpose? Is there a reason you’re keeping it around? Maybe you have no idea how to get rid of it. But it’s time. Its time to flush it down. Look deep into the water. What’s floating there might have been in you… but its not you anymore… and you’ve kept it around far too long. Take a big whiff and see what keeping this around has done to you and your house.

God loves you… and if you never changed God would still love you. But God loves you far too much to live like that. He wants you to mourn who you were and move on to who truly are.

Jesus said to the woman at the well John 4:10..."If you knew the generosity of God and who I am, you would be asking me for a drink, and I would give you fresh, living water."… “14Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst--not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life."

A body of water that has no intake and outlet stagnates, and gets polluted. But God has given us an artesian spring from within. So that we can continue gushing and flushing. But that means you need to let the past be done. Let it go, and move towards your future. You can’t hold on to both without loosening your grip on both. And eventually one will win. Why not have it be life?

Its time to throw those smelly flowers away and get on with your life.

The Empty Gift

I dread holidays…. St. Patrick’s… not so much, but birthdays, and Christmas. Because I find gifts are stressful. I’m poor at giving gifts. Or maybe is it, that giving gifts is stressful when you’re poor. I donno

I like giving wine. Giving wine is weird. It’s like the vanilla of presents. You didn’t really commit to anything. Wine is versatile; you can dress it up with one of those slender bags, or dress it down with a bow. I guess the only time you really would be committing to wine as a present is if the person is in AA or something. I envision someone telling me “Geoff I told you I’ve been sober for 6 months now.” I’m like “and that’s not a reason to celebrate?...Plus it was 3 for $9.99 at Rite-Aid so I have two more in this paper bag mom.”

Wine is non-threatening. It more often then not reveals the recipient’s ability to show their appreciation in silent form… They slide the bottle halfway out of the bag, and recognize whether it’s a white or a shiraz, and as they slide the bag back, they look up and mouth the words “thank you.” Giving nods of acceptance. This… I like, because it’s hard to really wow with my gifts these days.

I attribute this to “The List.” The List is the registry for the non-married/non-showered individuals. I’m not a fan of the list. It’s taken all the spontaneity out of gift giving. Every Christmas and Birthday my mom asks me. “Geoff I need the list of what you want people to give you.” And then for the next two weeks I labor over what I want. This in itself is probably a great exercise for me because I rarely want anything. That’s not true. I know exactly the things that I want….About $16,000 to pay off my bills and back taxes. My real list consists of someone paying off my car, someone else buying me a house, expense paid weekend in Cabo. But alas I’m not Paris Hilton. So I have to make up stuff that will sit on my shelf. “I really want this book…Like I read. I really want this deodorant. “Mom and Dad I really want some wood…to build a house.”

I think a major chaos in my life that has sprung from the inception of “the list” is the “The Present Lie.” This is when you get the same thing from two different people. And as you open the present you exclaim “This is exactly what I wanted…” as you look into their eyes and think to yourself “I wonder if I can take this back.” The other person is telling their friend “you know why it was exactly what they wanted? Because it was on The List.” It’s my understanding that the Apocrypha addresses this problem as it is not addressed in the standard Protestant cannon of the Bible. In I Hezekiah it states: “Thou shalt bear false witness when your neighbor hast given you the same gift ast your other neighbor. For to tell the first neighbor the truth would be-est rude.”

The table gets turned though when there is a party and the recipient begins opening presents publicly. It’s hard when there are two identical presents opened in front of everyone, because the second person is required to apologize. “I’m sorry; I didn’t know Johnny was going to get that for you.” It’s like it’s a race. A winner and a loser. You select the most moderately priced cool item on the persons list and then spin the wheel…Boop Boop Boop Boop AAHGNK. Sorry now you must grovel!

Hence, I like giving wine… You don’t need a gift receipt with wine. Say someone else gives the same wine… now, instead of a nice dinner, they’re having a party! Talk about win/win. There are quite a few lame gifts that are given in the bible. Myrrh is one… Mary is like “he was the poor wiseman, Geoff… don’t make fun of him … he couldn’t help it” But there were others that I think could help it, and they gave the kind of gifts that make me go “HUH?”. Weird gifts that were far worse than wine. They gave their family “air”. Well not even air…just…. nothing. And not like they forgot their birthday. It was purposed, thought out, and then actually given at a particular time …given. This…nothing.

Perhaps some of you are completely confused so let me give you a little back story. There was once this guy named Abraham, a man who didn’t have very much to give. He had a simple, yet strong faith. And though he didn’t have much, there was one thing that he did have. He had this Promise. Now what is a promise but a declaration assuring that one will or will not do something. To some, a promise is just words. But to Abraham this was something much more. Because it was a promise from God.

Early in Abraham’s life he was childless, and this made him very sad. But God told him that his future was going to be a little different than he thought. He said Gen 15:5 “Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be." He also said 19“To your descendants I give this land, from the river of Egypt to the great river, the Euphrates.” And there it was. God Promises. And as Abe lived his life he believed it.

Finally after a series of events Abe does have a legitimate son. And something happens that sort of messes with things. God asks Abe to sacrifice the son. A test. Now his son was the one sole thing that Abraham wanted. And Here’s God, asking him to remove it? What is that all about? Being obedient though, Abe is about to slash little Isaac’s throat in God’s name when God stops the whole mess and knows for a fact that Abe will withhold nothing from Him. Not even his only son.

I think this had a profound effect on little Isaac; possibly messed him up real good. However what he took with him from this was that this very promise from God will be fulfilled in him, and his life. God said Gen22:17 ”I'll bless you--oh, how I'll bless you! And I'll make sure that your children flourish--like stars in the sky! like sand on the beaches! And your descendants will defeat their enemies. 18All nations on Earth will find themselves blessed through your descendants because you obeyed me." Nothing like your dad holding a knife to your throat to drive home a point.So skip a few years and a few dramas and we come to the end of Issacs life. And culturally there is this thing called “the blessing.” Which for our eyes looks very much like “a last will and testament.” Isaac is reading his will,( by the way … there is a lot of complicated crap going on with Jacob conniving and family issues regarding favoritism that can easily complicate what I’m trying to say. SO if you know it… cool, if you don’t know it, realize I’m skipping some stuff and read the story for yourself. ) He does at this point have quite a bit of land and “stuff” so you would think that Jacob would be wanting to hear that “he gets the house, and the cat… blah blah blah…” but this is want Issac says: Gen28:3"And may The Strong God bless you and give you many, many children, a congregation of peoples; 4 and pass on the blessing of Abraham to you and your descendants so that you will get this land in which you live, this land God gave Abraham." Here’s what makes me stagger back: Isaac says to Jacob “I’m willing you… an idea… a promise….” Not stuff, not a house, this isn’t even air. Air you would seal in a plastic bag and the recipient could sniff it. But this is nothing; nothing but a set of words. Isaac is willing Jacob a future, that his father hasn’t seen, he hasn’t seen and perhaps not even his son will see it. But here is the clincher for me… Jacob’s response… “Yes! I got it. Yes!”
What is that? Can you imagine? How easy would that be if I was at a birthday party. The Person opens the wrapped gift and looks within the tissue paper, and there isn’t anything there. They turn it over to look at me in confusion and I tell them. “You’re going to have lots of descendants.” And their response is: “YESSSSSSSSSSS! I didn’t put it on ‘my list’ because I thought no one would get it for me. You truly are amazing!”

I think what is incredible about this is they viewed this promise as a possession. When you will something to your family they get it. When you will your house to your family…they get a house. Soooo… when Abe willed this promise to his son…he got it. What is so amazing to me is the promise of God that Abraham got, he never saw. He saw a glimpse of it when he had a son; but not the whole enchilada. But he still saw it a something tangible and real. So he passed it on.

The promise has happened over the ages “many, many children,” would be how the nation Israel was developed. They eventually did get the land in which Jacob lived. And a major clincher, “All nations on Earth will find themselves blessed through your descendants” was fulfilled in Jesus Christ.

Abraham could have easily considered this promise as “nothing” but a bunch of words; especially because he never saw if it would came true or not. However, to Abraham, this “nothing” was something. So much “something” that he willed it to his kid. And his kid took the empty box filled with nothing, and gave it to his kid. And so on. The empty gift was as real to them as a house, money, or whatever. I’m sure some days they might have felt like the empty box was truly empty. But it wasn’t. It happened! That is the real substance of God’s promise.

To this day all nations continue to be blessed by Abraham’s descendants, because within that empty box, God promised to give us something extraordinary. He promised to give us eternal life. Everyone who would believe in one particular descendant of Abraham would look into this empty gift, and see that they were truly loved by God. Because it was God Himself that came down as one of Abraham, Issac, Jacob and so on’s descendants. In the form of a man called Jesus Christ. Whoever looks into this empty box called Jesus, and believes, knows that they have the grace of God. Because John3:16God loved the world so much that He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. 17God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. 18Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person's failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.

We have been given a gift of nothing or we have been given a gift of everything. You choose. It’s not an easy choice because it speaks of where you are and who you are. Some will never see it, though they have been given the gift over and over. Others may see it for what it is, yet place it in the back of their closet because they’ve grown to view it as one of their many possessions. The reality of this gift is exactly that, a reality. And the reality of faith is extremely simple… you either believe it or you don’t. If Jesus is not savior…your savior… you don’t have faith. It’s nothing personal, its fact: you see nothing in the gift that you’ve been given. Its time to look at your ambiguities, your questions, your myth-busters, and ask yourself… Do you believe that Jesus Christ died for you? Not did he die, no one is questioning that, but did he die for you? Is he your Savior? The empty box is staring at you, waiting for a decision, waiting for you to open your heart and say “I do choose the grace of God… I do believe.” So many times we crowd our lives with emptiness. Obstinately looking the other way because of what might happen if we take a chance and believe something that is so simple, yet so revolutionary. Maybe for once you’re seeing God’s grace filling that box. If you see the substance today… look deep… it’s the love of God for you. What if we could see that belief? What if you could hold it in your hands? Wrap it up and give it to someone? What if you could will it to your kids after you die? Believing the promises of God so strongly that you would will them to your kids. That’s just not done today.

What is God promising you this morning? Is it real to you or is it a myth. A hope. A pipedream. Let me tell you today…God’s promises are very real. So real that you can will them to your kids. The Promises of God will always meet their mark; whether you’re around to see them or not. At this moment, one of those promises is eternal life for those who would believe in Jesus. 1John 5:11 God gave us eternal life; the life is his Son. 12So, whoever has the Son, has life; [conversely] whoever rejects the Son, rejects life.

Maybe someone is going “hmmm… I disagree”… I ask you to not get into a semantically battle with me on who stays or who goes. God’s the final judge on that matter. But why on earth would you choose to reject grace? Why would you look at Jesus Christ dying on the cross and rising from the dead and not say “hallelujah!” because what that means for us is Good News! Jesus Christ paid for our sins. Saw the complexity of our problems And let us off the hook! He has given us a second chance to live “with the holy spirit inside of us” If anything, this is your proof. This is! When you believe. When you strongly take hold of that substance of God’s promise. eph13…[you] find yourselves home free--signed, sealed, and delivered by the Holy Spirit. 14 This signet from God is the first installment on what's coming, a reminder that we'll get everything God has planned for us, a praising and glorious life. The proof that you are justified to have eternal life… is the Holy Spirit. To believe that God loves you, births within you a very real substance of the Holy Spirit. Which begins to show outwardly gal5:22 like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, 23not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. Am I selling something?… maybe I am. Why wouldn’t I? Its good freakin’ news! You’re loved! You’re Loved!! YOU”RE LOVED!!! Why would you choose to look at this as empty? This is love and acceptance from God…straight to YOU!

I’m terrible at giving gifts, especially when it comes to air. (“Here I got you air….(breathe) mmmThanks”) Its not your birthday, its not Christmas day…It is today. This gift is nothing to the eye. Nothing. Yet this gift is everything to you heart. Everything to your soul.

Do you believe Jesus Christ is your savior? We can all say that Jesus was this famous guy who claimed some stuff. But what I’m asking is: Do you believe that Jesus is your Savior. Because when it comes to gifts, though it looks like nothing to the eye. It means eternal life.

I just hope today that you begin to view the promises of God, like something you can rely on. Something that you can shove into your knapsack, and even pass on to your children. They are as real as something that you would will to them. Your house, your cat, your salvation. The love of God is worth that. It’s worth holding onto. It’s worth passing on.

Let’s enjoy today, and thank God for the many blessings he’s given us, starting with his Son. I love you guys.

The Isolated Sales Staff

Two weeks ago I went to Dallas, Texas, where everything is big including the malls and the hair. I was a part of the hot Carr Knowledge Sales staff! Yes… if you know me, I’m all about the smoke and mirrors, the glitz and glamour. But when it comes to sales, I personally wouldn’t rely on me to keep a paycheck coming in. But in the inception of the trip it didn’t look like that. I got my brief, I got my one-sheet, and we had a fancy booth at the RAB convention, and we soon were talking about this wonder technology that streamed and podcasted, and made most of the people we talked with from the Radio Industry light up. Oh I fumbled a few times on my delivery, however, when I actually got across what my client did, the people took a card, a one-sheet, and I was positive I would see them online. I was a salesman!

So, long about halfway through the day I was asked to leave. Maybe my partner was thinking that I was kicking too much sales ass, but in reality I had another mission in Dallas; a black ops mission. Total underground. Which, when you think about it, if you have a choice between a regular job and a secret agent job… call me zipped lipped Mcgee! So my co-worker and I were chosen to meet the guy who wrote the code for the technology we were selling. Black ops part: obtain the code. Reasoning: because the investors don’t trust him and would like to take the burden off of his hands.

So… when we met this guy it wasn’t a pretty picture. He was sickly, and partially nuts. We met him in his home which at one point would have been a fairly cool loft, but now looked similar to a deleted set from the movie ‘12 monkeys.’ Half projects- whether technology, art, or home renovation- were strung about. When we got there, My co-worker and Sickly McSickerton opened up their laptops and began speaking “Geek.” (It’s always important to have a technology guy that can “bust into the mainframe” when you’re on a Black ops mission) A few hours later after our presence had warmed up to the clammy individual my co-worker asked point blank: “can I see the source code.”

The man quickly stood up, and in a writhe like contorted disposition had a fit muttering how the code is “His” and “it is his intellectual property” and “no one will see it unless they need to see it.” If I had blurred my eyes and ears I would have heard "my preciouss, yess" After de-escalating him, we never managed to get the code away. Black ops mission: Failure.

While we were driving back to the hotel, my friend told me that everything that Gollum did give him didn’t work. I asked “Did the technology work that we were selling this morning?” He said … “No. I don’t think anything that we were selling this morning exists on the servers” So there we were, the next day inside a grand looking booth, sales sheets in front of us, and music blaring… the sales staff to a non-existent product. Needless to say… we didn’t sell that much.

Have you ever sold something that didn’t work? I’m thinking back to a garage sale that I had once where I was silently praying to myself “don’t ask if it works, don’t ask if it works” Yet the very first person asks me “does it work?”
My answer: “for fifty cents does it matter?”
This guy was persistent, “does it work?”
My response: “I’ll give it to you for a quarter.”

I think sometimes our faith can act like a sales pitch. WWJD! We have the bracelets out there. The minister or pastor is up there doing the dog and pony show. And you hope to God that when you bring the new person to church “the service is not too weird.” There’s even stuff that is meant for marketing purposes that I don’t even understand. I once saw a T-shirt that was the name of Jesus inserted into the Reeses Pieces logo. I’m not sure what the Graphic Designer was thinking. I might be able to understand “Jes-its” the cheesy catholic wafer, but what are you selling when you’re wearing “Jesus Pieces.” What is that?

I also think that a lot of times we try to sell ourselves as well. You know you want to portray yourself as the shiny, I have it all put together, guy. I have nice Job, a great house, my life is hunki dori. And those who really push it sometimes really reveal their own insecurities. Possibly we want you to believe that we’ve got it put together, because the reality is that things aren’t that hunki dori.

At the Bridge we have a large number of people that live outdoors that come to church on Sunday. And lately it’s been extremely amazing because some of those people have been getting residences. Last week was a little disconcerting for me because of a cash-flow issue, I couldn’t pay my rent, so I was facing an eviction notice. So as I was meeting people at church, a couple people were telling me: “Geoff, I got an apartment, Geoff, I’m living indoors now.” And all I could do is smile and say congratulations. But inside I was thinking to myself. “Can you tell me of the bridge with the least amount of spiders?”

Finally I broke down and told someone who also had some trouble holding down an apartment, and his jaw dropped. “What?” “You?” “Geoff?” “the guy who has it all put together.”

Isn’t it interesting how we can so quickly make faith assessments when things are going bad… and for that matter when things are going good. Ohhh he just got kicked out of his house God must not be with him, wow that guy has all of his ducks in a row. God must be really blessing him. Ohh he lost his job…he must have done something to deserve it… Wow he has the greatest relationship, God loves him.

I tend to see that when the going gets tough… the friends start migrating away. Because when it comes down to it, no one likes drama. It’s the ruffles on the chip. Oh sure the company would tell you the ruffles give you more taste in your chip; but its not taste you get when you have friends that are full of drama. Its more like sour cream and onions. Everybody would like smooth sailing…It’s lonely having a life that is full of drama… but it’s also lonely having a life that is without drama.

I try to work the sales angle in my life. And it works me all the way to my therapist. I tell her how I don’t feel sometimes that I can share that drama. I tell her “You see… I’m in the limelight, I’m supposed to be this ‘something…’ this guy who has it all put together. So to share my drama with them would be to ‘burst their bubble’ of who they thought I was.” She had a comeback: “It must be awful lonely being someone you’re not.”

So what do we do? Those of us who sell, are lonely being someone who we are not. And those of us who don’t sell are lonely because we don’t fit in. I want us to read a story of a very lonely woman. She wasn’t into selling, or if she did, she lost her pitch. People found out that her technology didn’t work. And she was forced to be alone.

1Jesus realized that the Pharisees were keeping count of the baptisms that he and John performed 2(although his disciples, not Jesus, did the actual baptizing). They had posted the score that Jesus was ahead, turning him and John into rivals in the eyes of the people. 3So Jesus left the Judean
countryside and went back to Galilee. 4To get there, he had to pass through Samaria. 5He came into Sychar, a Samaritan village that bordered the field Jacob had given his son Joseph. 6Jacob's well was still there. Jesus, worn out by the trip, sat down at the well. It was noon. 7A woman, a Samaritan, came to draw water. Jesus said, "Would you give me a drink of water?" 8(His disciples had gone to the village to buy food for lunch.) 9The Samaritan woman, taken aback, asked, "How come you, a
Jew, are asking me, a Samaritan woman, for a drink?" (Jews in those days wouldn't be caught dead talking to Samaritans.)

10Jesus answered, "If you knew the generosity of God and who I am, you would be asking me for a drink, and I would give you fresh, living water." 11The woman said, "Sir, you don't even have a bucket to draw with, and this well is deep. So how are you going to get this "living water'? 12Are you a better man than our ancestor Jacob, who dug this well and drank from it, he and his sons and livestock, and passed it down to us?" 13Jesus said, "Everyone who drinks this water will get thirsty again and again. 14Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst--not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life." 15The woman said, "Sir, give me this water so I won't ever get thirsty, won't ever have to come back to this well again!"

16He said, "Go call your husband and then come back." 17"I have no husband," she said. "That's nicely put: "I have no husband.' 18You've had five husbands, and the man you're living with now isn't even your husband. You spoke the truth there, sure enough." 19"Oh, so you're a prophet! 20Well, tell me this: Our ancestors worshiped God at this mountain, but you Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place for worship, right?" 21"Believe me, woman, the time is coming when you Samaritans will worship the Father neither here at this mountain nor there in Jerusalem. 22You worship guessing in the dark; we Jews worship in the clear light of day. God's way of salvation is made available through the Jews. 23But the time is coming--it has, in fact, come--when what you're called will not matter and where you go to worship will not matter. "It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. 24God is
sheer being itself--Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration." 25The woman said, "I don't know about that. I do know that the Messiah is coming. When he arrives, we'll get the whole story." 26"I am he," said Jesus. "You don't have to wait any longer or look any further."

27Just then his disciples came back. They were shocked. They couldn't believe he was talking with that kind of a woman. No one said what they were all thinking, but their faces showed it. 28The woman
took the hint and left. In her confusion she left her water pot. Back in the village she told the people, 29"Come see a man who knew all about the things I did, who knows me inside and out. Do you think this could be the Messiah?" 30And they went out to see for themselves.

Come see a man who knows all that I have done. I don’t know about you, but to me someone who knows all of my drama I’m not leading people to. Instead I’m paying him blackmail money. And maybe the initial response of these people was to figure out this puzzle. Woman with issues + guy who knows everything about her multiplied by the number of people she’s telling = I got to see this. In fact I’m sure at least 4 other ex husbands are asking if they need to be paying some blackmail money.

Incidentally, as I was talking to my counselor about my ‘drama.’ She said this. “Geoff, for the rest of this session can I ask you a favor? Instead of using the word ‘drama’ which is negative because it refers to ‘drama queen’ which is what you don’t want to be; let me suggest that you replace the word with ‘story.’ Because regardless of how you feel about it, it is your story. It is part of you. And you might as well accept that.”

We may feel isolated at the well. Our story may do that to us. It could be ‘not telling’ your story that makes you feel just as isolated. But there is a man that comes to you. Humbly asks you for a drink; and knows all that you have done. Yet he remains.
He knows all that you have done. Yet he remains. That is not isolation. That is someone you can trust. Someone that handle it. Someone with the Grace enough to be your God. The living water is yours to drink. Yet somehow we have believed the lie that it isn’t for us… It’s for some person down the road who has it all put together. Whose drama free life glimmers and shines… the Salesman.

God is not into sales. Because the god of sales is man’s idol. The idol of perfection, the worship of the ‘arrived’, the attraction of ‘correct’. For it is this abbreviating of your “story” or the editing of your drama that allows you to stand without grace in front of God. Jesus isn’t into half of you. Jesus in fact is not into just Half you. Jesus knows, loves, and is into all of you. Drama and all.

Jesus walks past the salesman, and talks to you. To your soul. He does not despise you, as others have. Although you’re alone, you’re alone with Him. He speaks to you of life… of the gift of God; He tells you that all you have to do is ask and have. You may have no understanding of His meaning; but it is not condemnation, it is grace… grace that stoops to you, that knows your sin and is not repelled by it, it asks you for water, it is above any prejudice with regard to you, it has high contempt of those with ‘no drama’… grace which does not conceal your sin from you, which makes you feel that God knows it nevertheless, He who knows it was there without alarming you. Your sin is before God, but not in judgment. He still remains. Knows you… all of you. And remains.

What does that do for you? Your sin is before God, and he loves you. He stuck around. He chose you (all of you) over your “sales-self”. The moral effect upon the woman is evident. She forgets her waterpot, her toil, her circumstance, her reason for being there. She is engrossed by this new object that is revealed to her soul, by Christ; so engrossed that, without thinking, she becomes a preacher; she proclaims the Lord in the fullness of her heart and with perfect simplicity. He had told her all that she had ever done. She does not think at that moment of what it was. Jesus had told it her; and the thought of Jesus takes away the bitterness of the sin. The sense of His goodness… of his love… removes the guile of heart that seeks to conceal its sin and sell the shiny exterior. In a word, her heart is entirely filled with Christ Himself.

So… we’re all here at the well. Isolated…because we don’t have it all put together. Some of us are not letting other people drink because they’re not matching up, and others refuse to drink because the guards don’t reflect the grace of the water. Today… be entirely filled with Christ. Know today that God loves you, right now, as is. And within that simplistic thought, within that revelation, get to know someone else’s story… and remain by them.

How Did I Get Here?

I wasn’t always the moral piece of work that you see before you today. I had some shady beginnings. In third grade I got in a fight. After losing the fight you would have thought that I had learned my lesson, and changed my ways, as I sat in the principal’s office making hyperventilating post crying sounds as I explained the ridiculous circumstances that made me pick a fight with Dan Clark, the largest bully in the 3rd grade.

You would think that I would have moved from my shady past or my shady friends for sitting in the vice Principal’s office as a sophomore in High school. You would think the fear of getting suspended alone would be enough to break friendships. Friends like the ones I had. Friends that got me in the office to begin with. It might surprise you that I was nearly the arms supplier to what the vice principal saw as the Portland version of the trench coat mafia. My friend, you see, held up a classroom with an AK-47 because he wanted this girl to go out with him to a dance. The reason why I was in the office was it was my AK-47…my AK-47 Squirt gun. Yes I’ve had a shady past.

And then there was my brush with the law. As a senior in high school, only 8 short months after the Rodney king beatings I got my own whooping from a cop. There I was in old town. We had just been at Chinese food. And I found myself outside a very round window. I immediately peered inside to see an entire company staring back at me. It turns out there was a meeting, or a banquet going on, and it just so happens that the stage was right beside the circular window. My synapses fired and I quickly gathered my two other friends and came up with a plan. We all moved out of the windows site, and then slowly and fluidly began our best fish impressions and “swam” around our newly installed aquarium. We got the reactions we wanted as fish, some laughing, others giving long looks of disdain. To the point of creating a detour from whatever boring presentation was being droned on at the time.

I was ecstatic at the newest form of botherment. I quickly glanced around to find more round windows, to no avail. My friends were walking towards the car, but my fish impression days weren’t up yet. So I quickly ran across the street to the nearest Chinese food café, and began once more doing the fish impression that I was proud of. This time as I peered in, something not as inviting was starting back at me. Inside the café sat three cops. And they weren’t just sitting at a table where they could see me a little. They were sitting diner style at the long shelf table that was attached to the window.

Immediately my face went from fish to fear. I quickly dead-panned and began walking fast to catch up with my friends. When I reached them I looked behind me, and my fears were realized. One single cop had just left the door of the café, and it looked as if he was following us. A half a block later he was gaining on us, and sure enough when I was not 10 feet from my car, I felt a very strong hand seizing me from the neck. The voice behind me asked as he squeezed the back of my neck, “Are you OK?” There was obvious tension in his voice, and the actual question of his tone could have been something much different then ‘are you OK’.

Paralyzed I shook out a response: “yeah.” How I can say I was doing fine when this cop’s Vulcan death grip is digging into my vertebrae I have no clue. Nevertheless the contradictions continue as his next response was to turn me as if I was his hand puppet to face him and tell me “I thought you were calling for help.” Now to this new recruit’s defense the act of fish facing and the act of saying the words “help,” could be very similar. And If I had actually been yelling help the way he believed, I would have had to be a mute. Which completely justifies this guy using me as his chiropractic model. However I wasn’t calling for help and this cop definitely wanted to give me something to remember him by, so after releasing his hold of my neck, he quickly gave me two slaps to my face. Apparently, according to Portland Chinese Patrol, not being a mute deserves a hard spank to the face. I left with my face a little red, mainly from the slap.

How did I get there?

Have you ever asked that of yourself? How did I get here? And not just the night you drank too much and woke up nude in a strange room. How did I get here in my life?

Usually when you ask this assessment question, you aren’t particularly pleased with where you are. You find yourself in a dead end job, or no job, relationships aren’t what they panned out to be, you look at your life very much like a rolling stone. I can’t get no satisfaction is your cry. Unsatisfied! Some of us have had the scenario where it was the lowest point in our lives when we were forced to ask “how did I get here?”

Maybe its not the lowest time in your life, but having a new year turn its page makes you realize what has been relaxed. As I stare at myself in the mirror I look at my own non-chiseled physique and I ask myself “how did I get here?” And somehow I can remember when exercise became less of a priority and eating fast food became more “economical.”

Maybe you’re like some people who never ask the question. Afraid of the implied dissatisfaction of the question. Or maybe simply too proud to even ask. Or too blind to really ask it.

I want to share with you a story this morning that I’m nearly positive every one of you knows. But this time I’m going to tell you the story inside out. A huge fad these days with clever directors is to start with the ending and go backward, like that movie where the guy doesn’t have a long term memory, and so you spend the entire time, trying to figure out what happened in the past.

This particular story doesn’t begin where I’m going to start. But long about halfway through the story, we see Eddie with a bunch of pigs. Not ones like the Portland Chinese patrol of ’93, rather, these were farm pigs. And not the cute little pot belly pets that some rich women carry around, but large, gross, sows. These particular oikers dwelt somewhere in the middle east round about 1st century, there were probably Jews within neighboring towns, but this area was mostly a gentile population. Now most of us have heard the derogatory term, pig or pigsty, but few have a true distain for pigs the way Eddie had. He was a Jew, and hated pigs like any other Jew should. But Eddie was making due with what he had. You see Eddie was starving. And he had just landed this job feeding these pigs. I guess he was feeding them carob pods. I think these are the same things that they make fake chocolate out of. And as he threw these pods to these beastly animals. His stomach growled. His hand stopped throwing the pods to the pigs, and he looked at his handful. He wasn’t too proud at this point to consider eating what he was feeding the pigs. But the workers around him said he couldn’t. There he was, starving, alone, humiliated. And at this point he asked himself “how did I get here?”

As he took a long look he saw that the drought extinguished his friends money, the places where he stayed. He had to get a job. All his friends had to get jobs. He was sad to see his life go to couch surfing after having so many spend the night at his place drunk and passed out. He would throw the best parties. But one of the things that he started to realize is that parties cost money. So soon he went from playboy to mooch.

You may ask was there a stock market crash? Was his money tied up in wheat? No it was like every other out of control pseudo celebrity… He got his money through an inheritance.

Now, most people in this predicament are out of luck. The inheritance they had, they didn’t invest it properly and you end up with a similar result to vanilla Ice on VH1. A Staving B celebrity that makes good copy on “Where are they now?” But Eddie was a little bit different. You see, his father who gave him his inheritance was still alive.

There was a dramatic, crazy moment in which Eddie thought running a farm was BS and wanted to jump ship and party with his inheritance. So he demanded it from his dad, and his dad gave it to him.

So Eddie in pondering all of his past…In asking “how did I get here” … clearly saw how he got to be starving on a pig farm, not even getting to eat what the pigs had to eat.

But something changed for Eddie. It was one of the most blique moments of his life. However he did see something of hope. His pride was gone. His necessity was ripe. And he saw a way out. He said:

'How many of my father's hired hands have more than enough food, and here I am dying of hunger! 18 I'll get up, go to my father, and say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight. 19 I'm no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired hands." '

Eddie had huge pride issues that had been toppled. He used to be his father’s son but his actions seemed nullified it. And he saw that, and he acknowledged it. And Eddie took his first steps towards his father’s house in a long time.

Maybe you know the rest of the story, and maybe you don’t. Does his father make him a hired hand? I want to stop there because I want to address something that perhaps some of you feel is a bad word.

The word is repent.

It’s a scary word, it’s the word of the street preacher yelling at someone who he doesn’t know. It’s a word that many of us don’t understand but it’s a word that isn’t foreign to church and sermons. But nonetheless it is a word that when people utter it, all the rest of what leaves their mouth is forgotten. Partially for good reason because the moment someone says repent what follows is normally “because you’re a sinner” or something else extremely predictable.

But I want to expose Eddie for one moment. Sure Eddie partied. Sure Eddie “sinned against heaven and in his father’s sight”. Eddie was an asshole. But sometimes we identify too much with Eddie, and other times we can’t identify with him at all. But we tend to look at the characters of this story as ourselves. Whether we’re away from God, or close to him we say whether we are Eddie or not. But it blinds us to this one terrible beautiful moment in this story. The point in which Eddie Repents. And I know when I say that word millions of you all of the sudden know exactly what that means. But lets look at it fresh.

Eddie has hit this point where he asks himself “how did I get here?” and after truly assessing his life, he sees that where he is, is not what he wants for his life. And at that moment he puts his pride, and blood rights down. These being the two things that got him there in the first place. And after he has laid those down, he begins the first steps of a long journey home.

Do you need to begin thinking like Eddie? Or are you exactly where you want to be?

I don’t know about you but somehow the word has been stolen in my mind, by jerry fallwell and the Prostitute silliiquy. “I’m soooooo sorry” And I guess in that case it’s probably true. But I would like to bring the word from scary judgment ridden Christianity to the hope that Eddie felt.

Eddie was going to eat, Eddie was going to a better, less embarrassing job, and in the end… if you read it, Eddie has a restored relationship with his father and his sonship is returned. Repenting is moving from what you see as wrong, to something that you see is right.

God Loves you. The father always wants you back. Grace is there and always will be. However, its not up to God. This is your deal. It takes your part; your movement towards God; your effort in beginning the road back to the house that you will call home.

I’m here to tell you today that you can take that glimmer of what once was, or more likely the shimmer what could be; and fan that spark of hope into a flame of a first step. Taking a simple assessment of your own life; where are you? Are you at a place you don’t want to be? Change, and start moving the other direction.

Now maybe you say “Geoff, I have. I’ve tried stopping and moving the other direction, and I end up here all over again.” I say to you: “get help!” It could be that you may need to find another way other than cold turkey. There might be something in your life that you fight every day, and on the good days you don’t think about it, and on the bad days… well, there you are again. It could be that your step towards freedom is to talk about it with someone that might have solutions. A counselor type person, a friend that isn’t in your predicament. And be honest with what you’ve tried, and what has worked and what hasn’t.

You see, repenting doesn’t have to be this huge religious word. It can be a way of life. Assessing where you are, and taking steps to where you want to be. Instead of doing what Eddie did, with one huge V you can have a series of squiggles that get you to the same place.

But if you are on the V route! that road back may look long, too long. You may feel so far away from that place that at this point you’ve given up. And the only thing that is keeping you company is the bitterness that you feel about where you are, especially when you think about what it would be like to be where you would want to be. God is reminding you about the end of Eddie’s story. The part where the son can barely be seen in the distance. And when the father recognizes that it is his son, he runs to meet him. Your road may be long. It might be as long as being a hoodlum in the 3rd grade. But take heart, God sees you where you are, and sees those first steps, and is beeming to hold you in his arms again.

Flip The Baby

We don’t know much about the Christs…
Not the Christ but the ChristS, you know… Plural. The Smiths, the Neills, the Blacks… The Christs…we don’t know much about them. I don’t even really know their last name… hence Mary and Joseph Christ. You know… Jesus Christ’s parents…Mary and Joesph Christ. Of the Nazereth Christs. Or maybe back then the culture was to go around with one name… like Cher… or Madonna.

Regardless the bible doesn’t tell us much about them. Sure it tells us they’re Jewish… Very Jewish… Bloodlines back to Adam… but … so am I. It tells us that Joseph was a little chagrinned at the Holy Spirit for getting to his wife before he did. Possibly 9 months of chagrin. The bible doesn’t tell us of Mary’s gravitation towards blue clothing, or tell us when both Mary and Joseph developed the golden saucer type light that encircled their heads. Mathew doesn’t write down the astonishment of two very Jewish, Middle Eastern parents at the delivery of a blue eyed baby. There is a lot we don’t know about the Christ family.

We just know that for a good amount of time they were in charge of Jesus. He was their little baby boy. And since before he was born this kid was steeped in controversy. #1 you can’t imagine what effort it takes to convince your entire synagogue that you’re still virgin. Zechariah, Mary’s cousin’s husband, the high priest could have vouched for her that God was up to something however he had been struck mute by the very angel that Mary had seen.

And wouldn’t you know… Its Tax Season. Joseph, with the nine months under his belt of married chagrin, has to up an move to Bethlehem for the census. Now this isn’t really the baby’s fault… its more his bloodline’s fault as a descendant of David, and possibly the prophets fault for needing something to be fulfilled. But regardless lugging a very pregnant mother across country is probably not the honeymoon Mary and Joseph Christ were dreaming of.

It was as if a wake of chaos was following this baby. The Owner of the stable outside the very popular Bethlehem Inn had to pay for chiropractic work on some of his prize “lowing” cattle, due to them not having a feeding trough for several weeks. And once the Christ Family actually found a house in Bethlehem, well here come 3 kings from a place in the Orient called Ahr. They were a nice group, don’t get me wrong, they threw Mary a shower. She might have been a little pissed at Baltizaar for giving the Myrrh instead of the diaper Genie that she had registered for. But sure enough, Joseph’s dream of settling down in the City of David, was interrupted by a warning to get out of town. Turns out these Ahrians were the catalysts to starting a mass genocide killing spree on all of Bethlehem’s children two years and younger. So “for the sake of the baby” the Christ Family fled to Egypt.

I’m sure it wasn’t easy to raise “God Incarnate.” Joseph and Mary must have been looking over their shoulders as they did that “new parent thing.” I’m sure they realized the gravity of the situation. But I can’t imagine they realized the gravity of the situation. There he was, the savior of the world. The Fabled king… the Messiah. And there they were two parents trying their hardest to raise a baby who they loved.


Two weeks ago I got to meet the newest edition to my family. Little Kathleen Alexandra Liddell. My family was together for Thanksgiving and I finally got to see my sister, my brother in law and their four month baby girl (they live in San Diego). It was fun to see them. Little Katy was totally cute, and was the age that she kind of was like a stuffed animal with eyes. She sat quietly in the chair, swing, or being held by someone just taking it all in. Her eyes seemed to have magical powers. When they focused on somebody, that person would somehow turn into a fool. Either making a face, or talking in a strange cartoon type tone. Normal conversations about politics would be interrupted with an over emphasized “THAT’S RIGHT…THAT’S RIGHT” a weird face and a farting noise, and then resumed as if nothing had happened. My sister and brother in law were proud. You could tell they loved their baby very much. They would do anything for her.

There were some others that came to thanksgiving too. Galen was my roommate in college. He and I had a great time starting our fraternity. We hung out in Ireland this last August. My mom calls him her favorite Asian son, and Galen seems to have special powers as well. Whenever Galen is around somehow people tend to line up and tell him that they have problems with their knee, or arthritis in their hands, or that they can only bend their elbow this far. He patiently listens to our dehabilitations and calmly tells us what exercises to do, or what “the real problem” is. You see, Galen is a Physical Therapist. And this was his first time meeting baby Katy as well.

It was interesting watching them size up each other; Katy, being the first born daughter of the Liddell’s, and Galen being a physical therapist. Galen seemed unaffected when the baby cried. When Katy was in my arms and she began to fuss, I immediately outstretched her towards my sister with a look on my face as if I had broken the child. Galen didn’t act the same as everybody in the house. We all seemed to be enchanted by Katy, but Galen seemed to study her. Not coldly like an experiment, but warmly like his job asks. His PT specialty is in Pediatrics. So even though he is equipped to deal with my family’s ailments, his job is to work with kids.

As the night progressed, I witnessed a light bulb go off in Galen’s head. He cooed at Katy as she was playing on the matt with the dangleys above her. He picked her up and put her back down, face down… not in a malicious way. But more as if he needed to see something. As if he was a scientist who just poured chemical a and b into test tube c. She seemed a little shocked, but not by the flip, just that someone would have the audacity to put her on her stomach. Within 30 seconds she began to cry. Not a cry of “I’m in pain” or “help me mother” but more a cry of “this really pissed me off.” Galen allowed her to stay there and cry for another 20 seconds before picking her up. Where he gently said, “I know… I know… you didn’t like that at all… That really pissed you off… I know.” But he made no movements to give her back to my sister. It was as if he was superman and Baby Katy’s bullets simply bounced off and lodged into the pottery on the shelf.
I don’t know what it was about this moment that seemed so poignant. Life has all of its twists and turns and experiments but this seemed larger then most of them. I knew what he was doing. He was giving Katy tummy time; which helps with development.

As I studied it: Having babies sleep on their backs has successfully reduced the rate of SIDS, but has also been accompanied by reports of an increase in the number of babies diagnosed with flattening of the back of the head. Katy, because of her life of laying around, swinging, and laying on the mat, gave her a propensity to look to the right which was beginning to do some “flattening of the head” on the right side.

The most common time to see head flattening according to University of Auckland Brigham Young University was age 4 months. No new cases began after 8 months of age. Overall, about 90 percent of the head shape problems disappeared on their own by age 2. The more hours that babies spent flat on their backs, the more likely they were to have head flattening. Even 5 minutes a day of tummy time had a protective effect. The back is great for sleeping, but other positions are wonderful for when babies are awake. One Doctor prefers at least 30 minutes total of tummy time each day once the cord has fallen off.

Now I know what you’re thinking… Geoff, we’re in church… this is not Babies 101. I know you think you’re niece is cute but, please, spare us. No.

I feel this very simple action of flipping the baby is extremely important. My sister and Brother in law love my niece very much. They would do anything for her. Yet their love of the very thing they would do anything for blinded them to the things they need to do. Their baby needs to adapt. It needs to grow. It needs to be flipped. Their baby needs to live within the tension of living life. And as parents, it’s their job to do one of the hardest things a parent can do. Facilitate the growth of their child.

And you’re saying to yourself… Geoff… I don’t have a four month old, Geoff I don’t have kids… or Geoff what does this have to do with anything? Before you simply think that my sister is an unfit mother, think to yourself what you’ve done to facilitate the growth of your baby. We all have them. It’s the very thing that drives you. It was the motivation that was behind Mary and Joseph moving to Egypt. Sure they wanted to preserve the life of their child. But it was something more beautiful than that; something that was mapped into their DNA that allowed them to protect that kid with their life; something that allowed them to weather the stream of chaos that came with having their particular child.

What are your hopes? What are your dreams? What are your loves? What gets you up in the morning? What is your baby? It’s right there in front of you, and some of you are so happy with the idea of your baby that you are blind to the fact that it’s getting flat. Is there something that you love, about yourself, or someone else, or a dream you have that in long overdue to be flipped over. Is your love of that baby co-dependence? Meaning you are so wrapped up in the crying and struggle that happens when we grow, that you would easily forsake it for a flathead.


God asks us to flip the baby. Is your life filled with fires, and when you have a moment to breathe, you just do nothing, and as a result you never get to the place you want. FLIP THE BABY, and prioritize the things that you want to do and stick to them. Are you repeating the same actions over and over and expecting different results. FLIP THE BABY, and take another route. Are you teetering on the edge of faith and afraid to move any closer because you don’t want to be one of “them.” FLIP THE BABY and know that God wants you to be more you than you can be without Him.

In your life you are going to be asked to flip the baby. The thing you love most will cry and be uncomfortable and you have to be the cause. My sister and Brother in law have two choices, give the kid tummy-time or get surgery on a flat head. God places us in opportunities where we have the choice to grow or stay flat. The growth causes crying, pain, and adaptation. Not easy… but necessary. God at one point even asked it of His son Jesus.

I still marvel at the balls Joseph and Mary had at the possibility of giving God incarnate “Tummy-time.” As Mary’s hands shook as she flipped the baby, she might have expected a bolt of lighting, or possibly an odd harp music playing as Jesus floated back onto his back. But more than likely all she saw was Jesus struggling to get upright, and eventually get pissed off and cry. Jesus himself had to grow, learn to crawl, learn to talk, learn to finally love and flip the baby himself. One night in Gethsemane, Jesus knew what was ahead of him. The Cross. And three times he asked to have his destiny removed. Only to hear a silent response. Knowing his love of God and his love for humanity he saw what needed to be flipped in order for growth to happen. Himself. “God, Thy will be done.” And three days later, after oceans of pain, days of crying, and thoughts of hopelessness. Christ emerged in glory. He flipped the baby to reconcile humanity to God, He flipped the baby to underline the fact of a loving God for us, He flipped the baby to give us inspiration for our own growth and struggle with life.

God wants you to know that you are loved today. So much that there was a huge struggle in order to bring you close. He came that we may live, love and be in him, As you go out today, ask yourself, what has stopped you from growing what you love? Because perhaps you need to flip it.

My Achy Breaky Heart

It was a cold morning. I got in my car with no heat. I was so cold. Was it me that was so cold, or did I feel something more? I was cold, like I was doing something wrong, like I was engaging in sin. Like the holy spirit was nowhere near me. Or was I just cold? Because it was November… and I had no heat in my car.

I arrived at my destination. I had my agenda in mind. “You can’t stay too long,” I thought to myself, “or you may regret something. Today Geoff it’s like a band-aid… you got to rip it right off.” We went into the bank, and clinically we signed the documents. We then drove to the courthouse where we dropped them off. As we walked back, the sun shone and I was a little warmer. It was a beautiful fall day. The type of fall day where the sun lights the trees on fire with their colors. Reds and yellows lit our way back to the car. When we got into the car we tried to navigate our feelings of loss, disenchantment, brokenness. But mainly we just kept it light.

My counselor said that I might want to do something symbolic. Something Pomp and circumstancey. So I wrote a poem the night before. I figured what’s more Pomp and circumstancey than reciting a poem.

In the cab of the car I held it together long enough to read this:

Ode to an Unfettered Horse by Geoffrey Neill

Ride Magnificent Ride!
Out goes the tide
as sunset outstretches out towards the night
and you, Magnificent, gallop far and wide to your hopes and dreams to be astride

I am tearful as I see you ride
For I recall when our worlds collide
You came upon my land untied
Escaping that which made you cry

I fell in love Magnificent mine
With your beauty, speed, brilliant design
I brought you in and let you dine
And I think you stayed because I was kind

And for a time this time did shine
And you basked within the morning light
And I cared for you and you did ride
Along my lands once upon a time

But then one morning I peered outside
You left during the night
I built no fence; I thought you liked the grazing lands that you abide
I felt I had to hold on tight to bring you back from your flight
So I took off into the night

And I found you on the mountainside your mane with burrs, but shining bright
Approaching you, stepping light, convincing you to run back to sight
It was hard but you did ride back to the lands that were mine
And we spent that time and that time did shine

But soon your dreams made you pine for other lands that were hard to find
And this dance we danced, times 8 or 9 and I soon saw that I did find
That every time you crossed the line, was a piece of me I could not find
I cried for times you’d reach my side, and you’d come again… and those times did shine

But there comes a time within this life, when the dance is dancing only strife
And the land has been cut with a serrated knife, and you, Magnificent, have no delight
So you lead the dance, and we do the shit(e) and I half-assed follow into the night
And we’re both tired of the same old plight, and here we are: a disillusioned sight

And I see…that we … began to hide
Within what we wanted on the inside
I with a fence, and you outside.
We are compelled today to do what’s right

So I swing my unreal fence aside, any chains from me please cast aside
And on this day, please move with pride into the sunset you always eyed

And so … I sigh.
Ride Magnificent Ride!
Out goes the tide
as sunset outstretches out towards the night
and you, Magnificent, gallop far and wide to your hopes and dreams to be astride

And with that we said some emotional words of encouragement for each other and I dropped her off. I had just got a divorce. And despite the waves of emotion that came upon me that day, the thing was…my heartbreak was that of years previous.

You see I was a Christian. A follower of Christ. Born again. Born into freedom. Connected with the living God. Living the life of a man full of the Holy Spirit. And that label seeped into my being, my soul… I wanted to one day to become a pastor a church. I felt called to the ministry. I loved the idea of doing good. Doing right. Doing the right thing. Having correct morals. Being aligned with the good side… the winning side. I loved it. And what’s not to love. You’re meeting nice people, helping the poor, singing songs, hearing inspiring messages, and most of all at peace with God.

It could be possible that this need to be good might have stemmed from the way I approached my family. I was the Son who took notes on his older sister. Who viewed carefully the mistakes she made. Saw the fits, the fights, and whatever else brought repercussions. I was someone who didn’t want those repercussions. Something in me wanted from the beginning to “live right” but more than that…I think the possible reality was that I wanted to live a “consequence free” life. I wasn’t really into “doing the right thing…” Seriously I could care less. But I was more interested in finding the path of least consequence. I didn’t want to rattle anyone’s cage. I wanted the path that is the best for me. But more importantly, I wanted the path that didn’t have shit attached to it. NO CONSEQUENCES.

And deep down there was absolutely nothing really wrong with that. I believe my heartbreak set in because I began to notice something else. Despite the fact that I had aligned myself with the living God, I had some assumptions that were not necessarily living up to my own expectations. “I was with the good guys now.” “Life should be good.” These were my assumptions. “I’m connected with Jesus now.” “He’s inside me… everything should be smooth sailing.” And unfortunately, as my doorway into Christianity opened into a hallway, I saw that things weren’t always peachy keen.

Oh sure I heard the occasional sermon that talked on “why bad things happened to good people.” I came from normal everyday life so I wasn’t expecting my conversion to all of the sudden right the wrongs of life, and ‘DING’ I would soon be a millionaire pastor that was well known everywhere and who’s shadow creates world peace as it descends upon the places it falls. I wasn’t living in a delusion. But for some reason I did believe that if I aligned myself with “the right way of living” I would move through…Consequence free! My dreams would be fulfilled, and I would have the life of a storybook.

So there I was… A good boy. And there was life. The twisted machine that grinds us all up and spits us out. And in midst of the difficulties that we call life, (which I’m sure to some of you I’m a complete pansy) somehow my theology neglected to tell me to stop smiling and take notice. Stop and take notice at my own heartbreak. My Christianity somehow allowed me to believe that my heartache, should be cured by quickly saying to the wrong doer “I forgive you”. I somehow believed my heartache should be placed to the side along with my self worth. I would think “I am a sinner, so I shouldn’t complain about the scraps I get.”

As difficulties arrived on my doorstep, I loaded them on my back and maintained a smile, because “I was a part of the good guys, and I was going to do the right thing” And as more hardships knocked on my door, I attempted to laugh them off, but somehow they continued to pile up on my back. When my wife left me the first time she told me I had changed. Which was true … “I was much more realistic” and maintained a smile while balancing the ever accumulating “very realistic” heartbreak on my back. And when the shit hit the fan and “She was done.” There… I collapsed on the ground, immobile by the mountains of glazed over, laughed over, very real heartbreak.

I don’t know about you today. Do you have something that is bothering you. Hurting you. Making you feel sub par. Are you an addict? Are you in survival mode? Are you simply stuffing your heartache into your pleasant façade? Do you have a great smile? When someone asks you a hard question do you laugh?

The psalmist writes:
PSALMS 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;

I believe this morning that God is with us in our circumstance. He is with us in our heartbreak. Now it could be possible that many of us somehow believe that heartbreak isn’t a part of the plan. But let me tell you. Unfortunately, heartbreak is a part of the plan. The more we begin to extend ourselves in love, (whether it is towards a spouse or someone we don’t even know) the more we up the ante when it comes to possible heartbreak. We completely increase our gambling odds. Now this might make some of you feel as if you would rather step onto the sidelines and let everyone pass by. But unfortunately or fortunately loving others is going to be the greatest of things you do in your life. So fear of heartbreak is actually something that stops us from living.

(I don’t want to champion heartbreak at all, but I do want us to see that this is a church. And not only a church but one with a mission. One to reach out to the Young and Disenfranchised of Portland. To reach the ones who have slipped through the cracks. This is a church of people that have been used as human mortar under the bodyweight of life. So… I hate to brake it to you… but it is more than likely that by you being here, you are dealing or have dealt with a fair amount of heartbreak in your life.)

Oscar Wilde writes that “Hearts are meant to be broken.” But many times we have no clue why our heart is breaking. The only way to understand and move through our own heartbreak is by being quiet and giving the hurt attention. As we heal through taking notice and leaning into the reasoning behind our broken heart, we begin to see that our hearts are meant to break open fully. We are meant to feel anguish, sadness, and mourn the loss of things in our life. To have only joy, happiness, and elation is to only live half the life God has allowed us to live. And to fear the other half of life is to live half your life in fear.

A poem written by Wendell Berry Illustrates what are process should be

I go among trees and sit still.
All my stirring becomes quiet
Around me like circles of water.
My tasks lie in their places
Where I left them, asleep like cattle…

Then what I am afraid of comes.
I live for a while in its site.
What I fear in it leaves it,
And the fear of it leaves me
It sings, and I hear its song.

What we find as we listen to the songs of our heartbreak: tones of rage, fear, loneliness or longing. But as we listen to those tones you will see that they do not stay forever. Rage turns into sorrow; sorrow turns into tears; tears may fall a long time, but the sun comes out in the morning. A memory of old loss sings to us; our body shakes and relives the moment of loss; then the armoring around that loss gradually softens; and in midst of the song of tremendous grieving, the pain of the loss finally finds its release.

Are you hiding your heartbreak? Are you afraid of what may happen if you allow your sadness to bubble out. God doesn’t want us to be a people that stuff it. He doesn’t want us to have pretty smiles, perfect morals and hidden fucked up lives. When heartbreak comes knocking, God is asking us to open the door. You don’t have to be willing. God’s not asking you to be a sadist. But God is asking us to look. To take notice of our pain, lean into our broken hearts and go through that heartache so that we may not live half our lives in fear. So that we may truly forgive, or simply love again. God is with us. And you know what? We are with us. Today… if you are hurting, lean on to your friends and counselors. Hopefully they will pray with you, cry with you. Let you express yourself without worrying that you don’t have a smile on your face. It’s hard to move through the melancholy of our lives. But don’t be afraid, you have a God that will walk through these shadows with you. He knows that by addressing it, leaning into the reasons why, and morning the loss of whatever it is, that your heart will break all the way open, allowing for more love to enter your life. Today begin to look inward, tell the truth to yourself, however it looks, so that you may let your broken heart be mended.