I watched a movie last night called rendition about a man who was detained and tortured to get information out of him. There was a point when he confessed to everything. He had names, dates, numbers. And for a moment it freaked me out, because what was awful and wrong, all of the sudden was going to save lives. Bombs were going to be diffused; the badguys were going to be stopped. And because of the neglect of one person’s life, other lives are saved.
The fact was the guy was innocent. He didn’t have real names, or dates or numbers. He made them up to stop the torture. He made them up to try to save his life. He confessed he did something to make them stop. When our rights to life get taken away from us, there is something at the core of us that battles to get it back. It’s at the core of revolution. It’s in our DNA. When we are denied the right to live we scramble to survive. Our eyes get big, we swim harder, we search for food with vigor, because there’s something to live for. Life is worth living… there is something inside us at the core that says that. That we will clammor, lie, defend, revolt to just live.
But then we live our life. We get our safety. We get our rights. And life doesn’t have that spark of urgency that it once had. The pain, that strives us to battle politic, the struggle for survival that hoses down the fires of death. When safety arrives it seems to only arrive for us to catch our breath. Or to get a few breaths in. These breaths are those breaths of God that scripture probably talks about. The breath of life that was given to us and the animals as a gift. The psalmist writes “when you take away their breath, they die and return to the dust.” And it’s when we’re safe… or safe enough that those concepts start creeping in. I am but dust without the breath of life. I am but dust without God’s breath of life. It’s a cool concept, it’s a humbling concept. That we are alive because of that gift of breath. That we are alive, that we live. And for us that can hold onto that concept, we can be embraced in wonder. In the Awe of nature. In the beauty of getting up every morning. The freshness of each breath. The vibrancy of our health. Because if we didn’t have that we would be topsoil.
Some of us can’t stay there however. Somehow the wonder of being alive, the day to day living begins to corrode the awe. Plus the concept of being created from our organic surroundings and given the responsibility of breath tends to lend itself to a question… Why? Some of us step past the peace of a simple breath to ask the question Why? Why am I here? Why is the breath of life within me? What am I here for?
It’s a question that is immediately answered with unpretty concepts. Concepts like that of Rendition where lives are saved if others are tortured. Or less obscure concepts that even bubble up in scripture. “Cursed is the ground because of you Adam; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.” Why am I here? To toil? It seems like it sometimes. My dad told me life is hard. And it is. And that’s depressing. That’s not why I come to church.
Though there are glimmers of non-toil. When I get a raise. When Friendships and relationships are going well. There seems to be these moments in life where the initial toil has payoff. I bought a house. And to get approved for a loan there was major toil. But we Got it! And wow… we breathed like we just escaped death. Because the deal almost died…a lot. But now monthly payments… Toil. Good Toil. Managable toil. But Toil.
So many of us may not get so depressed at the speculation of toil, because we see our goals being achieved. And so the meaning to our Why of life is Job related, Dream Related, Money related, Relationship related. And we hold onto those goals. And Hopefullly we achieve them. And when we do we breathe that successful gift of breath for the moment right before we make a new goal… So that we can have another successful breath.
And some of us can stay here. Because our why is never satisfied, is always changing is always getting reevaluated. If we lower our standards enough we’ll always get that breath of success. But some in the safety of their analysis begin singing the song of Ecclesiastes. Meaningless Meaningless The why of my life is Meaningless.
1 I thought in my heart, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good." But that also proved to be meaningless. 2 "Laughter," I said, "is foolish. And what does pleasure accomplish?" 3 I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly--my mind still guiding me with wisdom. I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their lives. 4 I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. 5 I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. 6 I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. 7 I bought male and female slaves and had other slaves who were born in my house. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. 8 I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired men and women singers, and a harem as well--the delights of the heart of man. 9 I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me. 10 I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. 11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.
Here we have been given this gift of breath, and that’s all that it seems to be… wind. Meaningless… and sad. Not something to clammor for, to fight for. So those of us who are lucky enough or depressed enough to be at these crossroads still are asking the question why? Why do I live? And there are so many answers that are out there. Confidence, Counseling, Love. And in a way that is what my life has tried to grappel itself to. Maybe its this that will let me stay happy in my life… or maybe its this.
But the reality is we are built for something more. Which is why we aren’t happy. There is a reason why we fight to stay alive, and there is a reason why we ask WHY? There is life. The animation of life. Thebeautiful animal within us that roams the earth, that toils ,that searches out Goals and ultimately is dissatisfied with the melodrama around us. And there is something more. There is life. The animation of our soul. The something that we long for that is far deeper then our Why. It is the answer to our why. It is the inexplicable wind that makes us truly alive. It is what Jesus was answering when he said “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
To Nicodemous In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.” “How can a man be born when he is old?" Nicodemus asked. "Surely he cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb to be born!" Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, 'You must be born again.' The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." "How can this be?" Nicodemus asked. "You are Israel's teacher," said Jesus, "and do you not understand these things? I tell you the truth, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony. I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things? No one has ever gone into heaven except the one who came from heaven--the Son of Man. Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Nick diligently studied the Scriptures because he thought that by them he could possess life. But he missed the fact that these are the Scriptures that testified about Jesus… Who God is… what he would do… and how it is by understanding the work of Jesus that you can have eternal life.
Why do we ask WHY? It is to come to the painful realization that we have been given breath but we want so much more. We want LIFE. We want life abundant. We need God’s Spirit to give us eternal life. And only way to have that is to lay down your animal existance, your goals, your breath, and allow the fogiveness of your sins. And let Jesus Save your soul.
Its odd that we would clammor, revolt and battle for a life that ultimately we would lay down. But for those of us that are ready for meaning in our life, it is the brilliant answer.
