Brother Love's Travelling Salvation Show

Exile is defeated?

2012-01-16T08:30:00.001-08:00

Once upon a time there were a people in exile.
A nation had placed its culture, economic livelihood, and lifestyle on the backs of Hebrew slavery. The leader of this nation was the Pharaoh of Egypt. The slaves had not always been slaves, in fact their introduction to the nation enacted a series of economic changes that saved the nation from famine. However through racism, culture, economic changes, and specifically a leader who was persuaded by the temptation of power, the Hebrews were being used as Egypt’s bitch.
People were using people in way that they shouldn't be treated
The people in exile cried, and God heard their cries.
An artist came forward who used a wooden stick to communicate that the exile was defeated. With a series of symbols, Moses communicated that the realities that underpinned the Egyptians’ world were faulted. The world in which Pharaoh had established was cruel, unkind, and not the way people should treat each other. This was not met with zero resistance. In fact the resistance escalated to the point where the Hebrew nation was cornered against a body of water that articulated the choices that that their oppressor was giving them. Be our slaves or drown yourselves.
The artist Moses planted a signpost in the sand that articulated a new way of doing things. His stick partnered with the compassion of God opened the sea. The people in exile did not drown, nor return to be Egypt’s bitch. They walked on dry ground to their freedom. And their oppressors were swallowed up.
Standing on the backs of others without their consent or blessing to get what you want is a faulted way of life. In this story, God says that those that build their life on the forced backs of others will be washed away. Moses took symbolic action that communicated how exile is defeated and that there is a different way of life.

Once upon a time there were a people in exile.
This scenario is a little more complicated as there are some layers to the exile. First of all, nationally, Israel thought of itself in exile, because it was under a larger government that only partially respected them. Rome had a sort of agreement with Israel, pretty much to keep the peace. Caesar knew that if he didn’t give Israel pockets of partial sovereignty that a revolt would happen that he could not control. So as a result, people like Herod were put into leadership because they understood the Jews enough to keep them at bay.
This wasn’t an easy way to live, and because of Israel’s history, they were looking for “a Moses” to take them out of political exile. They called this person the Messiah.
However, though Israel was experiencing political exile as Rome’s bitch, there was a subterraneous form of exile going on. Israel’s communication of who its God was, had pushed its culture, economic livelihood, and lifestyle into a class system that encouraged rejection of the other. The leaders of this movement, though very learn-ed in their history of God’s interaction with their people, were trapped into practicing a set of rituals that encouraged cultural popularity over graciousness, rejection of the sick, and other actions that eclipsed the message of God’s care for creation. Specific calendar days were spent neglecting the help of others, and the leadership kept these practice in place by either the punishment of social exile, or in some cases death. The people of Israel were being used as its religion’s bitch.
People were using people in way that they shouldn't be treated
The people in exile cried, and God heard their cries.
An artist came forward who used nature around him to communicate that the exile was defeated. With a series of symbols, Jesus of Nazareth communicated that the realities that underpinned the Religious leaders’ world (and Rome for that matter,) were faulted. The world where it was not OK to heal on the Sabbath, that wouldn’t touch a leper, that practiced ritual OVER people was cruel, unkind, and not the way people should treat each others; especially in the name of God. This was not met with zero resistance. In fact, the resistance escalated to the point where Jesus was executed on a Roman Cross which articulated the choices that that their oppressors were giving the world around them. Be our religion’s bitch or die.
The artist Jesus planted a signpost in the sand that articulated a new way of doing things. One Easter morning, a large stone in front of a tomb partnered with the compassion of God and opened up. The Messiah slotted to free a people politically from Rome had done something much more. Those who understand the significance of Easter morning realize that there is no longer a need to follow a religious, political, economic, or social organization that is based on the mistreatment of others. There is no longer a fear of drowning, or a need to return to be Egypt’s bitch. The people who understand the resurrection of Jesus walk on dry ground to their freedom of conscience.
Standing on the backs of others without their consent or blessing to get what you want is a faulted way of life. In this story, God says that those that build their life on the forced backs of others have no hold on the liberty of those that understand Easter. Jesus took symbolic action that communicated how exile is defeated and that there is a different way of life.

Once upon a time there were a people in exile.
A nation had placed its culture, economic livelihood, and lifestyle on the backs of African slavery. Nearly a century went by with the practice of human servitude within the ebb and flow of 15 presidents in leadership. Since the establishment of the United States, slavery was a controversy that was firmly planted in the ground of the southern states.
People were using people in way that they shouldn't be treated.
The people in exile cried, and God heard their cries.
On April 12, 1861 a war began that defended two thought patterns: One that said “this nation must be built on the backs of human servitude”; and one that disagreed with this axiom. Nearly 620,000 people died to uphold these ideas. Swords clashed against swords, swords hacked at bone and flesh, guns and bayonets ended the lives of those on both sides. Though the north won the war, it took more than 100 years to work out the kinks of what it meant. Because of the color of skin, there continued to be prejudice, cultural fear, economic detriment, and separation.
People were still using people in way that they shouldn't be treated.
The people in exile cried, and God heard their cries.
A group of artists came forward who used a bus seat to communicate that the exile was defeated. With a series of symbols, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Thurgood Marshall, and the Little Rock 9 communicated that the realities that underpinned the white United States world were faulted. The world in which Jim Crow had established was cruel, unkind, and not the way people should treat each other. This was not met with zero resistance. In fact the resistance escalated to the point where leaders were incarcerated and highschool children were kept at bay by attack dogs and high pressure water from fire hoses. This articulated the choices that that their oppressors were giving them. Stand down or we will make you stand down.
The artist Martin Luther King Jr. planted a signpost in the sand that articulated a new way of doing things. His “I have a dream” speech partnered with the compassion of God opened civil rights legislation for this country. The people in exile did not continue to be hosed down. They walked on dry ground to equality.
Standing on the backs of others without their consent or blessing to get what you want is a faulted way of life. In this story, God says that those that build their life on the forced backs of others will lose moral highground, and ultimately be seen for what it is. Rosa, Martin, and the others took symbolic action that communicated how exile is defeated and that there is a different way of life.
We don’t live in a perfect world. In fact that is the point of what I am saying today. We live with exile all around us. Because of the way people are they are tempted to ALWAYS act like lobsters in a pot - consistently pulling each other into the boiling liquid so that we ourselves can escape, or be on top. It is our Job as a church to look at how people are treated and speak out symbolically against life “OK” with exile. We as people who understand the meaning behind Easter Sunday, must realize that we are free. Free from political, religious, social and economic underpinnings that demand the mistreatment of others. We are the bearers of this news. We are St. Francis’s naked body it the snow in opposition to the money that won’t be given to the beggar. We are to look for the bus seat that will make the tired Rosa Parks Sit and rest and make it into space for the weary traveler. We are to oppose the mistreatment of others to our death, even death on a cross.
What are symbolic ways of articulating God's image on a world that is slotted against this?
How do we enact healing and forgiveness in a world that only acts on payment for services rendered?
Are we slanted toward power, or love of the person that is closest to us in vicinity (neighbor)?
Are we slanted towards humans turned in on themselves, or towards real relationship in which difficult confrontations and healing occurs?
We must plant signposts in the sand that articulate a new way of doing things. And when people ask, “what are you doing?” Which is what they ask of all of these artists. Answer them with a fresh story about the human race being welcomed back from exile. And maybe if you look beyond the artist, you can see a loving God that inspired them to paint their picture.
If this line of thinking inspires you, Today I would like you to do two things.
I would like you to meditate on a current form of exile that effects you, or that you are exposed to every day. And I would like you to come up with some sort of symbolic act that communicates that this form of exile is defeated. And if you have the guts to do it, Post the results here.

Jesus says hate your dad.

2011-06-19T19:41:00.000-07:00

Who likes their father?
Who loves their father?
Who loves their mother?
Who loves their brother or sister?
Who loves their life?
Who loves Jesus?
Who loves Jesus so much that they will lay down their life to accomplish his purposes?
Jesus lived in a family centered society where bloodlines justified much of what people did. Justified war. Justified life in separation from those of the country-side because they weren't of the same lineage. Your power came from your family. To see the contrast in where Jesus was teaching from, think about our society which pays tribute to family in lip service, however economics are what justifies what our society does. Economics justifies war. Justifies life in separation from those without finances. Our power and importance comes from our pocketbooks in America.
As a further understanding of where our two societies differ. If you remember the parable Jesus told about the prodigal son. To us today, many people would find offensive the concept that the prodigal son took the inheritance and squandered it. This was seen as bad back then, however what would have been seen as worse was the fact that he left his family to begin with. Why would he do such a thing? What a fool.
I make this distinction not to say how much better life was in the bible. It wasn't. Though they valued family and relationships more than we do societal, it was still so fucked up that Jesus had to yell WAKE UP. And when he did people didn't like what he had to say.
So imagine if you will you are part of a society that values beyond all things bloodline and family. The Donald trumps of this world were those whose families had cajoled and wheedled their way to the top generationally. One day Jesus is teaching in a house, and word comes through the crowd that his mother and brothers want to see him. This is priority in this society. This is family. The red sea of people would at this point part for Jesus to see Mary and his brothers. This is what is proper. And Jesus seizes the opportunity to teach where our true alliances should be: He says “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”
He is saying bloodline is insignificant compared to the loyalty he has to those that are functioning within God's kingdom. Those who are a part of what God is doing here on earth are his FAMILY. Do you realize that Jesus is using his own mom to underline his bond with someone who is having God's will be complete within them. This was not cool.
In Luke 14 there are tons of people around him, they were literally following him, traveling from this house to this house, some out of their home town. Jesus stops and says “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.
Now for some of you this statement of hating your family may be good news. You're like: this is for me. You may say: Jesus this is my kind of religion. I'm already there.
Some of you who have better moms and dads may be a little offended. Why is Jesus telling me to be a hater? Is Jesus anti-family values?
But even if you had the best family in the world. You truly will not understand the bomb Jesus dropped by saying this. If you have any inkling that this could be difficult, in this society it was a crowbar to all they saw as important. A shattering of the power structure. How do I make it without my family? Hate my family?
It's father's day, so I thought I'd help everyone out today by revealing Jesus' plan for some of us to become a good fathers. Simply said, he taught us: to be a good dad, we need to hate our dad. I guess it works to become a good mom as well. We have to hate our mom. To become good, we have to hate our family.
What are the power structures in this world that are more important than becoming a child of the light? Where has retaliation taken the place of forgiveness? Where has business taken the place of compassion? Where has your needs taken the place of putting others before you?
To become a good dad we need to put to death our need to gain power over others. To be a good dad we need to hate those things that are in our life that arbitrarily mean that we are more powerful. To be a good dad we need to take a path of singularity where we are becoming good people. Jesus had a very simple way to articulate the complexity of how you become a good dad. He said "Follow me."
Happy father's day.

Put that around your neck and wear it

2011-03-09T13:52:00.000-08:00

C: I’m a gift giver. My love language is “gifts”. I love giving gifts and I love getting them…when they are thoughtful. If you aren’t going to be thoughtful, just give me the five dollars or whatever and let me go shopping. Seriously. It REALLY IS the thought that counts with me. There have been times over the course of my life where I have been randomly prompted to give a gift to someone…this happened recently and I asked the person in this story for their permission to tell it.

About a month ago, I visited an art blog that I frequent and saw a photograph of a locket from an etsy site. I immediately clicked on the photo, was taken to the etsy page and quickly purchased the locket for my friend, Angie. Inside the locket it says, “I am enough”. It was one of those moments where I didn’t even have to think about it. It was automatic, “Angie needs this necklace.” I didn’t discuss purchasing it with Geoff, I just purchased it. A week went by and no necklace…then two weeks….I began to wonder if the meaning of the message would no longer be of importance to my friend. “Was I really prompted to make that purchase?” “Has too much time lapsed and now it won’t be received with meaning?” These are all things my crazy gift giving mind goes through when purchasing a gift, any gift, for someone. I want it to be the right one, at just the right time, with just the right meaning for the person. Three weeks had passed and finally the necklace arrived. I decided I had indeed purchased the necklace for Angie and so it was definitely hers and I was just the messenger who got to take part in delivering her gift. I approached Angie at church and gave her the necklace. She immediately put it on and said, “You have no idea how much I needed this, this week.” I recently (for the purpose of this message) asked Angie why the necklace meant so much to her. She responded via text, “When u have something that causes u to doubt yourself or always feel u should be further along than u are. Then out of the blue someone who loves u listens to God and God tells u through them YOU ARE ENOUGH! U start to believe it’s true. This happened to me when Crystal gave me a locket that said You Are Enough….I start to believe it and when I doubt I open the locket.”

Two weeks later, for my birthday, my parents purchased a locket for me (via my sister, Sherri) from the exact same etsy site. Mine says, “Hope lives here”. I so needed to be reminded of that in that instant. I was brought to tears in front of my family because my closest people saw that Hope Lived HERE. I needed that. With all the failures I have had in my life that haunt me, I need to be reminded of the hope that lives in me….My parents and my sister did that for me.

G: We have been listening to the audio book, “I’m Proud of You: My Friendship with Mr. Rogers” by Tim Madigan. It’s a book that highlights the correspondences between Fred and Tim throughout their life. We have been literally sobbing through the entire thing.. Specifically whenever Mister Rogers pens a letter. In the book, Tim writes about his impending divorce and because of his deep friendship with Mr. Rogers, he is apprehensive to tell his friend the news, more so, than even telling his children. He writes:
And on that sunny December afternoon in 1997, I was sure I had finally found something I could say or do that would finally render Mister Rogers incapable of unconditional regard. He was a man who had devoted his life to children and their families, and I was a man about to destroy his own. ... I finally summoned my nerve, went inside to our computer, and typed out a letter to my friend, tears of remorse streaming down my cheeks. After years of counseling and struggle, my marriage was probably ending and I was the one ending it, I told Mister Rogers in my letter that day. Could he forgive such a person? Could he continue to love such a man?

His reply arrived within the week, dated December 20, 1997, two full pages on the stationery of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, written in Fred's pinched, meticulous, highly distinctive hand. I did not make it through the first paragraph before I again began to cry.

My dear Tim,
Bless your heart. I feel so for you—for you all—but, Tim, please know that I would never forsake you, that I will never be disappointed with you, that I would never stop loving you. How I wish we could be closer geographically! I'd get in my car, drive to your house, knock on your door, and, when you answered I'd hug you tight.
You are a beautiful man, inside and out, and those who care about you are privileged to share your pain...As for suffering: I believe that there are fewer people than ever who escape major suffering in this life. In fact I'm fairly convinced that the Kingdom of God is for the broken-hearted. You write of "powerlessness." Join the club; we are not in control: God is.
Our trust and affection run very deep. You know you are in my prayers-now and always. If you ever need me you have only to call and I would do my best to get to you, or you to me...
...You are my beloved brother, Tim. You are God's beloved son.

The weight of our own imperfections can be so devastating. Tim had quite an advantage to have a friend that would know everything about him. Yet still value him in midst of his imperfections. The truth of our inadequacy has quite a weight, but when someone sticks close despite our failure. Somehow that weight lifts. Or it is at least easier to manage.

Jesus talked to people who were tired of the weight they were carrying. He said in Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. “For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

The yoke is a necklace an ox wears for plowing. And when a new ox is learning how to “wear this yoke” they pair him up with a more experienced ox. Jesus is saying that you can share this burden that you have with him, and he will show you how to manage it. There is a relationship here... a teaching here. And just like Fred Rogers to Tim Madigan, the promise of someone being there to lighten your load.

C: What we would like you to do, is take about 2-3 minutes to close your eyes and think about a time when someone, genuinely prompted by God gave you a truth that lightened what you had been carrying around your neck. Please post your stories below if you wish.

I have a failed marriage under my belt, failed friendships, failed integrity, failed attitude, failed sisterhood, failed work ethic….the list goes on…and on, quite frankly. Those of you that know me well, know my story of literally spending about three months on the couch, ring less, jobless, penniless, directionless and for the lack of a better word, broken hearted about all of it. During those three months I conversed (aka yelled like a baby) with God about my devastation. Thankfully, in the midst of that, I had beautiful friends who did not give up on me, but embraced me, in all my disgruntled stupidity and are STILL friends with me to this day, which is a true gift of which I am eternally grateful. After about three months God said, “I love you.” Which I thought was complete B.S. And He reminded me again, “I love you.” In that moment, I realized I AM LOVED. WE ARE LOVED. Once I began functioning out of love instead of shame, guilt and fear, it changed the myopic lens at which I saw not only myself, but others as well...and God. The love we receive (from God) usurps the broken heartedness we experience. It doesn’t magically take it away; it usurps it.

G: Over the pillared halls of many knowledge institutions the statement "the truth will set you free" is chiseled for all to reflect on. Its not the entire verse... the entire verse can be found in John 8:31-32 it says:

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

There is a little bit of contingency there. The truth is not absent of relationship. It is only in the context of learning with Him to be like Him that we can become persons increasingly capable of handling the truth. The truth has a vulnerability about it. It has a nakedness about it. And when we stand ALONE in that brokenness and vulnerability, many times we simply interpret it into something we need to hide. Or we go the opposite, and it becomes US. We ARE the perfect couple, or we ARE the major fuckup.

Jesus is saying, “Be with Me and Learn from Me, and I will show you not only how to become someone who can weather the broken heartedness that comes with knowing who you are. But better than that, I will show you who you really are.”

THAT is the truth that sets us free.

C: Once again, I’d like you to close your eyes for a moment. Only this time, I would like you to picture yourself with your head down. Picture what is weighing you down. A dear and trusted friend is approaching you. They embrace you and whisper a truth to you. What is it? What do you hear? What do you feel? What do you see? What do you smell? What do you know?

My dad recently gave me a buckeye that my grandfather, his father, carried around with him for luck. Apparently a buckeye is a symbol of luck – it kind of looks like a petrified turd, but it’s a buckeye. All you Southerners know what I’m talking about. The thing is, neither my dad nor I really believe in luck, but we do believe in the connectedness that symbols bring to us. When I carry this buckeye around in my pocket, I feel connected to my dad.

We have our own “buckeyes” here (small, round pieces of wood). What we would like you to do is write down what you envisioned your dear friend telling you that lightened what you had been carrying around your neck, on these discs. These are to help you feel connected and remind you that the truth of God’s love usurps the broken heartedness we experience. Small tokens to remember and feel connected.

The Heart of the beginning.

2011-01-03T08:35:00.000-08:00

It was the beginning. A man went to work with his brother. He worked nights because that was when nature was most on his side. Tonight it wasn’t on his side. He would go home to his wife empty handed. Their relationship was good, but spending a whole night and not having anything to show for it always was hard. They had to take care of bills, they had to take care of the boat payment. He knew it was going to be a fight. And she knew how to cuss even better than him. And he was a sailor. A fisherman really. Maybe this was the reason he hadn’t gone home yet. As his boat was approaching the shore from that terrible night, people seemed to be up early. A local celebrity seemed to be in town and the crowd was thronging. Pushing this guy closer and closer towards the water Simon and Andrew’s boat was to be docking right where this crowd was most crazy. As they approached the craziness, they began washing out their empty nets.

Jesus climbed into Simon’s boat and continued to teach people about a reality where people are very safe within a heavenly father’s rule. However awkward the situation of a strange celebrity entering YOUR space was, it at least prolonged Simon going home to fight with his wife about being a failed fisherman. Plus it was cool to hear what this guy had to say close up. After Jesus had finished, he told Simon and Andrew to push out a little ways. Simon knew that it was the only way this guy Jesus was going to get some peace as there were about a hundred people on the lakeside shore and they weren’t going away anytime soon. As they pushed out, Simon felt the peace that he enjoyed about the water, that he learned from his dad. Jesus directed them to go further out and told them to put down their nets. Reluctantly, and emphatically informing Jesus of their terrible luck last night, they threw out thier net. Suddenly the net began getting heavier and heavier. As they began pulling it up they had to ask Jesus and a couple other boats to help them it was so heavy. There was so much fish!

Recalling what this celebrity was saying earlier, Simon got scared. He told the figure with dread “Get away from me, for I am a sinful man.”

This was the beginning. Many think this comment is a normal response of anyone who is in the presence of holiness. And it could be just like Isaiah’s revelation of the throne. But on a second look, the reverential response of awe to this divine power for peter seems more like a superstitious dread of the supernatural stemming from a slavish fear of God. The response of someone who doesn’t know the Father of Jesus. Powerfully impressed with the superhuman knowledge revealed in connection with the great catch they just received, he regards Jesus as a supernatural being, is this zeus? Is this the crackin? And he dreads Jesus as one whom it is not safe to be near, especially a poor and sinful mortal as himself. He remembers "I was about to have a screaming match with my wife. I was going to go to the local bar so that dealing with zero fish could be more bearable at 10 am." This was Peter’s beginning, no knowledge of a Gospel which magnifies the grace of God. His piety, sufficiently strong and decided, is not of Christian type yet, it is legal, one might almost say pagan in essence

It was the beginning. A man just had finished praying under a tree. His local rabbi said that might be a good thing to do. The fresh air and the piety would be a good way to spend his time. He was an active member in his synagogue, but he always felt he would never measure up to some of the people that were there. One of his friends that attended was a little more enthusiastic then he was, so when he arrived on the scene Nathanael judged what he had to say accordingly. “Nathan I have found the Messiah! It‘s Jesus of Nazareth” This wasn’t a usual thing for Phil to say, yet whenever someone comes to you with an answer for the political injustice of your entire country, and that answer comes from a no-name town in eastern Oregon, you might say what Nate said which was: “can anything good come from Nazareth?”

There was sufficient amount of prejudice of Galilee coming from the more metropolitan areas to have this come from a prideful Judean mouth. Yet Nathan was from Galilee, and as much an object of Jewish contempt as were the Nazarenes. His inward thought was, “ Surely the messiah can never come from among a poor a despised people such as we are… from Nazareth or any other Galilean town or village.

It was the beginning. And he allowed his mind to be biased by a current opinion originating in feelings with which he had no sympathy; a fault common to men whose piety, though pure and sincere, defers too much to human authority, and who thus become the slaves of sentiments utterly unworthy of them. He said this because Nathanael really thought that greatness is not available in and around his vicinity. Though skeptical, he approached a Nazarene who told him that he saw him praying under the figtree.

It was the beginning. And a man resided in Capernaum. He absolutely knew who Jesus was. No man could live in that town without hearing the “mighty works” done in and around it. Heaven had been opened right above Capernaum. Lepers were cleansed, demoniacs dispossessed; blind men received sight, and palsied men received the use of their limbs. The daughter of a distinguished citizen was re-animated into one of the living again. Yes “His fame went abroad into all the land.” Everyone wondered and talked about the various miracles that were abroad, but for Levi there was something more that made him want change. Who knows what he had to turn from. Extortion, fraud, shaking down half the land. Breaking a couple kneecaps. Or maybe he was the “nice” tax collector, and repenting for him was simply retiring. Regardless, if he was greedy… he no longer wanted to be. If he oppressed the poor, he now began to abhor the concept. It was the beginning and he wished to follow someone who was taking burdens off of people rather than putting them on.

It was the beginning, and a dangerous man entered the ranks of the followers of Jesus. There were some publicists that would have frowned on the acceptance of Levi. But at least he was someone who was for the current parties in power. This man wasn’t. This man might bring political suspicion to the Cause of Jesus. Yet Simon the Zealot was called and accepted. And what a potential for bloodshed within the bunks of the 12. The tax-gatherer and the tax-hater. The unpatriotic Jew who degraded himself by becoming a servant of the alien rule; and the Jewish patriot, who revolted under the foreign yoke. Not an accident, but a prophesy of the future.

Our New year gives us cause to ask what are WE at the beginning of. I want to go a step beyond losing weight, drinking less, or whatever and ask us what is beginning in our heart today. What is it inside you that is beginning.

Maybe there is nothing that is beginning in you. Or worse maybe you look at the survey of people that I exposed before you and you see fools. You see a man who doesn’t know who God really is, or you see a man who doesn’t have any self esteem, or you see a man that just made poor decisions in his life, or someone who has sold out. The beginnings of this heart of judgement is one that will be the same next year… maybe your beginning is to be more able to see things that are wrong with others.

But I bring these guys up because we don’t usually look at their beginnings, we look at their accomplishments, their “Sainthood” their ability to be SPIRITUAL in the RIGHT way. But they had a beginning too. And if you look at Peter, Nathanael, Matthew, or Simon the Zealot, you will see their embarrassing (or maybe not so embarrassing) beginning. But I want to highlight that at each of these beginnings was a humble heart that actually wanted answers.

Peter and Andrew DID want Jesus to show how they might be fishers of men, Nathanael DID want Christ to teach him to really pray to a living God, Matthew wanted his life to be the way of lifting burdons, and Simon wanted to live in the Kingdom of the true Israel. They all wanted a life that was different than what they had. Their heart was ready for Jesus to change the course of who they were. What does your heart want to begin? Is there a call?

Is there something in you that is beginning to be an enthusiast? Like James and John maybe your heart’s beginning to heat up, and, as an unbelieving world would say, your heart is turned by a dream about a divine kingdom to be set up here on earth, with Jesus for its king. My encouragement today is to let that dream possessed you, and rule your mind like it has for others beginnings before you. This vision of a life on earth as it is in in heaven will shape your beginning and compel your destiny, like Abraham, today, I encourage you to let your humble beginning start. Leave your country and go forth on what might be a very humble prayer that asks Jesus “I want to follow you… I will follow you… How do I do it?”

This will not be on a Bookmark

2010-07-20T10:25:00.000-07:00

When I first became a Christian, life was magical. I woke up listening to Christian radio. My prayer time in the morning was as real and pleasant as sunshine in my room. There was an instance in my early conversion where I actually witnessed color differently. It was like I was seeing brighter. More beautiful colors. I wasn’t high. But I was on something.

I drank in sermons from everywhere because I was so thirsty. Enrolled in Bible college. Fought with my dad on how I needed to stay at bible college, instead of staying with my university education. I had extreme devotion to Jesus.

At this point I probably didn’t read this passage in Hebrews 12
7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? [...] 10 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:7, 10-11 (NIV)

I’m pretty sure I didn’t read this at the time, or if I did I would not have understood the gravity of what it talks about. Because I’m sure at the time a prayer that would have gone up would be. YEAH GOD DISCIPLINE ME. And it would have been a genuine prayer. And God may and did grant it. But it sounds a little S&Mee

These early experiences of color, teaching, devotion, and crazy prayers, moved me down a path where I decided to follow Jesus. And three years later I found myself talking to a friend on the side of the road crying. I was explaining to him how all of these magical experiences had dried up. If I was still seeing colors differently, I didn’t remember how I used to see them. I was knee deep in my studies, but none of it was feeding my soul. And I told this person that I simply felt that God wasn’t near me any more.

As people who inhabit time, we live our life in undulation. This means that while our spirit can be directed toward an eternal object, our bodies, passions, and imaginations are in continual change, for to be in time means to change. As a result our nearest approach to constancy, is undulation—the repeated return to a level from which we repeatedly fall back, a series of troughs and peaks.

When I was crying on the side of the road, I just thought I did something wrong. Maybe I wasn’t praying hard enough or I wasn’t worshiping long enough. Little did I know that this removal from God’s presence, from his magical world. Was God’s very point. It was him giving me freedom. This Trough, this discipline of living life without “EXTREME COLOR” was letting me freely become his son. Many times when we experience hardship, all we can see is the pain.

But sometimes we have to see things from another perspective. CS LEWIS had a gift for articulating God from other perspectives. This is a snippet from a letter written by Uncle Screwtape in the “screwtape letters,” his perspective is one of an undersecretary to the devil, and he is writing to his nephew Wormwood, who just graduated and has his first project. A Human host. We don’t have much context, but in this scenario Wormwood Is trying to teach why as a devil, they need to not coast during the troughs of someone’s life

The Enemy [GOD] allows this disappointment to occur on the threshold of every human endeavour. It occurs when the boy who has been enchanted in the nursery by Stories from the Odyssey buckles down to really learning Greek. It occurs when lovers have got married and begin the real task of learning to live together. In every department of life it marks the transition from dreaming aspiration to laborious doing. The Enemy takes this risk because He has a curious fantasy of making all these disgusting little human vermin into what He calls His "free" lovers and servants—"sons" is the word He uses, with His inveterate love of degrading the whole spiritual world by unnatural liaisons with the two-legged animals. Desiring their freedom, He therefore refuses to carry them, by their mere affections and habits, to any of the goals which He sets before them: He leaves them to "do it on their own". And there lies our opportunity. But also, remember, there lies our danger. If once they get through this initial dryness successfully, they become much less dependent on emotion and therefore much harder to tempt.

…You must have often wondered why the Enemy does not make more use of His power to be sensibly present to human souls in any degree He chooses and at any moment. But you now see that the Irresistible and the Indisputable are the two weapons which the very nature of His scheme forbids Him to use. Merely to over-ride a human will (as His felt presence in any but the faintest and most mitigated degree would certainly do) would be for Him useless. He cannot ravish. He can only woo. For His ignoble idea is to eat the cake and have it; the creatures are to be one with Him, but yet themselves; merely to cancel them, or assimilate them, will not serve. He is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning. He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs—to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. We can drag our patients along by continual tempting, because we design them only for the table, and the more their will is interfered with the better. He cannot "tempt" to virtue as we do to vice. He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles.

…Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger, than when a human, no longer desiring, but intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.

Have you ever seen the bookmark or fine piece of Christian artwork entitled Footprints? Its about a guy dying, seeing his life as a beach. He was walking with Jesus and both of them were making footprints in the sand. When he looked back during the hard times of his life he noticed that there was only one set of footprints. When he inquired to Jesus why he left him during those times, Jesus replied. I didn’t leave you alone… I was carrying you.

I think it is funny that according to Screwtape, it is God’s plan to allow us to walk on our own. It is the way we can freely become his “child” without God’s intervention. To live faithfully through the difficulty of life.

We live our life in undulation our hardship can easily be seen as that… hardship. but if we look at it in light of eternity, these troughs of hardship in which God seems absent, our cries, our prayers, our confusion is far from non-devotion. because it is these cries and stances that allow us to freely stand on our 2 feet. Housing the character of God within us. This stance without the support of our senses seeing God in Dazzling Color, is what God calls true devotion.

Anger Videos

2010-06-04T07:29:00.000-07:00

Zippy and Friends

2010-05-17T10:40:00.001-07:00

After re-entering children's television with Bettylou, I was take by the cleverness of Yo Gabba Gabba. How they would teach you to brush your teeth with songs that would burrow into your skull. As I realized this was an amazing teaching method, I also realized the untapped potential in utilizing this method to deal with one of the more fundimental of human evils... Anger. Here is my attempt at exploring it with the help of some amazing friends.

Zippy: Hey Everybody, I’m in a Kids TV show.
What’s that? It’s a BEE.
Spelled with the letter B. Let’s see what he’s buzzing about. Hi BEE
Bee: I’m so pissed off!
Zippy: What?
Bee: Oooooooooooooh!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so angry!! Ooooooooooooh!
Zippy: What’s going on!?!
Bee: Ooooooooh! Oooooh!!!! Eeeeeerrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh!
Zippy: What the!!?!
Bee: I feel like I want to punch something! Or someone! EEEEEEERRRRRGH! My blood is boiling and I can’t! I can’t! I can’t fucking breathe!!! My friend said something to me and so I yelled at him and I hate him and I also keyed his car!
Zippy: Hey Bee calm down. When did this happen?
Bee: (throwing things, shoving things) THREE WEEKS AGO! I HATE HIM! Don’t talk to Knuckles anymore. He’s a loser, a freak and he doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about!
Zippy: When was the last time you talked to Knuckles?
Bee: THREE WEEKS AGO!
Zippy: Three weeks ago? That’s quite awhile…what did he say to you to make you so angry still?
Bee: He said Clyde Shooter my favorite Basketball player on “the Hornets” was a klutz. I KNOW I’m going to find him and STING HIM in the damn face! Sting him in the face! Sting him in the face! Sting him in the face!
Zippy: Whoa. Do you realize, if you sting him, he could have an allergic reaction and die or at the very least have a scar?
Bee: I hope he gets a scar! A scar on his damn face!
Zippy: Do you realize if YOU sting him, you will die?
Bee: I DON’T CA – wait, what? What?
Zippy: You’re a bee. If you sting someone, you die right after. Why don’t you just call and talk to Knuckles and sort it out? I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt you.
Bee: (running around in circles) AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zippy: Bee, calm down. Seriously, you’re going to hurt yourself, or someone else. Listen to me, Bee. Don’t Bee Angry, Bee Constructive, Bee Calm. Look, anger isn’t a bad thing, it’s like when you get a side ache, you know something is wrong with you physically, right?
Bee: Yeah?
Zippy: Well, anger is the same way. It can tell you when something is wrong socially. When someone has done or said something that is morally wrong against you. It’s ok to be angry, but it’s been three weeks. That’s probably too long. Have you done anything constructive by being this mad?
Bee: I cleaned my hive top to bottom seven times in one day and I keyed Knuckles’ car and I told a bunch of people about how pissed I am and they all agree I should be mad at him!
Zippy: Ok, but where has that gotten you? You haven’t pollinated any flowers, you haven’t brought back any sweet honey to your hive and your friends are getting tired of hearing the same story about how mad you are without you taking any positive action. Also if Knuckles finds out that you keyed his car. You might get in trouble. If you let this continue to build, you’re going to end up being jumpy and mad, running from trouble and eventually end up stinging someone, hurting them and dieing yourself.
It Sounds like our friends are going to teach us a way to de-escalate our anger… By counting to TEN.

SONG - Count to Ten
[Break - what I do when I’m angry? #1]
Zippy: Hey Knuckles!
Moose: Hi Zippy.
Zippy: Why the long face?
Moose: haha. Very funny.
Zippy: haha…But seriously, Knuckles, you don’t quite seem like yourself today. What’s up?
Moose: It’s that Fucking asshole!
Zippy: What in the world? Who are you talking about!
Moose: This fucking asshole slipped in one of my pies.
Zippy: I love pie! But he slipped on one?
Moose: No my moose pies, ya know… Dooty. Anyway he fell and hurt his ankle. Now he’s suing me! If he would have been looking where he was going, he wouldn’t have stepped in my dooty and fallen like the klutz he is! He is such a fucking asshole!
Zippy: Whoa, Knuckles, LANGUAGE!
Moose: I know, I know, Zippy, but he IS a fucking asshole! He’s suing me for something so stupid! Yes, he stepped in MY dooty and hurt his ankle, but it’s not my fault! Now I have to get a lawyer and then possibly have to pay out the ass to this douche bag just because he wasn’t looking where he was going.
Zippy: Wow, Knuckles. Do you really think the guy is a fucking asshole?
Moose: Yes!
Zippy: Really? Do you know him?
Moose: Yes. He’s my neighbor, he lives in that basketball over there, and we’ve had some BBQ’s over the years together. But this…this just sealed the deal. I knew something was fishy with him when he paved part of my forest for a basketball court, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it until now.

Zippy: Wait, isn’t this the same neighbor that helped you and Mrs. Knuckles build your deck and the same neighbor that gave you money toward your mission trip to Alaska?
Moose: Yes. But he’s turned into a money sucking hound!
Zippy: Have you talked to him about this?
Moose: No….After he fell I just laughed, because he had my poop on his jeans and he yelled at me, so I just walked off.
Zippy: Wow, Knuckles, so you just left him there in your poop and didn’t check to see if he was ok? You didn’t try to help him? I have a hard time believing your neighbor is a money sucking hound or an asshole or a douche bag – you’re the one rejecting him and that’s pretty devastating. He has done a lot of things for you … kind things for you. Do you think maybe if you called him up to check on him, you could figure something out outside of court?
Moose: Hmmm….I don’t know.
Zippy: Is he really an asshole?
Moose: No, he’s Clyde.

Song - When you call me a Jerk I’m no longer a person
[Break - what I do when I’m angry? #2]
Bee: STING HIM IN THE FACE! STING HIM IN THE FACE! STING HIM IN THE FACE!
Zippy: Whoa Bee! What’s going on!
Bee: I found out it was because of HIM that my favorite center from the Hornets has been out of commission the past couple games. STING HIM IN THE FACE! STING HIM IN THE FACE!
Zippy: Hold on!
Bee: OOOOOOOOH
Zippy: I know you are angry, and you have every justification in the world to sting knuckles in the face. But I saw something recently that might make you change your mind.
Bee: No Way
Zippy: Hold on behind this tree, and listen to our conversation before you do any face stinging. OK?
Moose: Hey Zippy
Zippy: Hey Knuckles why the long face?
Moose: Ha Ha Oh man that never gets old
Zippy: Ha Ha I know. You look better though.
Moose: Yeah I reconsidered that my neighbor wasn’t a fucking asshole after all. Clyde is a Basketball Player and so when he slipped on my moose pie…
Zippy: mmm I love pie
Moose: ha …when he slipped on my dooty and hurt his ankle he thought his season was over. I went over to his house and told him I was sorry for laughing at him. And that if I could give him some money for his medical bills I really want to make it up to him. Apparently that was all he needed. His ankle had healed well over the last 3 weeks, and he didn’t see any reason to keep a lawsuit against me being neighbors and all.
Reconciliation does feel better than the contempt I was feeling for Clyde.
Hey you know? Come to think about it? I haven’t talked to my friend BEE in about three weeks… since Clyde’s accident. That’s not like us. I should see if everything is OK.

Zippy: Hey Bee! Did you hear all of that.
Bee: Yeah…
Moose: Bee is everything OK?
Bee: I’m mad at you for calling my favorite player a klutz. I know it was because he slipped on your poop. I was going to get revenge when zippy asked me to listen behind that tree. I see that you patched it up Clyde, but I still am so angry.
Moose: I’m sorry Bee. What can I do to make it right.
Bee: I don’t know.
Zippy: Hey Bee, you know one thing that you can be proud of yourself about is that you still could hear me. Your anger didn’t control you. That you were willing to put your revenge aside long enough to hear what knuckles was saying. If our focus is in the right place, when we get angry but we will still keep our integrity. The anger doesn’t rule us, we can use it as a positive gage to know when something is wrong socially, instead of over-reacting or cutting off relationship from others.
Bee: I just wish I could NOT be angry. Zippy: That’s the hard thing about anger though. Its not something you can really shut off. Anger is something that comes from your heart. You can’t just stop it… it’s a part of who you are. When we indulge in it for 3 weeks it doesn’t just go away in a second. And usually it gathers its brothers contempt and malice and justifies revenge.

I know you want to DO the right thing and not be intensely angry at your brother. But because anger comes from your heart. You have to BECOME that kind of person that would naturally give the benefit of the doubt. Plus… You’re not a DO you’re a BEE. When you are someone who isn’t angry it is easy to not be angry.

Bee: Well How do I BEE someone who isn’t angry?
Zippy: When that question gets a hold of you, and you really are interested in answering it. What you can DO is trust God to walk you through the steps is takes to BEE someone who isn’t angry. God is the one that changes hearts.

Don’t be a do be a bee
Be the kind of person that would naturally do

Reconciliation Only comes from the heart
it’s not something that you do it is something that we are.

[What do I do when I get angry] #3 Zippy: Well guys its almost time to go
EVERYONE: OHHHH
Zippy: but first lets remember what we learned today.
We learned that We can de-escalate our anger by counting to ten
We learned that calling someone names really shows us that we have contempt for them, and it is blinding us in giving them the benefit of the doubt
And we learned that in order to be the kind of person that isn’t angry we have to become that kind of person in our heart first.

LETS DANCE IT OUT

BYE EVERYBODY!

Death Cleaned Up

2010-04-05T08:56:00.000-07:00

We have cleaned up death. You go into the meat department you don’t see carcusses of animals. You see nicely wrapped steaks. Hospitals ease the pain associated with death. Hospice care is our way of easing the workload that it takes to die. Funeral homes are spotless as they incinerate or embalm death. None of this is bad. It’s great to have no flies, or pain, or difficulty, or smell when it comes to dead things. It just makes the story of the cross a little more distant. It’s primative from our clean world. How can you look at the execution and murder of someone in such a disgusting brutal way, when we live in a society that kills its criminals with a painless liquid? It’s embarrassing to come to terms with it. The center of our faith, our omnipotent God, crucified. That’s messy! The cross stands in the middle of history as an embarrassing, vulger symbol that flagrantly rubs against our pride. Religion we think should be nice, religion should be love. Yet here we have a terrible vision of anguish nailed in the middle of our clean nice loving faith.

To some, they aren’t ready to go there… not ready to get their hands dirty. But for others they can’t profess that the purell world is really what they see. And they cry out for someone to answer what they actually do see. They see people claiming love, and not living it. They see war. They see abuse around them. They see clearly that there is a problem. And it is for those who see that Christ did what he did. Nailed here in our world because it is dirty down here. We pursue things that slime the world we live in, and we areselves are slimed by others. We cry out and find a way to get them back. And we do. Will it stop? The cross stands in the soul of a person poised for retaliation and demands forgiveness. The cross takes the tightened fist against his brother and turns the other cheek. The cross is dirty, because it deals with the dirt of our lives. It puts to death our pretention. It gives us humility. After a heavy contemplation of the cross you will find the burden of sin has fallen off and rolled into the grave where it belongs.

(from the Pilgrim's Progress)

Now I saw in my dream, that the highway up which Christian was to go, was fenced on either side with a wall, and that wall was called Salvation. Up this way, therefore, did burdened Christian run, but not without great difficulty, because of the load on his back.

He ran thus till he came at a place somewhat ascending, and upon that place stood a cross, and a little below, in the bottom, a grave. So I saw in my dream, that just as Christian came up with the cross, his burden loosed from off his shoulders, and fell from off his back, and began to tumble, and so continued to do, till it came to the mouth of the grave, where it fell in, and I saw it no more.

Then was Christian glad and lightsome, and said, with a merry heart, "He has given me rest by his sorrow, and life by his death." Then he stood still awhile to look and wonder; for it was very surprising to him, that the sight of the cross should thus ease him of his burden. He looked therefore, and looked again, even till the springs that were in his head sent the waters down his cheeks. Now, as he stood looking and weeping, behold three Shining Ones came to him and saluted him with "Peace be unto you". So the first said to him, "Your sins are forgiven"; the second stripped him of his rags, and clothed him with change of raiment; the third also set a mark on his forehead, and gave him a roll with a seal upon it, which he encouraged him to look at as he ran, and that he should give it in at the Celestial Gate. So they went their way.

"Who's this? the Pilgrim. How! 'tis very true,
Old things are past away, all's become new.
Strange! he's another man, upon my word,
They be fine feathers that make a fine bird.

Then Christian gave three leaps for joy, and went on singing--
"Thus far I did come laden with my sin;
Nor could aught ease the grief that I was in
Till I came hither: What a place is this!
Must here be the beginning of my bliss?
Must here the burden fall from off my back?
Must here the strings that bound it to me crack?
Blest cross! blest grave! blest rather be
The Man that there was put to shame for me!"

I have a dirty project for you.
I would like us to look at the elements in our life that are embarrassing, prideful, ugly, maybe simply been evil for the sake of self preservation. Essentially, if you can, use this time to reflect on the burden of sin that you are carrying.
Then I’d like you to spend some time seeing that the cross is to there to free you from that burden.
Finally, if you find it appropriate, Please write your burden on a piece of paper… get your hands dirty and bury it.

is heaven boring?

2009-12-17T14:49:00.000-08:00

It’s around that time of year that we pick up the bible and remember some pretty crazy things. My parents relayed a story about my sister’s household that underlines the difficulty of the Christian story.
K: “mommy I want to go see the baby Jesus.”
E: “Um who told you about the baby Jesus?”
K: “Johnny did at school. I didn’t know about the baby Jesus, but I can’t wait to see him. Can we go see him?”
E: “We can’t go see the baby Jesus.”
K: “What? Why not?”
E: “Because the baby Jesus is dead.”
K: “how did he die?”
E: “Some people killed him.”
K: “How did they kill him?”
My mom heard this conversation from my sister, and promptly told her that she needs to bring Katy to Sunday school so that she doesn’t get into these sort of pickles.

Many of us just relax into the season, letting the pickle melt away into presents, stress, and glowing little children on the lawn. As I was reading the Christmas story last week, instead of focusing on the virgin or the birth or the baby, I brought my eyes to the torn piece of air in which the angels peered through. Apparently to the shepherds it was something that might make you crap your pants. According to a psychological survey of most religions and people without religion… most everyone believes that they will go to heaven when they die. And most people have some sort of idea of what heaven is like. But in light of the inquisitive nature of my niece, what if we were to look at some of the scriptures about heaven and ask some questions.

Why is heaven so scary to the Shepherds? Why are the Harold Angels so excited?
In Isaiah What is the whole deal with coals in heaven? What’s with the holy chant?
In Revelation what’s with the crown tossing? Why in heaven is there this constant chant of praise?

After looking at the various heavenly passages I asked myself, if you could complain about heaven, what would you complain about? I polled my church, and some people felt like it might be too bright. Or the gold would be too slippery on wet days. Another chief complaint that caused us all to not think so jocosely was that someone would miss their family… Ouch. On a lighter note, I found with the above heavenly passages, a major theme is that of incessant praise. When the herald angels rip open the air you hear praise in the highest. When Isaiah sees the lord in his temple, he hears praise. Which makes me wonder after about a week of constant praise, if some get a little bored. So my question is:

Is Heaven Boring?

Because in heaven apparently I’ll I do is praise! And to some this seems weird. Religious people end their sentences with praise God. Praise God. They seem to place it in inopportune moments during your conversation. Praise God. Like a tick. Praise God. Personally I’m not a huge fan of those that need constant reassurance of my approval. Praise God. I’m not a huge fan of dictators that demand my loyalty. Nor do I have much respect for those that crowd around them. Praise God. That suck up to the millionaire. That sit close to the celebrity. Yet from his mouth we read in the psalms “Whoever offers me thanks and praise, he honors me.” Like he is saying ‘What I want most is to be told that I am good and great.’

It’s almost like in this context God craves, our worship like a vain woman wanting compliments, or a vain author presenting their book to people who have no idea who they are, or a vain preacher that wants to be told that their message changed someone’s life. Praise God.

In the bible it seems there is an excessive amount of praise going out from his people. And not only that urging us to praise him. Or perhaps being commanded and demanded to praise him. And it makes one think that heaven might get a little tiresome.

What about Golf? Or the ducks that you are tethered to? No … in the bible we just keep seeing praise. And the urging and surging of more praise.

It might make someone say If that’s all you do… that’s boring… I’ll take my six-pack and you can join me in hell. Because hell has sex, and cupcakes (a lot of them), and my six-pack of beer. And it’s free from all of this out of control praise.

Little Shop

In the musical little shop of horrors, we meet a nice boy named Seymour, and he is in love with Audrey. He meets up with an alien plant is carnivorous. He begins nursing the plant to health with his own blood. Soon the plant grows and needs more blood, and the only thing that can satisfy it is murder.

There is a point in the play where Seymour can’t do it anymore. The murderous lifestyle that the plant has demanded is too much so he comes to a crossroads and says “NO MORE.” But then he remembers his love of his girlfriend, who is with him now because of various plots the plant has developed, one being her ex-boyfriend was dinner. He thinks her love is based on the plant, and so he unwillingly begins killing again.

It is his praise of the thing he loves that turns him, and justifies him feeding his famous plant. This is a great example of Jesus’ Truth that says: “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Unbenounced to Seymour, Audrey loved him prior to his fame. Prior to his plant. Yet the tragedy was that he felt her love was contingent on his status. And his love, praise, and treasure of Audrey moved him into a life of service to death.

Cute baby alert!

I’m a ridiculous dad. Out of the gates I was enamored by my baby to the point where I wasn’t even sure she was mine. I would study her features that I thought were flawless and said. Hmm don’t see any bulgy eyes or awkward body shape… Are you sure she’s mine? I had heard every parent thinks their baby is cute. But I wasn’t prepared to actually think it. Someone would come up to me and say she is so cute… and I would graciously say “yes I think so too” But not long after, someone said to me “wow she’s really pretty.” And I didn’t have any issue piping up “Oh my Gosh! I know!” And be so excited that someone could see what I could see. The thing is … I spend a majority of my time with my daughter saying things like “you are so cute, I love you so much, you are the best, you are …” And blather on about something complimentary. I’m sure a psychologist can argue that this is great for a baby’s formation and security. But I’m not doing it so that she can have a great self esteem. I’m doing it because I want to. It is a natural outflow of who I am. Here I am praising my baby. You’re cute you’re cute you’re cute. It’s enough to bore anyone but me.

CS Lewis helped me understand this a bit more when he writes in his reflection of the psalms:

I had never noticed that all enjoyment spontaneously overflows into praise unless . . . shyness or the fear of boring others is deliberately brought in to check it. The world rings with praise — lovers praising their mistresses, readers their favorite poet, walkers praising the countryside, players praising their favorite game — praise of weather, wines, dishes, actors, motors, horses, colleges, countries, historical personages, children, flowers, mountains, rare stamps, rare beetles, even sometimes politicians or scholars. . . . Except where intolerably adverse circumstances interfere, praise almost seems to be inner health made audible. . . . I had not noticed either that just as men spontaneously praise whatever they value, so they spontaneously urge us to join them in praising it: ‘Isn’t she lovely? Wasn’t it glorious? Don’t you think that magnificent?’ The Psalmists in telling everyone to praise God are doing what all men do when they speak of what they care about….

I think we delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation. It is not out of compliment that lovers keep on telling one another how beautiful they are; the delight is incomplete until it is expressed. It is frustrating to have discovered a new author and not to be able to tell anyone how good he is; to come suddenly, at the turn of the road, upon some mountain valley of unexpected grandeur and then to have to keep silent because the people with you are with care for it no more than for a tin can in the ditch; to hear a good joke and find no one to share it with. . . .

If it were possible for a created soul fully . . . to ‘appreciate’, that is, to love and delight in, the worthiest object of all, and simultaneously at every moment to give this delight perfect expression, then that soul would be in supreme happiness. . . . To see what the doctrine really means, we must suppose ourselves to be in perfect love with God — drunk with, drowned in, dissolved by, that delight which, far from remaining pent up within ourselves as incommunicable, hence hardly tolerable, bliss, flows out from us incessantly again in effortless and perfect expression, our joy is no more separable from the praise in which it liberates and utters itself than the brightness a mirror receives is separable from the brightness it sheds. The Scotch catechism says that man’s chief end is ‘to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.’ But we shall then know that these are the same thing. Fully to enjoy is to glorify. In commanding us to glorify Him, God is inviting us to enjoy Him”

So is it boring to enjoy a life of praise? Is it boring to enjoy an eternity of praise? Is heaven’s chant, and call and refrain tiresome? An unending expression that completes our delight; Inner health made audible? Full enjoyment, and demands and commands for you to enjoy. Surely this is only boring and ungenuine, if we don’t see the reality of who we are praising.

Yet it was that boring silly chant that compelled the Angels to rip open the air. Blaze with their glory. In front of the shepherds and yell at the top of their lungs “glory to God in the highest.” They could see a reality that was worth telling somebody about. Just like the good joke, or the lovely mountain, or the cute baby, It isn’t fully enjoyed until you have ripped open the air with your heart expressed how wonderful this is, and asked “DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE.”

They knew who they were praising. The reality was made known to them that this child would stand forth among humanity as the light of the world. What did this mean? “In him was life and the life was the light of men.” A light of such power that the darkness in the world cannot extinguish it. Light means both energy and knowledge. The Angels knew that from this baby born there came the energy and knowledge by which human beings could be delivered from evil and enabled to live life as it ought to be lived.

That with this child, the alcoholic, prostitute and poor would gain access to the kingdom of heaven. Those that trusted in this child would become virtuous and happy, easy in themselves, and useful to others. They would gain eternal life now that would lead them to heaven; to God the Judge, the lover of all, and to the man himself Jesus the Mediator of the new covenant. They would participate in the religion of love; the law of kindness brought to light by the good news. They were celebrating the reality that all who receive this son will enjoy God and themselves: and this would begin to give them the character of the one they praise, make them like God; lovers of all; contented in their lives; and crying out at their death, in calm assurance, ‘O grave, where is your victory! Thanks be unto God, who gives me the victory, through my Lord Jesus Christ.’”

Through this baby a worldwide moral revolution would take place. And what that would mean is that the population of the earth would become transformed into the “Children of light.” Ordinary human beings in their ordinary positions in life were appointed and empowered by this baby born to be in each of their peculiar places, “the light of the world.” It would be no more possible to hide them than it is possible to hide a city on a hill.

It is this, that these Angels in their Boring little scary voice praised “Glory to God!” because they knew that at in the birth of this child the WAR WAS WON!

And though the Shepherds probably didn’t know the full expression of what the Harold angels sung. They knew what a king was, and they knew that some pretty strange creatures were excited about it. So they decided to look for themselves. And they got to see a newborn king.

Hark the herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!
Peace on earth and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled"
Joyful, all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With the angelic host proclaim:
"Christ is born in Bethlehem"
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Christ by highest heav'n adored
Christ the everlasting Lord!
Late in time behold Him come
Offspring of a Virgin's womb
Veiled in flesh the Godhead see
Hail the incarnate Deity
Pleased as man with man to dwell
Jesus, our Emmanuel
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Hail the heav'n-born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings
Ris'n with healing in His wings
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!

Why are Christians so Mean?

2009-11-17T17:23:00.000-08:00

As thanksgiving and the holidays approach, it’s important to get ready to spend time with those people who we call “family”. Many of us get ready by cooking up a turkey or another special dish; others carefully polish their body armor to dawn as they enter the battlefield known as the living room.

The holidays have a tendency to bring out the fight in us. Mom, Dad and the siblings crawling all over each other… cutting on each other… each knowing the RIGHT way to go about things, and are clear about the fact that you didn’t do it that way. It’s in these moments that we sometimes call upon our faith.

It’s been said: “Jesus SAVED me from my family.” And someone might read the passage in Luke 14:26 and say “Hate your mother and father… wow this disciple thing is for ME!” or Luke 14:12 and say “hallelujah Jesus said I shouldn’t invite my family for dinner.” And so they flee to the church because their family of origin seems to be a monstrous place where they cannot measure up, or they just need a break.

Yet within the walls of the church we find things are not so different. Some may find solace in the faint glow of stained glass; however, it probably won’t be too long before they run into a Christian that is mean. It seems everyone has a story where someone who was “of the faith” slimed them with their “good intentions”.

I’ve been mean before. I know it’s hard to imagine, but as I was thinking about family and the holidays I remember the very first couple years that I was getting to know my brother in law. I was a new Christian, a university student of the bible. And though I learned many things I still draw upon, I also learned something else: The RIGHT way to live. Or more importantly: The right way to TELL people how to live. I was a little copycat at the time, slurping up the gems from school and radio, and anything anyone could tell me about my faith. And with that massive ingestion of knowledge, I got a hefty amount of opinion. That I in tern dealt out

Now, I never was really into my sister’s boyfriends. It wasn’t really a territory I felt like chumming it up around. It might have been I felt protective, or perhaps I felt like it wasn’t really my place to say. Regardless, as a basic principle, I just disapproved. I wasn’t as vocal about my disapproval as my friend Tim was of his sister’s boyfriend where they would weekly TP his car. But the disapproval was still there.

As my sister’s boyfriend became more and more a fixture, I began to try to find more and more wrong with him. This, I can attest, is not a good solution for budding family relations, because you will find what you look for. Well, one day, I found it. My sister and he stated that they would “live together” in New York. My mom wasn’t pleased and she phoned my sister saying “I know you are adults, but I don’t like this plan.” She knew that she wasn’t about to change the mind of her 27 year old daughter, but she could at least say she stood up for what she thought was right. My sister made her decision, and my mom being wise, left it at that.

I, on the other hand, KNEW what was RIGHT, and studied what was RIGHT, and probably even had statistics to back up what I knew to be RIGHT. And what my sister was to about to embark upon was WRONG. And to me, it all pointed to one thing: My sister’s boyfriend was not godly!

Well, this had major implications to my treatment of him. I found ways to badmouth him when I got the chance. I didn’t really engage him when he came over. And all the while, I was very vocal about my faith.

Little did I know how destructive these tendencies were of mine; especially to someone I would see more and more often. I had learned by my Christian trainers that a way to get someone to feel bad about their sin is to be mean. Eventually Eric became my brother in law. I tolerated him, but I used my faith to make sure he was distant from me. “He wasn’t Godly… I was… and this is why…” (Very Luke 18:11 yuck) It was only a couple years ago that I found out that his dad had a similar reaction to his faith. His belief structure allowed for him to belittle, and find reason to cut you down… and out. Surely Eric, with mine and his dad’s example, has never seen a glimpse of Christianity that didn’t have a mean streak.

I think being mean is one of the big things that causes fights during the holidays, and really causes people within the church to never want to go back. So I ask the question: Why are Christians so mean?

Below, in the comments, I would love to hear your answers on why Christians are so mean. Also I would love to hear your survival stories (or confessions) on how you were treated.

It’s freaky to write this history of contempt down. At the time it was justified, and now it’s just embarrassing. Thankfully my brother in law is a good man, and never turned the tables on me. He very easily could have pulled out the Sermon on the Mount when I went through a divorce years ago. He could have told me “Judge not lest ye be judged…” and he would have been right. Maybe not necessarily for kicking me while I was down, but rather, telling me the state of my heart when I judged him.

It’s interesting that in my contempt and Judgment of my brother in law’s actions, I still wanted him to see me as righteous. And, at the same time, I wanted him to act in a similar fashion as I did. How sad that I wanted him to “Come to Jesus”, if you will, through my ways of disrespect and contempt.

Perhaps the reason why so many people found healing in Jesus is he didn’t disrespect them or hold them in his eyes as less than. He was a master of the heart. And when someone’s heart was full of shame, he showed them that there was a kingdom for them as well: a heavenly father who cared for their soul, and desired for them to know that they were accepted. Jesus wasn’t mean to mean righteous people either, he was clear. He delivered a sermon on the top of a hill that showed people how you might go about living if you wanted to have the love of God. At first he dealt with someone’s anger and contempt of others. For if we remove our anger and self righteousness at our brother we are almost halfway to life in the kingdom. But listen to what he has to say about condemnation of those you feel are not “living the RIGHT way.”

Matt 7:1-6: "Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.”
“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.”
“Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."

This is a passage that hits at the very core of mean Christianity. This passage shows that how we view others in our hearts is the key to helping them.

Judging
initially, someone might see the flaw in Jesus’ logic if we were to simply not to judge. To be clear, Jesus is not talking about discernment. Could you imagine if you had a dentist that told you when you opened your mouth: “I’m sorry my faith prevents me from telling you about your teeth. I just can’t make that judgment call anymore.” When Jesus uses this word judge, he is specifically using the word that implies condemnation. Condemning someone is writing them off as a person. When you condemn a house, you are stating that the house is no longer truly a house. An example of a condemned person at the time of Jesus was a leper. Today many condemn the homeless, the elderly, etc. They see them as “less than.”

We can underline what Jesus is talking about by using the example of our dentist: what if he despised those who didn’t take care of their teeth? The scenario is: you open your mouth and all of the sudden he yells at you “GET OUT! I can’t work with someone who doesn’t have the same values about tooth care that I do.” This is a ridiculous example, but the words of Jesus still apply: as a dentist, you would see him as unprofessional, and you would probably warn your friends to not go to him. Isn’t it interesting in light of this passage, that we regularly see preachers condemning certain people to hell, or to heresy, yet they aren’t considered unprofessional. It is the preacher’s job to tell a clear story, and it is important to be able to discern what heresy is and what are characteristics of darkness that will not inherit the Kingdom of God. But to condemn, cut off, or write off a person as a person because of their behavior, means that you have demeaned their humanity and their potential. By putting them in this place, you have for fitted your ability to help them. And that is why Jesus makes fun of what you are trying to do with his next example.

Logging
Using a silly picture of someone with a log in their eye helping get a speck out of someone else’s eye, Jesus shows us how our condemnation of someone is really a deterrent to our helpful motives. Many have interpreted Jesus’ LOG as “your sin”, using this passage to explain that you need to be sinless to cast the first stone; Looking within for your own LOG before being justified in condemning someone else. But with the understanding of the condemning Judgementalism that exists in the passage before it, we see that the log is in actuality the condemnation that you have for the other. Jesus is clever in saying condemnation, especially with its usual accompaniments of anger and contempt and self righteousness, blinds us to the reality of the other person. We cannot “see clearly” how to assist our brother because we cannot see our brother. We will never know how to truly help someone until we have grown into the kind of person who does not condemn.

Pearling
But some may say:”I’m RIGHT though.” And they might be… And their self worth is mixed into telling someone how WRONG they are. Why does correcting someone fail as a strategy for helping them?

Jesus addresses this with some animal props. He uses dogs and pigs to show how important it is to help others with strategies that are helpful. Looking at the text at the time things that were holy and set apart for God were things that were in the temple. Things like lampstands, alters, and curtains. A simple question: What sort of help is it to give some curtains to a dog? Same question different animal: Does it help a pig if you feed in pearls? The answer is no help. Someone said to me that at most the dog would have a place to pee. It’s not about the worthiness of pigs or dogs, rather it’s about their needs. Pigs can’t digest pearls, and a dog doesn’t understand “holy.” When we offer things that have no relevance, the object of our offerings may turn on us, devouring us! Our attempt to offer our “pearls” and “holy things” actually keeps us from paying attention to those whom we are trying to help. Many well intentioned Christians have been taught that it is better to deliver RIGHT pearls of holy wisdom than to be kind. And so they become mean. Making sure that the one condemned knows why they are condemned.

So this is my answer:
The reason why Christians are so mean is because they have learned that it is better to be RIGHT than it is to be Christ like. They’ve learned to condemn and cut off others because of their beliefs, and would be happy to share their RIGHT beliefs with you so that they can justify that they are better than you. Thus completing the rejection

It just so happens that I am going to see my brother in law next week. And I think it’s time, after more than a decade, that I eat some humble pumpkin pie, and perhaps apologize for my monstrous behavior in our early relationship. UGH how embarrassing!

We don’t have to be mean. We can set aside our anger and condemnation. And even set aside other’s condemnation of us. (Can you imagine?) We can choose to be discerning without judging, and we can keep our good things to ourselves when they won’t be understood.

Is It Spiritual To Be Poor?

2009-11-10T07:37:00.000-08:00

Luke 12:13-21

Someone in the crowd said to Him, "Teacher, tell my brother to divide the family inheritance with me."

But He said to him, "Man, who appointed Me a judge or arbitrator over you?" Then He said to them, "Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions."And He told them a parable, saying, "The land of a rich man was very productive."And he began reasoning to himself, saying, 'What shall I do, since I have no place to store my crops?'"Then he said, 'This is what I will do: I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods.'And I will say to my soul, "Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years to come; take your ease, eat, drink and be merry."'"But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your soul is required of you; and now who will own what you have prepared?'

"So is the man who stores up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God."

I grew up in an upper middle class home. My dad was a good lawyer and businessman, and a good steward of his money. As a result we had a nice house, we ate 3 square meals a day and probably to a majority of Portland we were considered “rich.” Though I didn’t know anything else. As I entered grade school I found that people were considered “rich” and people were considered “poor”. It was good to be rich and bad to be poor. It was also bad to be a bully.

Poor Bullies

I’ve only been in one fight in my life and it was with a bully in 3^rd grade, and I picked that fight. For some reason my sense of justice over “cuts in line” overcame my understanding of getting my ass kicked, and so I made an effort to put Dan Clark back in his place by calling him “superman.” I was belittling him with his own name “Dan Clark -> Clark Kent -> Superman” Which doesn’t sound like a bad name to be given, but I was trained at chiding by my sister. So if you were there, you would have seen me using superman’s name in vain. Well, Dan wasn’t interested in being belittled, nor was he interested in giving up his cuts in line. So he got me in a headlock and swung me around until I started crying. Bully 1 Geoff 0.

Another instance of a bully winning and me losing was much more socio-political. Thankfully my little neck didn’t get rung, yet my brain learned a great lesson. I believe we were in science class and Matt Ducher was doing something that caused my justice alert to blink. Matt was strong, mouthy, and bullying someone in some way, and it was up to GeoffreyNeill (Since there were 3 Jeffs in my class I was one word “GeoffraNeill”) to put Matt back in his place. Well, Matt had one deficiency that I could exploit that he couldn’t help. His family was POOR. Realistically, the guy lived in the same neighborhood, and it seemed like they had some trouble financially. Matt wasn’t on school lunch program, nor was he in rags, but I knew I could put him in his place with this weakness. And so not knowing the political nightmare in which I was entering, I uttered the words in a very evil “girl in a back-to-school-special” type of fashion. “Well… You’re Poor!” Matt’s bullying didn’t overshadow what I had just done. It was like the record scratched and everyone knew that I delivered a blow lower than the balls.

Peter Ventrella, was there at the time. He wasn’t best friends with Matt. He was friends with everyone. He was sort of like the fonz of gradeschool. Also he was a part of the “poor” crowd, but because he was so cool, and not a bully he wasn’t a target. However my low blow brought into full swing the power of Peter’s tongue. It wasn’t 3 seconds after my comment that peter said with authority: “Well at least he’s not a RICH BITCH.” (Keep in mind this is gradeschool, and bitch hadn’t been accepted by radio and TV yet)

I knew I was out of line. Peter had got me, and I was the gradeschool Dick. I very quickly learned that economics weren’t one to mess with someone about. Because making someone feel bad because they were poor was like pissing on someone’s grandma. So I learned my lesson. I didn’t want to be that kind of guy that put down others because of their economic standing. Another lesson that I learned at the same time, however, was someone could easily be made fun of for being rich. Being poor was being street, and edgy. Being rich made you a BITCH.

Hiding in High School

As a freshman in High School I rolled with the poor kids. I felt like I had to hide because of my neighborhood. My clothes were purchased to blend in. I didn’t dare get a ride home. I learned that to be poor was the way to be regular, if they knew I lived in my neighborhood they would treat me differently. They wouldn’t be my friend any more. They wouldn’t joke with me. Wealth had social implications to it. Rich hung out with rich kids, poor hung out with poor kids. I was the odd one trying to blend into a NON-BITCH environment. Our economics teacher who was a full on socialist would add fuel to the fire by singling out the rich kids and making them feel like fools for their parents decisions to pursue capitalism. Realistically, though I cannot say that there was one person who would tell me this without getting in trouble, I learned in school that being rich is evil and being poor is good.

Christian Underline

When I became a Christian at 20, life changed for me, and I had many things to work out. One thing I didn’t have to figure out, though, was my view of wealth. As I listened to a constant haranguing about the virtues of giving, I was also inundated with the beatitudes of “blessed are the poor”. I was influenced by John Wesley who said that if you don’t give all you have he has no more hope for you than that of Judas Iscariot. I was taken by Jesus’ decision to tell the rich young ruler to sell all and then in the same breath tell everyone that it’s nearly impossible for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. It reinforced something in my upbringing that said: “The rich are bitches.” Money is evil. And it is spiritual to be poor.

So I ask that question: IS IT SPIRITUAL TO BE POOR?

We are affected by finances every day. It is a super personal thing. It is no question that Jesus was right when he said where your treasure is there your heart will be also. And so it is because of the link to our hearts that I ask “is it Godly to have no money?” Below are some Christian misconceptions that have been taught in my life, telling me that I should hate money because it is evil.

· In Luke’s Gospel Jesus says “Blessed are the poor.”
· In Luke 12 We run across a farmer whose life is taken because he has a whole lot of crops
· Rich Young ruler being told he needs to sell everything and follow him to have eternal life
· Jesus not too long after says that it is as easy for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven as a camel to go through the eye of a needle.
· In Timothy we hear that money is the root of all evil
· Outside the bible we see St. Francis and Dominic taking vows of poverty

Very quickly I want to address each of these because I think we have to be informed, you can skip ahead if you don’t care.

· Luke’s Gospel - Blessed are the poor: Their poverty is not the contingency for blessedness… their trust in Jesus is what gives the poor “POSSESSION of the kingdom of God”
· Farmer – God’s going to kill you if you build silos –wealth is deceptive and makes us think we have it put together (that was the message Jesus was getting at.)
· Rich Young ruler – We need to sell all – If we allow our wealth to keep us from trusting in God, we really will not inherit the eternal life from above. Because something is more important, and will take precedence
· Camel Eye of a needle –It’s important to see here that Jesus didn’t say “it is so much easier for the poor to enter the kingdom of heaven.” It isn’t. It’s specifically difficult for the rich in this instance because they have been deceived by their finances into thinking that their future is secure and their soul can be at rest with their savings.
· Timothy: Money root of all evil. Here’s where reading the passage helps “ LOVE of money is the root of all evil” Paul is showing Timothy if you Love money than you will be poised to do what it takes to get money, hence even do evil.
· Vows of poverty. Francis’ vow was a political statement for the time, like Gandhi’s fasting. Today we have people taking vows of poverty. But really they are vows of non-possession. Their order or church takes care of them. We think of it as better because there is simplicity about it, and they are taken care of. But it really isn’t poverty; if it was poverty they would very quickly be feeling not-spiritual.

Below I have devised a wonderful question that allows us to see a little more clearly:

Answer the following:
Who is more spiritual?

A Jesus following Businessman who lives an upper class lifestyle, is a good steward of his money, and allocates his finances towards the various good that he has prayerfully decided.

A Jesus following person who works 9-5 in a diner and gives most of what he has away.

These points out our economic bias. It also points out what we really think. Some of us would love to have wealth so that we can get the stuff we want. But we are working off of software that is saying. Wealth is evil.

Some of us might think this because we haven’t really thought through the guilt by association. For instance: there are people out there that are putting their efforts towards banning guns, because guns kill. But in reality guns just sit there. Or they look cool. It takes someone picking up that gun and pointing it at me that kills. So we’ve heard the slogan, Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. We also have to be real with the fact that a gun accelerates the matter. But without the intention to kill, we see a gun acting very docile.

The same thing works for money. Many have witnessed finances accelerating the process of evil. Yet this is only a reflection of the person holding and using that money. If the money were to sit in a bank somewhere it would simply accrue interest.

Poverty

To become poor to be spiritual is sort of like wanting to itch your back so you put on a straightjacket. You might accomplish your purposes but there are better ways. When someone spiritualizes poverty they really are not describing poverty. They are actually describing non-possession. They are saying “ahh to be homeless is to have it so good.” But really what they are saying is to be free from the responsibility of possession is a great idea. But anybody who has lived in poverty knows that Poverty is uncool. It makes people feel like God isn’t helping them. Poverty moves people to true desperation where there is no hope. We need to be real with what it is. Non-possession on the other hand can be awesome if you are taken care of, but realistically you have given over your own responsibility to someone else to take care of you. This is not poverty. Poverty is not spiritual; it is the lack of resources that strangle one into desperation

Wealth
Money is easier to live with but it can be deceptive. But just like poverty it isn’t spiritual either. Because you are wealthy doesn’t mean you are IN the Kingdom of God.

Both are statuses that have nothing to do with functioning in the Kingdom of God. There will always be the poor and always be the rich. If you remember when Jesus was on this earth there were poor people and rich people. When the early church was established there were poor people and rich people. There was a distribution of wealth but that didn’t mean that there weren’t those people who needed that wealth, and the others who provided that wealth. There were poor churches in Jerusalem, and rich churches in Corinth. I am not saying that if you are poor that is your lot in life and vice versa if you are rich. You can do whatever to become whatever. But what I’m saying is: that neither is more righteous. God uses both. People who are in Poverty, God will work on removing your entitlement, and it also makes for an environment to cultivate thankfulness. When you have Abundance; God will work on removing your hoarding or greed, and it also makes for an environment to cultivate generosity.

So each isn’t more spiritual or less spiritual but God definitely uses both to develop our character.

Three words:

Possession – Possession is not evil. According to Genesis 1:28 it is actually part of the blessing of being created in the image of God that we would govern over the land, the zoological creatures, etc. To govern over something is to be human. Possession is an extension of our “rule.” Our finances are an extension of our bodies. The issue is we can’t have our possessions possess us. That’s where most of us run into difficulty. But to actually possess a house, a job, a family, a bank account, is not an evil thing. If you think giving is a good thing, yet you don’t like possessing, consider that you cannot truly give something unless you first possess it.

Use – I’m using this word in its negative context. Like someone would USE drugs or USE another person. In a financial context using money means that they use it to accomplish THEIR purposes, not functioning in a greater good. An example of using money would be buying a sex slave, or World War II atrocities like Auschwitz. The German people paid for that. Using money in this context IS evil. It has varying degrees obviously. But here’s the interesting thing: You don’t have to POSESS in order to USE. The reason why this is because you might not possess any money, yet you can still manipulate others that do have money. So whether you have money or not, the opportunity is there for you to USE it to get YOUR WAY.

Trust – Trust in riches is the issue that Jesus is trying to get at with the parable of the farmer. Trust means that you are relying on it to take care of you. Jesus would say that a fool does that. That the farmer didn’t have a clear picture of reality. The reason why someone would make this leap, though, is because wealth is very powerful. You have the ability to USE it to accomplish your purposes. And many would say that if they got a million dollars. They would be set. This is trusting that their money will take care of them. Which realistically it will buy opportunities. But Jesus was trying to let us understand that our father in the heavens has the ability to take care of us much better than paper.

Possession isn’t evil, Using is because it disregards the greater good, and trusting money is letting your USING move you into a fantasy world that is delusional.

There are two spiritual disciplines that are the opposite of Using and allow your Possessions to be allocated towards Good.
Frugality – Not being wasteful, prudently saving, spending smart.
Stewardship - Managing property, finances, or other affairs well.
With both of these I am implying that you are interested in loving God with your possessions and finances.

Today
Today I do not live in my parent’s neighborhood. I don’t have my parents’ money. I don’t consider myself rich or poor, but I am ONLY scraping by. I dove into the bible to see what God has to say about money and I feel like I have a better perspective on finances because of it. Today I see wealth for what it is: an opportunity to do good. I see poverty for what it is: a difficult situation that when looked at properly is tragic. Poverty isn’t a spiritual bump on the god totem pole. The best thing that I have learned is that Just because someone is rich doesn’t mean they’re a bitch; their possessions don’t make them evil.

The sad thing is that one of the reasons I dove into the bible is because I wanted to learn what God had to say about money. So I could have more. Totally trying to USE God to suit my needs. Thankfully he has helped me with this understanding. What I realized is that if I want more money (which actually isn’t an evil thing as long as my heart is in check) I better start living frugally. I better become a good steward of my finances. So by studying the bible I realized that my first step towards more money was to make a budget and keep it. That was my first spiritual step toward not Using money and not Trusting in money. It was to learn where my money was actually going and allocate it properly. It seemed very high school personal finance, but since then, we have been living within our means, less out of control. And we have even been saving.

So today, I wanted you to know that it is good to possess. And with this information I give you, you can do with it what you wish. You can USE it to buy a new silo. Maybe you want to TRUST in it. Maybe you just want to give it away. But today I would hope that you take this information, and be a good steward with it.

Life Beyond Mere Profession

2009-10-12T16:53:00.000-07:00

I talked to a friend a while ago who had just finished getting a divorce from a huge clusterfuck of a marriage. He had just come from Las Vegas and he told me. Geoff I’ve been really bad. But it’s been really good. He did all the things that need to stay in Vegas. Hookers, drugs, you name it. And the guy could afford it as well. Now this guy has had a hard past, but he also went to seminary and has a degree in theology. He knows all the ins and outs of the Trinity, and systematic Christology. He believes the right things, but is this translating into a With God Life?

I talked to another person a while ago who is a minister of Christianity. He believes it, and he would be the first to tell you so. And boy is he orthodox! He knows all of the creeds and the reason behind the creeds, and would be the first to call you out if you said something off. There’s nothing wrong with this until you get in a room with him. You see, it seems his need for correct doctrine stems from a deeper insecurity. Years ago he was rejected by a church several times, and one of the reasons for them rejecting him he has concluded is because they were heretical. So … “he will never be like THEM.” “He will never believe wrong things again.” Today he has a problem socially. He leers at women, and creeps them out. He is usually oblivious to it, yet there are some people that have been hurt by his obliviousness. His friends make excuses for him saying “well that’s just him... you have to look around his bull in a china shop behavior.“ Yet there have been instances in which those pieces of china have been people that he has broken. His strong desire to convey a message, is not exactly to convey a message, but to be “right”… to feel good about what he is putting out. He believes the right things, but is this translating into a With God life.

We all know them. The Hippocrites. The ones who say and know all of the right advice, but really gross us out when it comes to their life. The people that we know are “smart” but their life is ugly. They are the epitome of Irony. Like rayeyain on your wedding day. The ethics professor that treats the custodian with contempt. They are the ones who would say “I know the right way to live”, yet when you apply the magnifying glass you see that they don’t really practice it. They believe in Jesus, yet They are the THEY that we talk about who give love a bad name. The fish bumpersticker that just cut us off or flipped us the bird. What are your stories of some hippocrites that you know?

They believe in Jesus, yet is this translating into a With God Life?

Some have allowed their belief in Jesus to give them license for their perpetuated wrong doing. And in their wrongdoing the With God Life has vanished. Some have allowed their belief in who Jesus is stop them from being kind so that they can be “right.” And in their anger or meanness the With God Life has vanished. They are the professors of Christianity, without the chutzpah to witness to his light. They are the city set on a hill without electricity.

It’s in this vien that I agree with Thomas a Kempis who says “It’s better to have contrition then to be able to define it.” The definition of Contrition by the way is: the sincere remorse for wrongdoing. Just so you know I am not anti intellectual. I think it is a great thing to understand God, and Theology. Some people maintain that you can’t know about God, but I would maintain that those people haven’t read the bible. I am also orthodox in my thinking and I think that it is important to maintain that. But When we are confronted by believers who don’t take on the traits of their heavenly father, It makes me ask what is it that Causes the With God life? Can it be done? Some people don’t think it can… especially our hippocrite friends. I think it can, but I think you need to add something to your mere profession of Jesus as Lord.

Now these stories are good examples of hippocrites. But to some extent they may be a little unfair. I am sure if you applied the right magnifying glass to my life, and phrased it properly, at certain times in my life I would make this list as well. It’s easy to throw the “RUINERS of the CHURCH” under the bus. But then I ask us who are so eager to throw stones. Are WE living the “With God Life.” It’s for sure that our hippocrite friends are not living up to the eternal life standards that Jesus talked about. But Are we?

We know how to live. They don’t.

There were some people who knew how to live. They were Godly people. They knew the ten commandments. They knew that one shouldn’t commit adultary. They knew that that was bad behavior. They saw a guy living it up with prostitutes in Vegas and knew that he wasn’t living the With God Life. And it is to these “knowledgeable ones” that Jesus is talking to when he says this in Matthew 5

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

Jesus ups the anti and gives them (the people who know the right way to live) something more intense than prostitutes in Vegas. More than adultary, the cultivation of lust is equally bad. Then he goes into underlying the need to participate in mutilation for heavenly purposes. Some have used this teaching to allow them to boast in not seeing a women for years. Some have used this teaching to justify self mutilation. Some have used this teaching to hate their body, and wish it dead saying “One day I will be rid of my body and its EVIL FLESH.”

But… Just so you know Jesus wasn’t adding a more intense law to the ten commandments, he doesn’t function in rules to live by… he functioned in teaching. He wasn’t advocating not seeing women, or even mutilating yourself. BUT HE SAID IT… He was teaching in a manner that would show the people what was behind the commandment. You see the God followers at the time wanted others to participate in THEIR lifestyle. But Jesus knew that their lifestyle was empty. It was a life of good intentions but a life absent of love. He went overthetop into mutilation to show their lack of understanding about the kingdom of the heavens. He showed them. If you think all it takes is not doing the wrong thing to get into heaven, you’ve missed it. He shows this by being jacose. Say your eye or your evil arm causes you to sin. Well remove it and you will roll into heaven a bloody stump! YAY you’ve made it to heaven because you didn’t do anything wrong! GETTING INTO HEAVEN isn’t about doing the right thing, or not doing the wrong thing. Doing the right thing is a simple outflow of a life within the Kingdom. If you are loving your nieghbor you are not lusting them, nor are you diddling them with your hand. This was a jolting teaching just like it is today. He is saying to become the kind of person who lives within the kingdom of heaven, you aren’t worried about doing anything wrong lustfully because you are interested in loving your neighbor. What’s behind Thou shalt not commit adultary, is loving your nieghbor. That is life in the Kingdom of the heavens.

But some people say “I can’t help it.” I pray and I pray and I continue to “struggle with lust”

And it is in that vien that they agree with Paul who says in Romans 7

For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.

There are a couple things that come into play here. Spirit, Law, Flesh, Sin

Spirit - is the unbodily personal power, the life from above, that comes from God.

Law - is the law of love, the law of loving God and Neighbor.

Sin - is living your life in a manner in which you do not love God or your neighbor.

Flesh – This is the one that people get confused about:

"Flesh," on Paul’s understanding, consists of the natural human abilities, considered in themselves and on their own, unaided by Divine assistance and direction. Flesh is not necessarily bad, and it certainly is not "fallen or sinful human nature." Which is how some bible translations interpret it. For one thing, it is not human nature, but only one part of it. For another it is not essentially sinful, fallen, or bad. It is a good creation of God, and needs only to be kept to its proper function in life before God.

In galations 4 Paul explains this by using the example of Hagar and Sarah. "the son of bondswoman (Hagar) was born according to the flesh" (Gal. 4:23)—that is, from normal human abilities. You guys understand the Birds and the bees that’s how Ishmael was born. But "the son of the freewoman" (Sarah) was born through the promise and action of God, along with her and Abraham’s normal human abilities. Spirit and flesh.

So our flesh isn’t inherantly bad. It’s a creation that when coupled with God’s spirit can make for beauty. The problem comes in when we, like Abraham, go about making it happen on our own.The "mind set on the flesh" is death paul says in romans 8, because it draws upon natural human abilities alone, not upon the gracious actions of God in our life. That is why in Galations 6 Paul says Those who invest solely in their flesh get back only "corruption" for that is the only outcome of natural human abilities on their own, dominated by their desires. To be corrupt means to be broken into pieces, to perish through internal disintegration.

And that is the main weekness of the flesh: its internal desires. When you don’t have the spirit and the law of love guiding your way, you only will hear from your desires. And they are LOUD, and twist your understanding of what is right and what is wrong. Some of your flesh desires are healthy. It’s important to eat. Important to sleep. Others are not so healthy. It’s not cool to sell your child into slavery for instance. Yet if someone is hard up for money, it has been done.

I had another friend who really messed with a lot of people because of his stated desires trumping his understanding of God’s law of love. He is a christian. Involved in a church. And has a faith very much like all of us. He also had a fantasy that if he could have two women at once, he would take it. Well the opportunity lent itself and he took it, as a result he hurt his marriage, his relationship with his friends. And now he can say he’s been with two women. YAY. And I’m sure he says today that Jesus has forgiven him. Some of his friends are not so forgiving.

And that’s how the flesh moves into internal disintegration. If we only rely on our natural human abilities, there will be a point in which our desires will be more interested in what we want than the over all good. Our flesh will be poised to do evil if necessary to fulfill what it wants. 2 women? what would you do for a million dollars? how about wanting someone dead? This is life without spirit and God’s law.

It is in this capacity that the law is contrary to the flesh. It allows us a guide for loving each other. The desire of having sex with anyone, then rubs up against God saying, hey maybe human intimacy means a little bit more than that. The desire for the person in the car in front of you to drop dead, rubs up against you doing unto him what you would have him do unto you.

I think it is here that we are running into the issue of our first hippocrite examples. We have someone saying I love Jesus. But is overrun by their desires so that their life doesn’t reflect that they love Jesus.

Again… we have to remember back to Jesus’ teaching that we are not interested in correct behavior, that is only a byproduct of what happens when someone is living within the Kingdom of God. We are interested in a whole life where love of God and neighbor is the goal. Remember…Why would we choose to lust this person if you could intend the good for them. We don’t want empty behavior. Empty behavior that is good is still empty.

One thing that I’m noticing is that our profession of love of Jesus is somehow converting us, but not moving us to truly live the life from above that Jesus promises. And as a result we love Jesus’ forgiveness because it allows us to maintain our desires as is. Thus we love Jesus for what we get out of the relationship which is a clear conscious, but realistically he is not our Lord.

Don’t get me wrong I am all about conversion. Which is us finally believing that Jesus might be who he said he is. To consider him Lord. To know him as savior and messiah. But I’m pretty sure that many of us can see where someone allowed their conversion to stay put. They profess Jesus as Lord, but in reality their love of their desires trumps their love of God. Their desires are more important than their pursuit of being a part of what God is doing. And that includes being a part of the “right” sort of crowd, called a church.

Could it be that we have allowed our conversion in christianity to stop us from understanding our actual need for transformation. Could it be that our understanding of God needing to save us has allowed us the excuse to do nothing. It is true we cannot do anything without his spirit. But if we do nothing we do that without his spirit as well. Our Flesh’s roll in our own redemption is one that has been swept under the rug. We need to move from Conversion to Transformation. This is difficult and not new.

There was a man called peter who outlines the possibility of such transformation. He shows that it is not impossible, to have our flesh aligning to its natural calling with God’s Holy spirit to create our own little Issac. At the same time, it isn’t an overnight process, it takes Jesus calling him out, his spirit failing due to his weak flesh, through failure, through dilligence, and finally through transformation into the boldness of someone who has the spirit of the easy yolk powering him.

It’s Passover and the disciples are all at a dinner with Jesus. Peter is a convert. He has said to Jesus he knows who he is. The very son of God. And he has been following this guy for quite some time. He is “in” As Heidi Klum might say. Yet his profession and his conversion doesn’t mean that embodied within his flesh is the desire to not go to jail. Embodied within his flesh is the desire to “Do Evil If Necessary.” Even though he is “IN” Very much like paul in Romans 7, there is something that is in it for himself. That he doesn’t want to do, but he do do.And Jesus sees this.
Then Jesus told them, "This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: " 'I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.' But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee." Peter replied, "Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will."
"I tell you the truth," Jesus answered, "this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times."

Regardless of his own profession, and his own zeal, Jesus could see the embodied sin embedded within Peter’s flesh. Peter had a need to make HIS will come about. Jesus had nearly the same will as he prayed in the garden. Yet in his prayer, he relinquished his way, for a better way. But he went to check on the others who were sapposed to be praying with him, he caught them sleeping. He told them "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." This is not a dig, this is a matter of fact statement. They should have prayed as we will see later. Also they really did want to pray, and they really did want to stick up for Jesus. But their flesh was weak from their continued feeding of Their way. Could it be that to give into our fears, and our sin, we weaken our body. Possibly this is what doctors tell us all the time in our checkups.

But why should they pray so they don’t fall into temptation? Well… We see as Judas betrays his Lord with a kiss. The others scatter like Jesus fortold, and Peter sticks around and falls into the temptation of his flesh. He draws his sword and slices the priest’s assistant’s ear. When we don’t have the guidance that comes from prayer and the Spirit, our desires twist our view of right and wrong, into seeing what is good FOR US is right. Our flesh that is Poised to do evil, Poison’s our ability to see the bigger picture. Peter thought what was good was to defend his Lord by force. This was his spirit utilizing his weak flesh. Yet the bigger picture was that Jesus was giving his life freely. And Jesus remedies this “weak intention” by healing the ear. We can obtain guidance by watching and praying so that our intentions are guided by wisdom, and not our twisted desires.

With Peter’s tenacity, we still see his body upholding what he said. “I will not fall away!” And He follows the party. Yet every time he is confronted on his connection to Jesus, his mouth begins following his weak flesh. Denying 3 times before the dawn.

We all make mistakes. Like the bumpersticker says “Christians aren’t perfect… Just forgiven.” But for peter, this was his bottom. He used this realization of his betrayal, to not “JUST BE FORGIVEN.” But there was something more to his Lord that inspired him to be more than the Guy who will sell his friends down the river. Instead of just being that Guy. And finding forgiveness. When Jesus did raise, and Jesus did empower him with the Holy spirit. It was Peter who risked his life to witness to the truth.

His flesh met spirit and transformation occurred. The story is not new obviously.But I do want to point out is that even the demons or pre-pentecost Peter Think Jesus is the son of God. You might think that Jesus is the son of God, You might believe, and you might be baptised in his name. But you cannot rest upon your profession of a truth. If you say Jesus is Lord. Than you must think that he is Lord. You must move in transformation in order to live a With God Life. You must let Spirit meet flesh in order to live a life filled with Love of God and Neighbor. If you rest on your memory of God knowledge you will most definitely be living a life struggling with your desires which is a life of death and guilt. Instead, let your knowledge be a biblical type of “knowing” which means interactive relationship with a living God who promises the easy yolk to the one who has chosen that Jesus is Lord.

Jesus came that you might have life and have it to the full. We must make efforts to rid ourselves of weak flesh that has within it the embodied sin that paul talks about. We can no longer give ourselves license to be poised to do evil. We aren’t interested in our behavior, but are interested in loving our God. We Must make true efforts to move from simple profession, and conversion, into being transformed into the children of the light. This means that as children we have the basic nature of light: that light is our parent and has passed on to us its nature, as any parent does. The apostle John summed up the message that he and his friends had heard from Jesus as this: "God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all." (1st John 1:5)

Now, the people who have moved into the light of Christ are not perfect and do not live in a perfect world—yet. But they are remarkably different. The difference is not one of a pose they strike, either from time to time or constantly, or of things they do or don't do. They are not "performing"—though their behavior too is very different and distinctive. Where the children of light differ is primarily and most importantly on the "inside" of their life. It lies in what they are in their depths, in what they would do and could do.

The only way we can do this is through keeping the importance of this before our minds. To see the urgency behind the need to be a part of God’s Kingdom. This importance is what Jesus means by carrying our cross. Where it is primary, above even our own life. This is most important thing that we can do. To begin disciplining ourselves into christlikeness. Joining our flesh with his spirit. Putting to death our embodied sin which wields our corruptive desires. We can only do that if we see it as the mose important. And our efforts towards transformation will be void unless we desire to seek the kingdom above all our desires.

I noticed recently that there are a lot of scriptures in which Jesus was touching people to heal them. And Paul remarks that the laying on of hands in prayer is a very powerful thing. Then I realized that we do that, but it doesn’t have the same results as they had. It made me ask, is this not happening is because I haven’t made the effort to transform myself into his character. Is it because I haven’t done what peter has asked me to do in his second letter. Where he says that I need to apply all my diligence (how much dilligence does that leave out) to adding virtue to my faith, and in my virtue, I need to add interactive knowledge, and in my interactive knowledge, I need to add self-control, and in my self-control, I need to add perseverance, and in my perseverance, I need to add godliness, and in my godliness, I need to add brotherly kindness, and in my brotherly kindness, I need to add love.

Could it be that if I DID apply all dilligence to these things, that my body would function differently when it is fused with the unbodily personal power of the Holy Spirit. Would laying on of hands actually weild something?

Here’s the deal: I am so excited to Pursue God. To pursue the disciplines of the spirit, and to somehow see change in my life and in my community where I and others are no longer poised to do evil. But to do good, to do right, to do love, to function effortlessly in the law of love because we are wanting something called life in the Kingdom.

I want us to be smart and knowledgeable. But I would rather people know me and our people by the love that they put out, the reflective good that it places towards others for the influence of Good that it does. I don’t need others to ascend to a particular dogma if that dogma is laden with excuses on why we aren’t any different from anyone else.

Today I challenge you to take a look and see if you believe that the kingdom is among us? Do you believe in a risen Christ who urges you on to love and do good and empowers you to do that with living streams of refreshment welling up from inside to power your easy yolk.

Or do you just believe in a Jesus that forgives you of your sins so that you can feel guilty and the next time you do it thus asking for more foregiveness.

Forgiveness is great. But is only the first step toward the turning into the kingdom of life that Jesus has set in front of you today.

To trust Jesus is right. To follow him is right. To allow him to take your profession and conversion and move you into transformation is right. To allow your flesh to meet spirit is devine.

If this is for you… talk to God about what’s next for you. And begin the steps of transformation. I for one have decided to to make efforts so that God’s will and love becomes easy and natural for me.

Will you join me?

What Not To Believe Follow up... (beyond the 360)

2009-03-02T10:50:00.001-08:00

Last week I said some things that were intended to offend. I said words like sin, evil, lost, Not-God and hell. I said that the human soul is something that is easily corrupted, and like it says in the bible all have become corrupt. No one does good, not a single one! I showed how the human soul loves to take the throne of its life and begin composing a new reality. A reality that the individual soul becomes its own god, so that it can get what it wants. I said what it usually wants is sex and violence because that gives the corrupt soul the largest kick, but realistically it can cultivate anything that will make it feel stabile. Because the house of cards that is built on the foundation of you being God needs some stability. I said we are lost. LOST… Men and women who are not where they need to be. I said our pride is the thing that keeps us lost. Sitting on our throne getting what we want. Basically I stated a very bleak reality: I’m not OK and you’re not OK. We’re all in serious trouble.

I also did something that perhaps some of you didn’t appreciate. I didn’t talk much about the hope in Jesus. I figured we have done quite a bit of that already. Rarely do we analyze where we are, who we are and where we’re living… which seems to cultivate what I stated earlier. So it was my intention to leave you there. Those of you who know Jesus realize there‘s hope. Those of you who don’t may have just thought I was a dick for not giving you a way out.

So here I am today, doing a follow up to what I said, about the ruined soul. Apparently you didn’t get enough abuse last week. So here I am again.

I say abuse because that’s where this can go. I don’t want to abuse anyone with these very hard, bleak, concepts. Yet if we don’t have a concept of our need. The truth is: we will stay in our denial until it ruins us. And I don’t want that. And hard knocks is not my Job.

So to help us today I have a series of cards to pass out that are in the shape of a dress. Last week I took the concept of what not to wear and I thought it would be cool to stick with that same theme. I want to ask you a couple questions so I will pass out some pens as well for you to answer the questions.

Is your soul lost? (Why?)

How are you righteous/moral?

Do you anticipate that God could be harmful? (Why)

I’m not where God wants me to be because?

How are you like God?

Briefly get into groups of 2s and 3s and talk about the question that was hardest for you. (5min)

Back: which one was the hardest? Why?

OK so I have some fun other cards to give you. They are little people. And what’s fun is you can have the little person wear you little dress. Now I want to show you what usually happens when someone wears this dress.

(paper Doll)
“Oh this thing looks kick ass.” “I love how it looks and feels… and I bet when I put it on everybody will love me”

“I’m not lost Pastor Geoff I’m exactly where I need to be.” “Because God is with me he knows exactly where I am and as a result he would change things if I was in the wrong place.”

“I don’t need morals because they are how society kept people in line and that’s bullshit.” “I’m good because I’m not fucking Hitler or some shit.”

“God’s not harmful because he’s cool… he’s nice… he’s docile… In fact doesn’t the bible say that we are all children of God. So if I am God’s child. I think he’s pretty excited for me”

So realistically I am exactly where God wants me. Which makes me a lot like him. I’m a creator he’s a creator… I’m a lover he’s a lover. In fact isn’t there some sort of philosophy out there that says that we all are god. Which is pretty much true.

Hey I’m pretty much sure that god wants me to be a star.

Hey why on earth did a loving god give me such a fucked up life and not fix it.

Really is he loving? Really is this god thing real? Jesus said he saved us but I see nothing of that in church today.

Church people are hypocrites. I’m not a hypocrite because I don’t profess to know anything about God. Because realistically God can’t exist. I haven’t seen any evidence.

Fuck church, Fuck God. I’m going to be a star. Look at my clothes look at what I wear love me you love me.

When I’m around these people they don’t judge me, they help me. They love me. They give me things like wisdom, drugs, friendship. Things that god never gave me. He just rejected me. And so fuck god, fuck my life, everything is bullshit except for my friends that don’t judge me. They love me. They don’t tell me I’m wrong, or I need help, or I need therapy. They tell me I’m cool. And they love me."*

What would be a kind of garment that would do this to someone? Going from a basic middle of the road lifestyle and philosophy, to a bitter, angry lifestyle with no accountability to anyone but those who would tell you that you are right? Could it happen? Has someone seen it?

What could turn such a wonderful person who seems to have it together, into someone who is in it for themselves? (Sharpy “Pride” on the dress)

Do you agree?

When we wear pride. We are doing it for us. We begin spinning our reality to keep #1 on top. Usually any god talk that happens is to spin yourself back on top. Pride gives you a stance asking “what can you give me?” Love from a concept of pride is always consuming never giving. When it does give, it is so that reciprocation can happen. Joy when someone is wearing pride is reduced happiness. Peace doesn’t exist because you are always needing to satisfy the next thing to feel good.

Knowing this about this dress… why would you want to wear it?

Here’s the thing that I think is so rough about this. We first have to want to wear it. So even before we are the dude saying all that with this dazzling dress on. We have it written here. (Write PRIDE on heart). In order to be the Person wearing this dress, we have to be the kind of person that wants to put it on. This garment isn’t about the garment. It’s about who we’ve decided to be.

And Pride is such a dismissed word here. I’m not prideful so I go one step further. Someone who would wear this dress has this on their heart. SELF = #1

And that is why we see the world becoming a place where people are used, abused, and taken advantage of. Because people are looking out for #1. Usually when they look at the daily news and see the bad news. They scream at the sky… “WHY?” but when you look at the state of people living their life today we should be asking “what is wrong?” when we see good news. A world full of SELVES wanting their way. This is the life of the ruined soul. And this is what Jesus came to change.

John Calvin said “for as the surest source of destruction to men is to obey themselves, so the only haven of safety is to have no other will, no other wisdom, than to follow the Lord wherever He leads. Let this, then, be the first step, to abandon ourselves, and devote the whole energy of our minds to the service of God.” This mind change starts here (Jesus=#1) So that you begin to be the Kind of person that would choose to wear different clothes.

This is called “death to self… or Self denial.” Which goes hand in hand with the restoration of the soul and eventually the whole person. It sounds like something dreadful. And from the point of view of the ruined soul, it is exactly that. The ruined life is not to be enhanced, but to be replaced. We must simply lose our life – that ruined life about which most people complain so much anyway.

Jesus said those who have found their life (or soul) shall lose it while those who have lost their life (or soul) for my sake shall find it. Whoever aims to save their life shall lose it, but whoever loses their life for my sake shall find it. For what have you gained by possessing the entire world if in the process you forfeit your life (or soul) – lose yourself.

When we hear these words of Jesus he is teaching on the negative side, that we must not make ourselves and our “survival” the ultimate point of reference in the world. In other words when Jesus says that those who find their life shall lose it, he is pointing out that those who think they are in control of their life will find that they definitely are not in control: they are totally at the mercy of forces beyond them and within them. They are on a sure course to disintegration and powerlessness, they are lost to themselves and God. They must surrender.

In contrast, if they give up the project of being the ultimate point of reference for their life – of doing only what they want – there is hope. If they (in that sense) lose their life in favor of God’s life, for the sake of Jesus and what he is doing on this Earth – the revolution of Kingdom come he is conducting – than their soul (or life) will be preserved and thus given back to them.

What does this mean? It means that they will for the first time be able to do what they WANT to do. Of course they will be able to steal, lie, and murder all they want – which will be none at all. But they will also be able to be truthful, transparent, and sacrificially loving with joy, and they will want to be. Their life is caught up in God’s life. They will want good and be able to do it, the only true human freedom.

So to lose your life means: Life as you have normally understood it: where the point is to secure yourself, promote yourself, and indulge yourself, that life is set aside.

And Jesus pointed out the bargain. To let go of a life filled with obsessive partial desires: a little illicit sex, money, reputation, power, self righteousness. For freedom to be who God designed you to be. A Man or Woman who is immersed in the Kingdom of God. Bringing sacrificial love to this world on Jesus’ behalf. Which is his Kingdom Come on earth as it is in Heaven. Trading a life of looking out for number one for becoming the kind of person who Jesus would be if he were you today.

Being Dead to yourself is the condition where the mere fact that I do not get what I want does not surprise or offend me and has no control over me. Is this the “apathy” of the stoic or the elimination of desire of the Buddhist? No. Apprentices to Jesus will be deeply disturbed about many things, and will passionately desire many things, but they will be largely indifferent to the fulfillment of their own desires as such. Merely getting their way has no significance for them. It does not disturb them.

They know that “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose” They don’t have to look out for themselves because God – and not they – is in charge of their life. They appropriately look after things that concern them, but they do not worry about outcomes that merely affect adversely their own desires and feelings. They are free to focus their efforts on the service of God and others and the furthering of good generally, and to be as passionate about such things.

In your hands you have a dress. Some have decided to put it on. The Dress is pride. It’s what the world wears. It’s common. It’s what someone who is looking out for #1 wears. It leads to a life of obsessive partial desires. We choose to wear what we want.

But Here… I have some other clothing available. They are blank. And have the potential to look the same as your pride. Because it’s not what you wear and what you do on the outside. It is your heart that dictates what you are wearing.

So for the next couple minutes I want you to consider giving up your pride. Coming up here, and putting it in the trash. Stop the spinning, the self promotion, the I’m OK, and consider the world and see it for what it is. A Sham.

After losing the dress. Look at the person who chose to wear pride. Is getting your way working? Is looking out for #1 doing well for you? Maybe it is. But if you are ready, change that etching on your heart to put Jesus there. Lose your life. Then choose some new clothes. Losing your life will make you wear something different. Spend some time in prayer and then write down some new words on your new clothes. Write down what life without self might look like for you. Write down what security looks like if you are out of the picture. Write down what love looks like when it expects nothing. Then if you’d like to share I think that that would be amazing. What would you wear when you have let go of your pride and life? What would you wear?

*OK so when I finished this tyrade of the paper doll. I looked up and everyone was quiet. Or maybe one or two said "OK" like I had just gone so far into my inner world that everyone was witnessing a mental breakdown. It was exactly like one of those movies where the record scratches and everybody either has their jaw down or is just quiet. I still think about this and laugh because I wasn't really out to disturb anyone... but it was apparent that I went too far.

What Not To Believe.

2009-02-23T16:28:00.000-08:00

The point of this talk was to show the reality in which we live. How our pride is cultivated by our self love and our culture, and enthusiastically distorts our view of what is real. This view denies God's placement as God in our lives and replaces it with us. Which then is held up by a wavering reality that we need in order to keep mentally stable. Yet within this world of self worship we become most interested in what gives our pride the most kick. which is what we see in our world today. (the answer to this in my understanding is letting Jesus redeem all parts of our soul (heart mind body etc), Letting God be God, and moving out of self and into christlikeness)

---

I like to learn. That’s why I watch the learning channel. TLC. This is a channel that got popular with trading spaces. And now airs a show that is very transformational. Every person in there changes from dreadful, to dazzling in one hour. It’s called What not to wear.

Here, Stacy and Clinton sneak up on a person who has been nominated by their family and friends and give this person 5000 dollars to get a new wardrobe and look. They show secret footage in front of their friends of what they have been wearing. And then take them and show them how to dress.

One of the most tearfelt moments is when Stacy and Clinton take them into their 360 mirror. Where they actually show them what they look like. What do they look like? Awful. Yet it is an amazing tool of transformation. Confronting someone in denial with lights, and visuals.

Today I am going to attempt to do the same thing. Now I don’t have 5000 to give you, I have something far more precious.

But my hope is to transform you. By revealing truth. Like the 360 mirror. Tough love. And as a result I’m going to offend you today. I’m not going to offend you by saying fuck or shit. I am going to offend you by poking holes in your pride.

I’m going to do that by saying words that your pride can’t handle. Words like sin, evil, lost, not God and hell. And I’m going to use just those words because I’m exactly what your pride wants me to be. A dick pastor. I’m going to use those words because they’re offensive. They are painted on TV, and in the papers and in social circles as only words that manipulative dick pastors like me would use. And the reason why is: they do what they are sapposed to do. Offend a very delicate house of cards of denial that is destructive, awful, and if it was wearing something it would be close to badfitting spandex from the 80’s.

Psalm 14:2-3 The LORD looks down from heaven on the entire human race; he looks to see if anyone is truly wise, if anyone seeks God. 3 But no, all have turned away; all have become corrupt.[a] No one does good, not a single one!

Let me let you in on my thinking. Last time I spoke to you I gave you a cup of water on behalf of Jesus. It was fresh, cool, and refreshing. Except for the first one that deborah got which was rusty… yick. Today I want to bring out the 360 mirror to show what we are dealing with. We live in a world that is not good. And has created underpinnings to make it stay that way. And it encourages you to stay that way. Some of us are fighting with all that we have. Others are blind.

Jer 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

Bible is filled with these passages, they are so depressing. They talk about hating the world. How God hates the wicked and…hell. What a downer. We have people crying and saying they are sinners, can’t people who read the bible just get some self esteme? Why do they talk about evil so much. Evil…

In the bible it is starkly clear and repeated over and over by Moses, Samuel, Paul, John, and Jesus that the human soul is lost. Lost. In a world of where manson can explain his killings through the meaninglessness of life, and even churches find themselves with people cultivating secretive behavior that underlines their lack of christlikeness, we might be able to see a little bit of what God is saying. But it’s just so depressing. Where’s the hope? Where’s the love? Why is God so angry? Jeeesh Bible.

Here’s where hole number one is poked. The bible is stating that the soul is lost, not to depress you, not to make an embarrassing religion out of Christianity. It is stating it because I’m not OK and you’re not OK. We’re all in serious trouble. And that must be our starting point. We are placed in the 360 and told. You aren’t where you need to be.

Denial – usually in some rationalization – is the primary device that humans use to deal with their own wrongness.

I was in journal class and I was spouting off how most of the pastors of the bridge have a type b personality so there is less ego centrism. My friend Rachel who is a masters in psychology gently says to me. Type B's have an ego too. Which really was her way of saying... Geoff you don't really know what you're talking about do you. And ... You have some pride there that you may want to look at.

Denial – usually in some rationalization – is the primary device that humans use to deal with their own wrongness.

We love to hate the pharisees of Jesus time, being people who worried about appearances rather than what was inside, trying to be famous, how they were unable to believe in Jesus because they saught to be honored by each other. They desired to be popular. Yet these people when you look at these traits are not really talking about a pharisical condintion. They are talking about a human condition. We love to hate them the same way I love to hate the people on dateline who aren’t saving the fake baby from the boiling car. But in reality we are the kind of people that would not save the fake baby.

Paul sums it up in Romans 3

"There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one. Their throats are open graves; their tongues keep decieving. The poison of Asps is under their lips. Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness. Their feet are swift to shed blood; detruction and misery mark their ways, and the way of peace they do not know. There is no fear of God before their eyes.

This last statement actually goes to the core. The fear of God Proverbs tells us is the beginning of wisdom.

I was in boy scouts and one of my friends thought it would be funny to pee on the electric fence outside the horse park. I thought it would be funny too. I was right. Right when the stream hit the fence he got a shock downstairs that knocked him back and there he was on the ground pissing all over himself. He didn’t have fear of the electric fence. Now he does. Thankfully he's fertile.

Fear is the anticipation of harm. The intellegent person recognizes that his or her well-being lies in being in harmony with God and what God is doing in the “kingdom.” God is not mean, but he is dangerous. It is the same with Electricity and nuclear power. They are not mean, but they are dangerous. One who does not “worry” about God is just not smart (poke). And that’s the point that this proverb is talking about “the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.” (fear of god – poke poke)

True understanding is knowledge of God. (another proverb) Not head knowledge… but having experiential involvement with. Actual engagement of God. This is what brings about true understanding. But it is the lack of involvement with God that leads to life around us. When we aren’t participating with God, we begin wanting something else in our heart, which then deflects our mind, and we create a denial.

Tolstoy wrote There are two Gods, There is the God that people generally believe in – A God who has to serve them (sometimes in very refined ways, say by merely giving them peace of mind). This God does not exist. But the God whom people forget – the God whom we all have to serve – exists, and is the prime cause of our existance and of all that we perceive.

This is life today. We are so interested in being taken care of by our god. The god of our bellies. That we aren’t interested in serving the real one.

The historian of Alcoholics Anonymous titled his work NOT GOD (poke) because that stands as the most important hurdle an addicted person must surmount: to acknowledge, deep in the soul, not being God. No mastery of manipulation and control, at which alcoholics excel, can overcome the root problem; rather, the alcoholic must recognize individual helplessness and fall back in the arms of the Higher Power. “First of all, we had to quit playing God,” concluded the founders of AA; and then allow God himself to “play God” in the addict’s life, which involves daily, even moment by moment, surrender.

The sin (poke poke) of Pride uproots the reality that God is God. Instead pride allows you to function in the denial and the delusion that you are God. You are the great one. So that you can psychologically maintain that house of cards … keep it balenced. As you slowly get more and more lost, bitter, prideful, hard hearted. As an aside, sensuality plays a major part in soul ruin because people worship the creation rather than the creator… sex gives the biggest kick and violence probably comes in second. And most of us arent even aware that worshiping the abs buns, and guns of today are slowly making us into monsters.

CS Lewis in the weight of glory writes that we need “to remember that the dullest and most uniteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare… There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--- these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit – immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.

When we think of hell (poke poke)… many times we think of it in terms of its outcome. Which is an awful thought. But the condition of lostness is not the same as the outcome. We are not lost because we are going to wind up in the wrong place. We are going to wind up in the wrong place because we’re lost. To be lost is to mean “out of place.” Jesus uses the term Gehenna because it was thought of as the cosmic dump for the irretrievably useless. Do you know what would it mean if your soul was irretrievably useless. I’m not saying God doesn’t hold you with great value. Its just you are useless to him.

I can lose a winning lottery ticket. And That ticket has great value to me, yet that value means nothing when it is lost. Same thing goes for my keys. They could be great keys ... very well crafted keys. But lost... they are worthless to me.

When we are lost to God, we are not where we are sapposed to be in his world and as a result are not caught up in his life.

Essentially being lost means you are obsessed with yourself. Paul writes “their god is their belly,”. Slaves to their appetites and feelings. Because it is their feelings that become unsatiable. As a result no one chooses to be the kind of person who belongs in hell. But their self orientation leads them to become the kind of person whom “Away from God” is the only place for which they are suited. It is a place that someone would choose for themselves rather than humble themselves, and put away their pride and accept God for who he is.

Am I poking holes in your pride? Is it insulting to call someone lost? These topics we need to be kind about. But truth have an edge to it. Is it insulting to give someone a diagnosis of a disease that needs treatment. Maybe… but if they get treatment they live. Lostness is a factual condition of the self, of the ruined soul. You either have it or you don’t. You probably wont know it if you have it. Because it’s blindness. But you need treatment, if you aren’t going to be lost forever. And being informed can help you find relief.

So there’s my 360 mirror. Pretty rough to face the lights and the visuals. I wanted to show you how ugly pride is and how it ruins our souls and makes this world an evil place. Do you see how our hearts naturally cultivate the love of ourself, which blooms into pride where it emits the fragrences of denial of true reality that smells like shit. God is God. We are powerful Souls that can participate or not participate in his kingdom. And we live in a world that currently is not “his kingdom come” because not all of us are doing our job.

We have rags on. Jesus Christ allows us to have his pristine clothes. And lets us follow him into the town to do some really great things on his behalf.

Do you want to hold onto the rags because they are yours, or do you want to bow deep let go of your pride that holds up a chinsy reality of insatiable hunger. Let’s have some remorse today. Let’s have some fear of a very powerful God. Let’s rework our realities to serve a God who can save us from ourselves. So that we can be the people that he wants us to be.

Smart Advice... the good life is for me?

2008-11-17T08:23:00.000-08:00

In between my freshman and sophomore year of college I scored an internship with legacy hospitals. I worked as an intern in the labs, where I learned that poppy seeds do show up in a toxicology test as someone who has been taking a low dose of methamphetamines. I almost botched an organ harvesting of a brain dead motorcycle victim by coming in without scrubbing after lunch. I got the internship because I was thinking that I wanted to be a doctor. I really didn’t know what I wanted, but it was a good guess and it was pretty cool to go to the hospital every day without a disease, and be passed around the different labs, to see what all happened there. The lab technicians were crass and clever, the nurses were too. But whenever I got in contact with an actual doctor it was like my mind was blown. I saw how these guys were always ON, they never slept, and there was an intensity about them. They knew so much about medicine, and when you asked them a question they gave you words that you had never really heard before. I saw these guys make super quick decisions that had so much information packed in them I didn’t know what to think. By the end of the internship I did know what to think. I didn’t want to be a doctor. There were many things that contributed to this decision, but the one that I kept saying was “I’m just not that smart.”

When I think of smart people I think of Einstein, I don’t know who else, I think there are different types of smart, but when I think of smart I think of a fluffy grey haired Einstein with physics calculations at a chalkboard. Someone asked me a question the other day “do you think that Jesus is smart?” Well its sort of a trick question because, of course I think Jesus is smart. What sort of person would I be if I followed a man that was a dumbass? But the question stuck with me because when I have pictures of smart people on the top of my brain, Jesus wasn’t one of them. Jesus is the top Religious figure in my brain, which I can argue is a type of holistic smart. But what am I really getting at when I place him there? It made me put a couple things in perspective. I haven’t resolved them to any degree but at least the question messed with me to create a little bit of change.

The first thought is how I can think that Jesus is the one who knows the truth about my life and the universe if I don’t believe that he’s smart. It’s not possible for me to trust Him, or anyone else, in matters where I don’t believe him to be competent. I can’t pray for his help and rely on his collaboration in dealing with real life matters if I suspect they might defeat his knowledge or abilities.

Can I seriously imagine that Jesus is my Lord if he were not smart? If he were divine, would he be dumb? Or uniformed? When I stopped to think about it, how could he be what I take him to be in all other respects and not be the best-informed and most intelligent person of all, the smartest person who ever lived?…

At the literally mundane level, Jesus knew how to transform the molecular structure of water to make it wine. That knowledge also allowed him to take a few pieces of bread and some little fish and feed thousands of people. He could create matter right from the energy he knew how to access from “the heavens,” right where he was.

It can’t be surprising that the feeding of the thousands led the crowds to try to force him to be their king. Surely one who could play on the energy/matter equation like that could do most anything. Turn lead into gold and give some more financial bailouts! He knew how to transform the tissues of the human body from sickness to health and from death to life. He knew how to suspend gravity, interrupt weather patterns, and eliminate unfruitful trees without saw or ax. He only needed words.

In the ethical domain he brought an understanding of life that has influenced world thought more than any other… And I guess one of the greatest testimonies to his intelligence is surely that he knew how to enter physical death, actually die, and then live on beyond death. He seized death by the throat and defeated it. Forget a facelift.

Death was not something others imposed on him. He explained to his followers in the moment of crisis that he could at any time call for 72,000 angels to do whatever he wanted. A mid-sized angel or two would surely have been enough to take care of those who thought they were capturing and killing him. He plainly said, “Nobody takes my life! I give it up by choice. I am in position to lay it down, and I am in a position to resume it. My father and I have worked all this out” (John 10:18).

So all these things show how Jesus’ cognitive and practical mastery of every phase of reality: physical, moral, and spiritual. He is Master only because he is Maestro. “Jesus is Lord” can mean little in practice for anyone who has to hesitate before saying, “Jesus is smart.”

He is not just nice, he is brilliant. He is the smartest man who ever lived. He is now supervising the entire course of world history (Rev. 1:5) while simultaneously preparing the rest of the universe for our future in it (John 14:2). He always has the best information on everything and certainly also on the things that matter most in human life.”[Dallas Willard, the Divine Conspiracy]

So this question was helpful to me. Because in this quest to live, I have new eyesight with what Jesus has to say. It is no longer antiquated or out of touch but holds relevancy and accuracy that might have not been there before.

Now when I read Jesus saying “these are the people that have the good life, and this is what the good life is about” my ears are perking up because the smartest guy that ever lived is going to tell me something that might be relevant.

“These are the people that have the good life, and this is what the good life is about”

If you haven’t realized it, Deborah has faithfully tackled Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount most every time she has talked. This is because it is a systematic summation of what Jesus “arguably the smartest man ever” has asked us to listen and do. Because it shows us the things that keep us away from the good life.

As you have listened to Deborah you have been exposed to what Jesus warns us about false securities like reputation and wealth. You have heard the warnings against condemnation engineering as a plan for helping people. (For instance: taking out the log in your own eye first). Then finally the warnings on how we may fail to do what he says through by not believing that God is good, following wrong people, and just not hearing and doing what he has talked about.
So Deborah has been letting you in on what the good life looks like. How normal people like you and I are the salt and light of this world when we live the good life. How things that are all throughout our society like murder, sleeping around, lying and revenge are rooted and can be uprooted in our very hearts. These aren’t laws that Jesus has been speaking about: “Thou shalt not look at someone for the purpose of having sex with them.” These are warnings on what trip us up and make us get caught up in the awful life.

The awful life is probably what we know. We perhaps know murders that have happened out of rage malice and anger, or at least seen what those three have done to us personally. We have longed for the intimacy that sleeping around often tries to satisfy. We have lied before and seen it hurt others, or embarrass us. And we have wanted the ill will upon those that we are jealous of. Wow Jesus, could your words be relevant today for us?

Of course we HEAR what the good life looks like, but it doesn’t seem relevant. It paints a world without people that are above us in reputation and wealth. But because we live WITH the awful life, it’s all nice words. Jesus tells us about the people whose shadows are SO great that they think YOU are the problem, rather than understanding that THEY are reacting to the issues of their past. These are the people with logs in their eyes.

It could be any number of things that we’ve experienced in the awful life that have allowed us to get seduced into thinking that Jesus was an ill-informed idealist, rather than a very smart man that knew humanity well enough to create it. I THINK it’s because WE can’t fathom that it is US that can participate in this “good life.” I think when we hear these words at church they immediately go into our “One Day in Heaven” brains. A shattered wall in our thoughts that allows us to believe AND disbelieve everything that we say in church because it’s a great story, and we WANT to believe it, but really we have no real way of applying and testing and living out what we actually say. So then the call of the masses is correct when they say “hypocrite” at which you rebuttal with “nobody’s perfect that’s why Jesus died on the cross.” And you crawl into a fetal position closing your eyes hoping for the heaven that is one day promised…over there. You come to church saying the good life isn’t now it’s later. So the relevance of what I’m saying is also for later. You can say “this isn’t relevant to my life now, but if I hold onto it maybe it will help me later.”

This isn’t new; this is the kind of people Jesus is talking to. The people that show their confused face when He tells them the Kingdom of heaven is available… Right now… Through me. The good life is available, right now, through Jesus. They look at him confused. Like someone who doesn’t know what electricity is when PGE comes to their farm and says: Electricity is available today, and I can make it happen.

I think WE have our confused face on because when Jesus tells us that WE can have the good life… NOW…through Him we raise one eyebrow and say “really?” what does that mean…the good life? and “yeah right.”

In men’s group this last week we explored what we thought the good life was. One person thought it was housed in their knowledge of their relationship with God. Knowing that God was their dad, the good life therefore was relational. Another person saw it as the change in environment when you care-- that sincerity and connection--The knowledge and feeling “whoa God is here.” Another thought the good life was housed in actions that were an overflow of the condition of your heart. And then another saw it as the place that God is, where good, and blessing, and love occurs.

Jesus said this about the good life “44 the good life is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all that he had and bought that field. 45 "Again, the good life is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. 46 When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.” Apparently the good life is worth the cost of everything.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I don’t believe Jesus. Maybe I think that he’s ill informed, or dogmatic in his thoughts. Which makes me continue raise my eyebrow and question him… “really?... worth everything Jesus?” but if I look a bit deeper, my questions are rooted in my experience of the awful life. My disbelief of the importance of the good life is because it’s hard, or not intuitive, or maybe I just don’t think it’s for me… I can’t hack it.

It might be right for the mother Teresa’s and Deborah Lloyds out there, but come on let’s be realistic… It would be awesome to be a saint. To be at peace, and one with God. Those fathers and nuns out there are awesome. Some of us idolize them. They got it together. They have a strong faith. They are living the good life, but at the same time… they are saints. That’s what they’re supposed to do. Perhaps we have written off our hold of the good life, because we can’t be like that. We can’t be saints. We are the spiritual zeros. We’re the ones that are bitter. Abused. The ones that nobody would call saints. We’re the ones who swear, get angry, sleep around, and lose their friend to a drug overdose. The ones without Jobs, status --definitely not saint Status. We are the ones that are trying to survive the awful life.

The strange thing is that it isn’t the saints that Jesus is speaking to when he’s giving his sermon on the mount. IT IS the spiritual zeros, the guy that isn’t the saint, the guy that just lost his friend in an accident, the woman who is shy and stepped on, the police officer that is caught in the middle of a dispute, the guy that is condemned by his parents because he decided to follow a man named Jesus whom they think is a religious nut. All of these people have a couple things in common with you and I. They haven’t arrived, they aren’t considered the spiritual elite, and in fact you may argue that these people are not even touched by God’s blessing. How can you say that a man with no boundaries will be given grace? Yet Jesus says: “blessed is the merciful for they will be given mercy.”

3Blessed (and enviably happy) are the spiritual zeros, for they too will find the good life!4 Blessed are those who mourn: for they shall be comforted. 5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. 6 Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. 7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. 8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called sons of God.10 Blessed are they that have been persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the good life.11 Blessed are you when men reproach you, and persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

I have been perplexed by the beatitudes since forever. How can the spiritual zero be blessed? How can someone who mourns be blessed? I go two ways: the first way makes me hammer my soul into a self deprecating oblivion. Jesus is saying the only way I will find the good life is by being a spiritual zero. The only way I will be comforted is if I mourn. This shoves me into a place where the good life is contingent on how much the awful life has hammered me to a pulp. And there Jesus is saying, it’s ok that this awful life sucks. Because you’re blessed. What? That makes no sense. It is this dilemma that has changed translations to say “what Jesus really meant was when you realize that you poor in spirit that’s when you’re going to be able to find the good life because you’ll change your ways.” But that’s not what Jesus said. The second place I go is the “one day in Heaven” translation. The meek will inherit the earth … in heaven… once they’re dead… Jesus is right because he’s talking about later. Because the meek DO inherit the earth … later… Right? These two aren’t working for me. Sorry.

OK So what is Jesus doing here? Why is it this list: the poor in spirit, the mourners, the meek, the ones who wish that they could live correctly, the ones that have no boundaries, the ones that are fragile, the ones who are in between two fighting parties, the ones who are made fun of because they did the right thing, and the ones who are ostracized because they have chosen the good life. Why is it this list that Jesus holds up and says these are the ones that are the candidates for the good life? Why? It isn’t because this list is holy. In fact it’s pretty awful. It is not this list that qualifies you for the good life. Jesus is saying that these people are candidates for the kingdom, the good life, the blessed life, IN SPITE OF THESE QUALIFICATIONS. Jesus is saying that these people are candidates for the good life, IN SPITE OF THESE QUALIFICATIONS. You might be a spiritual zero but by relying on Jesus you’ll find the good life. The Kingdom of God is at hand. Electricity is available if you partner with the right people. Jesus is saying to the people that are sat upon, spat upon, ratted on, that in direct opposition to their circumstance the good life is available for them. In direct opposition to their circumstance the good life is available for us.

Really?
Really!

What if Jesus is the smartest man that ever lived? What if we listened to him about what the good life consists of? And we did what he said because we wanted to experience that life? What if we saw it for the preciousness that it is? And what if all of our excuses that disqualify us for living the good life dropped off because we understood that it was for us too?

Burn Clean

2008-10-06T16:48:00.000-07:00

I’ve noticed that in my attempt to follow Jesus, something has backfired. My intensions have been good, but my methods haven’t given me the right mixture of what I need. As a result there has been an embarrassing explosion from the inside. Let me explain.

Jesus saved me from my life. My life that seemed to be out of meaning. It probably wasn’t the addict’s “rock bottom,” but it was the perfect turning point for me. I was searching searching searching… And soon I realized that I was searching for something REAL that I had experienced once once before. It may seem trivial or cliché, but when I was a freshman in highschool. I went to a friend’s church service, and a tangible electricity of joy went zapping through my system. Nobody knew it happened but me. It was this experience that turned me on to Jesus. But, because I didn’t go to that church, and because I didn’t know really what happened, I also didn’t put 2 and 2 together that this ZAPPO experience of joy was associated with Jesus. So, for a while, I was searching for that joy. And I looked all sorts of places.

At 20, I was re-aquainted with that joy as I was re-aquainted with Jesus. And in turn re-aquanted with his church and theirfore his followers. It was through them that I learned more about Him. They were good people, and had good intensions; and all had a glimpse of what was going on. And I wanted to be a part of it. I loved this new Joy. So I studied religion.

I saw these characters up front speaking these wonderful words that were changing my life week to week. I soon wanted to be that. I wanted to tell people about Jesus too! I wanted to speak life giving messages. And to do this you get to be called ‘pastor’. I wanted to do that, be that.

After school, I went to the Bridge Church, I wanted to be a pastor, but I felt the usual seminary route was an odd place to find your vocation. I found it weird that my friends were going to go to two or three years of school where they would become a“Master of Divinity” and then be stationed in a church somewhere for 35 years to tell people how to live. At 23 I didn’t feel I could tell anybody how to live. So I went back to Portland got a job and plunged into a church plant.

It took me three years of men’s group at the Bridge to realize that I had some hidden motivations in my “gung ho’ ness” towards ministry. We all have motives for what we do; both positive and negative. As I went to men’s group, I noticed that even though I DID have a great love for Jesus, and a passion for telling people about Jesus, I also had a huge need for feeling wanted and important. As I began to hammer out my inward world andas I became aware of it, I noticed a diabolical undercurrent: if I could get a spiritual edge, I would have the Ultimate Edge. Then I could be looked up to, and therefore be wanted and seen as important by others. My desire to be the vessel of the“message” was inwardly founded on my own innadaquacy. When I found this out, I was disguisted with my motives. I confessed my findings with Ken, one of the pastors of the Bridge (now pastoring HomePDX), and he encouraged me by saying. “isn’t it interesting that the real qualification of doing this job is being aware that you truly will never be qualified.” This continues to encourage me as I live as a man, who doesn’t know shit about God. I continue on “not being qualified” as I Search… Search… Search … for this Jesus that changes my life daily, yet always is somewhat elusive.

Some weeks I feel I have it… and then others I find that when I “thought I had it” I didn’t have it at all. As I was praying this morning I realized that I CARE about what YOU think of my spirituality. This is good. It comes with the job, but there is a nuance here that brings me back to that diabolical undercurrent. I care about what I can say to YOU to inspire YOU on your way to give YOUR life meaning. It is such a great calling to be up here giving YOU what YOU need. And then today I am confronted by my God who asks me “why aren’t you this passionate about YOUR life towards me.”

Jesus isn’t kicking my ass with his question, (or maybe he is… but) he questioning my motives. “What is the point of changing others’ lives, if you yourself are not changed?” Accolades, Importance, being wise, being loved. These are empty if you are empty.

My intensions have been good, but my methods haven’t given me the right mixture of what I need. My intensions were to “work for God” but the work somehow took precidence over God. My glorious task of telling people about Jesus because of what he has done for me has withered into a prayer to not look foolish on Sunday. My methods were to place myself in a role of godly influence, rather than place myself in the influence of God. Poor motives backfired my faith into something not to admire.

A backfire in a car typically happens when there isn’t enough gas coming in. There is too much air, and so as a result an untimed explosion happens from within.

This is what Jesus was getting at when when he said “unless your righteousness is more than that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” When Jesus is talking about heaven here, he isn’t talking about a place in the sky that you go once you’re dead. He is talking about God's space, where full reality exists. It is close by our ordinary ('earthly') reality and can and often does interlock with it. One day heaven and earth will be joined together forever, and the true state of affairs, which we can’t see, will be unveiled. It is this reality that we are praying for when we ask for “Your kingdom to come” in the Lord’s Prayer. And it is this reality that Jesus is saying you will NOT take part in unless you exceed the righteousness of the scribes and pharasees.

What does that mean?

The Scribes and Pharasees that Jesus is refering to is a group of people who have it all together ”spiritually.” They know what the bible says. They know how to quote it. They know that you shouldn’t kill people, commit adultary, and that you must draw up divorce papers if you want to get divorced. But Jesus is saying: There is an embarrassing noise coming out of these people’s heart. It’s causing them to not move forward. And it could ruin their engines entirely. These men are surrounding themselves with good stuff, yet their fuel is running lean. Filling their insides with a poor mixture of air, or unresolved earthly motivations.

Jesus is saying “To get in on what God is doing, you must let your insides burn clean, not lean.” You can’t just not kill people! Look at the true nature of your neighbor and let your anger, malice, and contempt be in check. It is not a law… something that you MUST do, it is something better: it is common sense. It is the fuel that lets your heart burn clean. If you work out your anger, it won’t lead to malice, which won’t lead to contempt, which obviously will not lead to murder. The same thing goes for adultary: If you keep in check your desire to seek someone out in order to have sex with them, then the ball won’t go boucing down that road either.

Let the common sense of the kingdom of heaven lead you. Allowing Jesus to lead you in your motivations. Allowing your insides to grow until they become your outsides. Don’t botch up all of the works by caring about the exterior. What’s going on on the inside?

“Why do you care more about what THEY think of your spirituality, than I do?” Jesus asks me. The real reason is I’m getting real time results from what I’m putting out. I’m getting my needs met. I’m showing people my “ultimate edge on them,” and therefore feeling important and wanted.

Jesus is saying to me: “There’s something better then that Geoff. What if you were doing good things because you were a part of what I was doing? What if I filled up that need to feel important, because I think you ARE important? I know you want to be wanted, let me be that for you. To fill that inner space with something other than me will make it pop, sputter, and explode. Your insides will collapse trying to hold up the shell of good things around you with nothing but bitterness and resentment. Why not be a part of my ultimate reality? It may look upside down to burn the fuel of the kingdom of God. It probably will be more painful than feeling “better” than someone else. But at least you won’t burn lean any more. You will move forward.

My Quest for something...

2008-10-06T09:44:00.000-07:00

I want something that I don’t have. I’m not sure what it is. But it is something that is very real; more real than my hand. But I don’t have it. Perhaps if I conceptually knew what it was that I needed I wouldn’t be in this delemma. But I don’t know what it is I need. I have an idea. And it is my hope that that idea will bring me to what I desire. But I could be wrong... I’ve been wrong before…

But this gives me hope:
John6:26Jesus answered them, I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, you have been searching for Me, not because you saw the miracles and signs but because you were fed with the loaves and were filled and satisfied.
27Stop toiling and doing and producing for the food that perishes and decomposes [in the using], but strive and work and produce rather for the [lasting] food which endures [continually] unto life eternal; the Son of Man will furnish you that, for God the Father has authorized and certified Him and put His seal of endorsement upon Him.This is the work (service) that God asks of you: that you believe in the One Whom He has sent [that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and have faith in His Messenger].
31Our forefathers ate the manna in the wilderness; as the Scripture says, He gave them bread out of heaven to eat.(A) I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, Moses did not give you the Bread from heaven, but it is My Father Who gives you the true heavenly Bread. 33For the Bread of God is He Who comes down out of heaven and gives life to the world.

34Then they said to Him, Lord, give us this bread always (all the time)!

35Jesus replied, I am the Bread of Life. He who comes to Me will never be hungry, and he who believes in and cleaves to and trusts in and relies on Me will never thirst any more (at any time).

I personally NEED this answer. I am on a quest for the bread of life, for the living water that will never make me thirsty again. I WANT the Way the Truth and the life. I’m on a quest for the real Jesus… Not “THINGS” a loaf of bread… not a drink of water… and not a bearded guy. But the one/thing that can fill that empty neediness inside of me that is clammoring and clanging and continually climbing up the drapes of this life WANTING MORE… And I’m hoping He is IT.

Marraige...

2008-09-02T14:13:00.000-07:00

Marriage – That’s right…we’re talking about marriage. We’ve been married for two and a half years, so that definitely makes us the authority figures on marriage?!?

C: Let me tell you how we met…Geoff and I met at bar. That’s right, PASTOR Geoff and I met at a BAR. Doug Fir to be exact…because that’s where the beautiful people hang out...oh, wait, it was Drew Grow’s birthday party. I spotted him at the end of the table and thought, “Who’s that cute guy? I’m gonna sit by him….” I introduced myself and he introduced himself and after a few blackberry cosmopolitans and encouragement from my dear friend, Gwyneth, I invited him to my birthday party two nights later….thinking he won’t show up. Well, he did…

G: There were so many opportunities where we could have met before Drew’s birthday. Crystal was really good friends with Drew, Jenn, and even knew Ken and Deborah…and hung with them on a regular basis. She even actually came to The Bridge several times. It’s weird, really weird, that we had never met until that night but it was also very weird that two weeks previous, I had been talking to God about the type of person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life and made a list. I had no idea that list would walk in and sit by me and give me a high five and say, “Well, welcome to the club!”

C: All that to say, do not give up on your heart or the hearts of other people. For those of you that don’t know, Geoff and I were actually previously married...and divorced. The fact that we had never bumped into each other until that night was absolutely God and His plan. Jeremiah 29:11 “I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” So, don’t give up, but also don’t settle. You deserve your list.
So, Geoff and I have been married for 2 ½ years, and before that, we were married so, we have about 13 years of marriage accumulatively under our belts…..so take that.

G: Which means we know what does/doesn’t work:

C: What doesn’t work:
· Having a wife who seeks relationship with other men.
· Having a husband who makes you weigh in every week because he thinks you’re a fat ass.
· Dismissing the fact that your mom thinks your future wife is immature because she’s 19.
· Sitting on the counseling couch with your husband and having him say, “Well, look at her, would you want to be married to that? She’s repulsive.” Then have him pick you apart from head to toe….and then paying the counselor.
· Telling your future wife your mom thinks she’s immature.
· Having a husband who gives your new cat to his girlfriend as a gift.

C: If you didn’t get a chance to write all of these down, we are going to submit them to Crumbs for your reference. It may be over 200 words, but…helpful!

G: Ephesians 5: 22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk,( By the way, men, take note…Jesus is interested in clothes…hello! White silk.) radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.
What does that mean to you? (open floor question)

C: To me, that means WE (collectively) aren’t a joke to Christ. Spiritually, that means to me, that Christ makes us whole. He speaks well of us in public. He brings the best out in us. He goes all out for us. He WENT all out for us. As a female, that makes me feel secure, adored, wanted, safe, and desirable, empowered to trust, empowered in general and loved. Christ isn’t around the corner going “She is driving me nuts…I can’t believe she did this and this. And have you seen her ass lately? She could use some time on the treadmill. She has the lamest ideas. She doesn’t deserve shit from me….” EVERYTHING HE SAYS AND DOES IS DESIGNED TO BRING OUT THE BEST OF HER.

A few months ago, Geoff and I met with an old friend of mine. This was the first time Geoff had met this person. We were sitting having coffee when my friend asks Geoff, “So, how long have you guys been married?” Geoff responded with, “Almost two years!” The guy then jokingly asked, “How many time since then have you reqretted that decision?” Geoff didn’t laugh. The friend said, “Uh, that was a joke.” Geoff didn’t laugh, meanwhile I laughed nervously thinking, “Oh shit…” “Dude, it was a joke.” Geoff leaned toward the table and said, “Let’s get something straight here. Crystal, is not a joke. My marriage to her, is not a joke. So, you can joke about anything else, you just can’t joke about her.” Boom. UNCOMFORTABLE!! BUT, the result for me was knowing– I’m not a joke to Geoff. He didn’t laugh and then cover his mouth thinking, “Oh crap, I’m going to catch shit for this later.” He just didn’t laugh. It opened my eyes to how he feels about me and made me feel secure, adored, wanted, safe, and desirable, empowered to trust, etc. It made me trust him. EVERYTHING HE SAYS AND DOES IS DESIGNED TO BRING OUT THE BEST OF HER

My parents have been married for 42 years. I remember growing up and the one thing that would instantly get my dad’s blood boiling and get us in huge trouble is if we were disrespectful to my mom – my mom wasn’t and still isn’t a joke to my dad. He has huge respect for her. I also remember sneaking upstairs to watch TV behind the recliner and seeing my mom and dad sitting on the couch, my dad rubbing my mom’s feet….A LOVE MARKED BY GIVING, NOT GETTING. Not to say my dad didn’t receive love back from my mom, he just loved her and so he did small gestures like that to show her he loved her. My mom still makes him a sack lunch for work every day…A LOVE MARKED BY GIVING, NOT GETTING. And because they both do that, they both get.

G: Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. That’s a really hard thing to do. And, marriage is really hard….Case in point. Crystal and I got a hankering to sing some Karaoke. Somehow I love breaking out Neil Diamond classics. Don’t Judge me. Well… at the table next to us were a bunch of dancer types… let’s just leave it at that. One in particular was Sadie. Sadie was about 6.1 with a dancer type of body that you could see because she had a stretchy close fitting dress on that she kept pulling up. Yeah needless to say… Sadie had some issues (and little underwear.)

Sometimes in Karaoke you just have to dance. And when Hall and Oats “Maneater” comes on, that’s one of those times. So Crystal and I get up to get our 80’s groove on. It was apparent that Sadie needed to dance too. And she spun into the group of dancers doing odd dancer type lunges. It all went so fast. The singer hit the chorus “Oh here she comes” and then I noticed Sadie lunging at me. She was doing an alligator type move as she got closer. Saying “I’m a man eater.” This would be somewhat dismissible if she hadn’t backed me up against the window and put her leg on my shoulder. Now, I have never had to slap someone in the solar plexus before… repeatedly…but, I did, with Sadie.

After shoving her off of me, Crystal stepped in: “You’re done.” Sadie said “what?”Crystal said “that is my husband. You’re done” Sadie told her “I just put my leg on him” Crystal brought it to a close “I will put my fists on you if you try that again.”

It took me about an hour to get out of my dance floor legging funk. When I snapped out of it, I was astounded at the wisdom of Hall and Oats reminding me to “watch out boy or she’ll chew me up.” As I looked across the table and I saw my wife and I was very happy to be married. I was happy that in midst of an odd scuffle in which a strange woman put her leg on my shoulder (while not wearing much underwear)… My wife had my back. My partner was ready to rumble for me. Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. This is the way my wife showed this to me. This was the way Crystal respected me.
Marriage can be placed on a hum drum shelf. People can simply dismiss it as “this is what you are supposed to do.” But there are those that see their marriage as not hum drum at all. The late Morrie Schwartz said this “there are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don't respect the other person, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don't know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can't talk openly about what goes on between you, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don't have a common set of values in life, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike. And the biggest one of those values… is your belief in the importance of your marriage.” You need to be ready to rumble for their partner.

C: Not only do we need to be ready to do fist to cuffs for our spouses, or even our friends…Ephesians talks about how Christ loves the church – that’s all of us. That’s married people, that’s single people, children, the widows, the poor. We need to speak well of each other in public. We need to have grace for one another. Give and ask forgiveness, readily. We’re all really doing ourselves a favor because we are one body in Christ. We need to stop screwing around on each other and commit and love each other and find importance in that.
1 Corinthians 13 gives us a really incredible picture of that.

Love is Patient… We can give each other time and space to develop at our own pace.Love is kind… We can give each other words, thoughts and actions that are tender.Love does not envy… we can be glad for one another’s’ successes.Love does not boast… we can choose to never say, "I told you so."Love is not proud… but we can be proud of one another.Love is not rude… we can choose to not crash into each others’ lives with advice not asked for.Love is not self seeking… we can give a gift of laying aside our expectations of each other.Love is not easily angered… we can know that this too will pass.Love keeps no record of wrongs… we can let our pasts die and our tomorrows live.G: We can choose to not delight when bad things happen to each other and rejoice when good comes our way.C: We can always protect each other with our words.G: We can always trust God and each other to find the right path.C: We can always hope that goodness and mercy will follow us all the days of our lives.G: We can always persevere with one another.C: That kind of love will never fail us.

G: Hearing these words from 1 Corinthians, we, as a church, can commit to each other and God and find importance in that. We are going to do something together to signify that WE are not a joke and solidify our commitment to our relationship as a community in Christ. Those that feel uncomfortable do not need to participate – there’s freedom. But I will ask a series of questions and those that wish to participate can respond at the end by saying, “I will.”

Those that wish to participate, please stand.Will you let your pasts die and your tomorrows live?Will you always uphold each other with your words both publicly and privately?Will you stand together in good times and in hard times?Will you seek to understand and support each other?Will you do your best to bring out the best in one another?Will you withhold your wisdom and advice unless and until asked?Will you love each other?
If you agree to do these things please declare that by saying. "I Will"
You may now kiss the bride!

C: The commitment to your marriage is not something to be taken lightly; you are one. This commitment we have made today, this union, is not a joke, we are all one. Love you guys. Let’s all help each other pack up and get groceries are downstairs.

Whores and Sugar Daddies

2008-08-17T20:53:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been going through quite a bit of self exploration. And I remembered one memory in general. It was my very first boyscout summercamp. Boy Scouts… not Cub Scouts. Which is a scary organization based on taking children into the woods and teaching them to light fires. So I just joined troop 7 wyeast at 11. And went to a week long summer camp in Puget Sound. I was in charge of what merit badges to get which was why at the end of the week I had dropped out of all of them but one. I took swimming lessons, so I thought I would get my swimming merit badge easy, but when you are diving into the freezing waters of puget sound with jeans on and you almost drown picking up a rock, that can be intimidating at 11. So you guys know I DID get my swimming merit badge the following year. I almost drown then too. Anyway… my dad arrived at summercamp at the end of the week and asked how I was doing. It was two days until we were going home and I told him that the only merit badge class that I didn’t drop was woodworking. He asked how that’s going. I told him not well seeing that I haven’t done the two assignments required. He puffed up his dad chest and said, well let’s get to work. At the time it was what I needed. My eleven year old brain was ready to give up on a difficult first summer camp. But my dad saw there was still two more days to finish the assignments. He held my feet to the fire so I could whittle something stupid that met the requirements. I got my first merit badge.

In life, we learn how we get things accomplished. This merit badge was a great lesson in getting something done, but it seemed to begin a pattern in my life. Major things in my life would leave me at a place of disenchantment. And then I would find my dad there to create a solution. This was a wonderful almost Godly analogy. But one thing that happened in this pattern was I didn’t learn from my mistakes. I didn’t take responsibility for getting myself into the mess. I didn’t fall flat on my face.

No one wants to fall, and no parent wants their kid to fall. But sometimes it takes a fall to change a life direction. As a result I learned a skill to rely on others to bail me out so that I didn’t fall. Relying on others may not sound all that bad, but at the cost of personal responsibility, maturity, and your own manhood believe me, this nuance and behavior has a particular cost to my soul.

--------------

Prostitution is one of the oldest carreers out there. And some would like to tell you it’s someone’s carreer choice. As a teenager I was naïve enough to dream about it as a career choice. But when you get down to it, those that are in the profession may want out. They may want a new direction for their life to take. Less difficult, less reliant on getting drunk or high to manage the night, less acting like a whore in public, and the vulger reality of it all in private.

This was the context of some who saw a crazy prophet called John the Baptist. John made people see that they could change their life, that they could be baptised, and begin new. It didn’t matter who they were, and what they were, they only needed to come. Those listening saw the light in his eyes and the extreme words of his heart that let them believe that this was their day to change. That no matter what their past, they had a future with God.

There were others that weren’t all that impressed with John. They thought his techniques and methods were a little outlandish, and probably created extremists. They went to listen and mainly make fun of him. It was halarious to see the local pimp, whore, and thug get drenched in the water… like that’s all it took to be with God.

What were these people thinking? What was John thinking? Did he have a follow up ministry in which the whores and thugs were trained to fix computers? There may have been some follow up discipleship programs, but how do you go from a prostitute to not?

Jesus told this parable to those who made fun of his cousin John the B: "What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, 'Son, go and work today in the vineyard.' "'I will not,' he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.”Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, 'I will, sir,' but he did not go.

"Which of the two did what his father wanted?" "The first," they answered. Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him.

We all have our contexts. Our circomstances that have grown beyond our control. We have those things in our lives that have crept in and trapped us like a caged animal. Some of us can’t see our own cage. Like the ones Jesus is talking to. Jesus is highlighting that small door that has been openned that has the ability to spoil our entire soul. The prostitute, the thug, they’re easy to call out… it’s in their name. Everybody knows what they do. But just like them, we all have histories. We have our first breech of our heart. That first whoring in some way or another. Usually after the fact the feeling of shame accompanies it. What a strong image. Whore. The giving up of yourself for money. The giving up of yourself for responsibility. The giving up of who you truly are.

No wonder Deuteronomy says that the male and female prostitute is detestable. Your creator, created who you are, all of you, knows exactly who you are, and what you are called to be. and you have pissed that away to get cash. You have pissed that away to find stabililty. There goes your responsibility down the toilet. For someone who loves you fully, to see your potential flushed like excrement. That is detestable

This has recently become important to me because I see now that I have been my own type of whore. Over the course of my life I have embraced a system that has diminished my soul. I am responsible to keep my soul intact, to keep my soul preserved, to keep my soul… I am responsible! And in the exploration of my own responsibility, I have found out that I come up short. I have been relying on others to bail me out. Family and friends are one thing, and emergencies are another. But what I have noticed is that I have established a pattern over the years that doesn’t take responsibility FOR ME. I want a sugar daddy. Not the brown sticky mass that loves my back left molar. But someone who will pay for a lifestyle that I can’t afford. I want God to give me my dreams on a platter, and don’t want to take responsibility to get there. There’s entitlement in the sound of my voice. I scream at the heavens. If you have made me this way why aren’t I this way?

It took me some digging to see it. And it is embarrasing to admit. Who wants to say that they’ve done a little whoring? Not many. I wish I could say to you this WAS a struggle of mine. But the sad reality is I am in midst of it. I’m in midst of taking responsibility for not taking responsibility of my life. I’m currently needing to admit that I have ripped off God. Ripped him of the honor of being my pillar, my support, my rock. And now I am faced with two roads ahead. One that circles back after beating me up a little more. or one of baptism.

Luke 7:36-50
One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to come to his home for a meal, so Jesus accepted the invitation and sat down to eat. A certain whore heard he was there and brought a beautiful jar filled with expensive perfume. Then she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them. When the Pharisee who was the host saw what was happening and who the woman was, he said to himself, "This proves that Jesus is no prophet. If God had really sent him, he would know what kind of woman is touching him. She's a sinner!" Then Jesus spoke up and answered his thoughts. "Simon," he said to the Pharisee, "I have something to say to you." "All right, Teacher," Simon replied, "go ahead." Then Jesus told him this story: "A man loaned money to two people – five hundred pieces of silver to one and fifty pieces to the other. But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?" Simon answered, "I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt." "That's right," Jesus said. Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, "Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn't offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didn't give me a kiss of greeting, but she has kissed my feet again and again from the time I first came in. You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume. I tell you, her sins – and they are many – have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love." Then Jesus said to the woman, "Your sins are forgiven."

What I am saying today is take responsibility for your life. Take responsibility for the dreams that God has placed within you. And don’t let those sour in your mind because of you haven’t reached them yet, or you are waiting for some sugar daddy to accomplish them. Today, YOU are at a crossroads. One road blames, diverts, wollows, and circles back around, the other other is far more difficult. The other takes the water of baptism, and makes you take responsibility for your life. For your actions, for your past. Sure there were situations that were thrust upon us. But we always have the choice of response. This road of baptism calls you to repent, to feel remorse, and to change from what you know to what you could be. No lottery, no sugardaddy needed. Just the working out of your soul in fear and trembling. By prayerfully looking deep within ourselves, we might be able to see the cage that we’re in. To feel that debt that we’re in, that payment that we owe.

All of us have done a little whoring in our life; the image may be too graphic for something relatable. But everyone has breached who they are, for who they could be. Today…Is it time to say “Jesus this is what I owe. Jesus This is where I am. This is my life. Oh God I am responsible. Will you forgive me?”… God Loves You. And so do I.

The Little Shits

2008-07-21T07:42:00.000-07:00

About a year ago I began preparing to go to a foreign land. A place that I spoke the language better than the natives, a place where I had more rights than they did; it was America. America! Home of the free land of the brave, but I found there was one group that was not born free, they were a group that found themselves with no rights, no voice, yet they weren’t advocating or picketing. They were simply coloring. Talking to each other about pokemon, stuffed animals and birthday parties; they didn’t care about a vote unless it involved a democratic landslide in coercing their desires for happy meals, candy and staying up late. I was preparing for the worst. I didn’t know what I really was going to do, nor did I really know why. But I knew there was a need.

You see, adult organizations reach out to other adults. But the difficulty with that is the offspring of the adults come too. If the adult organization doesn’t have a way to manage the offspring, a crisis for the adult occurs. Either they have to manage the offspring themselves, they have to consider whether the organization is worth getting a babysitter so that they can continue to go. Or they have to stop going. Since church is one such adult organization, this creates the wonder we all call “kids ministry.”

The Bridge was not too different from most adult organizations, and so in the inception it considered its “kid ministry.” Bridge initially was founded as a place for those who have slipped through the cracks of churches, society, and family. Also the main push was to the young and disenfranchised of Portland. Since the majority of people that were coming at first were 16-28 we had a staffed nursary. But no need for a full blown kids ministry. We had the highschool age youth group. And we had various other adult activities.

As more young adults had kids, we found a need to take care of them so that the adults could stay. This is very much like most churches out there. Provide free babysitting, andthey will come. However one thing that we could be sure of is once we found a children’s ministry leader and they started, six months down the road they would leave the bridge. “probably crying” Thankfully they didn’t leave the church, but I’m sure it was sometime before they volunteered for anything again. This was the bridge’s curse for many years. And it would make the ones with offspring secondguess coming here. Because the only thing we had for the kids was some tent somewhere with stuffed animals. And it was a free-for-all.

So… last year I found myself asking the question “right now, where I am, where do I sense the greatest need.” I found this question when I heard about a man who created a bank for people in his home town of india with $27. Apparently it took $27 to loan to 15 different people and get them out of their own financial business hole. They were indentured servants essentially to their own trade. They were a people that were hard workers but were in debt to the suppliers, and had no way to get out on top. This man asked lagit banks for a dollar and 2 dollar loans, but the bank said these poor people would not pay. So he risked his own money. After the people paid him back, he took these stats to the bank because there were others that needed help too. They said “the poor people will not pay back.” So he risked his money. And Again they paid it back. Finally he realized that he could start his own bank for this purpose. And Now it has grown into one of the largest microfinance organizations in india.

So I asked “right now, where I am, where do I sense the greatest need?” And I looked around, I and I said “sh!t.” Because I saw the greatest need with our children. But I didn’t know anything about kids. I didn’t even have any passion for them. I saw them as “the problem that must be solved.” Yet, I did know that if I put my efforts towards it, change would occur. I told Crystal Deborah and Angie. Come the fall I am going to take on the Kids ministry. I felt like saying it was something that was like my own sentence. Crystal said “I’m going to do it with you. I don’t want you to be alone when doing that.” I told her she didn’t need to do that, but she said she wanted to. Then came the countdown to fall. As it was getting closer and closer, I didn’t really know what I was going to do. We asked questions prepared as much as we could but nothing could really prepare me for the work.

I want to tell you about some glasses I’ve been given over the course of the last ten months. My crash course in child culture. I see things differently. And I think it is worth you trying them on for a bit. Because it was apparent from my perspective that children were seen as a nusance to my adult culture. My toes were stepped on, my conversations were filled with frustraitions, with a culture that is actually addressed in the bible… Yet we rarely preach on it.

In the bible children are seen as a blessing, possibly even a commodity. More kids you have the more blessed you are. Psalm 127: 3-5 Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.In the bible children are seen as being protected by God. That God cares for even those without parents: Psalm 27:10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.

Exodus 22:22-24 "Do not take advantage of a widow or an orphan. If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry. My anger will be aroused, and I will kill you with the sword; your wives will become widows and your children fatherless. “

There is much about kids and children in the bible. But I was most interested in little wayne.

Little wayne was trouble. He was a kid in first century biblical times, and he was 8. He got into trouble, when he sassed his mom he would receive the soap in his mouth. He would get his morning teachings with his friends and have to be seperated because he was talking during the lesson. He put a firecracker up a frogs butt and lit it on fire. Him and some friends ran for the river when they got frog turd innerds exploded on their face. Little wayne’s best friend jack was going over to greg and matts house more and more, so he had to kick their ass because Jack was his best friend. Wayne picked up some choice words from his fisherman father. He found if he used them at school the kids eyes would open and it was like a secret power. He found that if he used it at home or in front of the teacher that he would be beat. He’d want to go fish but was too much trouble. His dad’s co-workers called little wayne “little sh!t” because he would come around and bother them.

One day waynes dad was entertaining a really amazing man. He was superkind and really was super welcoming. But didn’t have that creepy come hither look that his uncle had sometimes for his sister. Wayne watched him from the doorway. Apparently they had just come from paying taxes or something. And this is what happened:

Matt 181 they came to Jesus and asked, "Which of us is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?" 2 Jesus called little wayne over to him and put the child among them. 3 Then he said, "I assure you, unless you turn from your sins and become as little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. 4 Therefore, anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. 5 And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me. 6 But if anyone causes one of these little ones who trusts in me to lose faith, it would be better for that person to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around the neck.

Little Wayne left but the disciples were perplexed. Little wayne? Humble? How can he be great in the kingdom of Heaven?

I like telling this story with little wayne in it because in my past readings of it, I have envisioned the kid as some sort of alter boy. Holy with a halo and doesn’t do anything wrong, constantly singing beautiful praises about his innocence and God’s purity. But if you’ve ever been around children, you know that kids are trouble. They are a force to be reckoned with and you can’t place this kid on some sort of pure pedistal to live up to.

The disciples had it all backwards at this point, you see their question (even though its not as negitively framed as it is in mark or luke) is implying that the kingdom of heaven is based on the same structure as any other kingdom on earth.

Their question has something at the core of it that is a competitive strain that is not how the kingdom of heaven functions. The Kingdom of heaven functions almost negatively to an earthly kingdom. Here you must have pure royal blood, there you must be adopted. Here kings are the highest rank, there the King is the lowest. Here the kings are clad in the jewels and everything lavish and extraordinary; there the king is clad with the woulds of suffering and sacrifice for others.

So when the disciples are asking who is the greatest, Jesus is showing them how much they don’t get it. Their very question shows their ignorance of the kingdom.

Jesus brings in little wayne, a boy, he wasn’t a pristine little fauntlaroy rather he was a little stinker. He was a little sh!t. A whiner, the disciples knew that he was a problem to deal with, one of those kids you want to shove by the face. He had that dennis the menace smile that makes you want to punch them. He was a problem, a dickweed, a little f*cker, and here he was in front of Jesus. And JC was saying, you need to repent and become like this little sh!t. Jesus knew what he was doing. He was flipping the question on its back and showing its foolishness. Desiring an earthly rank in the kingdom of heaven is like having a kid desire brussel sprouts.

In looking deeper, though he was a little sh!t, little wayne was a part of a class that jesus was specifically interested in. Though he blew up frogs by their anus, he was not filled with malice of adulthood. Though he was interested in keeping the rank of best friend, he was not interested in ranks. Though he sassed his mom, he also was teachable enough to know that soap didn’t taste good. And though he was somewhat independent in hanging out with his friends, he was still dependant on his dad for a place to stay that night. His dad loved him and he knew that he was safe. He was a boy.

Essentially children are amazing reflectors of our own mature responses. They point out our agendas far too well. To control and minimize the damage of a child being in the room. “We don’t pick up the glass bowl, that’s a no touch” To attempt to pursuade them to get out of your face so they will watch 3 hours of TV and let you alone. “Hey I have an idea, lets have you quarentine yourself for the next 18 years until I can put you into counseling, to deal with the neglect.” To preserve the status quo of your adult culture rather than engage at a child’s level. The fact is children are challenging as a culture. And if we are not careful, we wont pick up on the fact that this culture has never experienced our world before. We look at this culture like they are a problem to be solved rather than a culture to be educated.

They are brand new to this country, don’t speak the language, they are developmentally disabled, and have no rights. They need an ambassador. Someone that is their advocate, someone that will help educate them, someone that explains the actions of the adult culture. To clarify when a breach in boundaries has occurred, not to explode or punish for no reason. They have no rights. They stand in our mercy, just like we stand only because of God’s mercy. How would God treat you?

We are part of an adult culture that see’s children as a “problem to be solved” We need to rethink our policy as a culture and begin to see something different. We need the Love of kids to be our policy. We need the desire for children to grow in their spirituality to be our policy. We need to beef up our quest for learning and educating a peoplegroup with no rights, that are at our mercy. We need to strengthen our families so that our children can be whole.

Jesus points this culture right at us to see ourselves as his followers:Children do not desire authority. Children do not regard outward distinctions, Children are free from adult malice, Children are teachable, and Children are willingly dependent upon their parents. They have to be… they have nothing else.

unless you learn to entertain a humble, and modest opinion of yourselves, are not envious at one another, and drop all contentions about primacy and pre-eminence, and all your ambitious views of one being greater than another, you will not find the kingdom of heaven.

When you look through Gods eyes at kids you don’t see the problems of management. You don’t see the frustraition of cleaning up frog intenstines. You see what God sees. You actually see what maybe the disciples have lost… maybe what we have lost.
They were headed in the wrong direction with their selfish ambition. Jesus’ tone is very severe, as much as when He denounces the Pharisees. The strong double negative means that they will otherwise not get into the kingdom of heaven at all, let alone have big places in it.

As you see children today, I would love for you to reflect on your own life. Where you have let you ambition and rank take hold, Or if you are overcome with malice, Or maybe you have become independent from God. Thinking that you can make it on your own.

Have you lost the ability to call God your creator? Have you lost the ability to gather warmth from Jesus in order to heal from your pain?

Unless you can say I love you God and mean it, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven. Unless you can say I trust you God, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven. You must get back that dependant love of God. You must escape the trap of God as a concept. You must rework your idea of God as your peer or an authority figure, and see him as someone you can actually rely on. Someone that longs to scoop you up as you pretend to sleep in the car, someone that may know, but smiles as they carry you up the stairs and puts you safely in bed. The word Abba that is used before God is strong. It implies a tenderness, comfort and safety. It is a term expressing warm affection and confidence that a child has in a parent that they trust. It has no perfect equivalent in our language. But when we see those eyes of children sparkle towards adults that are respecting them, we can get a glipse of what maybe our response to God can be.

So many of us have been forced to grow up. Forced to live. Forced to leave the innocense of our childhood behind. Forced the cut off our bad relationship with our parents. Twisted by darkness we have left the brightness of our youth behind because that was where we were vulnerable. That was where we were small and overcome by those large towering people. We were at their mercy.

Jesus is here saying to all of us … let the little ones come to me. Let those who need me come. Let those who have been stripped of their ability to say that God will protect me, that God will be my ambassador, that God will be my guide in this cruel adult cuture, Let them begin to call out Jesus. To mean it! To have their heart reach out to be comforted, to be protected, to be finally loved.

I hope you can take these glasses that I have put on today. These glasses that can give you a look into what some think is a stress, and what God sees as a reminder and an entrance into a kingdom. I hope you can take these glasses and honor our children, and those who work with them today.

Freedom '08

2008-06-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

In the 90’s George Michael sang about freedom from an image he wanted to break out of. He felt his inner world wasn’t matching his outer world. And the outer world was winning, making him out to be a lier. His great voice, solo carreer and his shaking ass, made him a heart throb, and he and the investors associated with George were doing the Jitterbug all the way to the bank from his stonewashed jeans, tunes, AND from his public persona. Dana Carvey had a great bit on Saturday Night Live doing a caracature of Michael and his ass. “Look at my butt Dennis, LOOK AT IT! It’s perfectly round…It’s a perfect circle. Scientist at NASA use it to calibrate their instruments… you can’t take your eyes off of it. LOOK AT IT DENNIS!” Apparently Dennis Miller and the women of the world looking at George constricted his ass too much.

He wrote a song called freedom ’90 coming out of the closet, addressing his own sexuality and how he didn’t care what it did to his career; the fact was he wasn’t going to live a lie any more. The women of the world need to know that he can’t be a hetero-sex symbol. No! He was now breaking free from the clothes of his image that he had agreed to in the inception of his career because “Sometimes the clothes do not make the man”.

This probably had a huge public impact on him as an artist… Record Sales… And girls may have been a little red in the face as they took down their Vintage Wham Poster. But George was free. Liberated from people’s misconceptions and his conscience was lighter because of it. From a purely financial outlook it might have been a dumb move. From a career standpoint, it might have been shooting yourself in the foot. Apparently George’s executives told him just that and he addressed it in the song “Ill hold on to my freedom. May not be what you want from me. Just the way it’s got to be”

15 years later Dave Chappelle, a comic known for his hugely successful show on comedy central “the Chappelle Show” found his freedom from the limelight by simply going away. After the first season a major success, Dave found himself signing a second and third season for $50 million. Dave's trademark humor—outrageous, politically incorrect explorations of popular culture, race, sex, drugs and fame—infused every skit. His fans loved quoting his lines, especially his impersonation of funk music impresario Rick James. “I’m Rick James Bitch.” Then, in April 2005, a year after signing his two-year contract to continue the show, Dave abruptly walked off the set and…disappeared. Almost no one, including his wife and kids, knew where he went.
Some people thought he went nuts, others thought he was doing drugs. It was leaked to the press he had pnumonia. In reality he went to South Africa to reflect. He ended up seeing that though his sketches sparked controversy, some of his sketches started to make him feel "socially irresponsible.”

One particular sketch Dave wasn’t particularly proud of was about a pixie (played by Dave) who appeared in black face, which Dave described as the "visual personification of the "N" word."
"There was a good-spirited intention behind it," Dave says. "So then when I'm on the set, and we're finally taping the sketch, somebody on the set [who] was white laughed in such a way—I know the difference of people laughing with me and people laughing at me—and it was the first time I had ever gotten a laugh that I was uncomfortable with. Not just uncomfortable, but like, should I fire this person?"

After this incident, Dave began thinking about the message he was sending to millions of viewers. Dave says some people understood exactly what he was trying to say with his racially charged comedy…while others got the wrong idea. He began to see that his show was changing culture, and to see white suburbia quote his lines, and not really GET IT, began to be desturbing.

So Dave shut it down. He needed to be freed from his own machine; escape his own creation so he fled the scene. "I felt really guilty about being asleep at the wheel," He remembers. "I felt guilty about it because I forgot the hostility of the environment of show business. … There's some quote that someone told me that says, 'Success takes you where character cannot sustain you.'" These two men found that they needed to be freed from their own momentum. The decisions that got them to their place of fame, didn’t match who they were. They eventually they had to address it.

This isn’t a new theme, Shakespeare’s tragic character Polonius who prats around the play Hamlet rambles his wisdom to his son Laertes: “Above all, to thine own self be true.” Ironically Polonius finds his “being true to himself” also causing his death. His desire for social advancement, his fear of losing his position in the kingdom and his need for popularity make him spy on Hamlet, and eventually skewered behind a tapestry.

Most of us will never have to deal with the huge financial crunch of having a multimillion dollar carreer, compromise “who you are.” We don’t have the luxury or delemma of Shutting Down a show that pays 50 million. But most of us CAN imagine getting skewered in the end of what we “thought” was a good idea. We can imagine that, because we’ve experienced that. We go down roads that make us say… Hey this isn’t me. Or maybe that’s what we would say if we were paying attention. When OUR outside world begins to not match our inside world, it begins a huge conflict within us and we have two choices: To Listen or To Not Listen.

To not listen just prolongs the inevitable. It lets it grow, until it’s a magnificent skyscraper that makes a glorious crash. To not listen makes our inner world louder, so that we need to cover it up with our own yelling, it makes our actions stupid and careless, and allows our fears to take the reigns. Also to not listen is being a coward.

So it seems like there IS only one choice. However, if you are anything like me, to not listen is your normal route. For me… I think it’s because I’m dense or not aware. But there are items in my life that I fear, and I plug my ears because I’m too scared to address it.

If you aren’t someone with faith, I’d pay attention to this inner voice. It might be telling you something that you need to hear.

There was a man without faith that the bible spends several chapters on. Who knows if he ever had an inner voice. Growing up being a sovriegn or a god to Egypt has got to mess you up a little bit. But when Pharoh met with a representative of the Slaves , an inner voice might have come in handy. When Moses and his brother came over and said hey let the slaves go. I’m not sure if Moses understood the economic ramifications of what he was asking. The Hebrew people were an intigral part of Egypt’s economy, and I’m sure Pharoh thought Moses’ request was a joke. How can he just let money like that go walking out the door? As a nation’s leader it wasn’t the soundest of economic decisions; so it makes sense that he would say no. But as each plague riqued havok on his country, it was apparent that the outer world was not matching his inner world. In this case it seemed as though he was taking Polonius’ advice. “Stick to you’re guns pharoh. Show em who’s boss. To Thine own self be true.” Or in egyptian:

It’s interesting that the plagues one by one took out the specific gods of egypt. The nile god, the frogs, flies. It seems as though the Hebrew Slave God was at war with the Egyptian gods. Showing battle by battle who was boss. You would think that once the livestock all died, that pharoh may have moved on from his economic reasoning to letting the slaves go as a write off for a really bad year. Regardless, creative tax solutions were not a voice he was listening to. And as a result Pharoh found himself in a watery grave to have his character attacked for thousands of years. Is there a lesson here? I think there is… DON’T MESS WITH THE LORD… even if you’re being true to yourself.

For those of us with faith I think there is something more that we can see here. Like everyone, we can be inspired by those who listen to their inner voice, we can even learn our lessons from those who don’t. But those of us with faith in Jesus have a job that’s not very easy, and isn’t very natural. We are asked to scrutinize both the outer world, and our inner world, against our relationship with God.

If you know Jesus, you know what he’s done for you, you know what has happened to you to let you meet him, and you know that you will do anything for him. Why? Because you know what love is. We sometimes forget, but are easily reminded. The Holy Spirit in your life is is someone that long you for to comfort you, to allow insight to come to you and to give you that extra super YOU when you need it. If you know Jesus you know why grace is important to you and you are authentic in your expression of love. You try your hardest to be who God wants you to be. You make yourself available to love others, and you long for the day that you will see clearly.

I say that to say this. Our Outer world is always pushing us wherever it wants us to go. Whether it is using us as an economic ladder, challenging us not rock the boat, or some other great corporate need. Our inner world longs to have itself match with the outerworld, but when the Outer world is in conflict, our innervoice begins to scream in guilt, fury, anger, injustice. And it is then that our inner world declares its independence. We declare our freedom from the outer world, and we challege it to revolution! IT MUST change its ways OR ELSE! When that Liberty is spoken in this way, worlds are changed. In the case of George Michael, he says Freedom in the 90’s. In the case of Chappelle, he says “SHUT IT DOWN!!!” With Pharoh, he says “I will NOT let your people go!”

Regardless of what our inner voice is screaming against our outer world, those of us with faith have to consider something more. Our world may be selling us as a slave. Our world may be forcing us to begin waving our flags and singing Le Misarables. “do You hear the people sing singing the song of angry men it is a music of a people who will not be slaves again…“ Our outer world may be FORCING us to declare our independence from it. But if you want to know what true freedom is, you must look to your faith. Because your faith assesses your outerworld and your faith scrutenizes your inner world with one question. That question is detestable to our inner voice. Because it doesn’t seem like freedom at all, yet it is the definition of Christian Liberty. What is that one question? “How can I please him?”

Your faith’s Freedom is living a step above the world and a step above your anger of it. Freedom in Christ is not following the Ten Commandments. That is staying out of jail… (Which is probably another kind of freedom.) But Freedom in Christ is something that is above it all. Liberty in Jesus is not a rule to live by, but a principle that is fueled by your love of what He’s done for you. The principle is to please Him. My conduct as a lover, believer, and follower of Jesus Christ is to please him. Not to please you, me or any organization, but only to please Him. That is the liberty we have in our Lord. And it is what Paul means when he says ‘Stand fast in the liberty where Christ has made us free, and don’t be entangled again with bondage.’

Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone or anything put a harness of slavery on you; whether that is someone else, your job, yourself, or circomstance. As a lover of Christ your freedom lies within an active pursuit of the question “How can I please you?” That puts to death your fear of anything but God.

We may say we want freedom. We may say we even have it. Someone may say that ‘I have the freedom to do whatever I want.’ I think the problem there, is the reason why we end up needing Jesus so badly-- we are so consumed by our inner voice that we act in counter-dependance to it – whatever the outerworld is doing we NEED to do the opposite. Which means the outer world is still is directing us and we have silenced the true liberty and option of pleasing God. If you call yourself a Christian, YOU are free from YOU. You have forfeited your life for His life. I can say His life is what it’s about. His life is worth persuing; His life allows you to truly live. It is only through love that you can ask “how can I please you Lord?” and it is only by actively persuing the answer that we will truly gain our freedom in ‘08.

Why...

2008-05-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

I watched a movie last night called rendition about a man who was detained and tortured to get information out of him. There was a point when he confessed to everything. He had names, dates, numbers. And for a moment it freaked me out, because what was awful and wrong, all of the sudden was going to save lives. Bombs were going to be diffused; the badguys were going to be stopped. And because of the neglect of one person’s life, other lives are saved.
The fact was the guy was innocent. He didn’t have real names, or dates or numbers. He made them up to stop the torture. He made them up to try to save his life. He confessed he did something to make them stop. When our rights to life get taken away from us, there is something at the core of us that battles to get it back. It’s at the core of revolution. It’s in our DNA. When we are denied the right to live we scramble to survive. Our eyes get big, we swim harder, we search for food with vigor, because there’s something to live for. Life is worth living… there is something inside us at the core that says that. That we will clammor, lie, defend, revolt to just live.
But then we live our life. We get our safety. We get our rights. And life doesn’t have that spark of urgency that it once had. The pain, that strives us to battle politic, the struggle for survival that hoses down the fires of death. When safety arrives it seems to only arrive for us to catch our breath. Or to get a few breaths in. These breaths are those breaths of God that scripture probably talks about. The breath of life that was given to us and the animals as a gift. The psalmist writes “when you take away their breath, they die and return to the dust.” And it’s when we’re safe… or safe enough that those concepts start creeping in. I am but dust without the breath of life. I am but dust without God’s breath of life. It’s a cool concept, it’s a humbling concept. That we are alive because of that gift of breath. That we are alive, that we live. And for us that can hold onto that concept, we can be embraced in wonder. In the Awe of nature. In the beauty of getting up every morning. The freshness of each breath. The vibrancy of our health. Because if we didn’t have that we would be topsoil.
Some of us can’t stay there however. Somehow the wonder of being alive, the day to day living begins to corrode the awe. Plus the concept of being created from our organic surroundings and given the responsibility of breath tends to lend itself to a question… Why? Some of us step past the peace of a simple breath to ask the question Why? Why am I here? Why is the breath of life within me? What am I here for?
It’s a question that is immediately answered with unpretty concepts. Concepts like that of Rendition where lives are saved if others are tortured. Or less obscure concepts that even bubble up in scripture. “Cursed is the ground because of you Adam; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.” Why am I here? To toil? It seems like it sometimes. My dad told me life is hard. And it is. And that’s depressing. That’s not why I come to church.
Though there are glimmers of non-toil. When I get a raise. When Friendships and relationships are going well. There seems to be these moments in life where the initial toil has payoff. I bought a house. And to get approved for a loan there was major toil. But we Got it! And wow… we breathed like we just escaped death. Because the deal almost died…a lot. But now monthly payments… Toil. Good Toil. Managable toil. But Toil.
So many of us may not get so depressed at the speculation of toil, because we see our goals being achieved. And so the meaning to our Why of life is Job related, Dream Related, Money related, Relationship related. And we hold onto those goals. And Hopefullly we achieve them. And when we do we breathe that successful gift of breath for the moment right before we make a new goal… So that we can have another successful breath.
And some of us can stay here. Because our why is never satisfied, is always changing is always getting reevaluated. If we lower our standards enough we’ll always get that breath of success. But some in the safety of their analysis begin singing the song of Ecclesiastes. Meaningless Meaningless The why of my life is Meaningless.
1 I thought in my heart, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good." But that also proved to be meaningless. 2 "Laughter," I said, "is foolish. And what does pleasure accomplish?" 3 I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly--my mind still guiding me with wisdom. I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their lives. 4 I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. 5 I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. 6 I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. 7 I bought male and female slaves and had other slaves who were born in my house. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. 8 I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired men and women singers, and a harem as well--the delights of the heart of man. 9 I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me. 10 I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. 11 Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.
Here we have been given this gift of breath, and that’s all that it seems to be… wind. Meaningless… and sad. Not something to clammor for, to fight for. So those of us who are lucky enough or depressed enough to be at these crossroads still are asking the question why? Why do I live? And there are so many answers that are out there. Confidence, Counseling, Love. And in a way that is what my life has tried to grappel itself to. Maybe its this that will let me stay happy in my life… or maybe its this.
But the reality is we are built for something more. Which is why we aren’t happy. There is a reason why we fight to stay alive, and there is a reason why we ask WHY? There is life. The animation of life. Thebeautiful animal within us that roams the earth, that toils ,that searches out Goals and ultimately is dissatisfied with the melodrama around us. And there is something more. There is life. The animation of our soul. The something that we long for that is far deeper then our Why. It is the answer to our why. It is the inexplicable wind that makes us truly alive. It is what Jesus was answering when he said “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
To Nicodemous In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.” “How can a man be born when he is old?" Nicodemus asked. "Surely he cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb to be born!" Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, 'You must be born again.' The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." "How can this be?" Nicodemus asked. "You are Israel's teacher," said Jesus, "and do you not understand these things? I tell you the truth, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony. I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things? No one has ever gone into heaven except the one who came from heaven--the Son of Man. Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Nick diligently studied the Scriptures because he thought that by them he could possess life. But he missed the fact that these are the Scriptures that testified about Jesus… Who God is… what he would do… and how it is by understanding the work of Jesus that you can have eternal life.
Why do we ask WHY? It is to come to the painful realization that we have been given breath but we want so much more. We want LIFE. We want life abundant. We need God’s Spirit to give us eternal life. And only way to have that is to lay down your animal existance, your goals, your breath, and allow the fogiveness of your sins. And let Jesus Save your soul.
Its odd that we would clammor, revolt and battle for a life that ultimately we would lay down. But for those of us that are ready for meaning in our life, it is the brilliant answer.

Crazy Days

2008-03-23T20:20:00.000-07:00

Last couple weeks have been hard on me. In retrospect I can say I should have expected it. All the signs were there. And naturally I was doing the things that I needed to do to prepare myself. But when it’s there in your face, in its stark naked reality, you just feel surprised, you feel alarmed, and confused. You see this week… I lost a brother.

I’m a nice guy, a fun guy, I consider myself likable. But true friends are somehow difficult for me to find. There have been years in my life where I have been surrounded by acquaintances. Maybe I don’t trust fully, maybe I run in the wrong circles, maybe I have a standard for a true friend that is untouchable. I’ve found it’s hard to find good friends, especially because you always know what’s wrong with them. And you’re right. As a result to find a friend, to me is something that very valuable. And in the past I’ve gotten a handful of pitches.

It’s not like I don’t value relationship or act like a hermit. I think within the last year I can say by going to men’s group I have significantly increased my friend pool. Men that I feel are good men, who can speak into my life; who I care for; and who I can say I love, without feeling phony or awkward. Still… when someone falls out of those ranks, I can say from experience, that no matter how full your life is, a piece of you dies with that person .

But this brother didn’t die… I didn’t get the luxury of a funeral service; a speedy closure. Over the course of years, I got to witness a close friend become an alcoholic, and have that disease slowly drive him insane. It just so happens that within this last week, I realized my friend wasn’t my friend anymore. I lost him.

I’m devastated at this realization. This man who I spent time with, quality, good talks; is now gone. I think there are a couple things that twist it in my stomach. That causes this loss to not be a clean break. The fact that I may have been the one to make it OK for him to start drinking. The fact that I didn’t have the wherewithal to tell him that his behavior was sketchy and possibly needing a check. And the fact that I slowly slipped out of his life when his life and my life weren’t really going the same direction. I let my friend go… and I don’t think I meant to… But I did. I need to take responsibility for those items.

This guy now IS insane. I can say I’ve never really known what it means to say someone is insane. I always thought that insanity was someone who was misguided, misrepresented. But when you see actual insanity, and have the capacity to grasp it, it’s really not a pretty picture. Whenever someone crosses the line, or throws you for a loop you can throw out there “Oh Ju Crazy!” But “Ju Crazy” and real crazy are two very different things. Ju Crazy says I want to bungee jump, Real crazy says I want to bungee jump but I lost my job two weeks ago and I’ve ruined all my relationships but can I have $300 anyway? Ju Crazy says something clever on the phone to ‘get ya.’ Real crazy GETS you on the phone about 10 times a day. Ju crazy says something about Jesus Christ to liven up the conversation. Real crazy says that they’re Jesus Christ.

I bring this personal bit up because I want try to communicate to you what it means to lose a friend to something very evil and very wrong. For me, this time, it is addiction and mental illness. Another time I lost someone through accidental death; something much more quick and final. In both cases we had a fair amount of distance between us emotionally so I really wasn’t impacted by the loss of a BEST friend. I can’t imagine what I would do? That would be the worst. Someone that you currently depend on, engage with, someone that changes your life daily. Gone. I don’t know what I’d do.

I’m not sure if any of you have ever lost a friend, if not a Best friend. But when it happens there is a fair amount of blame and finger pointing that goes on. You blame yourself… “What could I have done differently?” You point your finger at others “They should have been more careful, They should have printed up warning signs.” You point at the person that’s gone. “He should have read the warning signs, He should have been more careful.” Or Even God. “How can God allow something as awful as this to happen?”

Confusion, finger pointing, sadness. This was what was going on during the Easter weekend of Jesus’ Death. They had been together with their best friend, their teacher, their master. Drinking wine, riding donkeys. Only to so quickly get him snatched up and tried before Pilot for being who he was. Then to witness someone who may have caused a few problems, but did so much more good: made us think differently, healed so many. Up there being crucified. What? Why? Disciples were asking what could I have done differently? How did that happen? For someone who seemed like God was with him, I followed him for 3 years, it sure looked like God wasn’t with him on the cross. I thought he was my messiah? I thought he was going to free Israel. He said he was the way the truth and the life. And now he’s dead. He probably shouldn’t have said that thing about the temple. He was probably wrong in calling those teachers names. He definitely shouldn’t have whipped the money changers out of the temple. Then I would still have my friend. Fuckin’ Judus. My friend is dead. Joseph of arimethia was kind enough to let Jesus be in his tomb… But my friend. The man who has changed my life, The man who taught me that I can pray to My Father in Heaven rather than LORD. The man with the most clever whit and kindest eyes. The Man with the funniest jokes. My friend is gone.

What a week. Triumphal entry. Great Passover party. All night praying. The cross. And now Easter morning. It’s not like living with Jesus was not an emotional roller coaster. Why would his death be any different? To be nearly capsized in one moment, and in next be on a sea as smooth as glass. To be at a party with Jesus where the bartender says “last call” because he’s out of wine, and then there miraculously is more. To be starving with 5,000 others and then to have your part of a child’s lunch extend until everyone was full. To follow Jesus meant that your entire world was placed in tension, only to be rescued by very God himself.

That was why Easter morning was so confusing. Because Jesus’ death seemed so sudden. So odd. So Ungodly. We only had a day or two to let it sink in that our friend was executed. So no one expected him to be raised from the dead. There was a rumor or two, which the teachers made sure that all security was in place, but who can expect something like that to actually occur. That’s weird. Still they saw it with Lazarus, and apparently someone said something about someone who was back from the dead after Jesus died. But resurrection is not the norm. That’s Real Crazy Talk… not Ju Crazy.

Which I guess they should have put 2 and 2 together. Because life with Jesus was teetering on the Real Crazy; but for some reason there was foundation underneath it. What do you expect, I guess, from someone who calls themself Jesus Christ? Jesus, you’re walking on the water… Oh you want me to come… Ju crazy. Whoa I’m walking on the water…. I’m Real Crazy. Oh Jesus I don’t have any money. Oh I’m supposed to catch a fish and look in its mouth… Ju Crazy… Oh here it is, OK I’ll now pay my taxes now. Oh Jesus Who do I say you are? Well… I might be crazy… but I think you’re the messiah. What…? You’ll die, and 3 days later come back to life. Ju crazy!!!! That’s not what a messiah does… But as peter watches his friend give up and go with the authorities, he asks “maybe he is real crazy?”

Peter says: “In retrospect I can say I should have expected it. All the signs were there. And naturally I was doing the things that I needed to do to prepare myself. But when it’s there in your face, in its stark naked reality, you just feel surprised, you feel alarmed, and confused. Its Holy Week, and Peter has just lost a friend.

It was the last straw. After a terrible weekend. Mary woke up this morning to care for her master’s body. She had the herbs that were needed to embalm. And the death was far too fresh to have any other thoughts then love and sadness. The teachers had the audacity to guard the tomb, thinking that the disciples, who were all devastated, had the wherewithal to fake a resurrection. It was bad enough that they were guarding it yesterday, but now as she entered the tomb, she didn’t know where Jesus’ body was. Did the authorities take him? Where did they take him? Her Friend, Her Master. The man who gave her a second chance, and told her about a God who does the same. Where is he? Not only is her friend dead, but Now … he’s gone. After telling the others, the only thing she could do was sit by the stone and weep. A gardener came up next to her and said “why are you crying?” “Who are you looking for?” Sir,” she said, “if you have taken him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will go and get him.” Then she heard a voice or a tone or something that was familiar say her name. “Mary” And it was Jesus. He was alive. He was Alive. Her friend somehow did it. Her friend died… For her. But now is alive.

At the table after he washed everyone’s feet Jesus said “This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down your life for your friends.” Jesus Did It! Jesus Did It! The Son of God is alive today! It was written long ago that the Messiah would suffer and die and rise from the dead on the third day. It was also written that this message should be, and must be proclaimed in the authority of his name to everyone, ‘That there is forgiveness for all your poor choices for all who truly want to change.’ You can have a total life-change through God’s forgiveness.

It is Easter Morning, a friend of mine told me about his alcoholic dad who said “St. Patrick’s Day is for Amateurs.” He then told me that he felt Easter is for amateurs, meaning that anybody can come to church on Easter and be blessed and filled. But few actually spend the time during their week, and during their year to practice the art of following Jesus. My friend makes a good point.

However… It is Easter. And whether it is for amateurs or whether we need to celebrate the shit out of it, it is my intension that the Holy Spirit gives you what you need today. Whether that is to know that you are loved so much that God sent his only Son that whoever believes in this Jesus will have everlasting life then so be it. If that is to know that Jesus considers you a friend, and died for you on the cross at Calvary than so be it. If that means that your life needs to change, and you need forgiveness for your poor choices then so be it. The fact is our friend is not gone today, but is risen. And has risen indeed, So today celebrate this crazy reality of God’s Love with your friends! Happy Easter!

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The Death of Tony

2008-02-29T08:59:00.001-08:00

I don’t have HBO. But about 7 years ago I got hooked on a show that was unique. The show started out with a balding man in a counselor’s office. The counselor was asking the normal first time counselor questions. You could tell the man’s reluctance at answering the questions. With a heavy New Jersey accent you heard him embarrassingly confess that he passed out. The counselor used the phrase “panic attack” which sets the man off saying “this can’t work.” The Doctor sees where the reluctance is coming from, and asks him why. He shares that he is in the “waste management” business, and that he could be seriously in danger if anyone found out that he was there. Tony is a Mob Boss.
Dr. Malfey assures Tony that as long as he doesn’t talk about any specifics to his job that point to crimes past or present, his occupation should not have any conflict with his therapy. Opening up, tony begins talking about the events that led up to his panic attack. Starting with a stressful conflict he had in the morning over a disputed debt collection. As Malfey reminds him to make sure to leave out any details that would infer crime, Tony looks up with a grin and very charmingly says “we had coffee.”
It was this charming grin, this very round character, Tony Soprano. Who was a Mob Boss but also a Father, a Husband, a Basket Case, a Problem solver, a Cheater, a Lover, and a man; He hooked me in. His efforts at caring for a caustic mother, his balance and failures in family life, and his success in keeping together an organization that corruption was the core; all of this made for a great use of an hour of my time.
I’d wait for the dvd’s to come out and when they did, my week was shot. Sometimes I’d catch a rogue “contemporary” viewing when I found someone with HBO, but usually it was all in one chunk. The initial writing of the first two seasons allowed me to have grace for some of the weaker characters and story lines that would follow. Still, it was a pleasure that I looked forward to.
Six or seven years later someone knew it was time. They needed to close out the show. This made me excited. How do you end such a complex show? Do you kill off the main character? Do you have him go into witness protection? I was there with the speculators letting my mind run with anticipation. As the episodes got closer and closer to the finale, you saw a deliberate movement of other bosses in Tony’s territory, you saw complex family issue creating new “Business issues”, and you also saw Tony becoming nicer and nicer. Could it be that the feds have what they need to jail tony for life? Could it be that Johnny Sac from new York offs Tony once and for all. Will Tony’s son be like his father? All of these would be answered at the season finale.
I scored a viewing at my parents’ house. They have HBO. The day arrives and as I’m watching the episode I’m noticing that it is going pretty slow. I say to myself. “um pick it up people you have a lot to accomplish in one episode.” Yet still snail’s pace. 20 minutes to the end I have yet to see any sort of loose end tied up so I think to myself “oh the last 10 minutes are going to be awesome. Finally about two minutes to the end you start to see something start to move in. Are they feds? Are they someone going to kill the whole family? There is a space of time where it will all be completed. We were all on the edge of our seat. And then nothing.
I mean nothing. The screen goes blank. All of us at once go “what?” and instinctively reach for the remote. Something happened! We’re missing the final information that will make this whole show worthwhile. Give us closure, give us carnage, give us an ending. Is the TV broken? Soon the credits start rolling up and I realize that THAT! Was the ending. NOTHING WAS THE ENDING! That was their choice. Not impressed.
For the next couple weeks I was reeling from the loss, pissed that I had spent all that time investing in the characters that these writers had spent so much time on. Only to have the writers just cop out and say “you make the call.” I was watching the show because I don’t have that kind of imagination. You need to spell it out for me. After a while I figured it was just a poor decision that got carried out, and I was over it. I had all the seasons on my shelf but the final one.
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I thought I was over it until Friday night.
First of all I never remember my dreams unless I wake up during them. Secondly the only time I wake up is during huge emotion. Fear from a scary dream, Tears from a sad dream, waking up laughing from a funny dream. Saturday morning I remembered my dream. And I did because I had a super intense emotion. You see… because I killed Tony Soprano.
Dreams are weird, and when you tell them to your friends you always feel more stupid after you’ve told it. “So we were in my house but it looked entirely different, and My best friend Jack Rusina from grade school was there, but he had half of Christy Brinkley’s face. Anyway…”
So in my dream I was posing as a waiter at this Italian restaurant. And I had a gun, but it wasn’t a real gun because I couldn’t use a real gun for whatever reason. So instead I had a handmade gun… like what John Malcovich used in that one movie that he was going to kill the president… I think Kevin Costner was in it. Anyway… There he was, Tony Soprano. Obviously still alive and kicking. Not in witness protection, still doing the same old thing. I did my job as waiter, filled up his water, took his order, waiting for the opportunity. Tony was alone, the restaurant was full but his table was for one. Between the bread and the main dish I knew it was time. Not a lot of fear, just duty bound.
I held out my oddly crafted pipe gun that was made out of wood putty. I aimed. This was important as it seemed to function like a video game sniper. I realized that if I was hasty, and just wanting the job over with I would have shot off Mr. Soprano’s Nose. I re-aimed for the middle of his head and pulled the trigger.
At this point I woke up. This was because I had a huge emotion. It wasn’t an intense fear for my life that someone would come after me in revenge. It wasn’t remorse for killing a man. It was pure joy and satisfaction. Satisfaction at this accomplished work. It was over. As my eyes opened, and I felt the joy of knowing something very odd, something very black and white, the end of a struggle. Tony to me was a very complex man, with charm, and many endearing qualities. Those qualities made the rest of him palatable. The killing, crime boss had not escaped death again. My bullet had killed him once and for all.
It was so weird because I didn’t have the luxury of being sad for Tony the family man, I only felt joy that his reign of crime was over. His killing is now at an end. His charming smile would no longer carry me down the road of theft, drugs, cheating, or violence. Perhaps I was happiest because I finally knew the end, and maybe I killed him off because I blamed him for writers that wouldn’t commit to an end. Regardless, I was not conflicted about his death, nor am I today. TONY NEEDED TO DIE!
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Last week Todd talked on a concept that we’ve been fiddling around with called the 25%. How I understand it is it your soft underbelly where there is very light armor. It is the percentage of you that you hide from, that you want no one to know about… especially your enemies. Also, because we spend a lot of time guarding our 25%, it also acts as a significant motivator in our lives. For instance: one of the constant voices in my 25% is that I feel worthless in all that I do. You may agree, you may disagree, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling that way. As a result, if it isn’t in check, it fuels motivations. Sometimes it has positive motivations associated with it out of reaction such as talking a sermon on Sunday… trying to do less worthless things. Other times it can have negative motivations, like if I were to not have this 25% in check my relationship with you would solely be based on whether YOU make me feel better about myself.
When we’ve talked about this, I also found that this 25% worked really well with my addictions. I found that my addictions our directly related to wanting to TURN OFF that feeling of worthlessness in my life.
What is addiction? Addiction is a compulsion to use a substance to feel good, or to avoid feeling bad. Narcotics Anonymous believes that defining addiction is part of the recovery process. They also state that your first step is to admit your powerlessness over it. That admission is the foundation upon which their recovery is built. What is that thing that you are powerless over? That thing that you need God’s grace every day in order to live without.
For me addiction is that compulsion that gets hold of your life and pulls you down to death. It’s very similar to a good family man who has a cool accent that you hear is in the mob. He starts taking you under his wing and you do some small jobs for him. You get the bug, you like the people, and you begin asking for more. Soon you start doing things that you can’t talk about. You begin reconciling how you live. And you realize that you are trapped. You can’t get out. You are either going to die, or you are going to work for Tony, and kill others.
I’m going to say something that is not normal for me at all. The things that are in your life that you have in there because your life has been difficult; those addictions that are slowly scraping away at your personality; those things that are beginning to be more YOU than you. Whether it is drugs, alcohol, manipulation, sex, whatever it is. KNOCK IT OFF.
Let me be careful when I say this. Because I don’t want you to equate addiction with evil, addiction with bad. We all have struggles that we must overcome. I also don’t want you to feel like you can’t be at church or around me if you do have those. “Knock it off” has been a mantra of spiritual organizations. “Knock it off, fly right! Be a part of the light not the dark, and if you are in the dark, than you don’t belong.” Let me encourage you. You are loved NO MATTER WHAT! God loves you because you exist. What I am saying is NOT a love contingency. I am NOT saying “I’ll love you IF.”
What I am saying is that your addiction affects those around you because it is a social disease. It affects all family members. It’s a genetic disease, so it’s affecting more than one person your family, literally. And it operates in a system. That disease affects all the other members of the system. It contains itself by using that system and we have to change the system so the disease can’t flourish any longer.
We need to change our system. No one wants a bunch of weird spiritual tattletales. No one wants to feel like they are going to be gastoppoed. But in order to have this community flourish, we cannot be a culture of enablers to our addictions. We need to work together to climb out.
Paul writes a little about this in Romans 6
5 Since we have been united with him in his death, we will also be raised to life as he was. 6 We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. 7 For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin. 8 And since we died with Christ, we know we will also live with him. 9 We are sure of this because Christ was raised from the dead, and he will never die again. Death no longer has any power over him. 10 When he died, he died once to break the power of sin. But now that he lives, he lives for the glory of God. 11 So you also should consider yourselves to be dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus.
Paul says reckon yourselves dead to sin. Reckon yourself dead to your addiction. Meaning COUNT on the fact that we are dead to sin. Count on it! If it is dead then let it be dead. Are you trying to stick around and raise it up again? Tony Soprano will no longer be alive. There might be his henchman, there might be his business; but when something is dead, COUNT on him no longer having dinner with you or putting you into his service. There is no more TONY! There is no more addiction. There is no more sin. It’s gone.
OK the next part talks about the practicalities:
12 Do not let sin control the way you live;[a] do not give in to sinful desires. 13 Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God. 14 Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace
You shouldn’t just “know” that stuff is dead. Paul is encouraging us to do the practical living out of what we may know. He says don’t yield yourself as an instrument of your addiction. Don’t present yourself to who you were. We are powerless over our addictions. Paul is encouraging us to not present ourselves to that addiction. If you struggle with WHATEVER, don’t present yourself to whatever. Don’t follow Tony into that place just because he has a nice smile. “He’s telling the truth though, a little bit doesn’t hurt.” He’s dead. Don’t follow him there.
A little girl fell out of bed one night and began to cry. Her mom rushed into her bedroom, picked her up, put her back into bed, and asked her, “why’d you fall out?” and she said “ I think I stayed to close to the place where I got in.” And that’s the reason many of us fall back into our game. We’re in too close to where the chaos of our addiction would suck us in and make us work for that addiction. We’re entering Christianity, taking advantage of the grace, and sticking too close to the door we entered in on.
The stains might stay in the carpeting of the Italian restaurant. And we may not be able to get rid of the corpse for good. But we are told “present yourselves to God.” Yield yourself to God. Don’t let Tony have your world. Don’t let his chaos dictate who you are. Present yourself to God.
I think that is why I felt such joy in the dream, because I no longer had to compromise to a way of life that was death. I was free. And I was presenting myself to freedom.
Now, there are those that may say. “Hey… I’m going to die anyway. I might as well live it up.” But I ask, is your life a life you want to live? Or are you trapped making decisions that perpetuate a lifestyle you don’t want? “Then what can I do to counteract addiction?” Let me share an attitude that is in the bible that understands fatalistic thinking (I’m going to die) but gives an answer to life, even more, life in opposition to addiction.
Philipians2: 21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; 24 but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. 25 Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, 26 so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.
Paul’s 25% is that he hates that he has murdered people that would have been his friends. He would rather stuff it into a closet somewhere than let it air out. He has positive motivators in his life compensating for his grievous bloody past; he’s out there telling people about the Jesus that changed his life. But in negative times Paul possibly slips into an addiction of self righteousness. I’m right, you’re wrong, and this cuts him off from relationship with others, and he begins working for Tony. A lonely job when you’re in jail. His addiction may say to him at night. You’re right, you don’t need anyone, and you can die now. But Paul in Philippians found the one thing that counteracts the narcissism of his addiction: Service.
It’s time to learn to be of service. This IS the opposite of addiction. It fights with everything that addiction wants. If you want to change from problem to solution, serve those you have hurt. When I see someone doing just simple acts of service, like going out and serving someone a sandwich, that’s when I know that sobriety is kicking in.
I know it is scary. I know you’ve been within his service for a long time. But today it is time to shoot your addiction…DEAD. Don’t go trying to revive it. It is dead. Learn to not get close enough to pick it up again. Stay away from its swirl. YOU ARE POWERLESS AGAINST IT. Finally, place the opposite in your life, and serve others.
I thought it would be cool to do a mind exercise to end with. Because addiction is a brain disease, I thought a brain exercise might help.
Find a quiet spot where you will be able to not be interrupted for 15 minutes. Close your eyes and envision the following:
You are at the Italian Restaurant. Smells of pasta, meat sauce, and fresh bread are in the air. Checkered tablecloths all around, perhaps a accordion music playing in the background. You are dressed as a head waiter; black comfortable clothing and your apron. Under a napkin you hold a pistol. Its weight in your hand is one of power, of danger, of reality that death is imminent.
Your addiction is at the fifth table. Take a look at it. It runs your world. Is it an old balding man that has you working and doing things you hate? Is it a beautiful woman that uses her manipulation to hold you down? What does it look like? Describe it. Who is it? How have they captured you?
It’s time. You approach in slow motion. Raise your napkined hand. Aim for the middle of the skull. And pull the trigger. The bullet is right on target. There are screams. Your addiction falls dead. Calmly, like an assassin, you leave the scene free. Free. You no longer serve it. It is dead.
Now as a final exercise. Take a look at the people that were affected by your service of that addiction. Who was hurt? What relationships were strained? Choose one of those people, and plan to serve them. What would they like? What would they appreciate? Schedule a time where you will do that one act. And know when that is accomplished, it is one more nail in the coffin of your addiction.

The Bitter Pill

2008-02-11T12:46:00.000-08:00

Listen to it

Today I have some readings for you. Two approaches to the difficulties of life. I thought I'd start with blood and carnage:

The day after Thanksgiving, November 24, 1972, was just another day on our 300-acre dairy farm, and I proceeded to work it out as usual with long hours and devoted energy. I managed to leave the fields of golden grain the previous day for about three hours to enjoy a feast with my family, little knowing what lay ahead of me the following day.

While operating the corn picker this Friday afternoon I noticed that one corn-gathering chain was not moving. Disengaging the power-take-off, I observed that the chains were loose and proceeded to adjust the tension. I then engaged the power-take-off from a standing position on the ground, and still one gathering chain did not move. With the corn picker dividing points in a raised position and the machine in operation at about 100 revolutions per minute, I looked into the center corn-divider-access hole to determine why the left gathering chain did not turn. In so doing, I unconsciously bent my right knee in a forward position and into the right gathering chain which was in operation. The gathering chain pulled my leg in a wedged-tight position with knee forward, and the toe of my shoe pointed downward toward the snapping rolls. The slip clutches on the gathering chains were activated, so the chains stopped their moving.

With pains in my legs from the wedging pressure, I realized my leg would be taken into the machine should the chains resume movement. I tried desperately to decide the next move. Will the slip clutches wear out or will they re-engage and pull me into the snapping rolls? My hasty decision was to take hold of my leg with both hands and, with a quick jerk pull my leg free. This was not the answer, as it only loosened my leg enough to permit the slip clutches to re-engage and take my leg into the snapping rolls. One leg was pulled in only to be followed by the other.
In a matter of seconds my legs were practically mutilated to the knees while I remained in a sitting position with the snapping rolls turning under my groins. I screamed loudly for help and almost immediately my voice was faint. Aware that no one was near to hear my call-no one but God-I prayed a simple prayer, "Lord, please send help!" A passage of Scripture from Psalm 18:6 has become very precious to me since that time-"In my distress I called upon the Lord and cried unto my God: He heard my voice out of His temple, and my cry came before Him, even into His ears."

During the next 10 to 15 minutes or gruesome agony, I concluded this situation could very well mean death for me. But I was resolved to the fact that "live or die," I was a child of God, and He gave me perfect "peace of mind."

As I remained in this position, I intermittently called with my weakened voice for help. Presently, a fifteen-year-old kid vividly dressed in green appeared on the scene. He was a neighbor boy who lived less than a mile from our farm who had taken a walk in the nearby woods to look for deer tracks. When I saw the young man, whom I have since surnamed Robin Hood, I knew God meant to save my life. With renewed courage, I gave the lad instructions to stop the machine and proceed to get emergency aid. Scott did a terrific job of getting things moving by entering the house and using the telephone. My wife and son, who had been shopping, arrived just as he had completed the call, and together they continued to seek help.

Rescue workers soon arrived with cutting torches and emergency equipment. Also, many friends and neighbors appeared on the scene. After about 45 minutes work, during which time I witnessed and made suggestions to the workmen, I was removed from the machine and rushed to the hospital. It was necessary to have emergency surgery to remove both legs above the knees.

Many folks who have heard this story have asked, "How would you feel about the accident if you were not a Christian?"

My answer is simple. I would be a bitter and resentful man, angry at the lack of safety switches or guard bars as well as my own impetuous response. I would spend a lifetime feeling sorry for myself, as I jealously watch the unimpaired walk by.

-----

Some of us may take this GODLY approach to difficulties of life. Others may take another road. Here's an open letter I found on myspace to a woman who may have developed a psychosis because of difficulties that were happening in her life:

Mrs. Pearl Burras, General Delivery, Tuna, Texas.
Dear Mrs. Burras. After a recent unsettling phone call from your niece Bertha Bumiller, I feel compelled to write you. As you know, relations have been strong between the Humane Society and those who raise chickens. We do understand that this is your livelihood, disgusting as it may be to those of us here at the Humane Society.

We do feel, however, that you are posing a danger to the children of your neighborhood, as well as their pets. We're sure you love the kids of your neighborhood as much as we do.
Mrs. Burras, we have traced over seventy dog-poisonings to your doorstep. Now, don't you think you've taken eccentricity a bit too far?

We feel that you have been somewhat over-zealous in the protection of your chickens.
In fact, Mrs. Burras, there are those of us at the Humane Society who believes that you actually enjoy poisoning dogs.

We are well aware of your "bitter pills', those strychnine-laced biscuits rolled into enticing little dough balls.

We are also aware that your Husband Henry is the owner of Ripper, the finest birddog in Dewy County. How could anybody who lives around a $2,000 dog like Ripper poison peoples puppies heartlessly?

Mrs. Burras, you have classic symptoms of caninicidal thumbitus, a psychological disorder that causes you to want to kill other people's dogs, for real or imagined reasons.
Now the only known cure for caninicidal thumbitus is to surround the patient with lots and lots of dogs until the urge to kill passes.

And you are in luck, Mrs. Burras. The humane society has a one way bus ticket for you to Dallas, to the Texas State Dog Fair, where you can be surrounded by over a thousand dogs.
Mrs. Burras - if you make it through the entire show without poisoning a single animal, the Humane Society will pay your bus fare home. Think of the peace of mind! And the dogs of your neighborhood can have respite from the death and carnage to which they have been subjected.

Sincerely,
Petey Fisk
Greater Tuna Humane Society.

---------------

I can just see the sad Scenario where Pearl is feeding her chickens, and a poodle get loose in her yard, she quickly searches for the strychnine which has been poorly hidden by Henry her husband. As she lays down the bitter pill. She sweetly says: Here puppy puppy! At which point Ripper's ears perk up and he ingests the poison. The delicious biscuit with the evil death inside. If only she listened to Petey! If only she took that one way ticket to the Texas State Dog Fair. If only she could lay down that bitter pill! Then perhaps little Ripper might have a chance!

When I went to school in Massachusetts I was bright eyed, and in love with learning. My friends skipped around the campus with joy at finding the undiscovered educational country! We would every once and a while run into a pasty white breed that had obviously stayed in their room for far too long. They looked angry and malnourished and they would mainly come out when you were having your most fun. Laughing… Playing music… WEEEEEE.

We began to call these students the B.O.S. this was short for Bitter Older Students. They would stomp up the stairs if you had your music above 5.5 and would approach you in the library if you were smiling and say "I once was like you. I once had hope that this was a fresh exciting place. I once was a freshman just like you. Thought this place would bring me to great heights. Soon you'll want to leave hear too! Soon you'll hate this place just like me!

These Bitter Older students found that the school didn't promise what they thought it was promising. Instead they had a new belief in the school that was something that they hated. It was too expensive, it was not worth it. They just wanted OUT! This bitterness would set in. and sometimes create great apathy. And would cause them to give up, or become graduates after an 8 year pot binge. This bitterness would prove to be their own cell where nothing would happen for years.

Like the B.O.S.'s experience, Life has a tendency to cause bitterness whether you are a corn picker or a woman with a poodle in your yard. Life has a tendency to cause dissatisfaction and perceptions that we don't want to hold on to. We don't want poodles in our yard! We DO want legs! But life takes the working corn gathering chain and takes our legs out from under us. Many of us don't see it like the Christian Corn picker who is witnessing to the people as his body is being cut free. And we begin developing our bitter pill. We play the same scene over and over, mouthing our words of disappointment. Some days we break free and wake up to a new day where we say we're going to quit this addiction once and for all, and then just as abruptly fall asleep with the culprit's stench all over us.

We all have forgivenesses that we must forgive. We all have the road before us that has been there for quite some time. And for some reason we have allowed ourselves to stay at the crossroads. You listen to each others jokes and they haven't changed in years. The careful droning of a bitter tongue gets laughs now, but when others go home, and have the ability to shake off your words they know that you have issues with what you're joking about.
Why do we stay? Why do we stay in our bitterness?

I had the opportunity last Tuesday to have a conversation with someone and they said "People really have two choices: to stay bitter, or to grow and move on."

And I think we have that same choice today. Between bitterness or trust. Frustration or Faith. We have been standing at this crossroads for quite sometime. And the lack of change of scenery has just proven our point; as the hot sun beats down on our souls, making us feel even more trapped. Beat up by our own despair, surrounded by our own doubt.

Even the mention of God being the answer is seen as a Joke. A comedy. A parody of life that tends to make the spewer of the good news to look like a clown. Have hope! God loves you! "HA!" Because the fact is: that when this world is infiltrated by the promises of God, it is ridiculous. It is laughable. One such promise was a child to a 90 year old woman. The post menopausal Sarai was eavesdropping on the angel and her husband, and when the angel expressed her deepest longing: to care for her very own baby, and that she would have that, the only thing she saw was her 70 years of lack. Was she bitter? Regardless there was something funny about the preposterous notion that a woman at her age could, after all this time, have her womb opened and baby born. It's a joke right? It's a funny one.

And when you see the circumstances surrounding the promises of God you really do have two choices. To be bitter or to have a good laugh and hope that God knows what he's doing. Hannah saw this happen in her life, with her child Samuel born. She at first couldn't have a baby. Who knows what envy she had towards the other wives that had children of their own, who knows the sadness in her heart that fueled her prayers? But when bitterness would simply put out the fire of prayer, it's our faith in a God that hears our prayers and answers them, that begins to move us closer to those pure desires of our heart. Bitterness puts out prayer. Growth means including God in the answer.

Throughout scripture we have people that have reason to be bitter. Abraham being promised that he would be the father of many nations, and then having ONE legitimate child. Joseph as he was in jail. Job covered in sores, in the worst pain, and his friends all around him saying "why are you such a sinner?" Even Jesus the Son has just cause to be bitter at God the Father for the invention of the cross.

How did they escape the trap of living in a scathing loathe of life. How did we not get recorded the mutterings under the breath of these people? Were they saints? I guess some of them were. But how come they don't function like normal pissed off people. How could the early Christians view their friends getting sawed in half, and still carry on?

James says something that can trigger anyone's bitter pill: "1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." Thanks James. Now not only do I need to face my trials, but I need to not be pissed at the lame circumstance in which my trials occur?

How can you do that James? How can you not look at the lives of the people in difficult circumstance and take on their outrage? What sort of mental anesthesia are you taking to flip what would make someone bitter into someone that is joyful? Are you a fool? Do you know something that I don't?

Actually James does know something that I think I've forgotten. When James is talking about our attitudes of our heart towards the difficult circumstances in our lives, he has a concept that there is a good purpose behind them. So many times in our existential world, we think that we are a sail to be batted about by the wind for no reason. Trials are meaningless; suffering is senseless, testing is irrational. AND IT IS unless there is a good purpose behind it. James and most of the biblical characters and writers are of the opinion that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. SO the reason why he is saying "consider it pure joy when you face trials" is he has faith that God has purpose in allowing this trial in your life.

A dumb illustration that helped me understand this better was how airplanes are built. They start out designing a new plane on the drawing board. Then blueprints are drawn up and models are made. The models are tested, and then construction begins. After about two years the first plane will roll off the assembly line. BUT the question remains: Will it fly? Will it perform? Are we going to put tons of people on it? Heck No! Not until we know it can fly. So a test pilot must then put the plane through the paces up in the air, then once the plane has proven to be all that the maker said it is, there is confidence in the plane and the airlines will buy it. Likewise we can say our faith is good in theory, by design, etc, but it takes a test to prove that it is genuine. James is saying these trials will show how real your faith is.

But he goes one step further. He says that trying your faith works patience and patience develops her perfect work in you. Why did Sarai have to be barren for 70 years, why does our utmost hearts desire get put off for so long? James would say "because you have a loving God that cares enough for you to wait until you're ready."

Even that can make someone fume. "OOOOO I can't believe it … I want it now" But I can believe a terrible scenario where someone would build a plane, not test it, and in one crash hundreds of casualties would be the result.

Bitterness is the result of not getting what you want, and feeling entitled to it. Bitterness is a cage that keeps you where you are, and cuts you off from any growth into faith and patience. Bitterness stops you from who you are meant to be. If you have bitterness, you might want to ask God to help you.

“But I did ask, and it didn't help.” Did you ask for a baby for 70 years? Did you ask for your people to be set free from slavery? Maybe you just asked for some new legs? Could it be that you have simply forgotten that God loves you, and that the allowance of this difficulty in your life is to let you settle in a trusting relationship with him? "Because you have a loving God that cares enough for you to wait until you're ready."

Let’s break out of our cage!

You are meant to take off in faith. Believe that there is someone out there that has turned the tables on death, and has given you a promise of eternal life. Of life abundant, that lets you laugh at the lies of despair. There is a way to have pure joy when you face the trials of your life. And as those trials prolong their stay. Have faith that your patience will bring you great growth.

Today. Let the Power of God's Promises break open our cages of bitterness so that we can trust in God again, and grow into who He wants us to be.

Charlie Brown and the AntiChrist (a christmas message)

2007-12-21T09:28:00.000-08:00

Well… it’s that time of year, the time when Rudolph partners with Yukon Cornelius, Where Chris puts one foot in front of the other, and Charlie Brown makes poor tree decisions. I love the nostalgia of the TV Christmas Animated Classics. It rarely feels like Christmas unless I revisit those holiday cheer builders.

Today as a part of my Christmas holiday music mix, I have the Vince Gauraldi Charlie Brown special music to mix up the Bing and the other classics. When I hear that Linus and Lucy bass line on the piano, I just want to break out in a two dimensional dance. There is something to the Charlie Brown Special that touches something in me. I think, in its strange little way, it does a good job of commenting on how we can get lost in Christmas time. As a kid, even though I couldn’t understand the King James that Linus recites, I knew that when Linus ends with “and That’s what Christmas is all about Charlie Brown” … He was right. There was something catholic to it. Whether it was the fact that it was a ritual show that I visited every year, or there was something high and liturgical to Linus’s voice and the way he said “Lo”. Regardless, today I can’t read the Christmas Story in Luke without starting it with “Lights Please?”

Last year my taste of the CB special took a turn for the worse. I somehow had placed this tradition of Charlie Brown Christmas as a spiritual glazing, only to be awaken as I saw it for the first time anew. I was with others as it was going on, and I started realizing its lack of plot. I started realizing its depressing nature. I forgot about it until I caught the show last week. And this time I was awaken out of my catholic stupor. I got up from watching, feeling like I had just been slimed. I quickly did a scan of the show, and realized that except for the music and the scripture reading, it was a pretty awful show. I think the thing that struck me so hard about it was the fact that the Peanuts kids were so cruel. And how that was THE storyline! Four frame elements that barely go together with CRUEL CHILDREN… I love how it ends: We get done with Linus saying that Christmas is about Jesus. The peanut kids rip off snoopy’s Christmas Decorations to fix the tree that Charlie Brown “killed”; and then the last line we hear is “Charlie Brown is a Block Head, but at least he got a good tree.” THAT’S THE END!?! I find it interesting that cartoon children, music and a scripture can cause me to wrap up a show with hardly a plot and nasty children and have it be a palatable present I pump into my brain every year.

I guess reading a scripture nicely and saying ‘that’s what Christmas is all about’ was all I needed. I just needed that Christmas bow. It didn’t matter what was inside, as long as I had the floral wording and fond nostalgia… I could gloss over the unkindness of the Peanuts Children, and the nonsensical storyline. Apparently scripture has a way of letting me go to warm Christmas Land where bells ring angels get their wings and Bumbles Bounce.

I get why I go there. When the bible is read, we start hearing about people who “Walked with God” people who “God told to do this or that” Sometimes we even hear what God did, and what he said. And it’s very easy to relax your mind a bit and go… “That God. He knows what he’s doing” And pay no attention to the reality of WHAT’S going on. Because no one has seen God… All of us have had a story or experience or a notion that somehow points to the fact on why we read this stuff. But it’s easy to fall into the fantasy of it all. The fact that God is Perfect, Grace is perfect, love is perfect. And When we read that flowery language we can gloss over the blockhead in front of us, and simply sing Hark the Harold.

The bible may dawns its floral wording, but I think our Christmas Land cloud is just our G rating to a EVERY bible story’s sinister reality. The life that EVERYONE who walked with God was in the depressing and very cruel Peanuts world.

Last week, I was at my in laws house. It’s always filled with kids and cousins. And Sam my 7 year old Nephew casually picked up a book from the kids area and sat on someone’s lap to have them read to him. It was the story of Noah’s Ark. On the front, it had this cartoon of a man with a beard on a boat with giraffes and a brightly colored rainbow above. Matty (the one reading the story) opened it up and started reading: “Once upon a time God planned to get rid of all humanity”! HeyOOOO! What a way to start a story! But the fact is, despite our Christmas Land glasses… the depressing reality of death, destruction, and a cruel world IS the bible.
Abraham – Doesn’t have a son for 90 years, then … has a son and is told to sacrifice him.Joseph – gets sold into slavery by his brothers, then gets put in jail for not sleeping with a woman.Moses - Hebrews were in slavery, Moses’ mother floated her baby down the river to insure that he didn’t get killed by the government (She saved her baby by floating him down the river… Hello Child protective services), Moses murders someone because of an injustice, Frogs! (wha?).David – faces the largest opponent (because no one else will) as a kid, goes into hiding because the current king wants to kill him.Elijah - who is starving, hunted down, and has all of his friends killed.Job – who is stricken with a terrible diseaseAnd all the prophets - had to tell kings that their government was going to crumble, tell enemies that God loved them, and had to provide a vision of hope when everyone was depressed and a prisoner of War.
Do you see a trend here? Life isn’t all that much fun. And then if you are with God, well that doesn’t exempt you. ‘Yes Geoff, but they were in Old Testament times. Which is a lot like the Paleolithic Age… cause they didn’t have cars and heat...They almost didn’t have fire. What about New Testament times?’ Surely with the invention of Jesus life must have made the world a little more “Christmasee.” But as you look… even Jesus’ life had a lot of peanuts in it:Check it out… 18-19The birth of Jesus took place like this. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. Before they came to the marriage bed, Joseph discovered she was pregnant.(WHOOPS) (It was by the Holy Spirit, but he didn't know that.) Joseph, chagrined but noble, determined to take care of things quietly so Mary would not be disgraced. (Um we are 18 verses into the first book of the New Testament, and we have just stumbled on a potential divorce… OF JESUS’ PARENTS!!! FYI, there is a significant amount of pain and feelings of betrayal to come to a decision of divorce, and we have THAT in the bible.)

20-23While he was trying to figure a way out, he had a dream. God's angel spoke in the dream: "Joseph, son of David, don't hesitate to get married. Mary's pregnancy is Spirit-conceived. God's Holy Spirit has made her pregnant. She will bring a son to birth, and when she does, you, Joseph, will name him Jesus—'God saves'—because he will save his people from their sins." This would bring the prophet's embryonic sermon to full term: Watch for this—a virgin will get pregnant and bear a son; They will name him Immanuel (Hebrew for "God is with us").
24-25Then Joseph woke up. He did exactly what God's angel commanded in the dream: He married Mary. But he did not consummate the marriage until she had the baby. He named the baby Jesus.

Oh it doesn’t end there. Kings come … the Christ family (Jesus and his parents… what was their last name anyway?) has to move because the ruler of the time decided that Jesus was a threat, so all baby boys were to be put to death. Then when all is clear the Christ family moves back. Moving isn’t fun, but I’d have to say: escaping because soldiers are going to kill your baby ranks up there on stress level. Bible characters didn’t really live in Christmas Land at all.
After skipping a bit you can read about an awful ending to a very godly man on the Cross.Even after the resurrection we see disciples die terrible deaths.

What am I saying here? I guess by these stories I wonder why we don’t expect more stuff to come our way. Why aren’t we more resilient? It’s pretty apparent in ALL of these stories that God saved these guys… But they didn’t live comfortable, easy lives. They weren’t on a cloud in Christmas Land, and even when they were in the zone, doing what God wanted them to do, doing the right thing, they could have easily asked “GOD WHAT AM I DOING HERE.”
Here the Christ family is at the dawn of Christianity, with Mary Pregnant. And about to be divorced. (Shh) “quietly” God HAS to intervene to say it’s His kid… There are two very strange things going on here. 1. God is involved, God is doing something. 2. A relationship is screwed up. God is on Maury saying that I’m the baby’s daddy. And the family that he “Blesses” with this is now having pre-marriage jitters. God is involved, conflict occurs. Does this seem strange?
This is not the scene on my aunt’s lawn. Where there is quiet pristine, mowed grass, a silent night. This is a very real birth with relationships, and hormones, and screaming and water breaking, and umbilical chords. A real live birth…. A baby boy… Jesus (not even their name)… And he probably did cry at the cattle lowing.

Two very real concepts at work here. God intimately involved. And Humanity Intimately involved. Stepping on each other’s toes and creating one heleva story! But not one that isn’t void of pain or danger.

When kids are cruel, when money runs out, when the stress level goes through the roof, I lose my focus on Linus’ words. I feel like I’m trapped in something other than Christmas. Many people dread the holiday season for these reasons. They begin trying their hardest to live in Christmas Land where there is a silent night. Put to sleep the reality of a birth, and huddle in the corner reading King Jimmy. They Rack up debt, they give into established family patterns, our motto is: LET’S SURVIVE DECEMBER! It’s Anti-Christmas!

When I listen to linus’ words, I know that Christmas is all about. But maybe it would be better for me if I knew what Christmas wasn’t about. Maybe I need to scream out like Charlie “What is Anti-Christmas all about? Does anyone know? Can anyone tell me?”

I was thinking about what Anti-Christmas might be… and I figured that it was probably lead by the Anti-Christ? In studying for this message I thought that it would be interesting to talk about the Anti-Christ. I donno, it just seemed like a fun Juxtaposition to Christmas. I broke out the Revelation last time, so Why not? Right? I was thinking “What better way to get people into the manger scene then by talking about a Devil Baby?” I thought how clever would it be to ask “are you celebrating Christmas or ANTI-CHRSTMAS?”

So... I have seen apocalyptic movies, Swartzenagger films, horror devil movies, none of them were going to prepare me to what I was about to read in the bible… I opened up the Book of Revelation to see what it said about the Anti-Christ and you know what it said? Wait for it… NOTHING!

Wha?!? Revelation doesn’t have Jack squat on the Anti-Christ! Imagine my disappointment… I wanted to unleash the truth to you on what sort of demonic practice some people celebrate when they put up the anti-christmas wreath… BUT NO ANTI-CHRIST in revelation! OK OK… There is a reference to a beast that comes out of the sea and a beast that comes out of the land (which people interpret to be something like a huge world leader… blah blah blah…), but in terms of the words anti-christ… NO WHERE! Of all places where the antichrist needs to be … NOT THERE. I thought I was going to read about a baby born of wealth and status from the spawn of Satan… laid in a golden bed. Yram (mary spelled backwards) is his mom and she wears red all the time (instead of blue)… ROCK AND ROLL! Yeah… not there.

OK so I’m still trying to find out what Anti-Christmas is all about. So I need to know… Is the Anti-Christ in the bible? Yes. The Anti-Christ is talked about in the most odd of places. 1st John and 2nd John. I was surprised to see this because John is such a lover, and a lover of Christ, that to have thoughts about a devil baby just seemed weird in this book. It just seemed weird that John would utter “God is Love” and thoughts on the Anti-Christ in the same book. As I was reading, I found my apocalyptic movie training slowly getting schooled. I saw Arnald Swartzenegger’s world melt, and Keanu’s wings torch before me. Because the reality of what John was saying about the Anti-Christ was something that didn’t have anything to do with Devil spawn. Here’s what he said:

In 1Jo 2:18 he writes “Dear children, this is the last hour; and as you have heard that the antichrist is coming, even now many antichrists have come. This is how we know it is the last hour.” This standing alone gives us anticipation for something awful… However when you read the next reference, you begin to see that it isn’t Damien he’s talking about at all. 1Jo 2:22 - “Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist--he denies the Father and the Son.” So the antichrist is someone that simply denies Jesus is the Christ. That’s it. The antichrist simply is the one who denys Jesus was from God. The fourth chapter confirms this: 1Jo 4:3 – “but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.“ Let’s add to this the only other reference to the antichrist in 2Jo 1:7 – “Many deceivers, who do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh, have gone out into the world. Any such person is the deceiver and the antichrist.” This states that there are two other traits to the antichrist. They not only deny that Jesus was from God, but that he actually was a man; and to top it all off, they attempt to deceive others into believing the same thing.
At the time this was actually very relevant. (not that it isn’t now) because there was a group of people in John’s time that were talking about Jesus, but they were painting a picture that was not the real story. They were called the Gnostics. You can read their literature today. But they had two major things that chapped John’s britches:

The Gnostics were saying that Jesus wasn’t human. The natural world was made of elements that were too “beggarly” to house the creator. There is far too much sex and childbirth and other unclean things that don’t have anything to do with the salvation of man. As a result Jesus could not have assumed a material body… because it would be “Stuffed with excrement.” And that’s just wrong!

Others around John were saying that Jesus was simply a great man with God in him. They asked people to abandon their search for God and look for him by taking yourself as a starting point. They encouraged their followers to learn who it is who within you makes everything his own and says, ‘my God, my mind, my thought, my soul, my body.’ They taught the sources of sorrow, joy, love, hate, were all to be investigated, and when that was done, you would find God in yourself. They simply thought that Jesus did this very well and that’s why he achieved greatness.

These thoughts were worth addressing to John, because John experienced the REAL Jesus. The real WORD that became FLESH. And John needed to tell us that they are believing in something other than Christ. Against who Christ really is. Not a scary demon boy. But a very terrible notion to John that someone would think that a Creator didn’t care enough to really become human. Or that Jesus is just a really spiritual dude like Billy Graham. John said these people are believing something other than Christ. Other than the truth. And trying to deceive people into thinking these ways.

So who is the antichrist according to John? They are the one who denies the Father and the Son. The antichrist is the one who denies Jesus was a man. The one who tries to deceive you into thinking that he was only God or only man or neither. John isn’t prophesying doom. He’s developing discernment. A concept that we can possibly apply to our lives today: as we let the Christ family as they glow silently on our lawn. We don’t want to think that that night had the screaming of labor associated with it. OR even in the other extreme where there was a poor kid named jesus that was born with no god associated with him at all. John said “the Word became Flesh.”

I’m going to do it--- In Light of what John is saying about the things we look at instead of Christ Today I want to pose the question:

What are you celebrating instead of Christmas this year? It’s not Kwanza. Are you beholding the antichrist in the manger this year? Is your Christmas void of any humanity? Are you celebrating a holiday where you must find the perfect presents, racking up the perfect debt? Attending and being invited to the perfect parties? Even trying to make the season perfectly reflect the vision of Emmanuel- God with us? If your expectations are in the heavens, prepare to come down on the 26th with resentment towards the holiday and maybe even your faith.
Or what about the other side? Instead of Christmas this year are you in pain? Unable to move out of depression. Angry at others circumstances, and the twinkle in their eye, be aware that we live in conflict with our world. Be aware that God Saves. That God is intimately there with you in your pain. And wants you to be the success story.

Lights please:
And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)
To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

“And that’s what Christmas is all about Charlie Brown.” – He’s right… a baby was born, a very human baby full of tears and pain, and in conflict with our world because he was also a very divine child born outside of nature. Outside of what we can understand; both together in one baby.

John asks “how do you know you are a Christian?” His answer is: “you know you’re a Christian when you follow God’s commandments.” Not the ten commandments (those are societal… don’t murder… that a given societal rule.) but you are called to something far greater – called to affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity, willingness to stick with things until they are accomplished… etc. John says you wear these things like a badge. You don’t need to talk about it, because you are it, you believe it.

2000 years ago there was a child born, some thought he would grow up to be a great man, some thought he was God, John is convinced that he is both. And that to understand that, means that I must be impacted by that love. He says that if I believe, I will wear my care of others on me like a badge. John is saying if you GET IT, you will start to live in conflict with your peanuts world. You will have a saving God in your painful set of circumstances. Like the bible characters, and like Jesus, the conflict is to truly care. Matthew says that Jesus came to die for our sins; such a conflict that the world is still trying to wrap its mind around. God died because he cared for you; died because he was in conflict with this world and wanted you to know what love is. To die for your friends.

Today… let your conflicts with the holiday season reflect your care for others. Understand the balance between your pristine expectations and dreams, and the difficulty of a cruel peanuts world. Take a moment to contemplate the miracle of Jesus being born into this world because God loves you. And … Have a Very Merry Christmas.

The Whirlwind is in the Thorntree

2007-11-20T18:10:00.000-08:00

I was looking through a photo album yesterday and I ran across an awesome picture of me in this orange Elizabethan outfit. I had the ruffles, the knickers AND the tights. It's important to know that this was my Senior Prom picture. My date wore a matching Orange Dress with boostiea and I think tights as well. I was part of the drama crowd, which explains most of that. It's also important to point out that within a sea of penguin suits, I was the one crowned prom king. There's also a reason for this: I campaigned. Though I didn't mind doing the KING AND QUEEN Dance with the well developed Josie Bacuzi, I couldn't help but to be sad for my date. We campaigned together. We both stood in Cleveland's hall and then later in the foyer of Mongomery park with our signs ---protesting the other potential royalty. I was sad that Timory was on the sidelines watching as the bubbles descended around Josie and I. I was sad the Seniors must not have really understood that we were together in our campaign--- A vote for one is a vote for the other. I was mainly sad because… we matched… that would have been a great picture!

Timory and I were not an "item," we were more close to brother and sister, or partners in crime. Meeting each other in daybright pre-school at 3. My mom recalls: "we were going to get some free babysitting and the local library at Story Time, and from across the carpet you saw Timory. Quickly you tugged at my pants in sheer glee, and in your mouse-child voice, began screaming 'Mommie mommie Timory's here!' You and she then practiced your tumbling on the Library floor as the poor woman reading the very hungry caterpillar, simply let her eyes glaze over with a dream of a better job."

Having one hyperactive child is one thing, but 2 in the same class was a creative cyclone of …fun… for us. Quickly the school staff realized that Geoff and Timory needed to be separated. Both for everyone's sake, and probably for the sake of our grades.

We didn't mind though, we had recess and afterschool. I was the only boy at her birthday and she the only girl at mine. As we grew, our sense of humor did as well. We would find ourselves on the stoop of her house with a microphone and an amp badgering runners, cars and other people in the neighborhood with our own talk show called "bother the neighbors." We would come up with fun games when we learned how to drive. Like driving slowly next to someone and yelling "why the proud strut?" or holding up signs on a road trip to the car next to us saying "nice toupee." My mom would say that we were going to get shot.

Graduation held a special place in our heart as we had orchestrated a mass cacophony of super balls to come crashing onto the stage as seniors were shaking the principal's hand. It didn't happen exactly the way we had planned, as we simply wanted our principal to have pockets full of super balls. But when someone panicked and yelled "throw them now!" There was something beautiful about the wave of rubber balls that found their way into the various instruments playing pomp and circumstance.

After graduation we did the college thing, and though we hung out, it was apparent that we were changing, possibly products of our environment, perhaps just growing up. But then something very strange happened: I became a Christian. Two years into our college experience and I went headlong into Christianity. After a brief stint with Buddhism, this was a new world for me: I was taking a bible college course in Old Testament. I was going to church 3 times a week (twice on Sundays) and that movement began changing me. Some people saw it for the better, others for the worse. There can be a lot loaded in the statement "Geoff got born again."

In that time I had one conversation with Timory about my faith. It quickly turned sour as the topic moved from my actual faith, to Decisions on Roe V Wade, ugly judgmentalism, and maybe a sprinkling of the crusades. With that, as a new Christian, I chose to not bring it up again, as I wasn't equipped at that moment, to defend the church's negative PR over the centuries. Plus I never got into politics.

At the end my first transferred year at Pepperdine, I got a terrible phone call. My mom was on the other end of the phone crying, and she reported to me that Timory had fallen through a window on her college campus, and she died. It was her birthday, and she was at a party (for her) and leaned against one of the older windows, it gave way and she fell 3 stories onto the pavement.

I didn't have time to breathe, my best friend, though we hadn't seen each other in a while, was gone. Then my mom hits me with the next news. "They want you to speak at the funeral."This sent my faith spinning. A great friend, my best friend… and then a new issue… My new faith, my controversial faith. It was this moment for me that created a crucible of thoughts that was beyond pain.

Let me tell you where I was, this is where I was; you guys can have your own theological spin on how things work, I have mine. And mine at the time told me Timory did not accept Jesus. Which according to the content I was reading and learning at the time had very terrible consequences. I will spare you the details, but I was tortured with my condemning thoughts towards her. I would be appalled as my mind would picture one of the most painful thoughts that I could surmise. Timory in Hell. Keep in mind It wasn't something that I wanted to think about or consider… It's just what the teachings were inferring. And I couldn't get it out of my head. My best friend not just Gone… but being tortured.

It wasn't too long with these thoughts until my friend Jen saw me completely melting down. She listened to my visions, and saw how difficult they were to me. She understood what I was saying and where I was coming from. Then, as if hope were a product, she gave me something to let me breathe. She wiped my tears, and said: "Geoff… you are not the Judge of Timory. Geoff … You don't have the right to put her there. Geoff… You do not know how far the grace of God extends. Only God can make those decisions. Not you." Jen wiped my tears away and gave me some perspective in the whirlwind of my pain

--------

Hey how about a light topic to read about? I have an idea: let's go through one of the most uncomfortable faith challenges in my life. We've been talking about things that are amazing: Prodigal son, Prodigal father, Grace… Well obviously the next thing we should talk about is Judgment. Let's talk about 21 year old best friends falling to their death. Oh and lets tack on thoughts about Hell and Judgment. Let's not mince words here. How about I also just put the cherry on top of this sermon and I donno… How about I open up the book of Revelation… The Apocalypse of Jesus Christ. Hey how religiously uncomfortable can I make you all? Hey how religiously out of my league can I put myself?

Somehow I gravitate towards miracles every Sunday that I speak. Perhaps it's me testing the resolve of God's faithfulness to his people. Over and over rescuing me from my own terrible mind; bringing up thoughts that create a huge elephant in the room. It might be God simply leading me towards challenge and oblivion in the same breath. Regardless, I've learned to trust God. To simply obey, because the outcome of going through the whirlwind is far better then avoiding it. So today's challenge for me is to open a book in the bible that causes me anxiety.

That book is the book of revelation; high anxiety book for me number one, because after working on the street with homeless people I noticed a scientific correlation between the number of Revelation Passages someone knows or can quote, and the amount that someone needs to be taken to the crazy house. Secondly After seeing the various apocalypse movies out there, I'm not all that excited about fire and blood and dragons and all that. Third, and this is after reading it a couple times, I get a pretty good sense that it is about the end of the world and judgment day… again not my favorite thoughts.

I get the Jesus thing. I enjoy the Jesus thing. I love the forgiveness Jesus. The clever quipping Jesus. The Jesus that is in my heart. But when Jesus is soaked in blood and has a sword in his mouth… that's a weird Jesus.

Revelation is full of weird. And if you read it you won't be far along and you'll probably ask… what do I do with this? The thing is, the Book of Revelation, was not written to be riddle to amuse ourselves with. It was actually given to believers under a lot of pressure from the state, religious institutions, the economy, and even their fellow church members. Let me paint the picture:

Jesus' resurrection was about sixty five years ago. Most of the people who knew Him personally are dead, and a second generation of Christians have grown up. The gospel asserts that Jesus is King of the world and is coming back soon to claim His domain. But as the years pass, he still has not come. Now a madman has become emperor of Rome who actually believes the poet's praises' that he is a god incarnate. He likes to be addressed as "Our Lord and God." He has decreed that anyone who holds public office, anyone who testifies In court – practically everyone – must offer a pinch of incense to the emperors guardian spirit and declare "Caesar is Lord" if a person refuses to worship the emperor. He may lose his job, his home, even his life. To answer this question for the embattled Christians in the first century and every century since, God gave a series of visions to someone named John. It is called the "revelation of Jesus Christ; which God gave him to show his servants what must soon take place.

I can't go through the whole book with you right now (I know you want that). You should do it though. In the third verse of the first chapter it states an explicit blessing for just reading it. That's a reason all itself for you to do it. Many people have their take on what is what in the book.There are many themes that most people agree on. God's character, nature, and attributes. Christ's Work and results. What is the universe's true meaning and purpose? Who has the Power? Who seems to? Evil's Source, and its nature. The kingdom of God. And the biggie: Our response to the book.

This particular theme is really meaning: in response to the other themes… But I'd have to say that in my first reading of this book (in a while) I had some responses that were not so happy. First of all, as I was reading I was asking… Where'd my John go. My word became flesh john. My God is love John. Um when I opened Revelation I may have gotten a blessing, but I think it was a mixed blessing. Here John is void of any amazing love. Just, BOOM--judgment! Hailstorms. Crazy scary stuff. I looked around after I finished and wondered what John was doing. Trying to make sense of it all, my research showed that John was adopting a certain style of writing for the time. Apocalyptic writing was big back then. And the point of it was to show that God wins. Very often when we read these passages we read them in a context of fear, and danger. But what this told me was John is using a poetic form to tell you a hopeful message. As I began to understand this, the nightmare future was somewhat relaxed. But I still couldn't grasp the hope of it all. All I could get for myself was God's judgment. I saw the earth being judged. It brought me back to my friend Timory, and I couldn't be excited at the tearless end. I just felt confused.

This apocalyptic future oriented book wiped away the salve of responsibility that Jen had put on my eyes so many years ago. And it was apparent that I needed to grapple with something. I needed to grapple with the concept of what being SAVED really means. WHY IS JUDGEMENT AN OPTION? These concepts fly around in my head and I realize that I have to come to terms with the fact that I have issues with Judgment. This concept causes me get caught up in a whirlwind where I just can't stomach the implications…I want to throw my faith off, and figure out something that is nicer.

As I looked into these concepts I found that to Save means get out of trouble. There is a lot of trouble out there: sickness, political intrigue, oppression, poverty, imprisonment and all kinds of danger and evil. God saves means God intervenes to rescue. As I looked into it, I found God compassionately and miraculously steps in and intervenes,. He steps in and protects his people from their enemies and themselves. One form of that protection is of all things… Judgment!

Looking deeper I found Judgment to be a form of salvation. I had assumed that when I read revelation or heard about the judgment of God it was something bad or awful; but in the biblical context it means "The coming of Truth and Justice into our deceived and oppressed world." It's rare that you come across someone that is waving the evil flag. Yelling "dude I love deception and oppression!" So realistically it begins to help me when I see that judgment is Truth overturning deception. Essentially if some bad or dishonest people are out to deceive and oppress others, God brings Justice by bringing judgment. There begins to be natural consequences to their bad actions, and as a result the evildoers are incapacitated and cannot fulfill the additional evil that they've intended. If others are misjudging you, then God comes as your vindicator, your justifier. God tells the truth, which exposes the lies of your mis-judgers. That was what apocalyptic writing was about … Over and over the biblical writers anticipated the day that God will come to judge evil, to expose it and permanently incapacitate it while vindicating good. This to them was SALVATION. They were SAVED when evil was GONE.

Sometimes it can be more complicated though… What if we are the ones that have done evil? What if we see the just consequences of doing evil coming upon us? In this way God saves by Judging, and then forgiving. So many times the danger that we got into is self created, self sabotaging, and most of us keep doing it because we are self deluded, and function in self denial. God names what the evil is. He penetrates our self denial and self delusion and begins the act of saving by telling the truth. But then God goes further. As the consequences of our bad behavior looms over us, we realize that we've done something stupidly wrong. And we do something about it, as we become truly sorry, as we have a change of heart, God goes further by forgiving us; thus bringing salvation. Salvation is something that happens when we experience both judgment and forgiveness. Without both, we don't end up with true salvation.

Forgiveness without conviction is not forgiveness; it's irresponsible toleration. It doesn't lead to reconciliation or peace--- it leads to chaos. Conversely Judgment without mercy is not salvation but condemnation. It doesn't lead to reconciliation or peace--- it leads to alienation. The good news of salvation is that God Sent Jesus not to condemn, but to save. To save by bringing Justice with Mercy, True Judgment AND True Forgiveness. First by exposing our wrong ( or judging), so that we can face our wrong and turn from it, and then by forgiving our wrong, God intervenes and breaks the chain of cause and effect of offense and alienation so we are truly saved/liberated/rescued from the vicious cycle we've created.

After learning this, the whirlwind begins to die down in me and I can begin to start to see what John is trying to tell. Of an actual beautiful scene where the world of evil is toppled and the joy of peace is true.

At age 70, Johnny Cash in 2002 released the song, "The Man Comes Around," In the liner notes; the artist writes "The initial idea for the song came from a dream. I was in Nottingham, England and had bought a book called "Dreaming of the Queen." The book talked about the great number of people in that country who dream that they are with Queen Elizabeth II. I dreamed that I walked into Buckingham Palace, and there she sat, knitting or sewing…Another woman sat beside her. As I approached, the queen looked up at me and said, "Johnny Cash! You're like a thorn tree in a whirlwind." Then of course, I awoke. I realized that "Thorn tree in a whirlwind" sounded familiar to me. Eventually I decided that it was biblical, and I found it in the book of Job. From there it grew into a song, and I started lifting things from the book of Revelation. It became "The Man Comes Around."

The song begins with Cash speaking Revelation's bit about the white horse, an acoustic guitar chunks its way in, then Cash, his baritone with an eerie edge, sings his vision of the apocalypse, offering a choice between the communion cup of salvation or a nameless grave in the potter's field. By the time the song ends, and whether you believe it or not, you're stone sure that Cash believes his version of events to come. The song is both thrilling and sobering, and it — along with the rest of Cash's work in the illness-plagued last decade of his life — is a testament to the creative will of a tenacious artist.

Johnny Cash, you are like thorn tree in a whirlwind." It doesn't take long, looking over the events and challenges of his life, to see that Queen Elizabeth II was right. There seems to be a prickliness to the man, a painful smacking of branches together, a restless wandering leaving him tattered and warn. The lines on his face and his wispy white hair talk of a soul who has lived hard and has felt the pang of many mistakes. Describing his wife, June Carter Cash, he said, "it took her a long time, but she tamed me. Sometimes though when the wind is blowing late at night I wish I was still wild." Most recently he said this of her.

"I am persuaded that nothing can separate me from my love of my God, my wife, and my music. Life is rich when I can come home, after hours in the studio, feeling as frayed as a hundred Big G strings, and curl up to June Carter. She's a soft, fluffy Mama Bear. That's when I give God a "Thanks a lot, Chief." Sometimes in the morning I'll say "Good Morning" to the Awesome Presence, but sometimes I forget to.

"Home from the studio . . . it seals the day's work when I relate to June what I did that day. But the music never stops. It's an unending loop through my brain. Over and over and over again. Finally my head settled on this one particular song, and won't let go."

The whirlwind in Job and the apocalyptic writing of John's Revelation can do that to you. They can get in your brain and keep running around in there. There is something about the sound of that whirlwind… God's voice in Job. It's like God is angry and mocking, tired and yet determined. It's as if God has been listening for far too long, and finally has grown weary of our dribble. It is in this moment, like Cash described, in the moment when we start to see the rather vain quality of our speculations, of our grand schemes, our misplaced confidence, in the midst of this, a voice comes through and drives us down to earth. These strange and rather outlandish voices in scripture can each become a whirlwind that make us want to look away. Sometimes the voices are impersonal and glitzy like Revelation, sometimes they are painful and personal like the death of a friend, Or sometimes they are even certain concepts that conflict with everything inside you--Like judgment. It seems God uses the whirlwind of these voices to shake things up.

Shaking your trees allows you to see where your roots are planted and eventually brings you great clarity. There are moments in life that turn our knobs and bring us into sharp painful resolution, moments that reveal how we take for granted the fragility of life. In a heartbeat a young girl can fall from a building ending her life. And in the midst this swirl of change, you can only ask for salvation. Save us from Evil! To accept the whirlwind, and somehow look above for hope. To peer through the jungle of disaster to see through the trees a glint of light; that spark of hope that we must hold onto. Perhaps to hope for someday when all your tears will be wiped away. Not a quick fix, but like the day John of Patmos described, a day beyond tears, a land over yonder where death has been swallowed up and cast away. When all evil is exposed for what it is, and forgiveness and the love of God is our daylight. These are the images of a God that understands where the whirlwind takes us. Enduring a cross that understands how painful exposed roots can be. As a result he comes close and says, I am with you. Believe in me and trust in my love for you.

It makes sense that the church was born with a rushing wind, a whirlwind. Church is a cyclone of chaos that picks up and spins your own opinions, socializations, and causes you to collide with each other. In our messy lives we lose the clarity. Like Job got lost in his feelings of woe, or like John getting lost in his visions, we can lose sight of what is good here and now. We lose the clarity Johnny Cash spoke of when he wrote, "Life is rich when I can come home . . . and curl up to June Carter."

Sometimes the whirlwind is the rush of living life, and it becomes rich. Sometimes life is good and tasty, like a song with an amazing hook that just makes you want to dance. Sometimes, though, the whirlwind is in the thorn tree and it hurts.

I did speak at Timory's funeral a week later. I stood up there in front of an auditorium of people who were in midst of a whirlwind of pain. Their daughter, friend, and neighbor was gone, and THIS was a great injustice. My personal decision of her soul was placed where I needed it to be: With the one who loves, tells the truth, and forgives. The one who knows when to expose evil, and when people need to be comforted. As I spoke, I spoke of a girl who I loved very deeply. I told stories of the antics we performed, and I ended up throwing a basket of super balls on the audience. It made people remember that life IS rich, and that we need to look for it.

Today, it is my desire that God would give you the hope of his grace, that you would squint your eyes and peer through the whirlwind and capture that sparkle of a vision of that day where your tears are wiped away, and there is no more pain.

The Grumpy Jesus

2007-09-22T07:34:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been surprised by the books I've been reading. I hear about a book, and I go Wow, "A long way gone: a memoir of a child soldier" and then I dive in and am surprised when its a good 100 pages of Battle porn. Slicing off of heads, rape and incessant killing. Then I ask myself, what did you expect from A MEMOIR OF A CHILD SOLDIER.
A couple of months ago I read a book written by Julia Sweeney, you might remember her from her classic character that even made the silver screen, PAT, the endogenous HE/SHE that the joke was everyone having awkward moments trying to figure out his/her gender. She had a book that was recommended, I thought it would be cool because it had two things that interested me: Comedy and God. I'm a dork. It was called "Letting Go of God." Again for some reason the title didn't get through to me. I'm not sure if I didn't read the synopsis, or if I just didn't believe the title. But sure enough by the end of
the book I was surprised. There Julia was... a happy content atheist. She started out with these wonderful catholic stories, and for some reason, I thought her journey was going to take a cyclical approach like some sort of Shakespeare play. But nope. happily without God, there she stood at the end of the book, leaving me with this void of clever
closure, lesson learned, sometimes you can judge a book by its cover.
What it did for me was it made me look deep and ask "what keeps me a Christian?" (After some brief introspection I personally found out that nothing besides my relationship with God was keeping me in the CHRISTIANITY CAMP. In theory God has the ability to move me wherever he may want. Someone may have issue with me saying "it is the right expression for now"... but the question brought up that my relationship with God was far more important to me, then the form or expression that it took on. But really that's pretty theoretical anyway as I can't imagine God moving me other places. It really doesn't matter, I guess I was sharing where that introspection led me.) I thought it was an interesting and engaging question so I asked others. Some had interesting answers,
and some had interesting stories.
One story came from my mother in law Mrs Eddington. Who by the way is the kindest most faithful woman. She's the kind of woman you ask to pray for something and SHE DOES. One day Crystal and I were hanging out with her mom and dad and the subject of THE TERRIBLE YEAR came up. I was intrigued. 1986 was the year that it all went down. 5 close friends
died, one of them was shot in the head by her boyfriend. Cliff (my father in law) lost his Job so the family was destitute. And on top of it his best friend who was a pastor of their church, was kicked out in a very ugly way (political yick). I saw a fire in Mrs Eddington's eyes that I hadn't seen before, as she told more tales of how awful that year was. She said passionately to crystal and I that she expressed to cliff... "WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. YOU HAVE FAMILY IN TENNESSEE. LETS PACK UP AND MOVE." She said I wanted to run because it was so bad. We didn't want to answer the phones cause there would be a new friend who died.
I, knowing that they still hold onto their faith, and did at this time asked. What kept you sane... what kept you going... what kept you with God. She talked about how she prayed. I asked if she got any answers? and she said not right away. What else did you do?Well I prayed a lot.And?I looked in the bible for answers, I really searched to find something.did you find any?Well not right away.But did you?Yes.... (And here I was about to get my answer. The answer that can get someone through anything... I'm so excited!!!!) One day I was on my last legs and I was asking God give me something, and then I looked down in my bible, and there it was... (What is it... the answer) Be thankful in all things.
At this point the record scratched and Crystal said: "did that work? cause that would piss me off."
And it did work for her. It was what she needed to persevere. And I came away from that happy that I got her answer. It was beautiful simple and challenging.
Challenging because I can just imagine some preacher listening to the troubles of someone, and then callously spouting off at the end as if he didn't even hear about the deaths and pain and says with a southern accent; Dear, the bible says that regardleuhs what ya'll are goin thru... Be Thankful in ALL THINGS. All this is wibble wobble stinkin' thinkin', and when glory befalls you in the end you'll look on this and laugh. At which point I say. "what a dick."
Religion is one of the things that turned Julia's faith spigot off, the other one was reading the bible. She took a year bible study where she read the entire bible, and found that the God in the old testament a little rash. She grieved at the idea of God judging nations and was angered at how much of a dick the old testament God was.
So I was perusing the new testament this week and since it is fall season where scary things occur... I thought I'd share with you a scary story in the new testament. One that messes with my idea of Jesus. Because I can say "religious people are dicks" or "That Judging Old testament God is a dick" but when you venture into Jesus territory, your messing with things.... Cause its Jesus. You don't call Jesus a dick, unless you want to mess with things.
So here you go. A scary fall tale of Jesus... the dick. You can make the decision if I am being too harsh.
Matthew 15:21 Then Jesus left Galilee and went north to the region of Tyre and Sidon. (Here Jesus is on the border of Israel. so He's bordering on GENTILE territory. is it a surprise that ) 22 A Gentile[e] woman who lived there came to him, pleading, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! For my daughter is possessed by a demon that torments her
severely.”
(Apparently, there are levels of possession, and according to some the language in this passage lets you know its bad. Probably Beds moving heads turning, pea soup vomiting. This is bad. Your daughter is the devil. And not necessarily JUST a teenager. She HAS A PROBLEM. Now this isn't the run of the mill, give her two Valium or its a phase type of
crap. Its big, spiritual, messed up stuff. And hey... Jesus is in town, and hey he is the Son of God, Um... I think he can help. To this Syrophanecian Woman, Jesus was the answer for this torment in her life. there was no other answer, and she told him by her language. "Son of David" is the language of someone being called the Messiah. She new
that He was IT for the answer.)
23 But Jesus gave her no reply, not even a word. (Um... Hello? My daughter has a snake bite and you have the anti venom in your pocket I'm not just going away. Helloooo!... I need your help... I need you to take this demon out of my daughter.)
Then his disciples urged him to send her away. “Tell her to go away,” they said. “She is bothering us with all her begging.” 24 Then Jesus said to the woman, “I was sent only to help God’s lost sheep—the people of Israel.”(what? why are you on the border of Canaan if you are not going to reach out to the people on the border? What about that idea you preached days ago on the sabbath? the one where if there is an ox that falls in a hole or whatever, will you not try to rescue it?.... But then look at this woman's response:)
25 But she came and worshiped him, pleading again, “Lord, help me!”(this woman has balls. As a Canaanite, she is a nationality that has been a pain to the Jews for ages. the first ones to have "the promised land" and also put Israel in captivity several times... Racial tension is high, as we can see by Jesus' next rather painful comment. Yet She knows who he is and what he can do)
26 Jesus responded, “It isn’t right to take food from the children and throw it to the dogs.” (Um... I'm pretty sure that Jesus just called her a dog. utilizing a common slur Jesus uses a common Jewish reference for a Canaanite. Not pretty, and exactly what he is saying here. Um Racist much Jesus? Is this a bad time? Did we catch you on a bad day? There is something to say that you are "the Son of David", the Messiah, the one promised to the nation of Israel... But what happened to "A light to the Gentiles?" 27 She replied, “That’s true, Lord, but even dogs are allowed to eat the scraps that fall beneath their masters’ table.” (polite and belittled the woman knows that leaving in a huff or fighting with his comments will get her no closer to her daughter's health. And so...)
28 “Dear woman,” Jesus said to her, “your faith is great. Your request is granted.” And her daughter was instantly healed.
For most of us this is the end. The Jesus we know. the one who heals people. The one who laughs at their lack of faith and picks them out of the water. But does the fact that we just witnessed racial slurs coming from our savior bother anyone? It was a story like this that rubbed Julia Sweeney the wrong way about the Jesus that she thought she heard about. And in my estimation its the sort of thing that others should take offense to it as well. I think it is most offensive because I have Jesus on a pedestal somewhere and I have my own life somewhere else. Jesus is in my ideal world, and my life is filled with things that offend me like this passage. It is silent when I need an answer. It has people that seem to be better, that deserve it more, and it is full of accusations of insensitivity.
So there you go... the Spooky Halloween story of your Jesus and mine being a racist dick. How do you say Jesus, why were you a racist dick to this woman that needed your help. It's a riddle that I came up with. How do you call Jesus a racist dick in the middle of a sermon, and survive? (I'm not sure I can)
---------------
Proverbs30:28 has an equally strange riddle as well
The lizard taketh hold with her hands, Yet is she in kings' palaces.
John Bunyan the writer of a pilgrim's progress replaces this idea of a lizard with something possibly much more relevant to our eyes, not only with our thoughts towards the beast, but also because its that time of year when spooky creepy crawly things come out.
Christiana is in the interpreter's house, and the interpreter brings her into a grand room. Fit for a king. a palatial bedroom, and he asks her what she sees. And she walks around and says its an amazing room. He says look closer. Looking around again she says I see nothing out of the ordinary but an ugly spider on the wall. And sure enough that was the riddle. Full of venom, ugly and hairy, yet living in the most palatial of places alongside the king.
You may think that God sees us like spiders, and that we look like ugly creatures to Him and we have no place in such a fine room, But God uses this example of our venomous and ill-favored friend to show us how our faith holds us in His presence. This spider has taken hold with her hands, and, as I see, lives in the best room of the house. Do you see? That, however full of the venom of sin you might be, yet you may, by the hand of Faith, lay hold of and dwell in the best room that belongs to the King above?
Her faith held her up in the silence of her Lord. Her faith held her up when she felt ridiculed and annoying to others. Her faith held her up when she saw that her venom gave her no entitlement to the room. Her faith held fast to Jesus, to see him as he truly is, to love him, and trust him, as a Friend, even when he seems to come forth against her as an Enemy. This is the faith that Jesus commends her, and this is the faith that received her answer.
Today, Where does your answer lie. Does your answer lie in giving up because your prayer has faded away. The deafening silence of the one you know talks to this person and that person, will not even speak to what you have to say! Does your answer get brushed away by the crowd. When it seems that so many have a better "place" with God. Their crowding
around him is far too much to bear. You say to yourself, they are His people I don't belong. Does your answer lie in offense at a brutal master, who is insensitive with his words, and doesn't care for your feelings.
Put your eggs in any of these baskets, and your daughter is still is filled with snake venom, and your life is as well. "But why cant God just know that I'm in pain? why can't God just do something about it? Why can't God talk to me?"
Is it ever right to be treated like an ugly animal? I have at times felt like I have been brushed off of God's shoulder (ahhhh). I have at times dwelt in the camp of God the prick. "god did this to me" we say, I Don't know what to do, but I hate being here, and have no where to turn. Why???
It feels like we're inside the movie scream (which I haven't seen nor will I, cause the concept freaks me out too much). There is some maniac that is into torture to punish us for our sin. Someone might say it is our test, but when I think of tests I think of the SAT's where my slow reading and slow comprehension, made me look terrible. Full of stress and bad grades.
Why? If you are here, at this place, I don't know if I want to give you the answer. The tension of the place that you are at, me giving you an answer may seem trite. "here's your problem, blah blah blah." Me giving you a pad answer for all of your complex circumstances, may feel as painful as being called a Dog for being where you are, who you are. Foolish. It would be like Job's friends emerging from their silence, and telling him stuff that wasn't relevant or even true.
Yet let me at least give you the Syrophenician Woman's answer. Why did Jesus treat her like this? It just seems as though that in this instance He hadn't eaten his bread for the day, or was up to late praying and hadn't had his morning coffee, or maybe he was with his buddies, like danny zooko at the beginning of grease when he acts all cool in
front of his friends, and acts like a jerk towards Sandy.
She cried out to him; where was the Jesus who is always open and attentive to the cries of the poor, who is always ready to give an answer of peace? But to this poor woman there is no answer.
When the disciples spoke well of her; where was the Jesus who's grace gives us every entitlement to go to his throne? But this woman is stopped in her tracks by the very Rules that he is undercutting with the teachers of the law on Saturday.
When she continued; where was the Jesus that welcomes all the little children of the world, Red and Yellow Black and white? (except if you're a Canaanite) Surely that song also apples to Canaanite's? Right? Yet he gives her not only a repulse, but a reproach as well.
Surely in this story this woman outshines the Grumpy Jesus. Surely this woman's syrophenician skin actually looks more beautiful than the Racist pure blood Jew who seems to be as cold as the world around us.
And I think that's where the truth of this story is illuminated. We would love to always have at our beckon call the creator of the universe, "genie, yes master" but if you have lived any sort of life. You understand that life actually is pretty grumpy. You may not have your daughter vomiting up pea soup on your good bed linens, but there is truth to
the fact that there is something in your life, and a grumpy Jesus has your answer.
You may see him for how you see him, But Christ knows you all the way. He knows what is in your heart, knows the strength of your faith, and knows how able you are, by his grace, to break through such discouragements. He therefore meets you with them, that the challenge to your faith might be moved into praise, honour, and glory. which is why those that are through the valley of the shadow of death beam, though he slay me, yet I trust in him.
Jesus heard her, and was pleased with her, and strengthened her with strength in her soul to prosecute her request (Ps. 138:3; Job 23:6), though he did not immediately give her the answer she expected. By seeming to draw away the desired mercy from her, he drew her on to be so much the more passionate for it.
The thing is, Every accepted prayer is not immediately an answered prayer. Sometimes God seems not to regard his people’s prayers, he's not asleep or surprised (Ps. 44:23; Jer. 14:9; Ps. 22:1, 2); nor is he angry at you(Ps. 80:4; Lam. 3:8, 44); but it is to prove, and so to improve, your faith, and to make his answer more glorious, and for you, more welcome. For the result, at the end, shall speak, and shall not lie, (Heb. 2:3. See Job
35:14)
Continued persistence may be uneasy to men, even to good men; but Christ loves to be cried after. For everyone, the subject of entitlement is always going to fall short. You are not God, and it is by mercy that He gives you audience. You did nothing to deserve it, yet he has given it none the less. On the other hand to see that there are those that are around God, it is a great trial. When we give a question whether we are one of those to whom Christ was sent. This could cause us to falter before approaching the cross. But, blessed be to God, no room is left for that doubt; the distinction is taken away; we are sure that he gave his life a ransom for many, and if for many, why not for me?
Finally those whom Christ intends most signally to honour, he first humbles and lays low in a sense of their own meanness and unworthiness. We must first see ourselves to be as dogs, less than the least of all God’s mercies, before we are fit to be dignified and privileged with them. Those who are not humble will immediately take offense and leave,
those that are, will realize their lack of entitlement and persist in asking the King of the answers.
Today you have your life ahead of you. You have your prayers and requests beaming out of you. I want to encourage you that no matter what your situation, that God loves you, knows you, and has crafted this life for you so that you can be more then a conqueror. That you may live by the hands of your faith, in the greatest room in the house. It is my hope that other graces will shine bright in your life as well -- wisdom, humility, meekness, patience, and perseverance in prayer; Yet it is by your faith that these other products of grace will come in.
Your life, your pain, your daughter that is on her last legs that is torturing you... Even the silence, ridicule, or inadequacy that further places you on the chopping block. Behind the Vail of that world of pain that you see now is God who tells you:HOLD FAST.I AM THE ANSWER.I DO LOVE YOU.I.... am not a dick.

A Simple Kiss to Wake Up

2007-07-16T16:52:00.000-07:00

After listening to Jim Henderson speak last week at the Bridge, I was very encouraged. Somehow, he articulated very well something that I knew innately--the development of Beliefism vs. the actual organic following of Jesus. This was very good for me, as I have known that something was wrong with people who "believe" the "right doctrine", have "correct thoughts", and hold others at bay from God along with them. But I wasn't sure where the disconnect existed. Thankfully, Jim addressed these thoughts in a way that put words on something that I just called "pricks that don't get it".
Anyway, it was like a breath of fresh air. And I felt validated, at ease, on the right track. As I spoke to others, it seemed like that's how they felt as well. Some of us have been a part of the Religion vs Relationship talk. The one in which the preacher demeans all the Pharisees or whatever legalism at the time, and leads you into a sales closing, at a fixed rate of Jesus for the next 30 years. You need to have a relationship… not a religion. Which is true, nothing wrong with that switch. However, I was noticing as I was talking to people that "religion" is not something that appeals to many of my friends these days. I don't see people lining up at churches, except for when there is food. I don't see the latest stained glass or hot sermon message on the E! channel. So what Jim was saying at The Bridge, though well articulate and right on, was not challenging to anyone that doesn't have a taste for "RELIGION". It seems as though the religion vs. relationship message is played out to the point that people are not interested in the things of God because beliefism has created a culture of exclusion, and therefore alienated itself and its message of hope to a message of the elite.
That said, I was wondering if there was something that we could be challenged by in Jim's message??? I knew innately that we, as a culture, weren't interested in religion, and relationship/following Jesus was where it needed to go. There was no tension between relationship and religion, in fact, probably the opposite is true: There is a huge repelling and distancing from the "r" word.
I talked to my friend, Todd, about this, and I realized that there was something pulling me in. Because of my polarity shift away from religion, the iconic world of beliefism, stained glass, and Sunday school, I had gravitated to another "easing of my mind" away from the freedom of Christ (whatever that means). Todd said "the church world isn't my religion… my self-preservation is." Meaning: so many of us get trapped by the drama of "making it happen" we believe “I have nothing but me on my side.” If you believe in God, it's kind of like entertaining the thought of God as a wingman, hopefully taking one for the team, but understanding when he doesn't make out with the ugly chick, so we can go out with her hot friend. We find ourselves relying on ourselves, and God is only an extra benefit if he decides to show up today. These thoughts have no joy associated with it. In fact, it moves me into deeper and deeper cynicism. Which Todd tells me -- Cynicism is cleverly disguised disappointment. I can't say it is that dire for me. But I know for some people, that is all they have.
So I guess I should be honest, my cynicism is my religion. My disappointment is my religion. My failures are my religion. My escaping people's questions with humor are how I practice my religion. These are the things that cause me to run to church, and in the same stride know that at any moment lightning will strike me down for doing so. When someone simply prays besides me, I don't have the luxury to believe that he is doing any good for the people in Sierra Leone… or for me, for that matter. I can mouth the words “good news”, but I don't get it. I hear that God say that you have worth, but why do I feel so worthless? And, at the same time, why do I think that the idea of my faith tends to shove me toward feelings of worthlessness? When someone tells me God loves me, why is the cruel cross there all bloody and rugged not giving me any answers but "gore". Who can save me from my religion?
My religion of disappointment underlines the terrible government dilemmas that are out there tending to place people in housing that is inhumane, or cause them to die crossing a wall with serrated wire. My religion trumpets strongly about the people that are hungry and rages about how poverty, upbringing, and pain has eclipsed so many's understandings of what it means to have a choice in anything. I am constantly ground into the dirt about the fear of global warming, the machine of agribusiness, and the crimes on wallstreet. Drugs are seen as a course of dealing with this reality, as Christianity tends to give us chumps like Tilton and Hinn, or simply, lawsuits about sexual abuse. Where is the “good news” in my religion?
It's no wonder I'm done. Its no wonder that many of you are done. It's no wonder that when we walk into the walls of a church these days we see people that don't trust the person speaking up there. It’s because the message just seems out of touch. The landscape of the global village has introduced discouragement, disillusionment, and the belief that nothing is happening unless we are making it happen. And perhaps, even though our words say differently, our actions indicate that God is dead or in a coma somewhere. Being “born again” is dumb. Because the people that use the phraseology are culturally unaware.
Yet, here I am, in church, or at least talking about it, maybe hoping to somehow taste what Jesus really meant. I would love to be freed by my religion, but my religion has me trapped in this depressing place where I take one look at the bible, and I say "tell me more about how your bumper sticker is going to make me feel good about myself." I guess I would love to taste what Jesus really meant when he said you need to be born again… Did he mean "unless you are 'culturally unaware' you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven"? You must be out of touch and have your space invaded in order to find the Joy that comes from God?
I stumbled across a book called the Ragamuffin Gospel, on the sidewalk outside my apartment on Friday night. It's usually a place where homeless stand to get a donation because it's right off the freeway and there is a light that allows you to feel guilty for about a minute and a half. Obviously some good Christian wanted to unload some passive gospel to these homeless men placing a series of books about Christianity with a cardboard message on top saying "free books." I looked through them and passed on the James Dobson book, and found Brennan Manning's book. I had heard it was good, and so I left with it.
Inside was this story:
“In March 1986 I was priviledged to spend an afternoon with an Amish family in Lancaster, Pennsylvania… Jonas Zook is an eighty-two-year-old widower. He and his children raise piglets for their livelihood. The oldest, Barbara, fifty-seven, manages the household. The Three younger children, Rachel, fifty-three, Elam, forty-seven, and Sam, Forty-five, are all severely retarded. When I arrived at noon with two friends, little Elam – about four feet tall, heavy-set, thickly bearded, and wearing the black Amish outfit with the circular hat – was coming out of the barn some fifty yards away, pitchfork in hand. He had never laid eyes on me in his life; yet, when he saw me step out of the car, this little Mongoloid dropped the pitchfork and ran lickety-split in my direction. Two feet away, he flung himself at me, wrapped his arms around my neck, his legs around my waist, and kissed me on the lips with fierce intensity for a full thirty seconds.
Well, I was temporarily stunned and terribly self conscious. But in the twinkle of an eye, Jesus set me free from propriety. I buried my lips into Elam's and returned his kiss with the same enthusiasm. Then he jumped down, wrapped both his hands around my right arm, and led me on a tour of the farm
A half hour later, Elam sat next to me at lunch. Midway through the meal I turned around to say something. Inadvertently, my right elbow slammed into Elam's ribcage. He didn't wince, he didn't groan. He wept like a two year old child. His next move undid me.
Elam came over to my chair, planted himself on my lap, and kissed me even harder on the lips. Then he kissed my eyes, nose, forehead, and cheeks.
And there I was, dazed dumbstruck, weeping, and suddenly seized by the power of a great affection. In his utter simplicity little Elam Zook was an Icon of Jesus. Why? Because at that moment his love for me did not stem from any attractiveness or lovability on my part. Elam loved me whether I was kind or unkind, pleasant or nasty. His love arose from a source outside of himself and myself.”
I'm wondering if my cynical religion is missing the point. My gaze on what I know reality is could be strangling something basic and simple that I really need. It's as if something as awkward as an Amish dwarf needs to jump on me to make me see that perhaps I need to be freed from my "take on life." Perhaps this is what Jesus meant by being born again. YOU MUST BE seized by the power of a great affection so that the simplicity of the message can break apart your fears, awkwardness, or "take". To be seized by the power of a great affection does not seem to relate to my world at all. It does, in fact, require a fair amount of lunacy to listen to this simplistic love song of God. To have a forty year old "special" pig farmer with a big round hat planting a big one on you is a silly way to experience the kingdom of God. But I need something that is that jarring to make me stop being pissed at the "world" and start enjoying the fact that I was kissed.
I guess my first reaction to the myopic voice telling me "simply believe in this affection" is to go back to the facts. I rebuttal "are you saying that I just need to believe in love?" "am I supposed to turn off my radar of injustice that everyone (namely Christians) is committing everywhere?" I think of how corrupt clergy have exploited the message to get agendas fulfilled. I hear what this voice is saying as an outdated calming agent to put to rest my thinking mind. I think cynic cynic cynic. And I know there is something to what Jesus is saying… but how can anyone call the way we are living Good News? I want someone to kiss me and wake me up from this cynical world that I have worshipped at. I want to believe in love again, but how can I without setting free reality?
I guess I need to look at it simply. When we say “good news”, what are we really saying? As I see it the truth of the good news of Jesus does not rise and fall on the issues of corrupt clergy, the exploitation of the poor, or irrational fanaticism of modern dictatorships. I simply can't say I believe it or I don't unless I get at the heart of what the good news is, which I'm pretty sure it is an answer to the most fundamental questions a person may ask – is life absurd or does it have a purpose? Jesus replies to this question that not only does our life have purpose but God has directly intervened in human affairs to make abundantly clear what that purpose is. What is that? That what will blow apart cynicism by generous, forgiving , saving love.
Everything tends to have magnetism about it. How can I grasp this good news without being taken back down into the death of this sad world that I live in? How can I believe in the life, when I see death winning? In the end, will life triumph over death? Jesus answers: the kingdom of my Father cannot be overcome, even by death. In the end everything will be all right, nothing can harm you permanently, no disappointment is conclusive. Suffering, failure, loneliness, sorrow, discouragement, and death will be part of your journey, but the kingdom of God will conquer all these horrors. No evil can resist grace forever. No evil can resist grace forever… NO EVIL CAN RESIST GRACE FOREVER!
In the first century Jesus was telling people about the care of God for them. Saying that an old era was done and a new one was dawning. The only appropriate response is to be in awe, and well up with joy and wonder. But instead of saying, “I believe you Jesus” or “You are a nut!” they skirted it as well, by asking questions. "When are we going to be out of captivity from the Romans?" "I want to see you do an apocalyptic sign" "why aren't you obeying the law?" or "Whose side are you on in this legal matter?"
Jesus replied that the Romans were not the issue, nor the law, the signs, or where he stood on the issues. Instead the relentless love of God is the issue, far behind that fact everything else trailed. How can this be? When there are child soldiers in Sierra Leone? A war in Iraq? How can this be when so and so committed such an atrocity that he must be removed from the church? All are valid, but all are far behind the good news that God loves you (Loves him, Loves those in other countries). Jesus said that he did not come to discuss the laws, nor challenge the Roman Empire. He came to tell the good news that the knock down drag out bottom line reality is God's out of control affectionate love for you and to invite men and women to a joyous response to that love.
The cynics simply shook their head and said "he needs to address the issues."
Since that day, we have developed vast theological systems, organized worldwide churches, filled libraries with brilliant books, engaged in controversies embarked on crusades, reforms, and renewals. Yet there are still precious few that have the simplicity to believe in that kiss. Few have the sufficient foolishness to make the mad exchange of everything for that love; only a small amount have the confidence to live with that grace. When we really understand this we will stagger around giddy like someone who found buried treasure.
It was cynicism, pessimism, and despair that shadowed the ministry of Jesus, and isn't it true that it shadows the message today? The reality is that after falling flat on your face, or simply making the dumbest of decisions, do you know that you will still have God climb on your lap and awkwardly kiss you with overwhelming affection? Are you shocked and horrified when you fail? Or have you failed so often that you have simply given in, given up, attributed yourself to not even trying any more? The fact is that you don't have to change, you don't have to grow, or be good to be loved. That is the nature of this extreme affection.
It's completely lopsided and doesn't make sense. When you understand it… you can't understand it. Your immediate reaction is to suspect that God is looking for some equality here. Because HE gets the short end of the stick. He has given you a million dollar loan and then on the first month of the first payment you receive a check in the mail for the same amount of the monthly charge you paid for the loan. Awkwardly, you deposit your check and it's good. And it is as if you never sent in your payment. As the months come, every month the check arrives until the debt is paid. Wha… That doesn't make sense… I am baffled… I feel like I'm using you… I don't think this is fair God.
We all have had our protests… because it can't be real, we all have our doubts; we all have been ground up by the machine of life. It has made us question whether good will triumph over evil. It makes trade in our orientation of peace and joy for fear and depression. It makes us take on others perceptions of us, and define ourselves as a failure. It makes us underline the foolishness of God's love as something that maybe we can believe intellectually, can write it down on paper, go to church and hear about, but never have it invade our lives.
But when we grasp this simple idea, that's what God does. His love invades our life. Grace, and the passionate affection of God will not back down. No evil can stand up to grace forever, because that unbearable love will soften the very foundation that holds up our failure, our depression, and our cynical world. That's what being seized by the power of a great affection does. It saves us from our religion of disappointment. It allows us to view a difficult world and its pain, and cast aside a cynical view and come at it with a kiss. We see that we can come at our issues with that same love and grace that we have received. With that maturity and knowledge that God loves me even when I am the failure; or when you are the cynic; perhaps I can give you the same grace he's given me. In fact I will return the kiss even though I am self conscious and uncomfortable, because I understand that you need that same great affection as well.

Moving the Ashes

2007-04-30T09:43:00.000-07:00

I spent most of my week sick, and working. Not a lot else. Oh, I also spent some of my week feeling guilty. Guilty, because I had to come face to face with my own mountain of inadequacy. This week I met my “enemy” and we grappled in a battle royale for my soul.
My enemy came by this week…we had dinner. There were no poor words exchanged, no violence to be witnessed. In fact, the entire situation for you, that lead heroic or adventurous lives, was not at all like that. It was simply a reminder of a very painful relationship -- one that I had tried to stuff down in the corner of my smile. And in one look, a glance, and a one sided conversation, I found myself face to face with my enemy -- Mono e mono.
This enemy wasn’t the epitome of evil. I wish he was… it would make it easier to condemn him. Throw him in jail… condemn him to hell… or just be plain rude to him. Some days I think it would be better to live in Colorado Springs because stuff is much more black and white there. But my enemy won’t go to jail for manslaughter. Or be the title on a horror film one day. He probably won’t even get past his own mediocrity. This guy simply annoys the piss out of me. Let me tell you why, a little bit. First of all, every conversation I’ve had with this person is one sided… It’s all about him, what’s going on, and what his deal is (or, what his deal with me, is). Also, there is something about this guy that just pushes every button on my console. Something about his demeanor, about the way he talks just flips me out. Just because of our history… if his name comes up it makes me turn my fist up and recite like Jerry did in the 90’s… “Newman!” My enemy.
I call myself a Christian. If someone were to say “you call yourself a Christian?” I’d say yes. I feel strongly toward God giving me grace. I feel strongly about myself giving grace. There are all sorts of scriptures that back me up on that. However, I don’t like to be the bad guy when it comes to my own faith. When the question is asked “do you call yourself a Christian?” I don’t like to be the person that sheepishly answers “yes,” because I know very well what I did wrong. Or what I want to sidestep. Or who knows!?!
So I have come to understand that I have a very sacred relationship with my enemy. Because, every time my enemy comes by and elbows me in the ribs, I am face to face with my own searing painful outlook on this person. I can’t imagine that this person doesn’t know that his very existence is a thorn in my side! However, the thought of him being oblivious to that only feeds my fire to burning man proportions. And I know Jesus’ voice is trying to help by saying, “Forgive him,” “Let it go,” “Turn the other cheek.” But for some reason, all it does is indicate how far I fall short. My relationship to my enemy is sacred because his existence makes me very aware of how much of a prick I am.
Christ talks about our need to forgive others. And when I’m in this state, it seems to always be coupled with a looming spiritual fist. Mt 6:14 15 - For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Mt 18:35 - This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart. Mr 11:25 - And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.Lu 6:37 - Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Lu 11:4 - Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation.To me, there’s a theme bubbling up here. It seems forgiveness is important to God… our forgiveness is contingent on our own forgiveness of others. I love that God is into keeping us accountable to loving our neighbor, except why does our neighbor have to be such a jerk?
Our neighbors, our enemies are all around us, telling us where we are on the forgiveness meter. Those who are forgiven are a non issue… those that aren’t, aren’t. I read a short thought from Anne Lamott this week in regard to her own enemy… her dead mother. She Writes:I put the brown plastic box of my mother’s ashes in the closet as soon as it came back from the funeral home, two years ago, thinking I could at last give up all hope that a wafting white robed figure would rise from the ashes of my despair and say, “Oh little one, my darling daughter, I am here for you now.” I prayed for my heart to soften, to forgive her and love her for what she did give me – life, great values, a lot of tennis lessons, and the best she could do. Unfortunately, the best she could do was terrible, like the Minister of Silly Walks trying to raise an extremely sensitive young girl, and my heart remained hardened toward her.
So I left her in the closet for two years to stew in her own ashes, and refused to be nice to her, and didn’t forgive her for being terrified, furious, clinging, sucking maw of need and arrogance. I suppose that sounds harsh. I assumed Jesus wanted me to forgive her, but I also know he loves honesty and transparency. I don’t think he was rolling his eyes impatiently at me while she was in the closet. I don’t think much surprises him: this is how we make important changes – barely, poorly, slowly.
I’ve spent my whole life trying to get over having had Nikki for a mother, and I have to say that from day one after she died, I liked having a dead mother much more than having an impossible one. I really loved her, and was proud of some heroic things she had done with her life. But she was like someone who had broken my leg, and my leg had healed badly, and would limp forever.
I couldn’t pretend she hadn’t done extensive damage – that’s called denial. But I wanted to dance anyway, even with a limp. I know forgiveness is a component of freedom, yet I couldn’t even after she died grant her amnesty. Forgiveness means it finally becomes unimportant that you hit back. You’re done. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to have lunch with the person. If you keep hitting back, you stay trapped in the nightmare.
Today I got the brown plastic box of ashes out of the closet. I sat with it on my lap. The pouch on my belly is nice for holding children, so I let my mother sit there for a few minutes. I don’t actually forgive her much yet but I definitely was not hating her anymore. Grace means you’re in a different universe from where you had been stuck, when you had absolutely no way to get there on your own.
When it happens – when you stop hating- you have to pinch yourself. Jesus said, “The point is to not hate and kill each other today, and if you can, to help the forgotten and powerless. Can you write that down and leave it by the phone?” so I picked up my mother’s ashes, and put them on a shelf in the living room, and stood beside them for a while.
I thought I had forgiven this enemy of mine. But the problem is, he just keeps coming back into my life. I wish I could leave him in a closet for 2 years, wait for me to not hate him anymore. But the reality of life is, our enemies come in, break our legs, and leave us limping. Then they mosey down the street in front of us with smooth steps. As I was reading this, I began to understand that forgiveness is the goal. Jesus wants us to reach the goal. But we can’t put ourselves in hell if we are not there yet. I think what was so strong to me is understanding that if I need time to deal with my limp, if I need to not be around my enemy so that I can hate him less… that’s OK, that’s not un-forgiveness it’s moving toward forgiveness. It’s called “Giving grace.”
All of us today have an enemy, a “Newman”, a “Nikki”. We have a box that has been placed in the closet to heal, we have a desire to move it to the living room shelf and be able to stand near it. To hate it less. To follow Jesus’ words. And, ultimately forgive. In the meantime, we may need grace for our grace. Time for our ashes to stew for a while. But Jesus loves us and is holding our hand as we experience our humanity. Our need for grace, and our need to give it. Today… let’s try to do both.

Old Headlines... Breaking News

2007-04-09T08:33:00.002-07:00

I'm not a big magazine person.

The only time I pick up a magazine is really at the hair place to find what sort of new back-lit 80's cut I want. I never read Newsweek. Never have. It stays on the magazine shelf next to Time, Life, People just to the right of Cosmo and to the left of Men's Health. Yet the magazine, Newsweek, knows what sells during this time of year. Controversy! And not just any controversy, controversy of faith. As I peruse the magazine aisle I see how I can get abs in six weeks. I see 10 things that men crave in bed. I see the man of the year, and Britney's bald head… And then I see a headline that is nearly 2000 years old. “Did Christ Rise From the Dead?” This year it had to do with bones, last year it had to do with the “Davinci Code”, the years previous they questioned whether the Bible is really accurate…I caught a glimpse of next year's cover and they're working on a theory that the spikes were really rubber, right now they are setting up a documenting process starring David Blane in a re-enactment of “The Passion”. But the question that gets asked, the question that sells Newsweek, is the very question certain people didn't want you to ask nearly 2000 years ago. 'Was Jesus Resurrected?'

In Matthew it says 'The next day, the one after Preparation Day, the chief priests and the Pharisees went to Pilate "Sir," they said, "we remember that while he was still alive that deceiver said, 'After three days I will rise again. 'So give the order for the tomb to be made secure until the third day. Otherwise, his disciples may come and steal the body and tell the people that he has been raised from the dead. This last deception will be worse than the first."' So they stationed a guard to keep watch. They didn't think that it would happen, a man rising from the dead. They just thought that those crazy fishermen would be nuts enough to drag a dead body out of his grave and make some grand claim of resurrection.

When whatever it was that happened that night, happened, the guard came racing back from the tomb to say that it was empty. According to Matthew, the Chief Priests and the Pharisees bribed them to spread the rumor that the disciples had stolen the corpse under cover of darkness. Pocketing the cash, the soldiers did as they were told, and "this story," Matthew concludes, made 'Newsweek'. And it's been making Newsweek for nearly 2000 years.

What happened to the body? Turns out the gospels don't have much to say about how the body of Jesus disappeared from the tomb. All that is said is, by the time the women got there, the stone had been rolled back and it was empty. What followed was chaos – dim figures flickering through the dawn, voices calling out, the sound of running feet. When the women got back to Jerusalem and gasped it all out to the disciples, Luke says that the disciples considered their words "an idle tale and they did not believe them." The cover of Newsweek seems to be much more plausible than a dead man rising.

Who knows what the truth of it was? Maybe like a mystery novel "Night of the Jesus Snatchers", somebody really did steal the body at night while the guards were asleep, and Matthew is only attempting to explain it away. Or maybe the tomb was empty because Jesus had never been there in the first place but was just thrown into a common ditch with the two thieves who were crucified with him. Or maybe it is the New Testament account with its picture of confusion and disbelief that rings most authentically – The thing is, no one may ever know because nobody was there to see it.

The Magazine Article is written. It is a story of a guard standing outside of an empty tomb. Nothing is in there. Nothing but cloth. This guard has been bribed to lie to you…or maybe not. Answering your question… “Was Jesus Resurrected? Is He alive?” You ask, “WHERE IS THE BODY?”… and he tells you the disciples came while he was asleep and moved a huge rock and stole Jesus from his resting place. What do you think? It's pretty plausible.

The magazine aisle, however, rarely will include the earliest reference to the resurrection. That of Paul. Funny thing is, he makes no mention of an empty tomb at all. The fact of the matter is, in a way, it hardly matters how the body of Jesus came to be missing because in the last analysis what convinced the people that He had risen from the dead was not the absence of His corpse, but His living presence. And so it has been ever since.

Something happened. Something happened between Friday and today to create that chaos. Something happened that changed a denial ridden hothead fisherman named Peter. During the trial Peter had denied that he had ever known Jesus - Three times! Peter and the other disciples had anxiously met "together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews". Within days he was preaching with such extraordinary power that "three thousand people were added to their number that day" and baptized. Peter talked about the resurrection of the Christ, that he was not abandoned to the grave, nor did his body see decay. God has raised this Jesus to life, and we are all witnesses of the fact. Soon he was calling all hearers to repentance, healing the lame, challenging the Sanhedrin, and suffering persecution on behalf of this testimony. What happened? It is not just that something had happened, but that everything had changed. It is unconvincing to hypothesize that a non-event, a cipher, a story, or magazine article elicited this change. Peter met with the living presence of Jesus Christ.

Same story with Jesus' brother James…"Didn't believe in him" in John 7. But after he met with the living presence of the Christ, James became a major figure among those attesting to the resurrection. Mr. Doubting Thomas… The story of our lives… our twin. The man who said as many of us do, "Unless I see in his hands the print of the nails, and place my finger in the mark of the nails, and place my hand in his side, I will not believe.” Something changed in this man that led him to India to tell them about a living Christ who is risen!

The primary evidence for the resurrection today remains: changed lives, walking testimonies, people willing to proclaim the good news the world over.

I would love to convince you of "the facts." The Evidence! What really happened. I would love to play you a clip that made it solid in your mind. Or even write you a magazine article. But it actually doesn't matter. Because you can learn all you want about that fateful Easter Morning. But until you meet with the living Presence of Jesus, you won't know Easter. All you have is book knowledge; possibly a strong form of the latest headline news.

The fact is, you knowing the facts do as much good to your heart as a guard standing outside an empty tomb. It's empty…what do you need to guard? What are you guarding from? The fact is it is only from the inside out that change can happen; lasting change at least. It is only through meeting a living Jesus that the location of the dead body doesn't matter. It is only when you have experienced the Living Jesus, Easter actually takes off. It is only through meeting a living Jesus that your religion is no longer contingent on the latest findings in the news, but your heart begins making the news.

Reaching for Air

2007-04-02T09:16:00.001-07:00

“Save me! Save me! Save me!” As you probably know this is a cry for help. Rarely do we hear or say these words. Only in an emergency. Those that hear this on a regular basis are 911 callers. Pastors, Parents, Lifeguards…. And they are all calling for someone to save them; A savior.
I’ve been a savior before. I can say that… but it wasn’t all that big of a deal. I don’t stand around thinking about how good of a person I am, or Ty Pennington isn’t standing outside ready to give me a new house. It actually didn’t feel all that good. I almost died in the process. The feelings associated with saving someone else’s life sometimes aren’t as patriotic as the firefighters of 9-11.
In the initial stages of my prime awkward years I was down in California. And I got to experience something that, within my 8th grade existence, was out of my dreams. You see, six months previous, I had been exposed to a movie that changed my entire life focus. It changed my priorities, my view of my life, my purpose, it even changed my language. My Uncle Brian from L.A. spoke to me on the phone and then when transferred to my mother asked her why I had a Southern Californian accent? “Oh that’s not the half of it;” she said “he’s talking like that, he’s started cutting up his clothes and making new ones, and he has picked up the electric guitar and says that he’s going to align the planets with music.” Apparently I was taking the movie “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” a little too seriously. Regardless, I was excellently tickled when we got to California and my Bill and Ted’s lifestyle could be enhanced with a trip to the water park. I had never been to one, and looked forward to it since I had seen Napoleon enjoy the monumental slides that shot you skipping across the water, to only pull the wedgee out of your butt and yell… “That was excellent!”
My older sister was in charge… which was nothing new (she perfected the role of “boss” at age 6). My parents weren’t with us. Instead, we were with my sister’s boyfriend, Eric, who was a Senior in High School, and his brother, Graham, who was two years younger than me.
After we had had our fill of most of the hydro tubes… or at least the lines, we saw a site that looked super fun. The Wave Pool! We saw tons of people enjoying the man made waves and said that this was for us. I guess there were a couple things that my Middle School mind should have picked up on…. We ran out into the pool which stops every seven minutes because, supposedly, that is the amount of time someone can be underwater without brain damage. That should have been my first clue. Secondly, we all swam out there and of course we went to the deep end because we wanted to be where the big waves were. Yet, all around us were people in inner tubes. Relaxing and having fun. After treading water for about five minutes we were getting excited…”It’s about to start!” And sure enough it did. The huge ceramic arm began its movement and the waves got crankin’. I would say 5-7 foot swells. Pretty cool. Weeeeee. Weeeee. Weeeee. Like most carnival rides, the idea of the ride seems to be much more fun than the actual ride. So after the 6th or 7th swell …we were bored. Welcome to the life of an 8th grade attention span. For us, it was time to go in. So we start swimming. And 3 minutes later, we aren’t anywhere closer to shore. All of us began to understand what the reality of undertow means. A little more panic enters the scene, as we all try to swim a little harder; to no avail. Not being a strong swimmer, but being a clever one, I realize that the bottom isn’t that far down… so I start bouncing off the bottom at an angle to shoot myself forward. This lets me gain some forward movement. At this time, I am exhausted from swimming…Bouncing seems to be less taxing. During one of my breeches, I look to my right and see Graham still struggling behind me. And, at this point, calling for help. Well, I scanned for possible help … and I looked over at Baywatch on the sidelines… It seems as though slathering sunscreen and flirting with the other lifeguards takes priority to saving my sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s life. I had to think fast.
At this point I believe I was well on my way to becoming an Eagle Scout, and though I did get my swimming merit badge, I did almost drown in the ice cold lake when it came to inflating my jeans around my neck. However, I guess Scouts instilled some bravery within me, so I took a deep breath and turned back and began bouncing toward Graham. I really don’t know if this is a technique, if it is, it wasn’t covered in the handbook. But I would take a breath, bounce down to the bottom, jump as hard as I could, throw Graham forward, and repeat. Finally we made it to the 4 feet mark and we all staggered in exhausted. And there I was, the 13 year old savior of Graham.
Thank you. Thank you… Oh it’s nice to be savior. You get all the accolades. You get all of the stained glass. But what if you need a savior… what if you have to dial 911. What if you have to call out, “Save me!” How embarrassing.
Yeah…waves and I don’t do well. Nine years later I needed a savior. It was 1997 the year of El Nino. Which in Spanish means, “The Nino”. It just so happens that I was on the shores of Southern California. And Surfing class was canceled due to the 10-15 foot swells. Class was just beginning, and I had just purchased an amazing wetsuit that was red. I felt like Spiderman and I didn’t know how the suit worked. I needed to try it. I never had a wetsuit on in the water, and I was thinking that perhaps my swimming life would be different if I wasn’t so cold. (Perhaps I could even inflate my scout jeans.) Our surfing instructor cancelled class because he thought we might not be able to handle the waves, but more he wanted to be the first out riding the powers of El Nino. But he offered to have us watch on the sidelines. Boring!
My friend, Kristina Bowis, hops in the water and tells me come on in. I had to try out my wetsuit, so like a Christmas child, excited, I enter the water. First cold… then… hey…. I just have cold tootsies. Total fun! The beach we were on was full of sharp rocks on the bottom, so we quickly went out where we couldn’t touch. And before we knew it, we were at the break-line--where the waves crash. Kristina sees a big wave coming and she tells me, “Here we go…” And we swim under it. Another big wave coming. She says “Here comes another”. Duck … and another duck. OK after the 6th one I start to get a little tired. And your mind does odd things when you’re tired and dodging things that have the potential to kill you. I tell Kristina that I’m going back.
At which point I turn around and instead of ducking under the wave that is about to crash. I actually take it full on. CRASH! I wrestle my body up to the surface. And I breathe once before another CRASH! Wriggling my body against El Nino!! I found my breaths shortening. The only way I could swim was on my back so I could keep breathing. Crash after crash I found myself sputtering and gasping in my panic. I thought of bouncing but I knew the floor was too deep. I remember seeing the shore 40 feet away and realizing that I wasn’t going to make it. I kept swimming for, I don’t know how long, in panic, the waves continued to crash and my heart and body was doing all it could to survive. Finally I felt the sharp rocks on the sea floor slicing my feet. The idea of tetanus and lockjaw never felt so good in my life. I placed all my weight on those sharp rocks and pushed off closer and closer to shore. I essentially re-enacted that movie scene where the guy staggers up on shore and as the wave hits him in the back, he crawls up exhausted.
I was a mess. Emotionally, physically exhausted. My classmates witnessed my ugly cry--Snot and saltwater coming out of my nose. Kristina had followed me in, and sat opposite me, like a counselor and in a cheery voice said, “For a minute there I thought I was going to have to save you.’ I didn’t know this but, it turns out Kristina was a life guard all summer the year previous. I sat there and contemplated my death. The thing that I kept saying was, “I didn’t even have enough breath to call for help… I didn’t even have enough time to pray.”
Have you ever had to fight for your life? To rely on someone else to save you? I was noticing on that shore once my adrenalin leveled off how sweet the air was when you know you are safe?
A friend of mine was talking to me the other day about some not so sweet smelling air. He was talking about the spiritual air that changes when certain people enter the room. Not B.O. or people with spiritual flatulence… I don’t even know what that would be. We were talking about those people that tend to enter into the room and immediately everybody’s actions change. The boss that enters the room and everybody looks busy. If I were to wear a Priest’s collar… and walk into the bar… would people change their language? The bumper sticker reads … “Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.” My friend described this person as big broad-shouldered, Mr. Should. When Should enters the room, everybody realizes what they should be doing. (muttering:) Oh man I need to be doing this I know I should be doing that.
Mr. Should does himself no favors either. “Shoulding” on everybody. Breathing the spiritual air of judgment. When he enters the room, he immediately thinks autobiographically applying whatever he learned in the past to your life. “This is what I did so this is what you SHOULD do. I know what you did wrong… You SHOULD do it right.” As long as there is a Mr. Should around, there are always people evading him. You don’t call them unless you’re in a good place. “I’m doing fine Mr. Should.” You don’t like being around them unless you have to.
John Bunyan the Author of A Pilgrims Progress wrote an allegorical tale of a man called “Christian” who went on pilgrimage to the Celestial City. At one point, he meets his buddy,” Faithful” who was telling him of his journey. See if you can recognize Mr. Should:
FAITH. When I came to the foot of the hill called Difficulty, I met with a very aged man, who asked me what I was, and whither bound. I told him that I am a pilgrim, going to the Celestial City. Then said the old man, "Thou lookest like an honest fellow; wilt thou be content to dwell with me for the wages that I shall give thee?" Then I asked him his name, and where he dwelt. He said his name was Adam the First, and that he dwelt in the town of Deceit. Eph. 4:22 I asked him then what was his work, and what the wages he would give. He told me that his work was many delights; and his wages that I should be his heir at last. I further asked him what house he kept, and what other servants he had. So he told me that his house was maintained with all the dainties in the world; and that his servants were those of his own begetting. Then I asked if he had any children. He said that he had but three daughters: The Lust of the Flesh, The Lust of the Eyes, and The Pride of Life, and that I should marry them all if I would. 1 John 2:16 Then I asked how long time he would have me live with him? And he told me, As long as he lived himself.
CHR. Well, and what conclusion came the old man and you to at last?
FAITH. Why, at first, I found myself somewhat inclinable to go with the man, for I thought he spake very fair; but looking in his forehead, as I talked with him, I saw there written, "Put off the old man with his deeds."
FAITH. Then it came burning hot into my mind, whatever he said, and however he flattered, when he got me home to his house, he would sell me for a slave. So I bid him forbear to talk, for I would not come near the door of his house. Then he reviled me, and told me that he would send such a one after me, that should make my way bitter to my soul. So I turned to go away from him; but just as I turned myself to go thence, I felt him take hold of my flesh, and give me such a deadly twitch back, that I thought he had pulled part of me after himself. This made me cry, "O wretched man!" Rom. 7:24 So I went on my way up the hill.
Now when I had got about half-way up, I looked behind, and saw one coming after me, swift as the wind; so he overtook me just about the place where the settle stands…
But, good brother, hear me out. So soon as the man overtook me, he was but a word and a blow, for down he knocked me, and laid me for dead. But when I was a little come to myself again, I asked him wherefore he served me so. He said, "because of my secret inclining to Adam the First"; and with that he struck me another deadly blow on the breast, and beat me down backward; so I lay at his foot as dead as before. So, when I came to myself again, I cried him mercy; but he said, "I know not how to show mercy"; and with that he knocked me down again. He had doubtless made an end of me, but that one came by, and bid him forbear.
CHR. Who was that that bid him forbear?
FAITH. I did not know him at first, but as he went by, I perceived the holes in his hands and in his side; then I concluded that he was our Lord. So I went up the hill.
CHR. That man that overtook you was Moses. He spareth none, neither knoweth he how to show mercy to those that transgress his law.
FAITH. I know it very well; it was not the first time that he has met with me. It was he that came to me when I dwelt securely at home, and that told me he would burn my house over my head if I stayed there.
Mr. Should in this case is Moses; drowning us in his dos and don’ts. I was noticing as I was thinking of Mr. Should, really, if Mr. Should walked into the room and I sniffed the judgment in the air… and all of the sudden started muttering “I should do this I should do that… I need to look busy….” I was noticing that it wasn’t Mr. Should that was doing the muttering…. it was me. That was my own should. Whether it was guilt, desire, or simply something I neglected. It wasn’t Mr. Should that was muttering. It was me. Which made me realize that I need to own it. Because it was my should. My “Moses” stomping me down. My “Moses” drowning me in my own muttering.
I don’t know about you, but I hate when my “Moses” breathes his bad breath all over me and lays me out. I hate when he enters the room and dunks my head under. I hate when I am so overwhelmed by my own judgment that I can’t breathe, or even pray, “Help”. Because I feel it is God that is doing the drowning.
Have courage today. God is not in the business of drowning us. God is in the business of saving. In fact, the word, “believe” is almost synonymous with the word, “save”. You are drowning and you see a piece of wood, a surfboard, or an inner tube. You would grab onto it and believe it to save you. That is why the Bible says to believe in Jesus Christ and you will be saved. Saved out of your own high waters of should and do. Rescued from your own personal Moses that would steal your air. You are the heir to air today.
Sunday, we celebrated Palm Sunday. A day in which people said, “Hosanna! Here comes the King of Israel!” A week later, possibly the same people yelled, “Crucify this King of the Jews!” It is the start of the holy week in which such a fickle people (such as us) found out who the true Rock is. Who the true Answer is, to be saved from the drowning of all the things that Mr. Should beats us silly with. Should will kill us like the mighty El Nino waves, if we don’t hold onto something today. I encourage you to make it Jesus Christ.

There and Back in 9 hours

2007-03-20T06:04:00.000-07:00

Doctrines… how do you feel when I talk to you about doctrines. Do you feel empowered and lovely inside when I state to you the lovely word “doctrines”. I’m not too fond of the word either. It reminds me of a catholic church that burns its heretics. Perhaps it should because in the past that is what happened to those who didn’t adhere to doctrines.

What about the word love. When I say the word love what do you think of. I’d have to say like you I am much more fond of the word love then I am with doctrines.

I’ve been into love lately. Love your neighbor, love yourself, love your God. And it’s fun to think about love cause its spring. Love is in the air, and it’s nice to consider the new blossoms of the trees with love. Bluebirds making nests. It’s very Disney outside. Almost Easter and everything is speaking of new life.

Speaking of new life my sister in law went into labor last night. It’s been a long night as she still is in labor. Well, to pass the time I decided to listen to an audio book that I got for my birthday: CS Lewis the problem with pain. The weird thing is that my time spent was not enjoyable. I thought I’d sit back while I wait and feel enlightened. I thought I’d maybe get something to add to my already fun jig like message about the Providence of God in light of day before entitled “the Luck of the Lord”. But as I listened to the well spoken British know it all, my relaxation turned to stiffness. As I listened, I heard about pain, not pain that you get cut shaving with but that of the anguish of people, the general pain people go through by living on earth. CS Lewis in this book answers the question “why does a God allow pain?” I don’t usually like hearing about suffering, so to hear theological underpinnings on why it must exist wasn’t really my bag. Still I listened, and as I listened I found myself not liking it even more. Here CS Lewis writes about the depravity of man, the understanding that all of us are awful. An interesting note that he adds is that perhaps we don’t have total depravity as if we had no semblance of good in us we may not even recognize the need for a savior. I’m not a big fan of sin, or talking about sin or even the talk of needing a savior. It sometimes seems out of touch but then the next part really twisted me up. CS Lewis talks about hell. Oh weee hell. Gotta love it one of my most favorite subject (notice my sarcasm much?). A Doctrine CS says that he would love to throw into the incinerator, yet can’t. and he goes on and on about why there needs to be a hell.

After listening to the book I found myself in knots. “ hey you guys, lets talk about a whole bunch of topics that I don’t like all at once! And lets talk about them in well spoken English that is well crafted and very logical.” I had a whole bunch of yuck on me and I personally was having a hard time really even agreeing with anything the book said. All I heard were doctrines doctrines doctrines. I had to look up doctrines to even know what that was: A principle or body of principles presented for acceptance or belief, as by a religious, political, scientific, or philosophic group; dogma. A rule or principle of law, especially when established by precedent. A statement of official government policy, especially in foreign affairs and military strategy. Something taught; a teaching. So the teaching I was getting: pain… the teaching: you are gross… the teaching: hell.

No wonder the word doctrine pisses me off. It seems as though the word doctrine is affiliated with concepts that make you out to be an asshole. Find a topic that causes unrest in your soul it will probably be referred to as a doctrine. YAAAAY!!!

So After my little bout with CS I hung out longer at the hospital. Tried to debrief and hang with family. I ended up having to leave to get some rest so that I could wake up and finish what I was talking to you guys about today. I was going to be clever with clover and witty with rainbows and talk of shamrocks and the providence of God or in light of St Patrick’s day “the Luck of the Lord.” Talk about weird things like in chronicles where a bad king dies because of the luck of some guy with a stray arrow. How those who consider themselves lucky find themselves thanking God they weren’t killed in a bank robbery, rather than those who don’t simply see it as a disaster. I was going to talk to you about the mindset Paul employs who trusts his intuition and sees his Jailing as a benefit for his cause. But when I woke up I realized that I was not going to talk Limericks of the Lord.

What happened? Well this morning I had a very odd situation happen. I had something happen that has never happened to me. This morning I woke up with no faith. I guess it wasn’t all gone, just the Christ part. I had no faith in Christ. It was kind of disturbing. Not only because it had never happened before, but because I was going to preach in 9 hours. Luckily not all my faith was gone. I quickly prayed “um…what’s going on? What happened? I’m going to be talking to a Christian Church in 9 hours about Jesus, and how am I going to do that without believing in him?” Luckily, though this scenario was not common, the emergency nature of Sunday morning preaching is somewhat something I can count on. Alright God you have 9 hours to restore my faith in Christ and come up with something interesting to say about it.

So I guess 4 hours is enough time to shut off your faith. Perhaps I wasn’t paying the Jesus meter. Maybe there is an angel with a clipboard and a can of dog mace that comes and shuts off the Jesus gas. I do think that the stuff that spurred it off was those damn doctrines. The teachings. The hard things that I didn’t want to hear about. That I didn’t want to look at. I couldn’t say for sure, but I know that those concepts were yucky.

Like I told you earlier those things didn’t talk about love, they talked of judgment, pain, brokenness and just seemed out of touch. I woke up this morning and said: God, I’m not sure I believe in the whole Jesus thing. The whole I’m terrible thing. The whole son of God thing dying because I was bad thing. Cause I don’t feel all that bad. I’m a pretty good guy. I’m nice, I pray for people, I tithe, I do all the things a pastor should (except for the believing in Jesus part)… I’m into the God loves me thing. I’m into the Idea of God loving me so much that he sent his son thing. But the dying on the cross thing. Was that really necessary if he loves me?

I think this was where I was: my idea of love was blocking out my acceptance of that love.
I needed to start somewhere, so I did. I asked God to guide me and a scripture came into my mind “one thing I know is Christ and him crucified” Whether it was a song or if it was the scripture from Paul I had to grapple with one image. A person Dead on a Cross, and alive 3 days later. For the time being I threw out the doctrines that were causing me so much issue and I focused on that image. Christ and him crucified. What did it mean? Why did it exist? I soon remembered the parable jesus told.

Luke 7:41-42 "Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?"

I saw that in order for the cross to mean anything it meant that it was paying some sort of debt. This debt was acquired by me… no matter how good or how great I have been, I still need grace. The cross is right there in front of me either meaning the torture of some dude, or it means grace. Grace for stuff that I have done. I may not like it I may not even want to look at it. But that cross does mean something. I can’t take the cross to mean love if I can’t recognize that I need for that love. The cross is empty of love if I have no sin. So there I was at a crossroads. Serving a God of love, but not believing in his actions of love. I wanted so much to believe in my God of love, yet Id do anything to get away from the teachings of my own need of that love. Apparently I’d even not believe in his only son; the historical stamp of his answer for me. I would rather believe that jesus was just an enlightened man who had a lot of good stuff to say… who was misunderstood… who died at the hands of those who misunderstood him, rather than admit that I needed a savior. Anything Instead of a savior of my soul!

We’ve been going through first John and John has been talking of love and I have loved it. Loved him talking of love. Major insights have come through about my God’s love. As I was reading this morning our next scripture in 1st John he says this:
1 John 4:1-3 Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.
Dear Friends… John has been plugging through about how you see that people from god…their love. That is their nature. Because they have the nature of their father. But in this scripture he says STOP… I’ve been talking about love love love. Who can argue with love? No one. And he realizes that many people will play this love card. You hear it all over. It’s very easy to say. But John gives us something that can test these spirits. John has something that can test a teacher. He says that any spirit or any teacher that acknowledges Jesus is the savior from God you should listen to. But those who say otherwise are giving you something other than a savior. An Anti-christ is another-savior. Something else.

I wanted something other than a savior. Cause all I wanted was love. Yet really, the only way that I could receive that love is to have a savior. This placed me in humility once again before my God. I don’t know if it really happened. But I guess this morning I was born again … again.
I may continue to struggle with all of the “teachings or doctrines” but the cross will continue to do its work. I do know that I need Jesus. I know that I do know that Jesus is the Christ came in the flesh and is from God. I do know he died for my sins and rose again. I don’t have to like those aspects because no one ever does. But the reality is I do cherish the love and mercy he gives me every day.

I wanted to make my love… god. Rather than serving a God that is love. So today, what I want to say to you is not all ways lead to righteousness. In fact most ways don’t. Some ways would want you to lose your edge. Some ways would want you to focus on love. Love, how can that be bad Geoff, to focus on love is exactly what God is asking of us. Yes but are you focusing on love being your god. Is your striving asking you to serve love, do love, be love, find love. John is saying stop everything. Love is not God. God is love. The distinction is made. The nature is housed in the almighty, not the other around. John is stating that you have no source for your love except from that of the father. You have no rights to love apart from Christ. Some of you have been hoodwinked by very clever teachers and spirits out there that bring you in with fine words of love. I have heard them, taken in their game and enjoyed their merriment with my mind. John is saying stop everything. Look at the thing you are worshiping. Is it something instead of Christ; Your antichrist? Lay it down. Be born again…again. And begin seeing that Jesus is that love you have wanted all along.